I will review your story None to the best of my ability
NOTE: Please keep in mind that you have my utmost esteem for sharing your work with us, no matter what my rating or comment may seem to implicate, all the suggestions made here are only my opinions, and as the writer, you have the final say on your own creation.
*Star* OPENING:
Quick start, you hooked me, now reel me in.
*Star* CONFLICT:
A depressed man dealing with a recent divorce, temptation placed in his way. Lucky for him the author took the path less travelled and created something almost surreal.
*Star* PLOT:
Long haul trucker on the open road, divorced, lonely, a good Samaritan where does this lead? I was pleasantly surprised by the sweet almost innocent outcome. Shows me what a dirt mind I have.
*Star* SETTING:
You made this very clear and coherent thank you. I did not feel like I had been dropped on a stage in the middle of the act and desperately trying to play catch up
*Star* CHARACTERIZATION:
There is not a lot of words in which you can develop Bob, but you let me have a glimse of a very delicate fragile side of him that makes me want to mother him.
Sue breaks the mould of the gorgeous model like angel of mercy which was very refreshing. While she is cheating on her hubby you manage to have the reader feel a sympathy for her. I held my breath for that second when she invited Bob to join her, I was worried that he would turn her dow. Well done!!!
*Star* DIALOGUE:
Very well written. BRAVO
*Star* POINT OF VIEW: Well done, no hopping skipping and bouncing around different pints of view
*Star* SHOW VERSUS TELL:
You actually had a remarkable balance between what you showed us and what you told us. Well done.
*Star* GRAMMAR AND SPELLING:
No problems here. Very well written indeed
*Star* SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT:
Keep up the AWESOME work.
*Star* OTHER COMMENTS:
This was a lovely piece that I found uplifting and very refreshing. I am definitely going to follow your progress. You can be very proud of what you have done here. I hope that you have a wonderful and inspired journey with WDC.
I will review your story Demonic Dawn- chapter 1. to the best of my ability
NOTE: Please keep in mind that you have my utmost esteem for sharing your work with us, no matter what my rating or comment may seem to implicate, all the suggestions made here are only my opinions, and as the writer, you have the final say on your own creation.
*Star* OPENING:
Very descriptive start
*Star* CONFLICT:
I enjoyed the conflict in this chapter. You gave me enough suspense and did not drag it out enough for me to lose interest and move on. Nicely done.
*Star* PLOT:
It is very difficult to judge a book by its first chapter. This is why publishers normally request three chapters from the authors. From what I gather there is an ongoing battle between two factions of people. I know that you will develop this further in your novel
*Star* SETTING:
You gave very little information about setting. I am assuming that we are still on earth maybe a little bit in the future? It is important to keep the reader anchored by letting them have an idea of where and when they are.
*Star* CHARACTERIZATION:
I cannot answer this for you right now because you cannot develop your characters in only a single chapter.
*Star* DIALOGUE:
I was impressed. Always try to use he said and she said only to guide the reader as to who is involved in the conversation and very sparingly. Remember to leave out the tags like he exclaimed, she shouted and he chuckled.
*Star* POINT OF VIEW: from the eyes of a narrator. This is very difficult to judge now. What I saw in this chapter was good as you did not do any point of view hopping. Please keep it up.
*Star* SHOW VERSUS TELL:
The narrative you used built up atmosphere. Try to avoid too much description and excessively flowery words. Rather use dialogue and actions to keep your story moving forward at a sharp pace.
*Star* GRAMMAR AND SPELLING:
Always double check your spelling and your grammar. In the excitement of posting your work you may be tempted just to post it. Now ask yourself…would I send this to a publisher? If the answer is no then edit it. You work is now in public and hundreds of people will take a look at it. I always let my pieces stand even if it is only for a few hours. I also always read through my work out loud, this helps to work out kinky language.
*Star* SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT:
I know that you want this to be a novel and I think that you definitely have the potential to do this. I would like to suggest that you get take part in some of the daily flash fiction and short story competitions. This will help you to get your writing muscles fit and ready for action.
*Star* OTHER COMMENTS:
Welcome to WDC and congratulations on posting your first written piece. This was an exciting piece of work. I am definitely going to follow your progress because I need to know what is going to happen next. You can be very proud of what you have done here. I hope that you have a wonderful and inspired journey with WDC.
I will review your story The tunnel to the best of my ability
NOTE: Please keep in mind that you have my utmost esteem for sharing your work with us, no matter what my rating or comment may seem to implicate, all the suggestions made here are only my opinions, and as the writer, you have the final say on your own creation.
*Star* OPENING:
An excellent opening that had me hooked from the word go
*Star* CONFLICT:
Having to throw someone out of a car moving at high speed it unthinkable. How readily would you throw them out to save yourself. Would you throw a woman and a child out of a moving car? A very interesting dilemma. Don’t forget making choices without knowing what choices you are making. The fear of the unknown. Give me some time and I will come up with some more. You have got my old brain working overtime. Congrats to you!
*Star* PLOT:
This story is brilliant in its simplicity. A man traveling towards a tunnel must throw people out to stop the car. Not that simple. Unknown to the narrator that each person represents an important aspect of life. This was brilliantly thought up. I am very impressed
*Star* SETTING:
You have kept the story centralized around the car and the tunnel, keeping everything tightly knitted up.
*Star* CHARACTERIZATION:
Your main character does not develop very much during this story which actually works for me as he is on his journey towards his birth.
*Star* DIALOGUE:
Very well handled, a pleasure to read.
*Star* POINT OF VIEW: from the eyes of the main character. You did this very neatly. No jumping between characters or telling me things that the narrator could have not possibly known. You have done an excellent job.
*Star* SHOW VERSUS TELL:
You used very little irrelevant descriptive narrative. This means that your story moved along with you showing me rather than telling me which made it that bit more gripping. Well done
*Star* GRAMMAR AND SPELLING:
No trains smashes in this field
*Star* SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT:
You mention a choice right at the end? Had the choice been made when the car stopped or was it a choice that had to still be made. Some more info on this would have been nice.
*Star* OTHER COMMENTS:
Welcome to WDC and congratulations on posting your first written piece. This was an outstanding piece of work. You can be very proud of what you have done here. I look forward to seeing more of your work and hope that you have a wonderful and inspired journey with WDC.
Please note that the opinions belong to me only, as a reader and not as a critic. You have the right to disagree and discard.
Personal Impression:
A very deep poem dealing with trying to be an individual in a society that wants us to be a flock of sheep
Tone and Mood:
To me this was like a battle cry. The poet was making a stand and saying. I am not going to play societies conformity game anymore.
General:
One negative that I have is that you must be very careful about spelling. Always check and recheck.
Emotional Impact:
I enjoyed this poem because it was breaking the chains holding the poet back. It was a wonderful acceptance and embrace of the poet as they are. I will look at it when ever I get the urge to join the rest of the sheep.
WELL DONE
Welcome to WDC and congratulations on posting your first written piece. I am so glad that I had the opportunity to enjoy it. I look forward to seeing more of your work and hope that you have a wonderful and inspired journey with WDC.
Please note that the opinions belong to me only, as a reader and not as a critic. You have the right to disagree and discard.
Personal Impression:
Very romantic lyrics describing love and the difficulties to truly express what the heart feels.
Tone and Mood:
A deep sense of not wanting the wrong thing to come out, wanting to finally tell the light of your whole world what she means to you. There is a wonderful sense of passion and urgency there which I like.
Rhyme, Form and Flow:
You got the rhyming part right. One thing that I was not sure of was the use of the word mine in the very last line. Mine One just doesn’t seem right.
Flow is impossible to comment on with lyrics because only on hearing it in conjunction with the music will I have an idea of whether it flows or not
Emotional Impact:
It is so true to the idea that we often don’t say what we should out loud and sometimes miss our chance. Maybe we are scared or just insecure. You have taken this insecurity and turned it into something beautiful,
WELL DONE
Welcome to WDC and congratulations on posting your first written piece. I am so glad that I had the opportunity to enjoy it. I look forward to seeing more of your work and hope that you have a wonderful and inspired journey with WDC.
I will review your story Dear Journal to the best of my ability
NOTE: Please keep in mind that you have my utmost esteem for sharing your work with us, no matter what my rating or comment may seem to implicate, all the suggestions made here are only my opinions, and as the writer, you have the final say on your own creation.
*Star* OPENING:
You get to the point quite quickly.
*Star* CONFLICT:
The ups and downs of a relationship
*Star* PLOT:
A relationship from conception to marriage as set out in a journal by a man. A very interesting concept given the fact that the love interest actually discovers the lovelorn narrators true feelings by reading the said journal.
*Star* SETTING:
I love stories that have a sense of order – I am a control freak – Your piece began at point A and followed a chronological order to z. The blanks were neatly filled in using our main character the Journal! You are clever!
*Star* CHARACTERIZATION:
You developed both our lovelorn hero and his damsel fair well. After reading this story it feels that I know them both. Journal is a character developed through the entries, these actually develop his personality. I’m already calling the journal he.
*Star* DIALOGUE:
This was obviously a narrative piece. Any dialogue was paraphrased so no comment here.
*Star* POINT OF VIEW: As written in the Journal. A very interesting concept. We only know what was shared in the journal. What is not there has to be added in as an entry. Most innovative
*Star* SHOW VERSUS TELL:
This piece was tell. Given the fact that this was the ramblings of a lovelorn young man to his dear journal it the narrative nature of the piece is perfect.
*Star* GRAMMAR AND SPELLING:
A word of advice. Always double check your spelling. In a piece like this you could have gotten away with less than perfect grammar as it fits with the whole frantic scribbling in the journal idea. Your grammar was however very good. A hint for the future - In the beginning you are so excited to get that story on display that it doesn’t get as carefully edited as it should. I let my pieces sleep for a day and then review them. Read through the piece out loud and see that it flows nicely.
*Star* STYLE:
You made me feel very naughty. It felt like I was reading your Journal and peeping at all you deep dark innermost thoughts. WELL DONE it worked!
*Star* SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT:
Practice makes perfect. Get involved in some of the flash fiction and short story competitions on the site. This is a great way to strengthen your writing muscles.
*Star* OTHER COMMENTS:
Welcome to WDC and congratulations on posting your first written piece. I enjoyed it very much. It was a very promising start. I look forward to seeing more of your work and hope that you have a wonderful and inspired journey with WDC.
Any one that likes snooping would love this letter. This gives the real naughty feeling of peeking into someones mail. It is beautifully written and I can only imagine how much the recipient is loved. I look forward to raiding your portfolio. Happy anniversary and keep writing
Thank you for posting this piece of writing. For your age you write very well and have a very active imagination. I look forward to following your profile in the future and see how your writing evolves over time. Happy anniversary and please keep writing
A very beautiful poem even if it is so very short. If I were on the receiving end of this I would be very touched. This poem is beautifully written, it flows well and is a pleasure to read. I will read more of your work. Happy anniversary and please keep writing.
Thank you for a beautiful poem, very dark but not totally lost to despair. The emotion in this poem is raw and the energy that you have worked into your words stays with the reader long after they have moved on. I look forward to seeing what other treasures you have hidden in your portfolio. Happy anniversary and keep writing.
Thank you for posting this story. I found this to be a very interesting read that was at stages a little bit confusing. The only advice that I can offer is advice that I have been given on numerous occasions. Show the action don't tell. This is difficult but worth mastering. I really look forward to reading more of your work. Please keep writing
Welcome to WDC. Thank you for posting this short story. I enjoyed this piece of writing very much. It was nice to see the custody battle gone sour from the POV of the child. A very sad coming of age story where the innocence and trust of child are destroyed even though what is being done is being done out of love for the child. Beautifully done. I look forward to more of your work. Please keep writing
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations for posting this piece of writing for everyone's enjoyment. This was a deliciously controversial piece of work. I loved it. I could already see how chins were wagging. This was well written, researched and approached with serious care. I look forward to seeing what else you can do. Please keep writing.
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations on posting your poem. This is a very beautiful nature inspired poem that I have enjoyed very much. For the few moments that it took to read your work I was transported away from my chaotic desk and the nasty old grey city to a greener and cleaner place. Thank you very much for that. I look forward to exploring your other work. Please keep writing
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations on posting your short story. A very comic story that is equally matched with a disturbing quality. After noting that you were able to put this together in such a short time shows that you are talented and I hope to see a lot more of you on this site. Please keep writing
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations on posting this story on the site. A very descriptive story that I found rather interesting. The suggestion that I would make is to break the large chunk of text up into smaller paragraphs. I am impressed with what you have done and I will be keeping an eye on your portfolio hungry for more
You are my random review. To inspire and motivate those writers who are no longer Newbies!
A very beautiful poem. As I read it I could feel all the emotions that rush through this piece giving it life. I can see that you have put a lot of time and energy into creating it. Well done. You have done a very good job. I will definitely bee taking a look at more of your work. Please keep writing!
You are my random review. To inspire and motivate those writers who are no longer Newbies!
Thank you for posting your work on the site. You are a very passionate person and this reflects in your work. I enjoyed your poems very much. They are strong and you express the feelings of that moment very well. Never apologize for being a beginner, apologize if you never put pen to paper. I really hope that you add to your portfolio and I will definitely be back for more. Please keep writing
You are my random review. I try to inspire and motivate those writers who are no longer Newbies!
Thank you very much for beautiful poem that in my very humble opinion should be a psalm in its own right. I am so glad that I stumbled on your portfolio. I have noticed that most poets do not find religion to be very inspirational. Thank you for something fresh, that touched me and gave me new strength to face the day with. Please keep writing
You are my random review. To inspire and motivate those writers who are no longer Newbies!
Thank you for posting this poem. I enjoyed it very much. You have taken a rather touchy subject with a lot of people and turned it into a very successful piece of writing. I enjoyed the comedy of it. A lot of poetry tends to become over weighted with deep dark emotion which makes this piece very fresh and a true delight to read. I know that on Sunday when I attend service I will have a good smile over this poem.
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations on posting your first piece. Thank you for a wonderful piece of work. I enjoyed this so very much. an ode to life and its true miracle. I look forward to seeing more of your work. May you be inspired and continue to write.
Hi there, Just dropping you a friendly note to say, "Welcome to the site!" I'm sure you'll be glad you joined. If you're wondering how to get started, or if you'd like to come and meet some new faces, why not visit us at "Invalid Item" and say hello?
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations on posting your first piece of writing for us all to see. You are a bad person, you got me involved in the piece and then I ran out of words to read. I want more. You have written a fast paced high energy piece of action please keep going!!!!
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations on posting your poem for all to enjoy. Written in only four minutes. Well done. You have a gift. A poem about poetry, very creative. I enjoyed this piece as it was not heavy and overwrought. I am looking forward to exploring your portfolio in more depth. Keep writing
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations for posting your first story. I enjoyed this piece. It is a nice take on the traditional fairy tales. The only suggestion that I am going to make is to check your spelling for words like their, and there as these are easy to mix up. What works well for me is to read through my story out loud or even better get some one to read it out to you. This makes sure that it flows nicely. What is pleasing on the ear is also pleasing on the reading eye. I really look forward to see more of your work in future and I am sure that you will go from strength to strength
Hi there, Just dropping you a friendly note to say, "Welcome to the site!" I'm sure you'll be glad you joined. If you're wondering how to get started, or if you'd like to come and meet some new faces, why not visit us at "Invalid Item" and say hello?
Welcome to WDC. Congratulations for posting your first work on the site. This is definately a project that has taken time and effort. Well done. You have produced something to be very proud of. An excellent start and I look forward to the next installment. Keep writing
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