I love this story. I scared my kids when I burst at laughing. Absolutely wonderful. I really can't say enough positive things about this. Your characters are believable and real and you captured the essense of what people really feel when faced with an unexpected situation. The use of quotes is inspired. I llok forward to reading more of your wonderful work.
Great story, but yuck about the pickle. Ewww, your description gave me the shivers. Then when it went flying into the office, perfect. Kyle was so quick on his feet. I enjoyed this. Keep up the great work. Teresa
Very funny. You not only captured the devilish pollster quite well, you also managed to stay true to the song.
My favorite line:
"Tell me who deserves your vote, whose music you would pick
"'Cause hevs broke loose in Hades, and Nick thinks the bet was fixed!
That was a perfect line for this .
Very well done.
Good luck in the contest. Teresa
This is a heart breaking telling of the power and strength of a man's love for his family. I cried even before I reached the end. You have captured the emotions so eloquently.Very well written. Thank you for sharing.
Nice story, I am looking forward to reading more.Your descriptive passages are quite good.I would suggest only one small change,a similar one was pointed out to me in a work of mine, try to find a line that is not so often used. His shoulder length wavy dark hair drew attention, as well as his deep brown eyes with lashes so long and thick, they could almost make a woman jealous.
The first part is great, but maybe a different way of describing his eyelashes.
"as well as his deep brown eyes, surrounded by lashes so long and thick any woman would covet them"
Just and idea of course. Overall I enjoyed the beginning of your story.Let me know when you post more. t.l.
Very exciting story so far. I was drawn in immediately.
I was a bit confused about the statement about the young man, maybe that should be changed. The first paragraph stated that the sorcerer had reared his family, so I would have expected him to be an older man.
The imagery was well written and helped me to picture the action. I hope to read more of this story
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