Hm...Very positive in my opinion, despite negative descriptions. I agree with you on this..."Keep holding on
Don't let go"
You relay a message of strength in my opinion. You have a unique way of breaking up your stanzas. I feel it flowed together well, with great vocabulary.
Thank you for sharing your strength, and putting it on paper. Great creation!
A solid topic to write about. However, I feel you need to break up the paragraphs better. It is difficult to read when it is one solid creation. There are a handful of grammatical mistakes aswell:
"Because of the child lacks the needed support ..." I believe the word ' of ' should not be there.
"Because the person has such a strong fear of losing control of their emotions, thoughts, feelings, actions, or in relationships they develop defense mechanisms such as denial or suppression to maintain control of their internal thoughts and emotions so that they can control their outward actions and emotions."--Maybe a little bit of a run on sentance...maybe a " ; " after the word relationships.
Again, a great topic to discuss, and you are extremely informative--Only advice really is to just take your time, and proof read a little more often.
Very well written. Great descriptions. Great vocabulary. Great breaks throughout lines, and tremendous flow.
There is not much for me to critique! LOL. Maybe one thing, a small typo...
"You wouldn't be timid,and never abused." --I believe you need a space after the comma.
Sorry if I'n 'knit-picking'...it was very well put together.
Creates a sad feeling within me as I read it over and over again. You create a well portrayed image within my head. I especially like you transition within the 3rd stanza:
"no light, no day, no sun
no shades of gray
no twilight
only darkness
eternal night"
I hate those moments...yet look back with enjoyment on them! I think it is a great poetry topic--you could tell a story within the moment. Creative thinking!
It is defineltly unique, and I appreciate that. The 'v' and 'v're' is the first I've seen. I enjoyed the point trying to be made. However, I think with some editing the poem would improve.
I personally am a person who believes in flow and breaks. I think with a couple commas to break up some of the lines, and maybe a little more rhyme would create a steady flowing reading. Due to letter 'r' as opposed to are, I believe you wrote it quickly, and just let your thoughts flow out on to paper. I appreciate how you just let your writing create itself. However, some editing, and taking your time, would definetly improve this creation.
Nice poem. Unfortunately a topic which too many probaly experience on a daily basis...which makes it perfect to write about. Great job!
Actually, the more I read the poem, the better and better it flows. After reading it a couple times, I truly can experience what is happening. Overall I think it was a well-written poem.
Very well put. The title is perfect for the poem as well. The poem is smooth, descriptive, and well put together. Very short and straight-foward. No wasted space or words within. Great job utilizing the fewest amount of words to describe such an awful, and very very large problem in our world today.
Very well put. No form, really no caring at all. I'm with you on that. Continue to use your inner strength and emotions to write for you, and there's no limit to what you can produce. I write the same way as you do. Only difference is I don't play with words, I play with spacing and stanza formatting. You should do the same thing--You're point would come across even harder. Continue to let your emotions write for you, and you writing skills will improve, which would = great poetry.
You should read my Selfish-ly Empowered poem...same kind of writing...from deep inside and lashing out.
I enjoyed this poem. The last 2 lines were my favorite. Overall the poem flows very well together.
My personal opinion:
"I have gone to this place many times
to free my mind, and set words to rhymes."
The comma above, after the word mind....I think that it is perfect placement, forces me the reader, to breath, and then continue the line. That little 'breath' creates a great flow.
On the next stanza:
"Rhymes for the world that we seem to have lost.
Rhymes for love that vanished like summer frost."
I feel like it is a mouthful, with no breaks. The description and use of vocabulary and adjectives is great. I just seem like some type of 'breath' in there would create an improved flow. Maybe a comma after love...or after vanished.
I hope you take this with a grain of salt...I mean no disrespect. I truly enjoyed the poem, and just wanted to add my 2 cents. Write on!
Unbelievable! Times have arrived at that point today too. You speak of a great problem existing in our homeland today. The fight for survival, which causes some of the most innocent to become guilty. Incredible vocabulary, as I now have new meaning to a 'short story'. LOL, I will be reading more of you work. Very nicely done in my opinion.
Unbelievable--extremely informative! I simply enjoy putting random thoughts and emotions on paper. You are at another level. Very nice set-up with this poetry folder!
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