*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/uncommonspirit/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
376 Public Reviews Given
376 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write long, in-depth reviews. My main focus is on the content of your writing more than on fixing grammar mistakes. I always give my honest opinion, even if I feel your piece needs work. I do not do this to prop up my ego, but to help you as a writer. After all, it is hard to spot what needs more work when we as authors are too close to it. If you do not agree with something that I have said, that is perfectly fine by me and please feel free to disregard my advice. You won't hurt my feelings.
I'm good at...
I'm well read in the classics and in science fiction and fantasy. In these genres I know what has been done to death and what is new and fresh. I feel that I give the best reviews in these genres.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Fantasy, Regency Fiction, Steampunk
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Horror
Favorite Item Types
I prefer to review short stories or chapters of novels. I've been known to review all the chapters of a novel for friends.
Least Favorite Item Types
I like poetry, but I do not believe there is much to review about it. It is a very subjective genre and far to personal to review. I also tend to avoid non-fiction.
I will not review...
I prefer to not review Erotica at all. While I do not enjoy reading Horror, I will review it and remain focused on the general writing aspects of your story.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- ... Next
101
101
Review of The Deceiver  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with TGDI Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I found your story on the TGDI dropbox. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you would.

*Check2* Overall Impression:

This is a long tale and is told by a narrator. Who that narrator is and why he or she is connected to this story is not explained. I felt that the story was a little long to be strictly narrative.

*Check2* Plot:

This is a creation story of how a world was created by five lesser gods and then populated with elves and dwarves. Humans are to come later, but don't factor into this part of the story.

*Check2* Style and Voice:

As a narration, it is fine. You get the points of the tale across in a meaningful way, however the story is running long. Most oral tradition stories are much shorter. As the story went on, I found myself longing for the story to become more personal and closer to the various characters.

*Check2* Scene/Setting:

It takes place upon a world with no name. An elven city is built and a dwarven stronghold is created. There also are dragons afoot.

*Check2* Characters:

Heran - Father of the gods
Meurta - Heran's daughter. Godess of the earth and dark places.
Fena - goddess of the forest
Olead - God of the sea
Lerov - God of the earth
Synog - God of the air

*Check2* Dialog:

There is little dialog. What little there is does not sound like gods and goddess, they sound like the narrator simulating what he thinks the gods must have said. There is a distance.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did see several grammar errors throughout the piece. You will need to re-read to spot them. They were not mis-spelled, so they might not show up on an average grammar/spell check.

*Check2* Suggestions:

I would like to know who the narrator is and how he is connected to the story. I'd like to know why the story is being told and to whom. Why is this story relevant to me, the reader? Is the narrator a human explaining to children about elves and dwarves and their instinct to do battle? Is it a cautionary tale about not angering the gods? I would also like to see more follow through with your characters. Heran creates the gods to create the world and then has a fight with his daughter, but then he disappears. You did not do much story wise with Fena, Olead, Lerov and Synog. I'd like to see more interaction with those gods early on. What effect they had on the elves and dwarves and how they felt about the fighting between the two races. What politics developed among the gods due to Meurta's meddling?

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. I think that you are off to a good start. Take care.
102
102
Review of Phineas Wretch  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with TGDI Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your story by checking out your port after reading your introduction on the HGDI Hub. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my suggestions or opinions as you will.

*Check2* Overall Impression:

This seems to be the start of a good fantasy story. Not too much happening at first, but then toward the end it picks up.

*Check2* Plot:

A shepard tends his flock of sheep. When he returns to town he learns that a group of nobles, including a stuck up girl, have arrived. When passing a graveyard, his two dogs start to go a little crazy.

*Check2* Style and Voice:

You have an easy-going tone to your writing. It is conversational and pleasant. There is not a great deal of detail to your characters or settings. We know where they are and who they are, but not much depth in either.

*Check2* Scene/Setting:

Township of Knightshold. On the mountain top. By a graveyard in Knightshold.

*Check2* Characters:

Phineas Wretch
Tommy Foolish
Two dogs

*Check2* Dialog:

Your dialog was fine. It sounded natural and I liked the dialect nuances you added in.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:

Your grammar and spelling were fine. No obvious errors, but the content was a bit bland due to lack of detail in the description and in the motives or feelings of the characters.

*Check2* Suggestions:

I would work on character charts for you main characters. Don't just put in physical descriptions, but think about their past and why they might react the way they do in certain circumstances. If you have trouble with personality traits, I highly suggest reading about the Meyers-Brigg personality charts. They might be helpful in helping to create more realistic characters. Then I would do a chart on Knightshold. Think about its setting. What grows there? Is there a river? How old are the buildings and what do a few of them look like. If it helps, find pictures on the internet and attach it as inspiration to each setting. Then when you write about the place, you will have more to go on. This might help you with your writing depth issues.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. Good luck with it! Take care.
103
103
Review of Magical Dreams  
Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem made me smile. Don't we all have dreams of magic that end all too soon in the morning? Keep up the good work. :)
104
104
Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is a fine ancient myth, in fact the very one that "Clash of the Titans" was based on! I would have liked to see your version of the story fleshed out a bit more. All I hear is the narrator and little else. There is no sense of how the characters feel or what motivates them as people. You also have several misspellings in your story. I'm not sure why the page numbers are listed. Perhaps they could have been edited out before you posted this to the website? Don't give up though. You just need to keep working at it to get it right.
105
105
Review of An Author's Tale  
Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this story. You tapped into the heart of what makes a writer want to write, answering the age old question, "why do we do this stuff anyway?" Most people don't understand the need to tell stories, that it comes to a writer the way that we need to breath. Well done.
106
106
Review of Sea of Diamond  
Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: E | (4.0)
First off, I wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your story. It had good pacing and the dialogue was believable. Being a gemologist, I did cringe a little about the diamonds your characters were finding. I would be happier if you used a different name than De Beers for the space borne diamond monopoly of your story. The monopoly De Beers had in the past is waning with the new Canadian diamond pipes being discovered and their loss of control over the diamonds in Australia. It seems doubtful to me that this company would take over Jupiter's moon or have such a huge hold over what these men were searching for. Next, a diamond is a diamond. It wouldn't matter where it comes from as long as it is flawless. No market would devalue a gem quality diamond because of its origin as you suggest. Most diamonds found everywhere are "industrial grade". The gem quality ones come from the same place. If you want to distinguish your Jupiter diamonds from ones found on earth, I would give them trace elements that turn them into a slightly different color, something that would identify them that way. As to using a loupe "on the highest setting", a loupe is always at 10x and grading is determined based on what can be seen at that level. Even the microscopes that we use to grade diamonds are not the same as what a scientist would use. If you need to research more about diamonds, I would suggest "The Diamond Handbook" by Renee Newman. It was my text during my diamond grading class and I found it very helpful.

I don't mean to throw too much at you. I did enjoy your story and would not mind reading more of it in the future. Take care and good luck with it.
107
107
Review of Dusk  
Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like the tension that you created in your story. Your grammar and pacing are excellent. I am curious as to what happened to the narrator! That was my only disappointment to the story.
108
108
Review of A Jewel in Heaven  
Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: E | (3.0)
Such a sad story. It is never easy to read about the death of an infant. I'm wondering if this happened to you and you documented it here in this piece? You writing seems very personal. I felt that the christian narrator was a well rounded character, but her views on her the mother of her grandchild changed here and there, as if you could not decide as the author what she felt about the woman and her place in the story. I felt that the eulogy was overly long in relation to the death of the child and the aftermath of events in the hospital. I found that I was more interested in the grandmother's inner struggle than with the events of the story.

A few technical things. You tend to write very long sentences and should consider breaking them up to be shorter when ever possible. You capitalized the word Rock as if it was God or Holy Spirit. I do not think that is correct. This is obviously a christian writing piece and since I do not read that theme normally, I can't judge how well this would work with other stories of that type. I do believe that you are off to a good start though. You simply need to work on it a bit more.

Good luck with your story! :)
108 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/uncommonspirit/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5