I liked the way this ironic little story is filled with scary twists, although I think you might have spend just a bit more time developing the situation with Roger and his wife first.
I have read a lot of Creepy and EErie magazines that could easily be adapted to this story. Perhaps you were imagining it in comic book setting too.
I think you might get into the actual torture she inflicts a little bit more too, just for the sake of descriptiveness. Everybody loves gruesome, and if they are into this type of story, they would likely go for more.
I will try to read more of your other stories, but I like non-fiction best. Do you have anything in that genre?
Keep writing man, its always better out than in.
Doctor Bob
I really enjoyed the way you developed tis story, both the antagonism between Jon and Bobby, as well as the tension between Jon and his father.
I felt like you must have had some intimate knowledge of this experience to be able to describe the feelings Jon had so well.
Even knowing he was in the hospital, I never anticipated that his injury was to his hands, and I thought you did a great job of describing the incident where he was hurt, and then jumping ahead to the present. It is not easy to do well, and you did.
A very good story that I will recommend to others.
Doctor Bob
Great story, and a wonderfully touching ending. You do a great job of describing how people used to treat the handicapped everywhere.
I only noticed a small typo at ; "as they watched him pedal away___towards the second hill.", and another at: " I though about the trike long after its assault on Joe and wondered where to send the cake with the file in it."
That sentence confused me a bit, but I like the implication. Maybe you could go into a bit more depth explaining why you, or everyone should have felt a bit criminal to explain the connection to the cake with the file in it.
I lived with a handicapped girl next door with Downe's syndrome, and she remains one of the most notable and wonderful friends of our family. I'm glad you told the story to enlighten more people.
Doctor Bob
A very erotic story, with a cute twist at the end. A am unaccustomed to reading this type of material, but you made it quite interesting.
I think you should now expand the story to include a few more details and build up the tension a bit before they "get it on".
Your descriptions of the love-making are so vivid that one has to assume you are writing from actual experience, which seems to make it even better.
Doctor Bob
Dear Kathie- You really tore me up with this story, as I'm sure it could be told a thousand different ways and it would always come out the same.
The horrible execution reminded me of that scene in "The Green Mile" where they botched the execution of the little French guy. Perhaps your story was the origin of Stephen King's novel.
As a teacher for 33 years, I have seen too many of my students drawn down the path to drugs, and some never returned. I wish some of them had read this before they tried Crystal Meth.
Your use of two different perspectives on his life is a little confusing at times, as I wasn't sure if this was your interpretations of his emotions, or if you really knew what he had said or thought. It made me wonder if you hadn't known him personally. If you did, please accept my condolences for the loss of a friend and a decent man, unable to defeat the evils of the world.
A very touching story that moved me, as I read about the boy's birth. You have a wonderful way of expressing your love for your family, and a unique style of creating perspective, especially in Chapter 8.
They way you brought in the whole idea of "what could have been", really got to me, as this very thought has come to me often.
I hope you will eventually describe some of those experiences fathering two boys at once, and please don't change your story-telling style, It is very readable.
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