The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
Hi, it's just me popping in from "The Bard's Hall Contest" to infuse myself in your Blog entry. Thank you for entering in June!
I decided to do my commenting at this particular point because you mentioned the magic words "flip-flops." I live in my flip-flops, up North all summer and in autumn, I wear my toe socks with them until I get to Florida for the other half of the year.
I also had lots of fun reading all the special days represented by a certain date on the calendar. Sewing machine day -- now I could have appreciated that one! I didn't know about it until I read your blog. Always and education when delving into another's arena of daily thoughts.
What a curious thing was "flitch of bacon." Great way to store up on the pork-win. All one has to do is remain married for the next year and a day? Then I guess they claim the pork, split the booty and split up. I know, bad WebWitch.
I enjoyed reading your blog. It was entertaining and educational!
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" Thank you for entering the May Quotation Poetry contest.
Initial Thoughts:
You certainly have a way of weaving words that make one take notice. There is a sense of authority that makes a reader pay close attention. You do this remarkable thing by using historic fact and meticulous intelligent choices of words to pull the entire piece together.
I love reading words that make me stretch my mind and interpret thoughts to match what I am reading. I had that bit of exercise reading your poem.
This Part Jumped Out at Me:
" our nicknames
redolent of character and quirk
so that irascibility was mere fodder
for smiles of recognition."
Excellent words to emphasize the thought effortlessly! Memorable lines, indeed.
Followed Prompt?
Yes, you interpreted the Mary Shelly quote with a uniqueness that is hard to forget.
Parting Thoughts:
Thank you for including a brief history in your author's note about John Wimber. It is very interesting and informative when applying it to the poem as it is read the second time through.
Well done, and I have no suggestions to add to what you have written.
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at {item:981150}
Thank you for entering our May Poetry from a Quotation Month, prompt.
Initial Impressions:
You pulled me into the struggle, the hardship, heartbreak, loneliness and spirit of a soul with your poem. It really has a magnetic, gut-wrenching appeal. I could feel the pain in the head and the hands trying to get the brain to stop its relentless reminders of what was and what will never be again. It is the epitome of change that tears at every fiber of our being.
Poetic Style:
It is a free verse poem. The flow was smooth and easy to follow. This has the makings of a true epic poem. It would need a little more freedom in line count to do so, and I know we placed a limit of 40 lines for this contest.
Loved these lines!
the crumbling
of your mind.
The deterioration
of your soul,
the undoing
of your world.
Parting Thoughts:
I loved that I felt so drawn to this prose-poem. It held such powerful emotions that couldn't help but bleed through in each line. I think it did need the lines to separate more where they are quite lengthy. I also understand that you had much to describe and also a restriction on line count-- that dreaded curse of writers when they are on a creative roll.
I just loved its strength and internal meaning which also hit the reader on point with certain parts of my own existence throughout the years.
Beautifully Penned!
I hope you will portion-out some of the lines for more impact when this contest has passed. It is quite powerful, very vivid and the imagery is strong. I found no grammar errors at all. The free verse allows for its uniqueness.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your poem as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" Thank you for entering the quotation poetry Prompt for May.
Silken threads of a lifetime are woven within the lines of your poem. Silk is famous for its softness, yet those strands of thread are made of very strong material. It is the nature of silk to be soft and tough.
A woman's lifetime is portrayed in this poetry. She marries, has children, suffers the pain of divorce and life heading into old age.
Observation:
"A young woman wed." [weds]
My Thoughts:
I think its a blend of sadness and sweetness, for although she was left alone to raise her children, they returned to care for her when she needed it. She will not die alone but surrounded by love. And that's a beautiful thing.
What I loved:
"Adjusting to change takes time..." Great choice of words, such a powerful refrain!
Parting Thoughts:
There is so much serenity that I could imagine from the words of this poem. I don't mean that she had an easy life, no, not at all. She had long moments in time where she was all alone, until she got too old to care for herself. She accepted every part of her life with grace. She was rewarded by the loving-caring of her children and grandchildren. Lovely!
You did a fine job with your interpretation of the quotation prompt.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Eeview!
I am also reviewing this as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" Thank you for entering our May Quotation Contest!
Simplicity of lines, yet words carefully chosen to delight the senses, reveal the changes that life spins forth upon us, sewn together with impressive poetic pattern. I love the lines of one word. Those are quite powerful to the reader as she lets them settle within her mind.
Distortion
Disruption
Desolation
Despair.
These words set the mood that it so fitting when such a sudden change does disrupt life as we know it. "Suddenly thrown into chaos"
The ending so describes the feelings many of us have at these times where one virus descends upon us and changes the world forever. Indeed, when will it end?
Very fine interpretation on Mary Shelley's quote. Your poem was well-constructed. With only seventeen lines you painted a very potent image for the reader.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" . Thank you for entering Quotation Prompt contest for May.
Indeed "Sudden change
is the Frankenstein
we all fear."
The feared monster maker or the monster himself, caused generations to cringe at the horror and shake with fear of what could be turned on people from one destructive ungodly creation.
Great metaphor!
Life, death, spirit and how they all work to become a force that changes the world around us.
Beautiful interpretation of the Mary Shelley quote from Frankenstein.
You capture the reader's attention with some imagery that remains framed within the mind's eye long after leaving this page.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
LMBAO, Ken!
Yes, I just had to pop over and read this love poem after you posted it on my newsfeed notebook.
You're right, there does seem to be something relative found within my post and your poem. This was a fun read, well written in your humorous fashion, of course.
I found not a spot that I'd change, right on down to the happy couples happy ending of sorts.
Ha-ha, very amusing tale of a life-changing test result for a young man. I found it entertaining and enjoyed the twist at the end of the story. Oh, my, poor Johnny!
Of course his problems have only just begun. I sure hope Angela takes it better than he did. In life there has to be at least one adult in the family.
Well done! I am highlighting this story in tomorrow's Comedy Newsletter.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" Thank you for entering the April Picture Prompt.
Followed Prompt:
Yes, the prompt of a picture with an old bench came to life with your interpretation and your sweet story of sharing and caring and being rewarded with that in return.
Characters:
Fiona:
Fiona was widowed, her parents were gone for years and her children lived far away. She was caught between the world she once lived in and loved and the current world of loneliness and despair.
Bill:
Bill was homeless, struggling from alcoholism, neglected and abandoned by his own family due to the wrong choices he made in his life. He meets Fiona and his life changes forever.
Setting:
The setting is an old bench in the cemetery. Fiona spent each Sunday visiting the family grave. The reader is introduced to her emotional despair at that spot.
Bill was already sitting on the bench when she got there, and their conversation began that would result in both of them being saved from their loneliness.
Descriptions:
I liked that the reader got the descriptions needed to picture the characters. I also like the fact that something was left to the imagination, at least until the end of the story. (The secret)
The quick touch and hide of the bottle in the towel cupboard came to life in the reader's mind at the end of the story. Not difficult to imagine what the secret was, and why it was there.
Parting Thoughts:
I found no blaring errors that distracted from the reading. Your story moved along at a good pace and pulled the reader into the scene through its narration. The ending was very satisfying and made me smile. It is one of those "Where there's life, there's hope" type of story that warms the heart.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" Thank you for entering April's Picture Prompt Month.
This was a very unique interpretation of the picture prompt. A single bench in a courtyard led to a travelogue.
I have to tell you, you made the travel destination an attractive place to want to be. I mouth began to water over the description of the "prosciutto and cheese." It raised the interest of my Italian blood, that's for sure.
Suggestion:
"The walled courtyard (pictured) is the ideal spot to read a novel," The picture could have been inserted to the travelog above the entry or at the bottom so readers get the full effect of courtyard.
I wouldn't have minded a few more additions to the pamphlet about things to do in the area, biking, hiking, horseback? Added attractions to pull the traveler into the experience.You had room to do that with the word count. Adding regional descriptions of the local harvests of fresh vegetables, meat, wine, etc, would have been delightful!
I'm still thinking about the prosciutto and cheese, though!
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your item because it popped up on the Random Read & Review generator.
This was just what I needed to read this evening. It is true, it is odd to read a story with the letter "e" missing. And believe me, I looked for the possibility that an "e" would be slipped into the story unnoticed. But, no. It wasn't there -- that's a good thing, too. You have successfully written this item and remained totally "e" free except of course for the intro to the story.
Observations:
“Tomorrow,” Hugo thought out aloud," out loud
A curious thing, but, if your intro eliminated the letter "e" in describing this unusual piece, it would have elevated the concept to higher heights! However, in trying to substitute the lack of "e" thereof, would require inserting a word with an "e" within it. (Fifth letter of the alphabet would be prohibited, indeed!)
This was a fun read and a true mind bender as I tried to think of a way to eliminate "e" in the item's intro. Nope, not happening! But it was fun trying!
Sometimes we just need these little distractions to take the mind away from all this Covid 19 stuff. For that, I thank you!
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing your item because it popped up on the Random Read & Review tool.
Interesting flash fiction that makes a reader ask questions about the benefactor's gift and his subsequent disappearance. He loved books, that much is for certain!
The library was a fine setting to let the reader peruse the shelves while picking up a strange scent not usually associated with books, musty or otherwise.
Observation:
"The library was a huge."
This story is prime for a little more development whenever you want to go beyond a strict word count. It would have be lovely to get to know the narrator more, and the personality of Gilroy. We know he was rich.
The ending was sort of tribute to Gilroy, I believe Live by the books--die by the books. But that's another story all together.
I did catch the hint of how the story would end when the narrator disliked the idea of returning to the smelly library to work when he became an adult; was surprised to find the old building did not smell the way he remembered in his youth. We find out why, of course.
Good conclusion! We all know where the remains or the remains would remain long after the narrator's retirement.
The title and brief description paved the way for a true love story that kindled for fifty years.
I think it's lovely that you have written about their unique relationship and their own special romantic ways. Not often do others write about the relationship of their grandparents as a guide to a happy, healthy and inspiring marriage that still made them glow all those years later. Sounds like their spirit was eternally youthful. Some people do have that quality.
Things I Loved:
I loved the fact that romance knows no boundaries on the timeline of a happy marriage. This couple shared a love that is described brilliantly. Fifty plus years later, they were still in love until the very end.
Loved this part:
"it releases its scent
to perfume
the connubial passions"
Beautiful!
I found no spot that took away from your poem. The reader could clearly see through your eyes that theirs was a relationship of true love.
This is a lovely tribute to your grandparents' undying love. The reader could feel their romance threaded through the poem with the imagery of rose petals, I envisioned them as red -- a sensually romantic flower dedicated to love.
I love how you connect your readers to your Indian culture. We who are not aware of how marriages are arranged, or the youth of the bride or least of all the abuse of a young bride at the hands of in-laws who keep her practically enslaved doing all the labor their whims demand. Horrendous way to condemn a youth at the start of a marriage.
I cannot say that this is a Romantic poem per se, however, I can glean from each verse that her husband gave up so much to help her escape such doom. The act of sweeping her away from her "labor camp" at the hands of his own mother is one of the romantic acts I can think of.
This poem is love, pure and simple.
There were a couple awkward ending words that, although they rhymed just seemed a little forced to my ear. Perhaps it's just "my ear." he syllable count was perfect but the flow made me pause. It may just be the difference in dialect where the accent of the word makes it appear that way. However, in its entirety, this poem was a true education on a particular culture and how marriage is arranged.
Romance is embroidered throughout the lines of this sonnet. The reader feels the sweet romantic love that endured, only separated by death. Yet, the heart holds on to that love forever. The memories of the times, places, and experiences let the reader feel the romance of an unbreakable bond.
Simply beautiful!
Your sonnet is a masterpiece of love, romance and using all the senses so that the reader could feel the emotions -- they are genuine from start to finish.
What I loved:
"Honeysuckle-laced breeze kisses my cheek,
reminiscent of the petal-soft taunts
shared between us down by the crooked creek."
I could actually sniff the scent of honeysuckle in these lines. I see the crooked creek, I even hear its sound! It's a perfect backdrop for all the senses to be awakened. The touch of a breeze's kiss? ... Perfect!
Parting Thoughts:
This is a truly romantic sonnet. The flow was unobstructed. Even the crooked creek flowed without interference for the reader.
The last lines, so very touching, brought tears to my eyes. If we are given a true soulmate in life, we are indeed very fortunate. Such a love keeps the heart warm even after the death of the other half of the couple.
Well done! ... And it painted a distinct picture of love and romance succinctly.
"Your Embrace" good, strong title to introduce a romance theme.
The poem conveys the strength through love and how supportive his love is both emotionally and physically. He is her rock in a world filled with triggers that cast a darkness upon people who are engulfed within its constant stream of negativity.
What I liked:
The reader understands from the lines in this poem that this relationship is strong and comfortable and safe. Their hearts are tied together in an unbreakable bond.
What More did I want?
I feel their bond because the words told me that is so in this couple's life. However, I did not feel the romantic side as equally because the emotional tug was missing. I tried to picture some sweet moments of a couple with such a tight bond that pulls away from everyday "noise" that depletes our energy from its bombardments.
Suggestion:
I believe a few more lines about quiet moments shared together, fireplace, or view outside a window, the natural snuggling of a content couple, the sense of further romance that makes them who they are. I'm not talking about erotica, just a hint that romance is in the air. Perhaps he made her dinner, lit some candles and took her mind off the tough day. The reader would feel the loving tenderness and thereby feel the emotions of romance you wish to convey.
Parting Thoughts:
This is indeed a poem of true love. It's just missing, in my humble opinion of course, the hint of romance that the reader could take away when the poem is done. I believe what it comes down to is there is more telling us about the love and relationship, rather than showing us so we can actually feel it.
However, this is a poem of strong, enduring love. And that's always a good thing!
Indeed it was. You wrote a romantic poem. The couple have shared fifty-five years of marriage, and the wife was the narrator in this poem. She describes them in their youth and then their dating years followed by marriage. Children were introduced into their marriage years after.
What I Liked:
I like romantic poetry that makes a reader feel a connection to the elderly couple as they reminisce life's path together. If the reader can picture those years and put faces to the characters, then the verses did their job. You made it real.
What gave me Pause?
"Of age at last, allowed to wed,
Legal now to share a marital bed."
The rhythm is off between these two lines. The syllable count in the second line is 10 words and the above rhyming line is only 8 words. Those two extra words make the line a bit bulky.
Additional Observations:
I think you got into your stride as the verses went on. The first few verses were a bit wordy and distracting. As you wrote on, there seemed to be a comfort level that actually showed in the poetry itself. The poem ended strong even after the weaker beginning.
The title is a question, and questions beg answers. Thus, a reader is drawn in to read the poem to learn more about what this character wants to say, yet feels pulled-back from actually saying those words. Nice hook to get the reader's interest.
Further Impressions:
The poem is a romantic from a youthful viewpoint. I picture high school in my mind, and a student who is smitten by this girl and feels his first experience of what love must feel like. It is a sweet image to behold in my mind's eye. I imagine it takes all readers back to those days of their first love.
Observations:
"I rescued you in art class (just trying to be cool,[.] like..),
I had a kind of blind love,"
I think these lines are a bit wordy and "busy" with the parentheses and the two ellipses before close parentheses followed by a comma. This could be simplified and less distracting by eliminating some of the unnecessary words and making the same point you trying to make. This is just one example of tightening up the poem for better impact on the reader.
"What if [I]were
To frighten you away?"
Parting Thoughts:
This is a sweet, romantic poem about young love. There are some spots that could use a bit of refinement to keep the poem flowing smoothly, but it has great bones. Just a little more polish and this poem will shine bright!
Initial Impressions: Title and brief description attract a reader to the poetry. I was curious to know the merging of dreaming and somebody winning.
Suggestion:
I would capitalize the first letter in the title. It's distracting to see all small case when the title is the what could very well be the hook into reading the poem or moving on. Some readers feel that not capitalizing was an oversight, and that's where the first impression starts.
Further Impressions:
The poem is quite lovely once the reader delves in. It shows the thoughts of a woman who never really imagined the man she married as being the man of her dreams. After all, he had his imperfections over the years. However, the reader also could glean that in the end, she really did choose the right person to spend her life with. It is a reminder that our dreams may never be within reach. They can be unrealistic. Nobody is as perfect as the "prince" or "princess" youthful dreamers imagine being a part of their lives. Quite philosophical when you think about the meaning woven into this poem.
Observations:
"foolishness. I've bleed"[bled]
Did it fall within Romantic Poetry?
Yes it does. Romance is interpreted differently by each unique personality. Her love for him is shown at the end when after all the years of being together, she knew "he won" over her fantasy man of her dreams. Loved that she said he makes her yawn. Powerful words to tie it all together.
Your romantic poem reminded me of a soft and sweet lullaby. It is devoted to her man who is exhausted and needs his rest. He finds comfort in his woman's lap where he can fall asleep without having to worry about danger, for she will be alert for him while he sleeps.
It's very romantic and protective of one's love.
Loved this Part:
"Go get him a soft bed from the moon,
fetch a nice pillow from the clouds
Fan him with the branches borrowed from the trees"
Lovely Metaphors:
Bed to moon
pillow to clouds
Branches to fan
Beautiful imagery!
The poem was smooth and rich with love of the ordinary man who, although is not royalty certainly is treated as he is.
Your title and brief description had already set an image in my mind about the bonds of love. I was anxious to read the poem filled with threads of silk and chains of love.
Poetic Form, Rhythm and Rhyme:
This form is called "Brady's Touch." This is the first of this form that I have come across, so the definition of the style was very helpful to me. The lines were true to the form.
This is a non-rhyming poetry, yet it has a melodious flow, keeping the rhythm balanced.
Things I Loved:
I loved the symbolism of the chains of love being made of golden silken threads. The words themselves are beautiful when spoken out loud. The description of wrapping around their hearts and how tears make the fibers swell -- beautiful!
Strength of words chosen:
"bring clarity to nebular
focus."
"With tears, the fibers become swollen,
they stretch and cling in intimacy."
These lines jumped out at me. They weave together the poetic tapestry of love everlasting. It is the epitome of romance and true love.
Beautifully crafted poetry portraying the deep bonds of love.
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Review!
I am also reviewing yor item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" Thank you for entering our Slam Cupid contest!
Oh, this was purely bad. It had all the qualities of absolutely nothing to do with any kind of good poetry. Which means ... Duh-duh-duhhhh, it fits the prompt of this contest perfectly!
You have slammed Cupid right to the character's pathetic little heart. You've called him out for the damage he is and has done, proving indeed he is a "demonic little mole."
Great use of Slammy-Rhyme and imagery for the reader to despise that demonic little creature!
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest"
I have re-reviewed your item because I caught an error in my first review.
On second look back at your poem, I believe it deserved an even lower rating than I gave it. So, just to let you know that the whole "there" thing was taken to be intentional, I have to re-rate this item to what I thought I put on it before second-guessing the the grammatical error as being intentional.
I hope this doesn't come as too bad of a shock to you, but, let's face it ... BAD is BAD! and, this poem is Slam Cupid horrendous!
Sorry, but you're losing a half a point of the ratings.
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