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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zero338
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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Zero338
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Great start to this, but i see some stuff that has left me curious. Like some parts when its saying the shull could not withstand the porer of the army of hrith and lost the battle, if i can suggest something maybe put more detail into it about like how many people were lost on each side, or how they lost did there leader die or something? it seems to me that you jumped around also like when you were talking about the citty being under attack at the very beginning then all the sudden you jumped to the prince getting killed then to the hanging's then back to the city being under attack. I think maybe on this first part you could have just made it right before the city being under attack and just focuse on the prince getting killed, or vice versa. Other than that a good start to a story have to read the other also keep up the good work
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Review of The next day  
Review by Zero338
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Nice start! but are you trying to make it into a short story? if so what type of one? i may not be the best reviewer but i think you might need more detail like why is the world in post appoclaptic world, and why did it go there? was it from war? and give more detail on adam, and maybe what the virus does to the looks of the Humans it affects? hope that helps and if you want you should check out my story any reviews would be great thanks, hope to hear more of your story
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Review of Set Off!  
Review by Zero338
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like it just as good as the first part! are you planning to put what started the fire? or is that part of the mystery? and why did they all live in the abandon building? how did they all find each other? and what happened to the other? just some of the questions i thought people would ask. Those are probably going to be a mystery for awhile huh? lol keep up the good work
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Review by Zero338
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great start so far! if i can suggest something? i think if your trying for a suspence story kinda twist it a little bit and put more questions in there like leaving out that she is in high school and that she is going in the juinor year, and maybe put more detail into what happened at skull island? But what genre are you exactly trying to go with on this? like the story would like to see more of it sometime.
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