Empty boxes in empty nests

This empty box feels truly empty this year and writing this has become a test of sorts for me to find my own ability to be strong. A trait I've found lacking in myself of late.

Words of wisdom appear like tiny flashes of light, gone all too soon, to be replaced by a black void in my mind with a wavery finish that pushes all negatives back out of reach where they'll be safe to take out some future day, but not now. Not when it's all too fresh and I feel like any small hurt could push me into this river of tears that must surely run between your house and mine.

It's rubbish really for I know as surely as you do that it's no different, that we didn't see each other before much. The only true difference is where you lay your head at night. This space that is yours here will always be yours. This we also know. Your independence, strength, and courage and even your emotions are a comfort to me. I know you're a survivor, more than that you thrive. Your entire life I've tried to help you find this day easily. I think you'll someday use our triumphs and mistakes to teach yourself as well as your children to take these transitions easily. Who knows.

I don't know how to describe how this feels. It's like I've been torn into two halves and one half is missing. Yet knowing when they come together it will all be okay again. It's just that the fabric and the finish will never be as it was. Like something died inside.

From the moment our children come to us we know that we will someday have to watch them go. They are placed in our care for such a short time in the space of a lifetime and it is our priviledge and responsibility to teach them independence, strength, and courage enough to walk away. I suppose by the time we finally get it right we've already lost too many irretreivable moments. You have grown into a strength and courage that far outreach any of my hopes for you. You have inherited a compassion that started out as a self destructive curse to your ego and changed it into a gift, sharing it with all that surround you, accepted by the chosen few who look beyond the cover to the soul within.

It is to that soul that I choose not to give a gift but rather to beseech you to take instead. Take joy from the little things in your life, for as surely as the darkness comes, they too will all too soon be gone.
Take time for yourself.
Take pride in all you do.
Take critism with an open mind, it keeps you strong.
Take happiness where you can get it.
Take love when it's offered.
Take heart that every thing always works out in the end.
Take the helping hands as offered.
Take the laughter.
Take the joy.
Take the happy ever after.
Take the paths that open for you.
As you take these things take also the knowledge that the further away from each other we go, a part of my heart will always be for you. Just waiting for you to take it with you.
I won't take credit for who and what you are. I am but the guardian, and your wings lift up my soul. So for a fleeting moment I can soar with you and still be ever close to push you or pick you up if you fall.