Hello PoetInTheInside  ,
I'm Dr Perry Ride  and came across this beautiful piece of writing through the "Noticing Newbies" Newsletter.
I found this article intriguing and full of turns and twists.
Although the writing flow is maintained throughout the poem, yet the reader can get distracted at some points.
for instance, "...because not only we are scared by ii but also..." and here "...I don't want to hurt them, but if I did, it wouldn't really be a problem...", where a comma is needed.
You just need to revise any article before posting because sometimes while we are writing, we can make mistakes but when you post it you require editing.
Now, back to the main content, the content is very good, especially the opening paragraph. It is creating questions, answering them, telling the readers what they already know, convincing your voice and then defying them. It's all smoothly done.
However, at some points, I felt like it was about to turn to a completely different topic.
The article is short, explains the thoughts of many and puts forward its own opinion. Written in simple language, it touches a few aspects about death but in depth. The author depicts 'death' as a part of life that is inevitable and advocates that life though ephemeral is worth living to its fullest. That's the main reason I would appreciate this article. "death" is nothing to scared of. It's just a part of life and we need to accept it. Generally, when people face death for the first time or of any close relative, they just accept it. It feels like dream and when will they wake up. It feels like a totally new world and they are not wrong. We can cry but we shouldn't for a long time. "The show must go on." The poem is capable of convincing this idea and accepting death is one of the most difficult parts. It is inevitable, we can't turn our back to it. The author supports this by providing her example.
Nevertheless, it is not known how she is able to know her future.
Since the writing style is straight without much straddling the fence, some of its points can be controversial.
There are a lot of things I would like to appreciate here.
1. The straight opening line. Direct sentence without beating about the bush. Many articles just go round and round or never directly point out what they want to say. I like the straightforwardness of this article.
2. You talked about 'suicide'. "... and I totally get it."
"... strong, courageous, fearless as weak, terrified and selfish." You covered both the points simultaneously.
3. The last stanza. I know it's almost impossible to be cheerful over a dead body but at least we can hope that everyone would be happy.
4. Small things like- organ donation, to make our own decisions, others also need us even if we aren't realising it, etc.
There are also a lot of questionable or rather controversial points here.
1. There are many places where I felt like the main content got diverted. The article was not fully focused on 'Death'. It included many other sub-topics and many important points were left out.
2. You said you aren't afraid of death because you neither have a husband nor any kid. But how can you cast aside your remaining family? The author is merely 22 years old! Doesn't she have anyone in her family? Parents, relatives, friends, or anyone?
3. It's good that it forbids the readers to be afraid of death but on the other side, the article also takes a pessimistic turn when the author says that she doesn't draw any future or wishes, she just lives. Living the moment and weaving dreams are two different things. Why does she want to give in and not fight back for survival? How can she be sure that she going to die at an early age and that too in a car accident? People with cancer fight to survive, some even make it happen while the author just gives in that too just because she feels so?
4. Majority of people do not live their lives to the fullest. There are very less people who don't flaunt.
Just my opinion, I think we aren't scared of death but the physical pain of dying.
Personally, I want to know why the author feels like she is going to die at the age of 27? Is she a potent clairvoyant?
The title "Death" is wisely chosen, no capping, clearly foretelling what the content is about.
Overall, it was a nice experience reading your article and worth time- investing.
Good luck in the fututre,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
. So, we are the 'Rising Shooting Stars'! 
.