The Doctor said—Cancer

If The Doctor said...

Terry stepped out of the air conditioned Medical Centre and into the warmth of the August day. She did not notice the bright sun nor did she feel the warmth of the day. She was seeing everything through the fog that enveloped her mind. The pain in her back had become constant during the past two weeks and Dr. Davidson had just confirmed that she had inoperable cancer of the lung. Inoperable. Fatal.

When she had asked him how long he thought she had to live he had told her probably less than a year. Now as she stood in the summer sun she thought of all the questions she should have asked him. A thousand thoughts tumbled through her mind, one after another, one thought hardly completed before others crowded in to take their place.

All the way down in the elevator from the fourth floor she had tried to pray. She was not unfamiliar with praying but this was such an important prayer. She wanted to make sure her prayer was heard by God Himself. She asked Him for a sign that things would be all right. Terry had always believed that life on earth was only a temporary stopover in the eternity of existence. She knew in her heart that life continued forever without end and when her mission on earth was completed she would be going back home to continue her existence in another form. But this was different. This was personal; it was no longer an abstract theory. Could she deal on a day to day basis with knowing she was going to die?

Terry knew that she should not be driving in her present state of mind so she decided to walk home. It was just seven blocks and she hoped that the bright sunlight would help clear her mind. She would come back for her car when she was able to think more clearly. There was a park on the way home; she decided to stop for a while. She sat on the park bench and let thoughts tumble through her mind. She didn’t try to stop them and she didn’t try to make sense of them. She knew she couldn’t. Not now, not in her present state of confusion, there would be time enough to unscramble this insane muddle when she got home.

She heard the tinkling of a bell. At first she assumed that the bell was somehow related to the myriads of thoughts that were jumbled in her head.

“Do you want to buy an ice cream, lady?” asked the boy on the bicycle cart.
“Oh, yes please,” said Terri, “I’ll have one of those with the nuts on top”
“That’ll be two dollars please, lady,” said the boy.

Terry handed him the money and began taking the paper wrapper of the cone. She had not one of these since she was a kid. She was going to enjoy this; it used to be her favourite kind.

Her first bite of the ice cream confirmed her memories. It was just as wonderful as she remembered from her childhood. Why had she not had one of these before, why had she waited so long? Terri savoured every bite of the treat. Just as she was finishing her ice cream she heard music. At first she thought the boy had come back but the music seemed to come from a distance. She stood up and saw that there was a circus at the other side of the park. She was not in a hurry to get home, so she decided to walk over and see what was going on at the circus.

As she neared the tents Terri could hear children laughing and squealing with delight. She remembered the good time she had experienced as a child while attending a circus, the smell of pop corn, cotton candy and animals blending into that unique smell that was a circus. A clown came up to her and made her laugh with his balloon characters. He gave her a pink balloon puppy with floppy ears.

There were small horses for children to ride, dogs doing tricks, a merry-go-round and a Ferris wheel. Circuses have not changed much over the years; kids still have fun and laugh at the same things that she did when she was that age. Life goes on but it stays the same, she thought.

She heard a knocking; it came from a great distance the first time. The second knock seemed to come from right next to her ear. The third knock aroused her to full consciousness. She was shocked to see Dr. Davidson knocking on her car window. Startled, Terri rolled down the window.

“Are you all right, Terri? Can I help you?”

“Oh, goodness, I must have fallen asleep. I wasn’t sure if I could drive the distance to my home. I’ll be fine Doctor, just give me a moment to get my bearings.”

With that Dr. Davidson left her and went on to his own car in the parking lot.

Terri tried to focus her thoughts. Was that a dream? It seemed so real and for some reason she felt better.

She started her car; she was going home.