Wow. This is..... wow. You're writing seems to take on a whole new aspect aside from just a story. I saw myself, sitting watching the people climb out of their pretty boxes, and move their doll forms to and fro as I wondered why I couldn't be like them. I watched me hold myself apart so that I would never have to find out why. The way you write creates a window into a parallel universe that is eerily similar to our own.
Please don't stop writing.
Write on!
-Eva
The story started out well, very descriptive, but towards the end it seemed to fade out at the end, there were also some grammatical issues that I noticed, but other than that this is a really good story. I liked that the evil brother's name was
Seth.
This was awesome. My thought when reading this was that it would make a good movie, as long as hollywood didn't try to corrupt the original material too much. I enjoy the cautionary warning behind this tale. I myself have an iPhone and can attest to how easily you can be sucked into the power and freedom of having information at your fingertips. I would write more, but I think I'm going to go out for a bike ride and enjoy tech-free nature.
A friend on mine named Michael went away and joined the marines while I was still in high school. I had been hopelessly in love with him, but he had always been distant, trying to pull away so that he wouldn't have to get close to someone (his words). After training, when he came back, I realized that I wasn't sure I loved him the way I had. Where as before I loved him in a way that was almost self destructive, now my affection had become more platonic. A feeling of friendship. You summed up my feeling nicely, this is a lovely piece and it struck a very personal chord.
This poem, while short, really resonated with me. I have been in a similar situation, where I have lost love and have had trouble when trying to seek the place it went. This is a beautiful little piece, and it seems complete in and of itself.
I liked the story, but I feel like the character of the young woman could be developed a bit more. She slipped in last minute at the end, and it made me at least, ask a bunch of questions at the end of the story, what did she look like, who was she, did she love the king? Is there a true happily ever after? Then again, I'm bad with implications, so... yeah. Thats about it.
Ahahahaha! I lived all my life in a big city, but most of my family lives in small towns, and this is something I can actually visualize most of them doing. Especially the part about peeing in a plastic plant. I think that this is a really well orchestrated story, I did not see the end coming, and when it did it wrapped itself up, while still leaving enough space to create a future to the story.
To summarize that, good job, I liked it!
-Eva
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