Indians and Monkeys

*Note!* I wrote this at work when I was really bored. I can make soo many improvements to this story, but nonetheless I put it up here for your entertainment =D. But if you still read it...lemme know what you think! Thanks =)







The monkeys were dancing around the totem pole, and it was very troubling for the indians. I, being a jack of all trades, was summoned to handle them.

"These monkeys mock our pole!" said Flying Eagle angrily, "And they make our elders cry". He motioned at an old man crying in the fetal position, with tears streaming down his face. Flying Eagle's gaze met my own. "Can you help us?" he asked.

I looked at the monkeys who were now engaged in a massive monkey-orgy. The resulting noise was quite disturbing. "Why don't you just kill them?" I asked.

Flying Eagle did not reply, for his eyes were now focused on the monkey orgy. The monkeys were attracting spectators, and were now using various sticks to shove into each other's crevices.

"Holy shit" I murmurred.

"Holy shit" agreed Flying Eagle.

I realized I was staring to hard, and forced myself to look away. Flying Eagle did the same. I repeated my question, "So why don't you just kill them?" Flying Eagle frowned. "We have tried, but some dark god favors them." I raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"I'll show you" he replied. He led me to a nearby cage containing three wild-looking indians. "These are our enemies, who we've captured." said Flying Eagle.

"I thought indians killed their enemies by scalping them."

"You are wrong" Flying Eagle said coldly. "Those are lies told by the white man to make others think we are savages."

I argued further. "But your women walk around without blouses..." I trailed off as a well-endowed indian woman walked pass me. Flying Eagle smiled and out a hand on my shoulder. "My friend" he said. "That is because we like titties." I smiled. We had something in common after all.

We stopped in front of the cage and the men inside looked at Flying Eagle with hatred. One quickly sprung at Flying Eagle, but it was a hopeless effort; the cage containing them was made of bamboo. How these indians attained bamboo was a mystery to me.

Flying Eagle smiled crookedly "Hello pigs" he said menacingly. "Today the gods smile upon you, although you filthy creatures certainly don't deserve it."

The inmates scowled. "What do your gods have for us this time? inquired one of them. "Surely not another pair of buffalo testicles?" said another, "Those were most unpleasant for a meal." he added.

I looked at Flying Eagle. "I thought indians used all parts of the buffalo" I said thoughtfully. "Wouldn't that include eating their balls?"

"But of course" replied Flying Eagle. "When their cooked properly" he grinned, "We gave it to these men raw."

I smiled. No wonder they were must unpleasant for a meal.

"Today you three will earn your freedom" announced Flying Eagle. "All you have to do..." he motioned at the monkeys, "...is kill those beasts."

The men agreed. They were taken from the cage and were escourted to the monkeys, who were now finished with their orgy. There, the men were equipped with clubs and were ready for action. They were about to be freed.

Flying Eagle spoke. "Just a warning. If any of you tries to club me or anyone else; the fool that does so will be met with arrows through their legs.

There were ten archers, and they were ready to fire. However, one of the prisoners smiled. "I would gladly sacrifice my legs just to hit you just once."

"That is not all" replied Flying Eagle, "You will then be subject to the wrath of Big Cock".

"Big Cock?" I inquired.

'His mother gave birth to him around a lot of chickens, and he was big for a baby.

"Oh."

Then a huge man stepped foward. He was at least seven feet tall, and muscle covered every ince of his body. He pulled down his loincloth, and my eyes widened immediately. This guy was hung like a horse!

"Big Cock prefers the company of men" added Flying Eagle. Flying Eagle faced the giant. "Isn't that right, Big Cock?"

An unnaturally feminine voice escaped the big man's mouth. "I sure do" he chimed.

The prisoners shuddered and faced the monkeys.

"Ready?" asked Flying Eagle. "Attack."





*To Be Continued*