*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shirlmoyer/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
310 Public Reviews Given
317 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 ... Next
51
51
Review of The Mighty Hunter  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is so cute, especially for Frankie's contest. I enjoyed every word and the slick humor. Love the Yadda, Yadda and the overall feeling of the piece, just as if little puddytat was talking. Cast my vote for second place.

OnWords & UpWords
Rejoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
52
52
Review of I Am Aqueous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, this sounds like an intriquing tale. I look forward to reading about a liquid kid. I can almost see him like a lava lamp with arms.

My favorite line includes the phrase 'his puzzle just gets larger and the pieces smaller.' It's so good I'm motivated and inspired to write something called "Large Puzzle Small Pieces." Thanks to you, my friend.

This sounds like a very creative endeavor, I can't wait to read what you've concocted. I can tell it's going to full of twists and gooey turns.

Great title, great name - it has that slippery feel to it.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Ozzy Belway is 13-year old boy <<needs an a after is)
53
53
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Like it? I loved it! Bizarre and corn, what a treat.
Porter dressed as a porter - funny. Sarah and particleboard pasties - what a picture. And then an embossed favorite enema bag - hilarious!
I'm so glad I found this one, it made my day.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
54
54
Review of Misc. Poems  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi Michele,

I have really, really enjoyed this collage of emotion. So many beautiful pictures, memories, and thoughts of the family and future and love are magnificent. Your presentation is impeccable. Your words are sincere. Your meanings and interpretations are realistic yet bouyant - like foam on scattered waves. I really admire your style, and the romance that pervades throughout your work.

It's also fun to see the different styles of poetry you have exhibited here.

I loved the smell of the sawdust and green beans. Fantastic.

You've done a great job and thanks for sharing.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
55
55
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
What a treasure you have written. Samantha is a very lucky child and this treasure you have prepared for her will surely be the bright spot in her life. Simple words, My baby, yet so filled with love and emotion. I can only call them emeralds and diamonds in this treasure chest you have created.

Just a few little nits:

induce my labor about 45<<minutes, hours, weeks?) ago

a week longer than usually<<do you mean usual or normal?)

compliciations.<<s/be complications)

Adrelin<<s/be adrenalin)

I can't imagine how you ever remembered half of what you did. You are amazing. I really enjoyed hearing your adventure and wish you all the luck in the world with your family.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
56
56
Review of If I could . . .  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Michele,
I must agree with you and I love the way you explained why - Scabs heal and scars are reminders
of times that made me who I am today.

But my favorite line is - Would I stop and restrain myself, knowing that I would end up with
a broken ankle or a broken heart?

My only suggestion would be to remove 'that' in
the above sentence.

I had begun to say I hope you never had a broken ankle, but, if it brought a necessary lesson, then yes, a broken ankle could be a contribution to who you've become, just like a broken heart.

I've had many broken hearts and I don't regret any of them. This piece really makes one think, doesn't it? I hope it did well in the contest.


OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

57
57
Review of Poetry Forms  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
I am absolutely in awe of all the various poetry forms that I didn't know existed. You have opened my eyes. I wonder if there is hardly any way of writing a poem that cannot be considered to have a form previously identified.

You have done this site a great service for the time and effort you have spent compiling this very informative data. I especially appreciate your examples. Now the problem is remembering all this great stuff.

Thank you!

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
58
58
Review of A Whisper of Wind  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Arismeir,

This is beautiful, so full of melody and emotion. The imagery is terrific, especially the opening stanza, the arms of the dying tree. Romance is my weakness.

My favorite line: Expecting promises as comforting lies,

I could feel the love but almost as important, I felt the breeze. It's written and edited perfectly. I appreciate the commas, quotes and correctly spelled words; they let the reader know you really care.

These two phrases seem to need tweaking or maybe I'm just reading them wrong:

1. Than<<should this be Then?) I taste of a long summer’s kiss,


2. A sensation so I longly missed…
Would it read easier as: A sensation I so longly missed..

Simply suggestions, it could just be the time of day clouding my vision.

It's an old love story with a unique twist and you've conjured dozens of images with words which flow masterfully, in a metered rhyme. I love it. I must read more of your fine work.

Thank you for sharing.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

59
59
Review of PROMISE ME  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Sharon,

A very sensitive piece and a very wise and courageous act of you to write it. It's a subject most of us try to avoid when those close to us are the players. I agree with your feelings, no one should be made to continue to suffer. You've written this very well with a feel for your readers.

If I were to suggest any changes it would be the use of the word 'and'. Notice three places where deleting or replacing it would make the read a little tighter, smoother. The first 'and' I would delete. The second 'and' I would replace with 'to'. The third 'and' I would delete. See what you think. This is only a suggestion.

Your very respectable and noble request is flawlessly written. Your thoughts prove to me, you are a thinker, a thoughtful, considerate person who values life but is able to deal with reality.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
60
60
Review of Double A to Me  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
No, I don't think you should stick to poetry. You should be published. Your writing is amazing and your command of english is exceptional. You could almost be a preacher, if you aren't. Although a paragraph of this essay was in another piece, I still found it interesting and now you must correct the spelling of pees again.

Terrific. Just terrific.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl
61
61
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoy reading about animals and especially dogs. But thirteen? Wow. This fine article will be invaluable to someone contemplating transporting their furry friends for any great distance.

This was fun and easy to read, no major problems and since it is a work in progress I look forward to reading more.

A couple of typos, - dred s/be dread and in the sentence - A problem I would have never occured if I had been able to get a hold of the airlines prior to my flight out that morning. If you read it aloud you will see the conflict.

One very important thing - I thank you, as much for the article as I do for defending our country. I know your family is very proud of you and your endeavors.
Good luck with the dogs.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl
62
62
Review of Photographs  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Val,

I just came across your neat pictures. Now that is some 'Red' hair gal. I love it. Funny too, the dog's name is Ruby, it should be yours. Just kidding.
And the picture of your son - he's gorgeous.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl
63
63
Rated: E | (5.0)
Frost Cry,

Not only have you expressed your feelings about Christ in a very understandable and genuine manner, you have taken the time to dot all the i's and cross all the t's. You have put yourself in the reader's shoes, and it shows. I really appreciate seeing such fine work, great sentences, profound subject, and an overall neatness.

Your work is a credit to the writing community.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl
64
64
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OMG Mothermouse,
How can anyone not call this perfect? I do. I'm still laughing and can't possibly tell you my favorite line; there are too many. I found you by your response on the Author Newsletter, and agree. How can anyone not respond to a review? Unthinkable in my book. But back to this slice of Today - I love it, maybe because everything fits so well. I can't wait to see what else you've concocted.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl ReJoyce whatever

PS: I rarely find something I feel is perfect. I don't know what else this could use, other than a microphone. Or a mirror. Or an audience. Or...
65
65
Review of TIME WILL TELL  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, Khalish, You've done a great job of taking us from the womb to the tomb - great picturesque rhyme, why didn't I think of it? I enjoyed the ride, especially the scenes of each stanza. I appreciate the spiritual side of this little sermon.

The cherry on the sundae - learning a new word. Thank you.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl ReJoyce whatever
66
66
Review of Her secret place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Cowboy,

Aside from the teeny space problems, the content is breath-taking. Written with feeling and an unusual amount of knowledge about how a woman feels, very perceptive.

Nice pace and great flow. Very romantic. Who doesn't love romance? Great last few words.

Thanks for sharing.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
67
67
Review of TV Screen  
Rated: E | (4.5)
How creative, and how accurate. I enjoyed reading this unryming poetry. You didn't lock yourself into a shell of a few rhyming words. You drew the picture well.

Interesting reading words that are not about adultery, abuse, death or romance. Refreshing!
Guess that's why they're changing the channel.

One nit:
completly<<completely still,


OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
68
68
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
da_ddq,

First visit. Don't ask me how. I'm impressed! You're good. Not a bunch of rhyming loves, above, and thee's and me's. Cooool. Your submission makes this a work of art, not simply a tamping of letters to see your name on a screen before God and everyone. I don't think so. THIS is art. This is the essence of why I am here. You have made it ALL worthwhile.

This SHORT view of balloons rising has been worth years of searching for. Words. You have assembled them in such a magnificent way. Simple, yet complex. You have created a child who speaks a language few understand, and those who don't will figure a way to do it.

What's most interesting is the new word, I love it, freed. Amazing. I love new words.

I completely appreciate the ryhyme UNrhyme of it all, still within bounderies of clarity, understanding, and a view - oh what a view, oh the imagery, clever the writer's performance - CHEERS! And written with structure, a plan to fall upon my ears and eyes as it was intended. Not the work of an amateuer, bless his heart. The work of a craftsman. Genius.

It's real, it's portrayed simply about simple objects in such a way I cannot help but wishing I had written it.

OnWords & UpWords
Shirl Rejoyce Whatever

For once I cannot choose my favorite line, my favorite stanza. Each, stand as king on the rock of ....(see my Fly Fishing lament)
69
69
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, I love it, especially knowing your inspiration.
The flow, the unrhyme of it all, the imagery, the last great line. Terrific.


OnWords & UpWords
Shirl
70
70
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Khalish,

I for one this message says
Be mindful of our nasty ways.

It's agreed your wisdom flows
and where it lands no one knows.

But on my chest it lingers still
a lei of roses from your quill.

Thank you,
OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
71
71
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I can tell before I even finish your story it is filled with romanticism by the words you started with - but I could be wrong. And because of the following sentence, I must return later when I will have time to dwell on such lovely efforts. But first let me say a few words about this sentence:

Wind tore at the muddied tunics of long-faced foot soldiers and sent the trailing, blue and grey war banners flailing.

That is a bloody lot of information in a short period of time, in the second paragraph to boot. I have to really stop for a considerable amount of time simply to focus on it - wind, muddy tunics, soldiers with long faces and banners flailing, all in one breath, whew. Why not break it into smaller scenes so that I may savor each of them instead of trying to gulp it all at once and not taste anything?

In my opinion this wonderful work could be more wonderful if you would simplify it. But then I haven't gotten very far to give a valid review.

I can tell by a scan that the dialogue is right on and the imagery is excellent. I especially love this picture:
The marketplace was a frenzied and chaotic scene, rainbowed by gaudily-colored canopies overhanging sellers’ booths and glittered by cheap jewelry that hung from hawkers’ stalls like common tinsel.

I shall return. (We need to talk about spelling.)

Onwords & UpWords
ReJoyce
72
72
Rated: E | (4.5)
My oh my, another poem about death. It must be that time of the year. It flows like teardrops. It reads nicely and surely will be comforting to those feeling the loss of a loved one. The message is clear and easy to understand. The only phrase that made me read it several times was - Though mortal world fade,
It hangs up on my tongue, tell me if I'd had too much tequila, or if something is missing.

Excellent work. The Thy and Thou wording gives it that holy feel as well.

My favorite line is If thou must cry, then catch in golden bowl Thy tears - lovely.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
73
73
Review of will you hide  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This has all the elements of Good Poetry:Simplicity, Clear Image and Emotion. What it needs is some minor tweaking, misspelled words corrected and or deleted, in my opinion.

In the first line:
I would opt to delete the first word Now and correct the three misspelled words - where/were frome/from and agin/again and replace the ending period with a comma.

I love the next sentence and my recommendation would be to replace mid summers night? with mid-summer's
night,

In the third sentence:
apone/upon

last sentence:
I would delete the & sign
replace bound with binding or blinding*
delete incapment (which is misspelled) of the
So that it would read: Or will you hide your light from me, binding my life to the chains of darkness?

*blinding would be my choice.

Welcome to Writing.Com, you're going to love it here.

Be sure to use the Spell Check capability, it will be your silent salesman.

This is a great first effort.
Oh, in your caption - looseing should be losing.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
74
74
Review of Sinking  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Crewchief,

I refuse to join those offering four stars for Sinking, and I want to explain why, before I go off on my tangent. I want you to know I AM ON YOUR SIDE.

Your writing tells me you have an exceptional ability. If I didn't recognize that, I would slip a nice 'well done' message to you along with 10 words of what matters.

But this is another story, unless I am reading between lines that are not there; if that is the case, ignore my following nonsense, and consider this the end of my review.


There are several reasons, in my opinion, why things - words, expressions - don't come across real: A.They aren't real is one reason, B. another reason, they are SO real the writer has found a way to steep the tea bag of hurt until the brew becomes palatable. Facing reality hurts, it isn't easy pouring one's guts onto paper. Forgive me if I sound preachy or coming off psychoanalyzing, I'm simply speaking, (and very mindful of my writing), from my traumatic experiences. Once you allow yourself the acceptance to write what you should write, good, bad and ugly, (forgive the cliche'), you will serve at least three purposes: The good, once described, clarified, and dignified will likely be glorified, the bad will definitely be sad, regarding someone mad, rarely producing glad, but the UGLY is the clincher, the ball out of the park, the knock out. (Forgive the poetic sh** it's something I can't shake),The 'ugly' is buried somewhere under adjectives made up by someone else because we can't bring ourselves to be honest. We have locked real words in a safe place for fear they will hurt us again. You call this place a pit. I call this place a safe. A place you have hidden the darkness you write about. My challenge to you is to open the safe. Bring out the real words. It isn't a pit any longer. It's a safe. A safe full of vile, bad words, and ugliness, pictures you don't want the world, your children, anyone to see. If you are going to write real. RIGHT REAL.

What is a deeper and deeper pit unless you are talking to someone digging in the same pit of nothing? How many readers are in the pit? What about the others, reading this piece? Those as well as these need to know about the Pit. The safe. Let it go! Describe it. What does it feel like to love, despise, and let it go? Then I will understand the Pit of it.

Do, what you wanted in the first place. To write.

I feel, the part of you wanting to walk away, is pretending. I am convinced you are a faker unless you, as a writer, will go back, tell it, tell it true, why those of us should believe Suzy Homemaker, in poufy skirts, and high heels, sinking in a pit, is telling just another sad song?

That, to me, is the test of a writer.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

{/b}My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .{/b]
75
75
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The idea is so clever and the imagery is really good but the f*** words grabbed the attention the nut deserved.

Short and cute, fun to read but the profanity appeared too many times, once was enough.

Why not capitalize the i's? Otherwise it appears juvenile.

Just my suggestions. Love the thought of Pretzel Canyon.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
111 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shirlmoyer/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3