I like this poem. It is simple and true. Chips are good...like a lot of other things...but having too much can kill you sometimes. Because we are going to die eventually we should get enough of what we want out of life.
This is a really cool poem! I think that the letters are arranged to create the monarch butterfly....right? I have a poem called Fall Moon that is in the shape of a moon. I think my poetry portfolio is down right now for reworking though.
This is a great poem but I would suggest that perhaps you make the letters a different more easy to read color.
Even though this is a pretty dark poem I really enjoyed reading it. I could visualize and feel every detail and emotion as I read.
My favorite lines are:
'Lick the blood from off the floor,
Pull apart those you adore,
Scrounge a penny from the dust,
Singe the edges of her trust,'
'but its your life and you love it its your life and you need it'
'You're drowning, just waiting for the call,
Shaking like a trigger,
Trembling like a child,
I try to speak, but what comes out, is not what's felt inside,'
I like the last lines about the pills for motivation and inspiration but I think that you should go further with it because it just kind of ends and leaves us wondering about the pills.
With a few tweeks I think that this would be a great song! :)
Once again, I enjoyed reading your poetry. :) I think I liked this poem better than the first one. It was very emotional and I could get a better sense of your feelings.
My favorite lines are:
Our hopes are just wishes,
we will meet again some day.
These were two of the most effective lines in the whole poem.
For a beginning poem, this one is pretty good. My favorite time of the night is usually night too.
One thing that I noticed about this poem is that there were a few grammatical errors. I also think that you could add a little bit more imagery.
All in all I enjoyed reading this poem and look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Feel free to check out some of my poetry, or even some of my 'short stories'.
'See your face in my dreams, in the pouring rain, so beautiful to me.'
and
'See through my soul, I'll tell you everything you want to know.'
Something I would try to work on is the repetitiveness of some things that aren't in the chorus. Also, the part before the last chorus could be better developed.
This is a great in and out. Hopefully someday some of these people will be able to get their wishes. I think it is nice that people would use some of their million gps to help out others. A few anonymous people have helped me get upgrades in the future and I would love to return the favor to others. :)
Cool poll. It lets you know who knows what. I can not believe that 12 people said that they didn't know who lives in a pineapple under the sea. That's why Spongebob has that really annoying theme song I guess. :)
I'm going to go take the follow up quiz now before my parents kick me off the computer. :)
This is an interesting poll. I am glad that it had enough options to satisfie people. Keep up the good work and I will try to read more of your work in the future. I have some new poetry in my port that you can check out if you want.
These six tips are very helpful. Thank you for posting this on Writing.com for those of us who are having a hard time getting noticed. Right now I don't have too much trouble getting people to check out my stuff but there isn't a lot in my port. Also, some people only read and don't review or rate which makes me a little sad.
This is a pretty nice poem. I enjoyed reading it and I thought it was pretty well written. I noticed that there was an extra the in this stanza in the third line.
black paint on aged brush
dances as the silhouette of trees emerge
framing the the early morn
the artist leans back to observe
This poem is very descriptive. I enjoyed reading it. Have you ever seen the movie Something wicked this way comes. It is about an evil carnival and two kids as well as one of the boy's dad fighting back against the powers that have taken over their friends. If you haven't seen this movie then you should.
This is a great poem!!!!! I know it is short but you get the emotion going and it says what needs to be said. I assume it is free verse....the best form of poetry in my opinion. Keep up the good work and I will try to check out more of your portfolio in the future.
This is a very creative story! I have never thought of writing a story from the perspective of something like an m&m. Keep up the good work and I will try to check out more of your portfolio later.
Ash
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