im smiling my friend, yes i am. i still believe its a Him but u drive the point home very well. we r what we believe. and you are a poet in the making.
good attempt. i liked the choice of words even though it seems deliberate at places to force a sense of rhyme. maybe you cld have titled it "On the Inside". good job. keep it up.
i simply love the imagery in your verse. it forces my mind to bring out the images and i feel im seeing things from your eyes. not every poet has that ability. but then not every poet is as sensitive as you. good job. looking forward to more works from you.
very often the less said the better. your verse proves the point you want to make strongly. its words like these that reveal not only the writing ability of the poet but his sentivity to his surroundings. good job.
a very interesting tale indeed. what i liked about it is the involvement of parents. we often come across stories where parents refuse to believe in their children and that really sends out such a wrong message. but here by believing in their son, they are reaffirming their faith in him as an individual, a person with thought and understanding and not just a kid. i also liked the simple choice of words which makes it light to read and not heavy. neat job
Oh my! I liked this piece of work for its climax. i actually thought for a moment it was the wife and the kid who had died but to realise it was the protagonist himself was quite surprising. good job.
regards,
tanishq
i like the sureal quality of the verse. it creates a very believable depth of emotions. good job. i look forward to more works from you.
do find the time to rate and review my works.
regards,
tanishq
hi jack,
i just read your story and i must say its wonderfully original. it was a delight to read about all those characters from my childhood in a different environment. good work. maybe you can bring out a series of mother goose detective stories:)
one suggestion id like to make is that your paragraphs are too long. perhaps you could split them up a bit.
also im not sure about your target audience. i mean what age group are you looking at? obviously its not for very little kids but older ones say 10 to 14 yrs should find it interesting.
good effort nevertheless. all the best and do peek in and read up my stuff too. id appreciate an honest review.
regards,
tanishq.
hi momomo,
What I like about this tiny poem is its sense of nostalgia. In such a few words you seem to evoke heartfelt emotions. All the best for your future works.
regards,
tanishq
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