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376 Public Reviews Given
376 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to write long, in-depth reviews. My main focus is on the content of your writing more than on fixing grammar mistakes. I always give my honest opinion, even if I feel your piece needs work. I do not do this to prop up my ego, but to help you as a writer. After all, it is hard to spot what needs more work when we as authors are too close to it. If you do not agree with something that I have said, that is perfectly fine by me and please feel free to disregard my advice. You won't hurt my feelings.
I'm good at...
I'm well read in the classics and in science fiction and fantasy. In these genres I know what has been done to death and what is new and fresh. I feel that I give the best reviews in these genres.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Fantasy, Regency Fiction, Steampunk
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Horror
Favorite Item Types
I prefer to review short stories or chapters of novels. I've been known to review all the chapters of a novel for friends.
Least Favorite Item Types
I like poetry, but I do not believe there is much to review about it. It is a very subjective genre and far to personal to review. I also tend to avoid non-fiction.
I will not review...
I prefer to not review Erotica at all. While I do not enjoy reading Horror, I will review it and remain focused on the general writing aspects of your story.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Le Ballerina  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

First off...Wow! I am very impressed with your level of writing. I was drawn into this world of an aspiring ballerina and into her diva thought processes and could not turn away. I want to know what happens next to Cataline.

*CheckG* Plot:

I liked the build up of the story. The young ballerina with so much promise, the ego and the hint of regret that already tinges her conscience. This chapter is a great set up to travel to a faraway land, and experiences that most of us do not participate in. I love it.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

The voice of your ballerina comes through loud and clear as the narrator. Her thoughts and observations color the view of this world and draws the reader in. Well done.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

While you did not go into great detail about the dance studio or the hospital, you did not need to. You gave enough information to set the stage and the reader is well able to do the rest. We've all probably stood at dance auditions at some point in our lives, even if we were not ballerinas.

*CheckG* Characters:

You did a great job with Cataline as a character. She is three dimensional. The supporting characters were not as well defined, but they had their stereotypes to help define them enough, and I mean that in a good way. You were effective in using the stereotype without being stilted.

*CheckG* Dialog:

The dialog was natural and helped support the story.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

For the most part, your grammar and spelling looked great. I did catch one typo:

I suppose you want to here of a dramatic trip to the hospital in which the other dancers weep and the judges lament on how I was “simply the best!” (here should be hear)

*CheckG* Suggestions:

No real suggestions. I like your story and would like to read more chapters of it. Keep up the good work!




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52
52
Review of When Fate Laughs  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

Overall, I liked the start of this tale. Shane seems to be a likable guy with the usual quirky family around him. The tease of something in the wind to come tickles the mind of the reader and makes me want to move on to the next chapter.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

I felt that you stayed in Shane's POV well. The story is his and we see the world via his eyes. However, you did get to be rambling. I am not sure if this is to emulate his thinking patterns or that you have not edited your sentences enough. I get a vague sense that Shane is physic and if he is, perhaps it could be stated a little more clearly in this chapter. Maybe he actually sees Trent's aura to demonstrate his ability in this regard?

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

I did not get a sense of place other than a typical house and car. You might want to do a little more detail with this.

*CheckG* Characters:

I felt that you had good definition between your major characters and that they were three dimensional. Good job on that.

*CheckG* Dialog:

Your dialog was natural soundings and helped move the plot forward.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

Your grammar and spell checking was good. There were no obvious errors.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

For the most part, I like what you have here. It is a good start to a novel that makes me want to turn the page to find out what happens next. Just a few small tweeks to tighten up the sentence structures and perhaps remove some of the rambling passages here and there is all that is needed.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. Take care.


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53
53
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I think you are off to a good start in an interesting fantasy tale of good vs. evil. I was drawn in by Emi and by the fight of the two boys. A good way to start any story is with an action scene.

*CheckG* Plot:

You wrote a typical action start of a story where three main characters are introduced. Emi, I assume her future love interest and the antagonist. The mystery was intriguing, the fight was decent and the end of the chapter had a solid resolution.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

The story was from Emi's point of view and you did not stray from that. We see the world via her eyes and views. I was able to get a sense of her as a character that was separate from you the author.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

I think that calling Emi's home as a city is mis-leading. What you describe is more of a small town with vacant lots and countryside. Still, I was able to clearly picture Emi's home, the sky where the battle was fought and the woods where the landing happened.

*CheckG* Characters:

I like what you did with Emi. She seemed to be a unique character in my mind and likable. However, the two boys did not stand out as characters enough. Their actions were the same for the most part, except for one being a winner and the other a loser. They looked much the same physically, except for the horns. While I realize that this is the start of the story and we haven't seen all that much of them as yet, I think you should make more of an attempt to develop the two boys more as individuals with different personalities. More than just that Emi "saw" that the boy was evil, give him more actions that show him to be so. Conversely, give the other boy actions that make us more sympathetic to him.

*CheckG* Dialog:

There was very little dialog in this chapter. In fact, I was waiting for the boys to speak. Unless there is a good reason in your plot that they should not do so, I would have them both say a few things to each other. It would help define their characters more and give a little more detail to the scene.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

While you did not break any rules of grammar in an obvious way, you do need to go through your sentences and tighten them up. For example:

Outside there was only darkness less the light from the crescent moon that hung silently in the sky.

Outside there was only the dim light from the crescent moon. (You don't need to tell us that the moon is silent or hangs in the sky. It is a given.)

She felt like if she moved her hand she could see the air slicing.

As she moved her hand it felt as if she sliced the air. (shorter and to the point)

These are only suggestions to illustrate what I was talking about. You need to go through the entire work and tighten things up. Cut out the obvious. Don't tell the reader what is happening, show what is happening with action. You have a great start on that already!

*CheckG* Suggestions:

You definitely need to do a general tightening of all your sentences to remove observations and make your work more showing the action instead of simply telling it. I would put in a bit more dialog between the two boys once they land to help set them apart more as characters. It doesn't need to be much, your simple dialog style with Emi is good and doing something short like that with the boys would be more than enough.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. I found it interesting and the girl was very likable. Take care.


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54
54
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewers Raid Party Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I was intrigued by the mystery of why Kendra was at the fortune teller's place, but as the story unfolded, I lost interest. There was no conflict related to why she was there and nothing was withheld from her in the end. I sort of ended up shrugging and wondering why I had read this story at all. It was very anti-climatic.

*CheckG* Plot:

You started out good with the plot having Kendra arrive at the fortune teller's place without knowing why she was there. The delivery of the tea and the startlement of the cat was good to. What blew it for me was that the fortune teller basically told her that she would get everything she wanted in life and she walks out with her husband without a question in her mind or any mystery in her thoughts.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

I felt that each of your characters had a strong and distinct voice. Kendra, your narrator came through clearly.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

Your scene descriptions were fine. I could see the gypsy's shop to the extent that I needed to for this story to take place.

*CheckG* Characters:

Your three characters were necessary for the tale and you had no more or less than what was needed.

*CheckG* Dialog:

The dialog was fine, although it might have been nice to hear an accent of some kind from the gypsy woman.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

Your grammar was fine. I could see no obvious mistakes.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

You need to work on the ending of this tale to make it stronger. How does the gypsy read Kendra's mind? Doesn't she wonder about that? Shouldn't Kendra gain answers that might trouble her, perhaps ones that her husband would not mind to hear as he waits in the back, but something that might set up a minor conflict between them that will need to be resolved later? Also, what was the gift that Kendra gave to her husband?

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. Take care.



*Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey*
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55
55
Review of Seven Years  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewers Raid Party Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

Such a sad poem and a story that happens all to often in our world. I thought that you captured the emotions of this situation well and conveyed the pain and sacrifice of this couple well. I could feel what both parties must have felt on this seventh anniversary.


*Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey*
*Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey*WDC POWER REVIEWERS REVIEW RAID PARTY *Cupcakey**Gifto**Partyhatr*
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56
56
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewers Raid Party Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I enjoyed your birthday poem. It had a good meter and the ideas of the party and what happened flowed in a comfortable manner. I can't make any suggestions on this one. It works very well. :) Well done.


*Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey*
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57
57
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewers Raid Party Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I always love to read other people's memories of events. It is a good way to touch another person's life.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

The settings had surprise in common, both the child's memory and the adult's. It was the common theme binding the two events together in your exercise.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did not spot any obvious grammar errors in your work.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

I realize that this was a simple writing exercise, but this is a good example of telling a story instead of showing the reader what happened. As a reader, I was always kept at a distance from you the child or the adult. I was not able to stand with you as the events unfolded.


*Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Confettio**Confettib**Confettip**Confettibr**Confettiv**Confettig**Confettigr**Confettiy**Partyhatr**Gifto**Cupcakey*
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58
58
Review of The Ride  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review for a teen writer. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

For a story that was so short, it seemed very long. It wound along into many places, but left no lasting impression. I did like that you used "the ride" to name "life" of this character. It was a nice writer's ploy.

*CheckG* Plot:

A young girl is sent to a new school against her wishes. Despite herself, she grows to love the school and the new friends she makes there. In the end, when she graduates, she finds that she will miss the place that she thought she'd never love. It is a standard plot, one that has been used many times before. This is a good thing. You have a beginning, middle and end. Three acts.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

It is hard to get a feel for the voice of your main character. She is there, but too indistinct to make out. What is her name? What are her likes/dislikes? How does she handle herself when she starts school? What challenges her? Why would she get in trouble with the principal? So much happens in this story, but since there are few details, the reader is left to wander lost in your words without a clue.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

The story is set in a school. Beyond that, there are no real details written to give the reader a sense of time or place. When in history did this story take place? Where was the school located? What were the buildings like? These are questions you should answer as a writer so that the reader can visualize where the story takes place. You don't need paragraphs of description, but a few words here and there about the setting would go a long way in helping to ground the reader.

*CheckG* Characters:

Many characters are mentioned in this story, but there are no real details about any of them to allow the reader to see them in their mind. Even the main character is so indistinct she is like smoke in the wind. The main character has no name, has no body, has no real opinions except that she didn't like school. She mentions friends that were close to her, but again, there were no details about the friends. She is sent to see the principal and it upset her, but there are no details about the principal as a person or what really happened in the encounter.


*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did not see any spelling errors or grammar mistakes. However, you were telling this story instead of showing the action. When you chose verbs, you put in weak ones instead of looking for stronger verbs to explain the actions more fully. Your use of adverbs was higher than it should be, although their use was not the main problem in your writing.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

I feel that the problem in this story is that you were telling a tale that is so clear in your own mind that you are having trouble translating it into words. You have a good plot to follow and obviously the events that take place in this story are very clear in your memory. Due to this, you are thinking that you are telling more to the reader than you are. Your mind, who knows this story very well, is filling in the details, but you the writer are not translating those details to someone who does not know the story.

What I would suggest is that you narrow the scope of those memories and find three or four events along the timeline to write about. Perhaps a scene where the girl first goes to school against her will. A scene from her first year where she meets the people who will be her friends. The details of the visit to the principals office. Then the final day when she discovers that she is sorry to leave the school after graduating. In focusing, you would show the action. Explain the setting. Show the details and the emotions that were felt. Don't tell the reader at all what she was feeling. Let the reader figure it out from the actions. Each scene would show why the girl doesn't like school, but each would show a progression of her growing acceptance. The final scene would be her emotional change and the payoff of the story.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. You do show promise. :) Take care.


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59
59
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I found your story to be interesting about the life of a cave dweller. I assume from the cave painting that he might have been one of those people found in the caves of France.

*CheckG* Plot:

The plot was the story of this man's invention of the spear and the aftermath of the application of that invention. It was straight forward and got to the point. (If you'll forgive the pun.)

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

I did not really hear Thugg or his mate Thongg in this story. The voice I heard was that of you, the author. You told the story instead of allowing us to see it through Thugg's eyes, which would have been more powerful.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

You added plenty of details to help create the setting of this tale, from the cold, the mud, the cave and the forest. I could see where the characters were clearly enough.

*CheckG* Characters:

Thugg did a few things that made me cringe, such as throwing spears at Thongg to test his new weapon. He seemed to care for his mate otherwise, so that seemed a bit out of place to me. However, it also demonstrated in a physical way the brutish customs that might have existed all those thousands of years ago. Thugg did seem three dimensional to me and I got a good sense of his mate as a person as well.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

Through the story you used modern terms such as "lizard-on-a-stick" which pulled me out of the story as a reader. Words like "awesome" also did this. I did not spot any obvious grammar or spelling errors however.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

I would attempt to remove yourself as the narrator and tell the story through Thugg's eyes. Do not use modern words and phrases, describe the world as Thugg would see it in terms that Thugg would have used. Don't tell us the reader over and over that Thugg and his mate Thongg were ugly and that they had to survive, show it to us via their actions. To be honest, the way that Thugg treated his mate, I don't think that he saw her that way at all and he seemed to genuinely love his children. I would have liked to see you play up his difference of intelligence with more action and how it was a trait that was passed on through his off-spring via a more visual means instead of simply telling us that it was so.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. I enjoyed reading it. Take care.


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60
60
Review of Wonderful Things  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I never could understand why people turned to drugs and why they kept going. I know with heroin the withdrawals are painful enough that it does drive people back to taking more. I realize that this is a flash fiction, but I kept wanting more details about Ben and why he did the things he did. Why did his mother approve of his taking heroin? Did she know that he was selling his body to buy more drugs, didn't she care? I think that this piece needed to be a little longer to encase the ideas that you were trying to convey.
61
61
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I can tell that this is a very special man in your life and I think that it is good you are writing about him since you hold so many memories of him and your life with him.

*CheckG* Plot:

As far as I can tell, there is no plot. Just a stream of conscious writing and emotions.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

I do not get much of a sense of voice here. Neither of the narrator or of the man she is remembering. The things that they did together sound interesting, but there is little detail to bring the reader in and share in those memories.

*CheckG* Characters:

There was no real sense of character to either the man or woman who narrates this piece. I found myself wondering about who he was and what he did beyond the events. Was he reckless, is that why he is dead? Did all these adventures kill him? What of the narrator? Why did she follow him to all these places? Did she long for adventure and the love she felt for the man set her free to do so?

*CheckG* Suggestions:

I think that you have a good start on a story here, but perhaps you are still too close to it to tell it properly as yet. The emotions and connection between the two characters is strong and would make an interesting tale if fleshed out more. Perhaps thinking of the story in the context of a later event and then pulling the memories in as elements to explain what is going on might make this project more readable. I don't believe you should give up on it. Perhaps let it sit awhile, gather more reviews on this piece, and then come back to it when the emotions are not quite so raw.




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62
62
Review of Cresco  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The meter and rhyme of your poem struck a harmony with me. Then the repetitious of your phrases and ideas started to work on me as I re-read this piece. There is something primal at work here, a touch of that inner spark that sets us apart and makes us human brought out in your word choices. I really love this poem. Well done.
63
63
Review of Last Letter  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I am feeling a few tears in my eyes after reading this letter. It was rambling, more of a stream of conscious sort of thing and my first reaction was to scoff and pull away. I kept reading and the emotions and ideas of the relationship between this man and his grandmother kept building until I could not turn away. It was very powerful.


*CheckG* Style and Voice:

The voice of your narrator is what makes this letter work as a piece of writing. He is just a man, one that has perhaps made mistakes in his life, but is moving on as best he can. It is too late for him to make amends and the regret he feels is moving.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

I did not get much of a sense of setting, but in this case it works. Just the vague impression that this is perhaps a soldier that has spent too much time away from his family in the service to his country.

*CheckG* Characters:

Even though you only get bits and pieces of all the characters in this piece, the emotional ties are very strong. It is okay that they are this way, just memories in this man's mind.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

Everything looks well proofed and spellchecked.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

I would remove this one sentence from the first paragraph: "I hope this letter finds you in the best of health and happiness." It was the only jarring sentence and it misdirects the reader into thinking that the grandmother is still alive. If it is removed, the flow of the stream of conscious will not be interrupted.

It was a true pleasure to read your work. I hope you continue to write and produce more letters and stories. Take care.


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64
64
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked this poem. It reminds me that we don't really need to grow up and can enjoy our lives as we see fit. There is also a connection between a couple that needs to work play into the relationship otherwise it will become stagnant and boring. Your poem brought those ideas to my mind as I read it.
65
65
Review of American Warrior  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought that you captured the feelings that soldier must be going through as they depart their families and head off to war. I have a world of respect for soldiers and the sacrifices that they make on behalf of their country and families. Freedom is definitely NOT free.
66
66
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I found that I enjoyed reading this tale of a young man living in Dubai and moving on to a new job in Europe. It had aspects of a fairytale, a romantic quality that made me smile, and many unusual literary references that helped to create a unique view of a foreign city in a country that I've never visited.


*CheckG* Plot:

This slice of life story seemed to go over the top in some respects. The discovery that a best friend has betrayed Aarush and that his dreamgirl comes forward to woo him all on the same day seems overwhelming. Either story would do better on its own, but together they overpowered the narrator. It turns what could be a reality based story into a sort of fairytale. That could have been your intent however.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

There is a lilting, romantic quality to the narrator's voice that is almost hypnotic. I found it different than what I normally read, but as the story progressed, I found myself growing comfortable with it.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

I found all the ways that you described Dubai as a place of money to be fascinating. From the scent of the expensive incense to the buildings to the over formal manners of the employees. I could see the city well via your visual details and I saw it more as Aarush saw it than had I been there myself. I regard this as good writing. However, I was left wondering if there were other impressions of the city other than it is a place of riches that could have been expressed.

*CheckG* Characters:

Aarush is a romantic young man who is somewhat innocent in the ways of the world. His youthful view of Dubai comes through loud and clear in a delightful way. I like how his viewpoint changes as the story progresses and that he discovers the innocence within himself and grows up a little without losing his innate romantic qualities.

I found the other characters to not be as developed. They did not seem to have a presence of their own that was separate from Aarush. It was more like they were extensions of the narrator instead of being characters in their own right.

*CheckG* Dialog:

I felt that your dialog was natural, the way that a young man of Indian culture might speak. However, all of the characters seemed to talk the same way. Perhaps this is a cultural aspect of the story? Most of the characters did seem to be Indian based on their names and coming from a similar culture, they would tend to speak in a similar manner. I felt that I would have liked a little more separation of each of the characters.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did not spot any obvious grammar errors in your work. You have proofed this well.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

First I'd like to say that I thought this was a well written story. Any suggestions I would make would be minor ones. I feel that if you wish to improve this story you should attempt to set the characters apart a little more and flesh them out into more of a three dimensional way. Your main character Aarush is well done, but the people that he interacts with are more shadows of the main character instead of being fully fleshed out characters in their own right.

I was a little surprised that Aarush was given flowers by a woman and he did not find it odd or a threat to his masculinity. However, this is probably a cultural thing on my part. Perhaps in India or in the Middle East this sort of thing is more commonplace? In America, it would not be.

I also feel that you should cut down a little on all the references to the money of Dubai. You used this allegory several times in your story when once or twice would have been enough. Again, it is a minor point.

It was a pleasure to read your work and I will mark you as an author to read in the future here on WDC. Good luck with your writing!


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Review of The Poet  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

Wow. The images that your poem conveyed to me are powerful. From the ideas and thoughts undressing in your bed to the Hansel and Gretal reference of treading on hot coals...a fairytale fire walk leading to transformation? I will save and mull over this one for a while.

I always wonder how to rate poetry because I am not a poet myself, but this one is clearly a step above what I usually read here on WDC.

Well done my friend.


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Review by Uncommonspirit
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your question about earning enough to make a living as a writer is one that many of us face. I also work as a paid writer, but so far the majority of my writing income is via ghostwriting and articles to magazines. You are right, there is not enough pay in that. What you need to do is write a book and self-publish it on amazon. However, to make it work you need to build a writing platform as a marketing base. To be successful in this field you will have to go out and market your finished product just as if it were a item in a retail store. In a sense, that is what a book is!

I've known writers that make a comfortable living writing books. I'm sure you could too if you put your mind to it. Research what is going on out there on the internet and how to market you book and then get started with your dream project!

Good luck!
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Review of Wilgar's Dilemma  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

I thought that this was a clever way to juxtaposition a modern activity, that of walking the dog, with an ancient time period, the vikings of old. Wilgar and Herta seemed to be a long married couple and we all know who wears the pants in that family!

*CheckG* Plot:

The plot flowed well, from Wilgar waking up in anticipation of battle, to facing the problem his wife put before him. My only complaint would be that the story does not seem to be finished. The upcoming battle played such a large role in the beginning of the story, to not have it more at the end seemed to leave something wanting.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

I could hear Wilgar well in the narrative. A henpecked man that tolerates his wife. They both fit the old-fashioned stereotype of a middle-aged couple quite well.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

While you did not describe much of the surroundings, you mentioned enough that I could place myself in their time period and in the correct season.

*CheckG* Characters:

I liked the interplay that you gave between Wilgar and his wife. I only was a little confused about the two wolves, Silver and Snow. Who's dogs were they? Both people seemed to lay claim to them. They seemed more like pets than hunting dogs.

*CheckG* Dialog:

The dialog was modern except for a few exclamations. It made the story more understandable to me and still gave some flavor to the time period. The dialog was natural and I did not feel any sense of jarring as the interplay between the two characters went on.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:
Third paragraph: Last sentence doesn't make sense. You need to reword it. What glory would be his? What fame would he return with? And, the booty, why the Snow Trolls kept gold and silver that was known throughout his world.

Fourth paragraph: Runon Sentence. Consider breaking it in two. He pulled on his breeches, his thickest oxen skin tunic, his disk armor and wound his leggings with ox-hide bands around his bulky legs to secure the extra layer of fur against the freeze he would encounter in the mountains.

"The youth, Amburn, from the next village, I have already paid him one silver to do so." I had to question this. In ancient times traveling to another village was difficult. Perhaps Amburn needs to be a next door neighbor instead?

*CheckG* Suggestions:

I do not believe that this story needs a great deal of work. It works rather well as is. However, you should clean up the few grammar things.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. It was an enjoyable read.


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Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

This stream of conscience piece held many interesting images. However, I had a bit of trouble following it due to your writing style. I will put more about that below.

*CheckG* Plot:

A child gets on a bus and at the end of the journey, sees a familiar face. There was no real plot to this story. It was simply the accounting of a dream. Because of this, there was nothing for the reader to hook into. While you described a dream that had much personal meaning to yourself, you did not find a way to hook the dream into a way that it might have meaning for others.

*CheckG* Style and Voice:

I could hear you the author speaking as the narrator the entire time very clearly. Since this was a dream that you had in the past, that was appropriate.

*CheckG* Scene/Setting:

There were many imaginative settings in this short story. It was befitting a dream.

*CheckG* Characters:

None of the characters in this story were described well. They were simply two dimensional images, even the dreamer did not have much substance. Due to the story being about dream, I can accept the other characters being unsubstantial, but not the narrator. The dreamer is a real person and should be more fleshed out.

*CheckG* Grammar and Mechanics:

You had many unnecessary sentences in your work. You would repeated tell the reader that you felt sad, angry or whatever, but you did not SHOW how the narrator felt. That is the key difference. When you edit your work, you need to take these weak verbs and choose stronger ones to replace them.

*CheckG* Suggestions:

Think about yourself as the dreamer and put yourself back in the dream. Think about what you experience in the dream and then describe more of the physical things that are around you. More than just sight, smell, hearing and other sensations should be there too. Try to decide how this dream might relate to others and what they might learn from it.

Also, you had a scene where there was inappropriate touching going on at the beginning of your story. This makes this story at least rated 13+. You should either remove the scene or change the rating.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. Take care.


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Review of A Burst of Sorrow  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*CheckG* Overall Impression:

Love is always a good topic to write about when it comes to poetry. I liked how yours started out happy and then moved toward sadness. No details were given about what prompted the poem, but then that is the nature of poetry.

I liked this one.


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Review of Wishing Well  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*Check2* Overall Impression:

What an interesting little tale. At first I thought that this would turn into a standard wishes fable, but you took it to places that I was not expecting. The story did meander a bit more than I felt that it should, but it was still an interesting read.

*Check2* Plot:

The story starts out being about the parson and his relationship with god. He is tempted by the wren and turns away from it, trusting in his faith to provide for him. His wife decides to use his wish for him instead and by doing so, causes much mischief of a fae sort of way. Did the parson and his wife get a happy ending? It it coached that way certainly, but I have to wonder if the moral of this story is one that most people would want to follow. I left it feeling a little disturbed due to the strangeness of the ideas you presented.

*Check2* Scene/Setting:

I thought that your setting was strong. I got a good sense of the forest, the village and the parson's home. While you did not provide many details, because you leaned on the architecture of an ancient fable, I did not feel lost at all as a reader.

*Check2* Characters:

Each of your characters was strong and distinct. The scheming of Gretta who evidently only wished to do housework in her life. The questioning of Corby who ended up going after his heart's desire instead of staying to do the work of his christian faith. And Dorleen, the fae spirit who tempted Corby away from his wife. There was an interlacing of pagan belief trying to overcome christian beliefs that not only helped to set the time of the story, but helped provide the moral of the tale. The weaving of these elements was somewhat random, as if you could not quite make up your mind what belonged where, and I wonder if this was intentional or not?

*Check2* Dialog:

I loved your dialog. It was straight out of a fable and worked very well here. The poems and the demonstrations of how languages and ideas change where well done.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did spot a few small errors in grammar and spelling. Sometimes the spell checker misses things. You should go through and double check one more time.

*Check2* Suggestions:

I liked your fable and view you as a skilled writer. Although the message of turning from christian faith to become, in essence, as free as a bird among the fae, is not one that I feel comfortable with. Nor do I believe in accepting the crumbs that life has to offer and making due with it instead of striving to make your life better. However, this is a personal opinion on my part. As an author, you are certainly free to express your concepts however you wish and I do respect that.

As a reader, I had some trouble deciding what objects and elements were important to the story. The train was featured and then disappeared. The well was featured, but the story was not really about the well. In fact, it is difficult for me to decide what the main features of the story were. Even weight was given to too many concepts in this fable and I think that it muddied the waters in that regard. To make the story stronger, I believe that you need to decide which one or two threads of idea is important and then stick with it, removing the rest.

Is the story about Gretta and the wishes she made? Is the story about Jacob and how his faith was tested? Is this a story about paganism overcoming Christianity and reclaiming followers again? Is it a parable about accepting what little life has to offer and not complaining about it? Any one of these would be a good basis of theme for a tale, but put all together? I'm not so sure.

Again...it is simply my opinion. You will have to make the ultimate decision about that as the writer.



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Review of The Troll Wife  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*Check2* Overall Impression:

Oh my, what a cute fairy tale this was. I very much enjoyed reading it. At first I thought it would be a standard "grimms" sort of tale, you managed to turn it around into something fresh.

*Check2* Plot:

When the story started, I figured that this was a standard fairytale concerning a troll. It had all the right elements for it, then you did that twist where the man began to turn into a troll and the fairy tale turned into a love story. It was very entertaining.


*Check2* Scene/Setting:

You did a good job with the setting. You described the forest enough for your reader to picture it well, but left much to the imagination. I liked your description of the old troll couple as well. They were scenery than characters, but they set the stage for Odora's view on love.

*Check2* Characters:

Will was the typical lazy young man. I loved how he kept feeling guilty and wanting to do the right thing for his bride, but she talks him into being more like himself in the end. Odora was adorable, even if she had a pig nose. Her innocence about love and relationships was refreshing.

*Check2* Dialog:

Your dialog was believable and yet it had a fairy tale quality about it that fit very well with your story.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did not see any obvious grammar errors. You have proofed your story well.

*Check2* Suggestions:

I have no real suggestions for you. I enjoyed your story as is. Well done!



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Review of I Am Not a Hero  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*Check2* Overall Impression:

I had trouble identifying with the hero or anti-hero of your story because it was told to me, not shown to me. It is as if this were a summary or outline of an epic fantasy story along the lines of Conan the Barbarian or even the basis of the television series Kung Fu.

*Check2* Plot:

The plot is actually quite good. There is much tension written here and characters, were they allowed to develop and shown to the reader via action and dialogue, would be very interesting.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:

I did not see any obvious grammar errors. You have proofed this story well.

*Check2* Suggestions:

I would love to see this epic story turned into a novel. You have enough plot points outlined here to develop this into a rather large story if you wish. From the selection of the child, to his training, to the aftermath of his decision to go into combat. Spread your wings and SHOW us your stuff. :)


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Review of Nesting  
Review by Uncommonspirit
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a WDC Power Reviewer Review. I am not a professional copy editor. These are my opinions as a writer, reader, and lover of words. Please take or leave my opinions as you will.

*Check2* Overall Impression:

All in all, a nice little story. I found the concept to be unique and intriguing.

*Check2* Plot:

I found the concept of this short story to be unusual. The birth of a baby dragon via the viewpoint of its mother. Nice idea.

*Check2* Style and Voice:

The voice of the mother dragon was a bit scatterbrained, but then again I suppose that mothers going through the birth process are a bit like that. Her thoughts and views seemed to be distinct and clear to me the reader.

*Check2* Scene/Setting:

I liked how you described the cave via the mother dragon's need to nest and make the place perfect for her newborn. You gave descriptions of the environment without being overwhelming about it.

*Check2* Characters:

I was curious about the elves or humans that came upon the mother dragon. The mother was afraid that her baby would be enslaved. I was curious to know more details about that. It would explain her paranoid behavior toward the humans more fully.

*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:

You have proofed this story well. I did not see any major grammar errors.

*Check2* Suggestions:

About the only "complaint" I might have about this story is that it was very short. I would have liked to know a few more details about the world of this mother dragon and why she was so overprotective of her baby.

I hope you'll continue to work on your story. Take care.


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