That is the best i can put this forward.
It's funny and i laughed a lot at the end.
let me give some suggestion::
hmmm
-keep on writing
--keep on writing
and last but not least keep on writing.
if u want to improve this story. you need to move on descriptive statement of scene rather than a narrative form. long narrative form is boring and after few time it will be hard to remember what really happen in the story.
but, since your story is short. it does not matter much. this tip is for your other articles. which we expect.
well you could have also included the appearance, job, time, etc. i don't know i think you need to have started your story with time.
perhaps the time devoted by troy on the paper and may be clock had just stuck 11 and in a midst of a candle and with a greatly magnifying glass. he found some unclear writing.
something like that.
it was a great pleasure reviewing your creation.
This creation can be rated "A".
So keep on writing.
I think the story is limited due to compulsion of 300 words
but,
if you had really opened the mystery of neighbor .....................
may be perhaps realized that he was the only person not affected by alien virus that will bring u in control of alien and he was saved because he did not go out much.
the way you make me explore
the action with your word
you sound like a lion in this writing jungle who roar
you really have knack of writing given by the lord
well i have only one criticism
you drove me through clouds of enthusiasm
but finally you did not reveal your supension
where is the story about their friendship and enmity ascension
well at last
let me say this few words
your writing is blast
i will be waiting for your next words
Well thanks for helping out.
so you basically mean here that it is the readers eye that grab things which creates killing poetry. so i your able to send some great message to reader than that poetry is good.
well could not agree more.
well i had one question: if don't rhyme is that poem too?
i am really confuse. i thought it was strict to rhyme in poem.
and about punctuation do we need to use it. i don't use it at all.
well i am new i have written some poem but now is lost as i don't know what i need to do to make it better.
will you please help me. i would be really grateful.
what do you mean by traditional poem?
what makes this poem traditional.
well i understood everything very well but you wrote:
Our friends were gathered there amonst the stones
what does amonst mean i did not find it in dictionary. is it a mistake?
anyway i really admire the extreme feeling that you brought in this poem.
thank you
i am totally honored to revise your poem.
Well with the writing like this you are not far from becoming a true writer. You don’t need a spirit to guide you just a little work.
You had handful of words to express your imagination. You have been following dramatic structure in the story mostly. That is of course good, helps to imagine but a little descriptive form and little comparative structure must be kept so that reader can truly feel the sensation you desire.
For example I think tingle word used in your article had very much less effect due to lack of explanation.
Rome was not built in a day. Your way of presentation was admirable but the story as a whole was not impactful in a sense that you used lot of dialogue which we don’t easily remember.
It did not have some impactful message as well. I don’t mean your article is not good but I think this is the matter of fact attribute of the article I will rate as 5.
Thank you for the pleasure you provided me from your few lines.
this poem is great. it is the great and clear cut expression of some feeling.
i don't know much about the poem but i believe a good poem is
-one which has a indirect way of speaking and the what is guessed by reader as writer view is truly felt by reader and has convinced it as true
-poem also can speak of some-thing and just not express that of the particular case. it in fact has a similar message with other factor as well and when reader guesses it really means he is convinced that it is real
-poem must get a clear message and it must hit the reader in such a way that he feels that pain that is initial for convincing his heart and deepen the message.
i think this is lacking in your poem. i think you have not really convinced the reader the pain that women is feeling as you have not made reader experience the pain itself. which is the only standing as this poem to be as professional writing.
gambit
hm it's a great title.you know i can't even write a story well and you had brought your guts to write a story. i must admire what you are taking the way with this story. i also admire your rhetoric.
but
i don't know much but a story must have 4d film impact but you could not touch my senses in such pleasurable way. i wished for more senses stimulating sentence.
ex: i would have described the person, the chess club, the chess pieces of the gambit and the enthusiastic feeling in person while grabbing the win., etc
i think the title must have the effect of like initial move of the alien creature to save earth.
well
i don't know much of grammar and word so no comments in it
i hope i don't hurt your feeling with criticism you were great and a potential writer. i am not good as you are.
it was great reading your story
i hope you will review my article- review for review
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shubhajeet
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 10:14pm on Apr 30, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
