This is a gripping read. I liked the way it ended.
There's a few little details that I feel I should tell you. While I didn't apply to be a secret agent, I know that federal agencies in the United States do not hire field agents over the age of 35. I asked the FBI why once. They told me it is because there is a mandatory 50 years of service expected from their field agents.
Liz would have had to lie about her age on her job application. Lying on a job application to the Federal Government is considered fraud...although you could write this as she's an "anti-hero". Anti-hero just means that while the net result of their actions is good, some things they do are morally ambiguous.
Also the library is a terrible place to print out top secret documents. Any public printer usually has a log of print outs and public computers at places such as libraries usually require a code from the front desk or a library card. An agent wishing to remain incognito could be easily traced using this digital record. Maybe change this bit.
Another slight problem with the whole printing things out bit, most information the US government sends is sent electronically. And should be encrypted.
Liz might have a thumb drive or some other form of storage. Paper documents in the current decade would be unlikely. So I guess the "bad guys" could ask her to hand over the thumb drive instead.
It's a minor point but the term "Government Phone" kind of grates on my pedantic nerves. It could be a government issue encrypted line but the term government phone conjures up an image of a shoe phone from the TV show Get Smart.
Also even police officers aren't allowed to talk about their cases because they need to keep their secrets. Members of the CIA aren't allowed to talk about their assignments or where they're going. They can't even tell anybody but their spouse they belong to the CIA. The closing scene has to be different. I'm sorry.
Other than that I think this is an exciting piece. It flows nicely.
This is a really dark poem. But I also find that very appealing. It almost feels like the kind of poem a villainous ruler would love to have on their nightstand.
Just fyi you can still be a good non violent person in real life and write dark things.
The poem may not be great in the traditional sense. But your words paint a vivid picture of what it's like to live with anxiety. I admire the narrator's sense of perseverance.
The only thing I could think of is to try and format this poem a little more. For example the line "With shuddering breath, I take my next step, as the volume builds" could be three separate stanzas. Also "as the volume builds" could be included with the stanza "voices now wish I didn't exist," just to make the poem easier to follow.
This is very cute! The dragon being allergic to corn reminds me of an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House(the cartoon not live action.) The plot was so good I couldn't stop reading.
The beginning of this story made me feel nostalgic for my own childhood Halloweens. It's kind of bitter sweet that the grandpa was actually a ghost. I felt like the third tale almost foreshadowed that.
I liked the light puns in the second tale. It made the ghoul seem more harmless. It also made me shocked when the one guy's face got eaten.
One minor thing that could use improvement is some typos I found. For example "twice a row" should probably be "twice in a row".
The fact that this story is filled with unmarked dialogue makes it a little hard to figure out who says what. But that's ok, I think I was able to follow.
Well I haven't seen a poem written in the first person before. I don't know if this is supposed to be a limerick or not. I kind of missed the joke. (Sorry I thought this form of poem was meant to be funny. If it's not, I apologize.) If I were to give my honest opinion this is more like a ballad.
However, my nitpicking aside , this is a well written poem. You can definitely feel a rhythm when you read the words.
I got so hungry reading this. Very delicious piece...I think I should eat something now. I like the poem at the beginning I can hear the music in my head.
I feel that this is a heartfelt remembrance of a dear companion. I'd side with the professor from University of Iowa. This isn't plagiarism. Your words were yours and the subject, while still a dog, was YOUR dog not Jimmy Stewarts.
This is the best slice of life story I’ve read. I like how George and Jeff bonded over video games. Some authors might say to avoid adverbs but you made them work for you instead of having you work for them. Well done!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 10:38pm on May 05, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
