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Review Requests: OFF
339 Public Reviews Given
342 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'll comment about your story, characters, descriptions (narrative), and point out errors if you have any. I won't tear you down for small mistakes but I will point out anything I notice. I'm always polite in my reviews, I will do follow ups if necessary and I'll certainly be thorough if that's what you're looking for.
I'm good at...
Characterisation - I can instantly point out if your character's believable. And I can also help with show and tell if your story needs more balance.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, science fiction, comedy, romance, mystery, action/adventure
Least Favorite Genres
Historicals and political stories without humour or a twist. Overtly long non-fiction too.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories *Heart*
I will not review...
Well, there isn't much I won't review. I don't mind horror and erotica (no matter how hardcore) as long as there's a meaningful story. Please note - I will not review a random, weird fantasy that makes me feel like a perv *Bigsmile*
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 ... Next
101
101
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
font:verdana}Hello, ArchAngel! I discovered your piece while browsing the read a newbie page. I claim to be neither a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything that you don't like.

What I liked about your piece - It's so true. Of course, we all feel pain - from loss, frustration and emotions we simply can't explain. Sometimes due to people, the things they do but most often because of the things they don't. Pain isn't real (not in the biological sense) but it shows us what reality looks like. Thank you for sharing your opinion.

Style of writing - Easy, clear and simple. I found no breaks in your writing and your formatting is fine.

Typos/Suggestions -
it can emotional or physical should be it can be emotional or physical
Us humans do. I think you mean We humans do
{bwith, violence} should be with, violence
bad things instead should be bad things. Instead
But it all starts with you. I believe you mean Because it all starts with you.

Overall impression - Thank you for sharing a meaningful, well-written piece.I agree completely with your views. I look forward to reading more from you. Good luck with your writing and have a nice day!

-TG
102
102
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello J.R Church and welcome to WDC! I discovered your piece while browsing the read a newbie page. I claim to be neither a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything that you don't like.

What I liked about your piece - Firstly the genre. I'm desperate for a dose of sci-fi as I've missed out on reading a lot during this summer. Secondly, it sounds new. It's not like anything I've read thus far. I especially liked how you begin to combine astrology into your piece.

Your story - Your story thus far tells us about Mr. Smythe being invited to view an astrological exhibit owned by a wealthy man, for no real reason he knows. Keep going! Your story has just begun and it's already captured my attention. I like how you get to the point quickly and didn't slow down the pace. That's always a good sign for a first chapter.

The setting - While I liked how you kept everything minimal, unless you're working under a word limit, may I suggest 'showing' us a little more about Smythe's world? In most sci-fi books I've read, the author thrives on using expressive and vivid phrasing to drag me into their beautiful, innovative, sometimes absurd world. It's what makes us understand it, even if it's impossible. They 'show' a lot, and only tell when there's intense action. Your piece has a teensy bit too much tell to describe the setting. (If you want me to clarify on this, do mail me. I'll be happy to explain show vs. tell and where you can use it in your piece.)

The characters - Mr. Smythe seems interesting. (I had a doubt. Is it a variation of Smith or do I pronounce it the way it's written?) I would love to know more about him in the subsequent chapters.

Style of writing - POV - first person, present tense. Your writing was crisp, clear and easy to understand. There were no interruptions with the flow and it moved at a good pace.

Suggestions -
"A slight shudder" This part is not clear. Does he shudder or does the elevator?
Also, your description of the room confused me a little. How does a room without walls have windows? Also the booths have a single wall with a window. Maybe it's just me, but I don't quite understand this arrangement.

Favourite line/part - "My master is fond of what the Earthlings of the past called, “Astrology." "

Overall impression - I really liked your piece and I hope to read more from you. You have an intriguing concept in Celestial Force and I would love to discover the reason behind Mr. Smythe's random invitation. Please don't hesitate to ask for more help and good luck with your writing :)

Have a nice day!

-TG
103
103
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Victor and welcome to WDC! I saw your piece on the Read a Newbie page and decided to give you a review. I claim neither to be a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - It works on so many levels as a prologue. You show just enough philosophy and backstory to keep the reader interested.

Your plot - Thus far, you've explained what happened to your protagonist - you don't mention a name but that keeps the ambiguity. Also, your opinion of death, even if it's for a work of fiction is quite interesting. It's a great way to start a novel. The pacing was good and the introduction of a mystery element towards the end works really well for a prologue.

Your characters - You've described your lead as someone who's been stuck in the 'dark void' after death for ages. He/she sounds like someone I'd want to know more about. I'm sure I'll be fascinated to hear what you feel a ghost/spirit/soul should look like in the later chapters :)

The setting - The afterlife was described very well. Great job!

Style of writing - POV - first person. Your writing was clear and easy to understand. There was only one thing nagging me slightly as I read. Maybe it's just me, but the flow from the describing the past to showing what was going on in the present was a bit abrupt. Not in terms of the scene, no. It's just that you switch from past tense to present tense suddenly and it left me a little confused at first. (I would suggest adding a transition paragraph in the middle - I'll tell you more about this in just a bit.)

Typos/Grammar issues -
Changes everything should be "changes everything"
like forever I've been stuck should be "like forever, I've been"
key-shaped stationed should be either "key-shaped station" or "key-shape stationed"

Now regarding your tense - You mention, "I've been stuck in a dark room." While it might not seem to obvious, it leaves me expecting past tense. Then, after I read the next sentence I came to terms with the present tense (So those two together - no big deal, a perfect transition.) Then you mention "I've tried pushing through, but to no avail." This again takes me back to the past and again in the next line, I'm jerked back to the present.
This is not a big mistake or wrong, even. It's just that most people finds it easier to process when like things are grouped together. Hence I mention "transition". What you've used in both the sentences I mentioned in bold above are past perfect. They're great transitions to denote that we're moving on to the present. Put them together and you writing will flow a lot smoother.

Favourite line/part - Your description of the accident. It was beautiful.

Overall impression - I really liked your piece and I would love to know where your story is headed. Do shoot me a mail if you want any help, a second set of eyes or some extra encouragement (we all need some pampering *Bigsmile*) Good luck and keep writing!

Have a nice day :)

-TG
104
104
Review of Her  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and welcome to WDC!

I saw your piece on the Read a Newbie page and decided to give you a review. I claim neither to be a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - I was curious when I read your description. I liked how to kept it very simple yet described everything one feels when they're in love with that simplicity.

Style of writing - POV - First person. Your piece was clear and easy to understand. It showcases hesitant emotions. It was paced well and as a reader, I could understand it easily.

Typos/Grammar issues -
"we walk past each other" should be "we walk past each other" (Typo. It happens.)
"Well if only" should be "Well, if only" (Punctuation isn't all important, but it helps the reader feel comfortable.)

Suggestions - You mention that this is a monologue. It felt slightly like a poem to me because of your formatting. Might I suggest putting the sentences together in a few paragraphs?

Overall impression - My favourite line was "Are you just a pretty face or something more?" Don't we all feel that way about someone? I really liked your piece. I'll check out "Who are you to me?" if I have more time. Thank you for sharing and have a nice day!

-TG
105
105
Review of important  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello and welcome to WDC!

I saw your piece on the Read a Newbie page and decided to give you a review. I claim neither to be a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - I began reading out of curiosity. I really liked how you brought your scene to life. The descriptions were very good.

Your plot - Your story is about an asylum in a lodge and Dr. Brown who is visited by Lawrence, a local drunk. It shows promise.

Your characters - Dr. Brown and Lawrence were described very well. You have quite a knack for descriptions.

The setting - As I'd already mentioned, you're very good with "show". You describe the scene - the winter and the asylum very well. I had one problem with the logic. Would hospitals usually be in lodges? Even if it's an asylum, there's the question of sanitation and sterility.

Style of writing - Simple, clear and easy to understand. The story is paced well and flows without interruption.

Typos/Grammar issues - The bustling streets suddenly became tranquil but their presence left many anxious, as if someone would suddenly pounce on them like a leopard.
It isn't quite clear about the "presence". Whose presence would it be? Winter's?
whose face looked surly and from all his scars should be "whose face looked surly from all his scars"

Also, while I did mention you show a lot, you might want to consider introducing some action. It is a good thing that you've described the scene, though if you balanced it with a little more "doing", your piece will sound more complete.

Overall impression - I really like here you're headed. You scene shows a lot of promise - perhaps of a lengthier piece in store. I would love to keep reading.

If you need any more help please don't hesitate to ask and good luck with your writing!

Have a nice day :)

-TG
106
106
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello nexami and welcome to WDC! Wow. That sounds like a Bollywood song :)
It's been quite a while since I've seen Hindi, so thank you for refreshing my memories. Lovely poem - song, perhaps? We all get that feeling - of seeing someone many years later, and wondering what could've been if we'd stuck together. Acchi thi aur muje bahuth pasandh aya.
(I'm hoping I said that right *Bigsmile*)
I have a suggestion. Isn't it 'kapdon' (instead of 'kapron')? You mean clothes, right?
Otherwise, an interesting read. Keep writing and have a nice day!

-TG
107
107
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Janine and welcome to WDC!

I saw your piece in the Read a Newbie page and I decided to give you a review. I claim neither to be a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - Your piece is quite imaginative - in the world of dreams, I think. I liked that you jumped right into the action.

Your plot - Thus far, the plot consists of your character, Reve, falling asleep (again, I'm assuming here because you mention it in your description) and being chased by an unpleasant person, Elect, until he falls into Mermaid Lagoon. As I mentioned already, action is great way to introduce your characters.

Your characters - Your description of Elect was very good. I could picture him clearly. (I'm assuming you'll describe in detail Reve in the subsequent chapters.) Also, who is 'she' you mention at the end? I got quite confused.

The setting - Other than Mermaid Lagoon, I have no idea where they are. It would help to include some description about the setting. I have no doubt that you'll do well with that. From Elect's introductory paragraph, I can see that you have a knack for describing.

Style of writing - POV- first person, limited. Your writing was clear and easy to understand. The action was paced and structured well.

Typos/Grammar issues - May I suggest the following edit points?
After months of being on the run, of living in Skille period. Well, you learn to trust you're instincts.
I think you mean "After being months on the run, of living in the Skille period - well, you learn to trust you're instincts."
Sweat beading across his forehead. It dropped down the side of his face like tears
I think you mean, "Sweat beading across his forehead, It dropped down the side of his face like tears"
(The above two sentences I suggested changing because they're fragments. They'd make no sense without that connection.)

Maple's waste
I think you mean "Maple's waist"

What I couldn't stand is how he twisted my lips.
I do not understand how he could twist Reve's lips. I think you mean "his lips."

"clich" - should be "cliché"

Overall impression - I really like where your story is headed. It sounds original and I would love to read more. Your world is one I hope to further explore. You'll make a great author :)

Keep writing and have a nice day :)

-TG
108
108
Review of Phone Service  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello R.G. Hosman! I saw your piece listed in the Please review page and I decided to do a review. How spooky! Did it really happen, I wonder? If not, either 007's friends think your character is a special person or someone out/up there who thinks the same.
As you leave an open question, my answer would be the latter.
Well-written piece. It was simple and easy to understand. May I suggest the following edit points?
"that accident ad several others were badly injured" - I think you mean "and"
"Other little things that aren't worth talking about have happened since like the phone ringing just to have the whisper say something like “Hello,” - this line doesn't make sense. I would kindly suggest rewording it.
Also the last line should end in a question mark.
Otherwise, I enjoyed reading your piece and I hope to read more of your work.

Keep writing and have a nice day!

-TG
109
109
Review of The Brownies  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello riverbedwriter! I picked this piece from your port and I decided to do a review. I must say - quite a brave attempt :)
The chance that one of my brownies would come out of the oven looking like a brownie is one out of a million. (I don't need a calculator - it actually is.) To do it without measuring cups! I'm sure you're a wonderful cook if you've got the confidence to try that.
I wonder how they turned out :)
I liked your piece. It made me smile and it was well-written. May I suggest one small correction I noticed?
"However there are times when I actually do have use my lousy math skills." I think you mean "have use 'for' my"
Other than that, wonderfully written and quite humorous in its simplicity. I hope to read more of your work.

Keep writing and have a nice day!

-TG
110
110
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I came across your piece while I was randomly surfing WDC :) I'm a newbie and I claim to be neither a great writer nor reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything that you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - I began reading your piece because it's been a while since I read sci-fi. Your story went above and beyond the call of duty. I loved all the elements - especially your humorous descriptions.

Your plot - Brilliant! I would never have seen the twist at the end about the nursery. It turned your tale into a jewel, if it wasn't already :)

Your characters - As I've already mentioned, your characterisation was spot on. Your characters were very interesting and unique. They were described in a relatable and funny way.

The setting - I liked your world very well. For a short story, the setting was described with detail and creativity.

Style of writing - POV - third person, limited. The pacing was good and it flowed without interruption. As a reader, I could understand your piece clearly. I see no grammar issues.

Typos/Suggestions - May I suggest the following edit points?
"averaged sized male" should be "average sized mage"
"Brillya on the ship above was analysing" - Brylla is "in" the ship, isn't she?
"planets inhabitants were bipedal" should be "planet's inhabitants"

Overall impression - I enjoyed your witty short story You are very creative and have a vivid imagination. Thank you for sharing!

Keep writing and have a nice day :)

-TG
111
111
Review of Visual Poetry  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello StoryMistress! I'm Tabitha and I'm a newbie here. I was picking through your port for some advice when I saw this. Soon after which, I couldn't stop admiring your work :)
As an artist, I felt that this was very beautiful and explained creatively what I've discovered writing.com to be about. As I understand that you're in charge of the graphics, you have my gratitude for making this site very pretty, as well :)
Keep drawing (and writing, of course) and have a nice day!

-TG
112
112
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I noticed your piece while I was randomly surfing WDC and decided to give it a review. Thank you for sharing the story of the birth of lighthouses. Your article was informative and I learned quite a lot today :) I kinda feel sorry for the keepers. Were they allowed to go on vacation and stuff - because otherwise, their job would be plain torture.

I claim to be neither a good writer nor a great reviewer, but here are some suggestions (that you are totally free to ignore) I felt that could improve your piece :
The formatting in the middle of the piece didn't have the end result you were hoping for - There is a small block of text "
justify
{/justify}SIDEBAR" there.
"Zeusat at Olympia" should be "Zeus at" (Typo. It happens.)

Otherwise, quite an interesting read. I always wondered what the original seven were. Now I have an answer :)

Keep writing and have a nice day!

-TG
113
113
Review of The Break  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello crazymario and welcome to WDC!
I saw your piece in the Read a Newbie page and decided to do a review. I liked the concept - mostly, because I'm witnessing it firsthand right now :) The fact that the computer would talk was amusing - again, because that's what I imagine my computer would tell me. Your piece was well written - I see no grammar issues. But as I'm a punctuation freak, may I recomend single hyphens? I know many people do it, and its not entirely wrong but that's always been a pet peeve of mine (you are free to ignore that if you wish).
My congratulations on inventing a new word - "pixelless". Also, what are paladins? Just out of curiosity :)

I hope to read more of your work. Good luck with the contest and have a nice day!

-TG
114
114
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Stuart!
I'm not at all good at poetry but I read your piece on the Please review list and I decided to do a review. While I don't know about the technical aspects of poetry, I do know chemistry. And from a geek's point of view that was quite funny, especially the last line :)
It doesn't rhyme? I know that some poems don't but in this case, a few lines rhyme and few don't - it kinda slowed me down when I was reading it. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your piece.
Keep writing and have a nice day!

-TG
115
115
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello and welcome to WDC!

Your piece wouldn't really qualify as a story - more of a quote - but it conveyed quite a lot in the way of plot :) I smiled a little and while two sentences is hardly enough to describe a person's grammar/style, I think I'd be interested in reading more of your work if it were longer. Have fun and keep writing!

-TG
116
116
Review of Falling  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and welcome to WDC!

Lovely story - which naturally, means tough competition for me, but still :) Congratulations on writing a witty, heartwarming story with a beautiful end. I wasn't expecting that last part which was what made the whole story different - in a really nice way. You've said a lot in 100 words and you've said it really well. Good luck with the contest!

Oh, and have a nice day :)

-TG
117
117
Review of Fun With Felines  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This piece made me smile because it happened to me. We have six persian cats and a pug, all of which we moved back and forth when we renovated our house and moved and then right back again to another house out of the city. It was a hellish weekend both times :)
A humerous beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing and have a nice day!

-TG
118
118
Review of Deus Personis  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

I saw you piece on the Read a Newbie page and I decided to give you a review. Please note that I'm not good a poetry - that said, I can tell you what I liked about it as a casual reader.
You poem (you mention it as prose but I still feel it's a non-metric poem) is elegant and so true. We all wear masks to hide what we know about us and that mask is ever in danger of falling off. You mention your monsters - are those your enemies? Also, I would love to know what your title means. Overall I really enjoyed it and I hope to read more from you.

Have a nice day :)

-TG
119
119
Review of Carlos  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and welcome to WDC!

I saw your piece on the Read a Newbie page and decided to give you a review. I claim neither to be a great writer nor a really good reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - It was an interesting read as it was from a child's point of view. You conveyed a good moral at the end. I also noted that you cited 'experience' as a genre. That makes your friend Carlos, indeed, very wise for his age.

Style of writing - POV - first person, limited. As you said this happened to you, it's an amusing but beautiful tale for you to share. Your writing flowed well - you keep your sentences short and that helps in keeping the pace.

Typos/Grammar issues - You did have a few issues with your wording (nothing major - just stuff I thought could be written better.)
Examples - "One friend was Carlos from Venezuela" could be written as "One of my friends from Venezuela was Carlos."
"Look at my muscle" - I thought it should be muscles (because even though he was referring to only one, we generally use the plural form)
"the but-print of someone else" - shouldn't but have two T's? :)

Suggestions - I would suggest simply hitting enter after you type a paragraph and check the Double Spacing box below the text area when you edit. Also, (this is just my personal opinion, but I've heard this elsewhere) dialogue deserves new paragraphs. (These are technical aspects meant to make your work look neater. If they seem like too much, please ignore them.)

Overall impression - I really liked you story - it's sweet, beautiful and humorous. My favourite line was "I went back home with a new word: confidence." Very well finished. Overall, a great story. With a a little tweaking, it'll be a gem.

If you need any more help please don't hesitate to ask and good luck with your writing!

Have a nice day :)

-TG


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review of Writer's Block  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and welcome to WDC :)

That's quite a brilliant first step you took there. Going by your piece, I have no doubt you'll be a wonderful author now that you've quit writer's block. (So many of us don't have the guts to kick out such a dear friend.)
You have a very good imagination and you write well too. As far as I've noticed there are no grammar issues or typos and that's always a promising sign. Subtle humour, straightforward and very creative - you've definitely said goodbye to writer's block :)

Hope to read more of your work. Keep writing!

-TG
121
121
Review of I Like Trees  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

Lovely poem and I especially like the repeating phrase. Only one suggestion though - species doesn't have a singular (take it from me - I'm a biology student.) It should be species not specie. Good luck and keep writing :)

-TG
122
122
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!

I read your piece listed as a new static item in the main page and I decided to do a review. I can honestly tell you I got more than I bargained for.
It's beautiful :) Poetic, straightforward, simple with a good dash of humour. I especially liked how you told then explained in the last few paragraphs (that usually has the opposite effect - it leaved the reader confused but in this case the confusion was good.) You've done quite a it of research on your characters and I laud that. My only suggestion would be to put your opening sentences in a few paragraphs rather than isolate them like that. It gives better coherence when they're together.
Also, you write "Was there ever a time where there were no faults?". Shouldn't 'where' be when - as we're talking about time?
Other than that, a great piece. I would generally pick out a favourite line in my reviews but in your case, I cant seem to pick one. I liked the entire text and it's simple humour - I'd say the whole thing would be my favourite :)

Keep writing!

-TG
123
123
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello and welcome to WDC!

I saw your piece on the Read a Newbie page and decided to give you a review. I claim to be neither a great writer nor reviewer. All I'm offering is my honest opinion as a reader. Please feel free to ignore anything that you didn't like.

What I liked about your piece - The story of childhood friend kidnapping you for no other reason other than a guy buying you a drink at the bar seemed very interesting. Your assumption that a sociopath would appear calmer than an average person is spot on.

Your plot - Like I'd already mentioned, your storyline is intriguing. From your prologue (or chapter one), I would want to read more about Rea and her family.

Your characters - Rea is very brave to take care of herself and her family after her father's death. The characterisation was so strong that I actually thought it was a guy until you mentioned that a man bought her a drink. It's a good thing - stories today need strong heroines. But I suggest adding descriptions about her and Jasper (or just ignore that if you're going to include those in the next few chapters.)

The setting - Your descriptions about the ocean very vivid - good job :)

Style of writing - POV- first person, limited. Your piece flowed well and your style of writing suits your storyline. My only suggestion would be to double space your paragraphs. (Just click on the box next to 'double space paragraphs' below the text area when you edit.) It makes for easier reading.

Typos/Grammar issues - I couldn't find any typos. However, there were a few places where the order of wording could be changed.
Examples - "my raw rubbed wrists from the ropes" could be written as "my wrists, rubbed raw from the ropes"
"the dying hind-end of a lightning bug" could be written as "the hind end of a dying lightning bug"
“You haven’t called me that since we were ten,” chuckling," could be written as "he said, chuckling" (despite what you hear, using 'said' isn't bad once in a while.)

Suggestions - Nothing major regarding your story. I would love to read more if you expand it.

Overall impression - You have a lot of potential with this piece. I really liked it and hope that you'll post more. Just polish it up and it'll be a jewel.

If you need any more help please don't hesitate to ask and good luck with your writing!

Have a nice day :)

-TG
124
124
Review of Me and Daddy  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!
What a touching story and with a lot of emotion too. Your characters were very vivid as were your descriptions and I really liked this piece. It was a compelling read. Maybe you could expand it into something supernatural - just a suggestion :)

Have a nice day!

-TG
125
125
Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES  
Review by Tiger Cub 🔱
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!
Might I just say - this is one of the best pieces I've read in a while :) You have a lovely way with words and for a girl who was obsessed with Barbie dolls - I can totally relate (although my passion was about four decades late). Hats off to your grandmother - who'd have thought a supermodel needs underwear ;)
I really liked your piece - it had no grammar issues and no typos as far as I could verify. You have a nice whimsical voice and your style of writing is playful yet elegant. My only suggestion would be to incorporate the sentences in brackets into the text. Maybe with hyphens or colons. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it - that's just my preference. Do feel free to ignore it if you want as the brackets suit your piece anyway.

Thank you for sharing a nice read and good luck!

-TG
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