Spiders in my chest

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Sometimes I feel spiders in my chest.

They prickle and tingle and make me scared.

My heart beats faster, my lungs squeeze tighter, my throat fills with tears.

Sometimes I want to cry.
Sometimes I want to yell.
Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball.

It’s hard to know when they will wake up.

On my first day of school, I woke up and the spiders were there-- I wanted to curl up in a ball. My mom wanted me to get dressed, but the spiders wouldn’t let me.

She got mad. I wanted to tell her about the spiders, but I didn’t think she would believe me.

Once I got to school they went away. I think they were still inside me and just fell asleep… because they came back.

My mom and dad had a fight. I was supposed to be asleep but I could hear them. They woke up the spiders inside me-- I wanted to yell.
“You’re not using kind words!” “Why can’t you just be friends?” “Say you’re sorry!”

The spiders kept talking in my head and kept me awake.

I don’t know who fell asleep first, me or them.

Last night they woke up again.

I heard a crash. So did the spiders. It sounded like basement monster. I wanted to cry. I tried to be brave, but then I heard the crash again.

Mom and Dad heard me cry and came into my room.

My heart beat fast, my lungs squeezed tight, tears filled my throat.

I tried to tell them about the monster, but the spiders blocked my voice. I couldn’t say anything. I just cried.

“Let it out” Dad wiped the tears from my face
“Breathe” Mom rubbed my chest
“You’re safe” Mom and Dad hugged my so tight they squeezed away the spiders just a little.

“I heard a crash and the spiders woke up.”

“Spiders?”

“They live in here and when they wake up I feel prickly and tingly all over.”

Mom and Dad both smiled.

“We have spiders too.” [Dad]

“When you went to school, I had so many spiders I thought I was going to cry.” [Mom]

“Sometimes when Mom and I have a fight, I get spiders that make me want to curl up in a ball.” [Dad]

“Right now, I have spiders that make me want to yell at the spiders inside of you “Leave my kid alone!” [Mom]

“What if they never go away?”

“They might not. But you will get better at making them fall asleep.”

“And if they don’t listen, Mom and Dad will protect you until they do.”

I wanted to yell at the spiders, but was so tired. I whispered, “Spiders, go to sleep. Leave me alone.”

Mom and Dad wrapped we up in a big, safe, ball of hugs. The spiders fell asleep.

So did I.