Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: Some beautiful imagery in this piece as well! Some of my favorite lines:
I remember you standing there in the morning mist,
- A great first line.
like chicks with a bit of freedom
from the mother hen,
- heh, cute
a welcomed, weathered face
in the early mornings
a silent sentinel guarding a dying kingdom.
to visit empty shuttered shops,
gathering dust behind closed doors,
and those who come to shop
just see an empty field of green.
Flow: Flows wonderfully.
Rhyme: Does not apply.
Mood: The mood seems sad to me. I hate when things like this disappear... there is so many memories of things long gone that this little poem brought back to me.
Structure:Your structure is great. Love the centering.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
an old gray farm house with rambling front porch
- I think "a" should be inserted after the word "with". It is more of a personal opinion however. I think the line would flow nicer.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, great work! Another beautiful piece. Thank you for the read
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: You've got some beautiful imagery in this piece! Some of my favorite lines:
a forgotten friend draped
across arms of the forest.
I beheld and ruled my kingdom
until evening fogs rolled in.
of a king my mirror shows
Flow:Your flow is wonderful. The only particular part that I stumbled over was the following line:
I one spread like fire and fear.
- Just wondering if this line is written the way you meant it to be? Or is there a word you are missing here ...
Rhyme:Does not apply.
Mood:Your mood is peaceful, but with a sadness. Those last two lines especially show a sadness that is beautifully put:
Now I sit with memories
of Spanish moss and you.
Structure:Your structure is great.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Only the one that I pointed out in the last stanza, second line. You might want to take another look at that.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, great work! I really enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest!
What a great idea! I am looking forward to the challenge, though I have never really done anything like this before ... so I am a touch on the nervous side It should be lots of fun though! You have laid this contest out very neatly and clearly. Your rules, your prizes and how to enter are all displayed very well. I especially like the testimonials of prior contestants! Very good idea to attract more people.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Though I do like how you have all the prior winners there for all the rounds, I think the winners of the most recent round is all you need. I think that you should make a different item to store the other rounds in and then link it from your contest. It may make the forum look a bit more tidy. That is really only personal preference though. Just a thought.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: The imagery in this piece is wonderful! Some of my favorite lines include:
"My child will never act like that;
He'll be disciplined instead,"
- This is something that I myself have said.
Was a tiny man of three,
That made my skin turn quite pale.
"Hey you snotty nosed old man," was
The one thing he had to say.
What had happened to my dream child,
And my roll of grey duct tape?
Flow: Your poem flows wonderfully! The only spot where a noticed it was a little rough was the last stanza, 2nd line: And the memory won't dim;
- I think your stanza would flow better if you made this line a bit longer.
Rhyme: Your rhyme is great for the most part. There was some parts that are a bit off:
4th stanza where the rhyme "hand" and "man" don't really rhmye.
7th stanza. "skin" and "again" don't rhyme.
Mood: The mood is portrayed very well. Definitely a humorous and comical poem.
Structure:Structure is good. I do tend to like poems centered, but that is a personal preference.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Just the ones I mentioned above about the flow. Though the rhyming isn't exact, it doesn't seem to disrupt the poem so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your story.
Quite the story! I very much enjoyed it. Flash fiction is something that I have a lot of trouble with, but you have definitely succeeded in telling a good story in only 300 words.
Likes: Things in your story that really caught my eye.
I especially like the idea of this story. Aliens invading. Definitely an interesting subject to write a flash fiction piece on.
I liked Thelma's personality. In only 300 words you managed to show a lot of what kind of person Thelma is. Well done!
The ending was great as well!
Suggestions: Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
None.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, a great little story. I really enjoyed the read! Thank you for sharing.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your piece.
Yet another good piece. This piece has a lot of emotion and love in it, making it a pleasure to read. The love you feel for your brother is definitely evident in the words you write. Some lines I especially liked:
I just haven't read the book all the way through. I can be myself without him wanting to change me.
Good, strong lines!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Like the last one, it seems there needs to be more to this. I think you could add on to it so much more. You say your brother is gentle and kind. I want you to show me how he is gentle and kind. Do not tell, but show. It will give your writing more emotion. The emotion is there, it just feels as if it is waiting right below the surface, ready to explode. You just need the words that will bring it out.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, a great piece. With some work, you could really bring the emotion out in this. Thank you for sharing!!
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
This is a simple and soft piece that brings out a beautiful scene to the reader. You use some great imagery in this piece. Some lines that I especially liked:
The wind blows in a melodic manner. The daffodils dance to the music.
I like the simple language you use. It brings out a peace in the poem that really brightens up your poem. Well done!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Though I do like the simpleness of your poem, I find the words, "the" and "he" are repeated at a lot of the lines, especially at the first of each line and it doesn't feel ...right. I would try to take those words away completed and either find another way to begin those lines or just take them out. I think it will make your poem flow a lot better and bring the beauty out a bit.
Swaying back and forth they shine.
- I think you should add a comma after the word forth.
I would also try to add a bit more to this poem. It is nice, but it doesn't seem enough. Go more into the feeling of the daffodils on the boy's hand, describe the feeling, don't just say it is feels good. Describe the smell and the feelings inside this boy. It will bring out more emotion in the poem.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your story.
Great story! You've done an excellent job capturing the emotion and portraying it to the reader. You made me feel as if I was in your story. You use some really good descriptions throughout. I especially like the starting line:
As I felt the cool wind slap against my face I realized that it, in comparison, was nothing to the pain of millions of pieces of shattered glass scattering like darkness when encountered with realization, darting into and around my face.
- I strong sentence to start off with.
Suggestions: Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
As I felt the cool wind slap against my face I realized that it,
- I think you should add a comma after the word face
Fumes set my nostrils on fire and my eyes watered with tears of disbelief while my anxiety refused to allow me to move towards the destruction, but never the less my adrenalin was there to release me from the restrictions my mind had suffered from the devastation.
- I would try to divide this sentence up into two. It is a bit too long.
The passenger in the back seat fled from the scene as the sirens got closer leaving traces of blood from his face in a puddle on my cars floor, not nearly deep enough for me to drown myself in sorrow and escape the nights’ inevitable consequences.
- There should be a comma after the word closer. This sentence as well is a bit long. Try not to make sentences so long. Usually if they are any more than two lines they should be put into two sentences.
In your title, you should space the words.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, a very good story with a lot of potential. Adding more to the before and after part would be a great help as well. Also, watch how long you make your sentences. Other than that, a great read! Thank you for sharing
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: Loved this poem!! Some excellent imagery in this as well. Some of my favorite lines:
Midnight, under the moon’s round, white light
I heard terrible sounds through the foliage of trees
Then I watched as they crouched down in the mud.
Flow: This poem has amazing flow. I find the flow of a poem always the hardest part for me, but each word in this rolled over my tongue effortlessly. Wonderful!
Rhyme: A good rhyme scheme. Perfect rhyming.
Mood: The mood is a little bit fearful at first, but it develops into a more peaceful feel as it goes on.
Structure:Structure is great. Centering would be good though, but that's simply a personal preference.
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
I like the starting line of your poem. Great imagery in that starting line.
Your ending line is great as well.
The idea of the poem is quite original as well. I have not read a poem on this site yet dealing with a vampire and wolves.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
None.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, a great poem. I really enjoyed the read!! Thank you for sharing!
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your story.
This story was quite interesting. I like the idea of it. Time travel is definitely a compelling subject. There was good use of dialogue. The structure was very good as well. I really like how you start the story off. It caught my attention immediatly!
Suggestions: Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
There were quite a few grammatical errors in this. Quite a few commas were missing, you had a tendancy to not capitalize your i's as well. I will point out a few of the errors that I found. However, re-reading the story yourself will help you catch some more.
Though, I don't think this is technically an error, I was always taught never to begin a sentence with the word, "And". There were quite a few places where you have done this.
- And you’re going to test it for me.”
Maybe try to re-word some of these sentences so that they do not start with And.
“First take the red sand bag and tie it around your neck.
- Comma after the word "First".
Professor McCoy frowned, “The quill was your great- great- great- great- great- grand uncle’s he made it at about your age.
- There should be a period after the word "uncle's". Then, capitalize the "he" after.
(e:bullet}“Yes i am sir but...”
- I am not sure whether you mean "Yes, I am sure but ..." or "Yes, I am sir, but..."
Either way you should have a comma after the word "Yes" and your "i" should be capitalized.
“That was quick Kit. How were the Tudors?” said a strange old man.
- Comma after the word "quick"
It reeked of animals and manure, rooting foods and human sweat.
- Rooting should be rotting.
Confused the boy sat down again.
- Comma after the word Confused.
He knew in his head what had happened. But it made no sense.
- You should also not start sentences with the word "But". My suggestion would be to combine these two sentences as such:
He knew in his head what had happened, but it made no sense.
A knock at the door turned to bangs and a loud voice accompanied it, it told him everything.
- The comma after "it" should be a period. The it after that should then be capitalized.
Though not a grammatical suggestion, I do suggestion adding more to this story. I do like it and the idea of it. You told it quite well with some good descriptions throughout. The grammar errors do stumble the reader a bit. However, I think if you develop these characters a bit more, give us some reasons why he must time travel and what this jail is. Some more development would be great.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, you've got a good start to a good start. You just need to develop it more and fix up some of the errors in it. I really enjoyed the read! Thank you for sharing
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Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your story.
First off, good story. Again, you have some great descriptions in this one as well. I like the idea of it and the way you draw the reader into your story as I wondered what exactly was wrong with this building. Well done!
Likes: Things in your story that really caught my eye.
Some lines of descriptions that I especially liked:
The traffic on the streets with the rushing cars and people hurriedly moving down the sidewalks, ignoring pedestrian crosswalks.
especially if you get lost in the ambiance and lose the rhythm of the street.
I anxiously waited as he rubbed his chin under his white beard.
The blind courage I had a moment ago seemed to wither away from me as my body tensed in fear.
I gulped so loud I was sure it would have echoed off the walls too.
My heart thudded in my chest so hard I was sure it was about to pop out of my chest and take shelter where I could not.
- I also like how you lead the reader on to believe that it is a vampire that she will become, but what you have her created into is much much better. I like the foreshadowing as well at the first when she is staring at the statues and thinks why she has never seen them before... very good indeed!
Suggestions: Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
3rd paragraph:
I can’t even find a sign to give me some clue as to what the building was for.
- "can't" should be "couldn't"
Reaching into my purse I snatched out a few loose dollar bills and handed them to the man.
- There should be a comma after the word, "purse".
Finally I came across a side door and tried its handle.
- There should be a comma after the word "Finally".
Only now my impending captor had eyes.
- Comma after the word "now"
Then I tried to turn my head and face my attacker, suddenly remembering the incident in the locked room.
- I think the word "room" should be replaced by the word "building".
As I took in exactly all that happened my eyes, the only thing able to move grew wide with impending doom.
- Comma after the word "happened".
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, very well done! I really like the way you lead the reader on. However, I think a bit more development at the beginning would be good. Maybe a bit about this girl. Why was she out for a walk? Who was she? How old? A bit more character development on her part would be good. Other than that, very well done. Another great read. Thank you for sharing!
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: Some great imagery in this poem Some of my favorite lines:
A moth drawn to the flickering flame, My unwavering hand hotly scored,
Flow:Flow is very good.
Rhyme:The rhyme is good as well. There was one part, stanza 3 though where "hand" and "comprehend" don't seem to rhyme that well, but it doesn't hinder your poem any.
Mood:I feel like the mood shows a sadness, but it is accepted. There is also a sense of confusion to me. As if the person in this poem is confused about the pain..
Structure: The structure is good. I think centering it would be nice though.
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
Love the imagery in this. The first line : "A moth drawn to the flickering flame," and the last line: "Unlearned pain I own, it’s mine." are my favorites.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: Love the imagery in this poem!! Some of my favorite lines are:
shadows embody salvation's way. they are littered puppets their strings tangled and frayed. Where evil dwells, souls are lunch cafeteria trays. We are trapped in the shadow of God's backside.
Flow: The flow is fairly good for the most part. Some suggestions to improve the flow:
They are littered puppets their strings tangled and frayed.
- I think you should add a comma after the word, "puppets".
Broken bones, and splintered hearts never heal.
- I don't think you need the comma after the word, "bones".
Rhyme: You don't seem to have a specific rhyme scheme in this poem. You do have some rhyme though. Did you mean for it to be in a certain pattern?
Mood:The mood is definitely, well dark of course{:bigsmile} You portray a lot of emotion in this poem, and it pours out with every word. Very well done!
Structure:Your structure is great. I like the red as well!
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
Love the imagery!
The ending:
This is where evil dwells, we are those who always hunger.
Earth is our life, death is our salvation.
- Love it!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
The fallen wonder like abandoned newborn prey.
- I think you mean "wander" instead of "wonder".
The following line is a bit confusing:
Only where evil dwells with are you worth his might.
- I am not quite sure what you trying to say here.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, I love it. Great work!! Thank you for sharing!
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery:Some really nice imagery in this poem. Here are some of my favorite lines:
Pine trees were all around us, I can see those skies so blue. Before my sleep blankets me,
Flow: The flow is fairly good in this poem. A few choppy spots are:
3rd stanza, first line: Pine trees were all around us,
It seems a little off here. Try taking out a syllable. Maybe the word "all".
5th stanza, first line: Before my sleep blankets me,
Though I do like this line, it doesn't seem to flow perfectly into the next.
5th stanza, 3rd line: in my fondest memories of
I think a comma should be after the word, "of".
Rhyme:The rhyme is very good. There was just one place in the 3rd stanza. The words "see" and "trees". If there is any way you can take the "s" off the word trees, then you're rhyme would be perfect
Mood: The mood is very peaceful and reminiscent. Makes me feel like I am back at my home.
Structure: The structure is great. Again, I love the centering.
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
I really like how you ended the piece. Leaves a nice feeling with the reader!
I also like some of the imagery in here. Great work!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Just the ones I mentioned above, about the flow and the rhyme.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, great work. I have really enjoyed reading some of your work! Thank you for sharing it with me.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery: The imagery is nice in this little poem. Some lines that I liked are:
With rivers running so high,
levee's attempt to defy.
Nature's water they defy,
Flow: The flow is fairly good in this poem. There were a few choppy parts though. A few places where the flow could be a bit better:
2nd stanza, last line: hoping rain doesn't come nigh.
This line does not flow with the rest of the stanza, when read out loud. It seems to be too long.
3rd stanza, last line: strangers fight to keep all dry.
I think taking out the word, "all" would help the flow here.
4th stanza, line 2: to join the fight this year.
This line seems to disrupt the flow a bit. Try making it a syllable or two longer.
Rhyme: Rhyme is excellent.
Mood: The mood here seems to be reluctant of what is to come, but there is also a sense of bravery to face what is to come.
Structure: The structure is great.
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
I especially like the last two lines:
Nature's water they defy,
"Save Fargo," is the cry!
That is a great ending!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery:Imagery is well done.
Flow: The flow is good for the most part. There are a few parts where I found it to be a little off.
4th stanza, last line "Send our children to school for!"
- This line sends the flow off a bit. It feels a bit too long.
7th stanza, last line, "Twenty years and that's not all;"
- This line as well feels a bit too long.
10 stanza, last line, "That he broke a rule,"
- This line is a bit too short. and disrupts the flow a bit.
Stanza 16, last line, "To shake his hand!"
- This line feels a bit too short as well.
- I know I am being a little picky over the flow. Please, just disregard if you don't agree with my suggestions.
Rhyme: You've done a wonderful job with the rhyme!
Mood: This mood is quite thoughtful and almost has an angry feel to it. Maybe not quite angry, but a ...disappointment that gets stronger as the poem goes on. You've depicted this mood wonderfully with your words.
Structure:Structure is great. I like the blue
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
I really like the emotion in this poem. Though there is not a large amount of imagery, you still portray the emotion very strongly, urging the reader to keep on reading. Well done!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Just those that I listed about the flow.
Overall: My overall thoughts.
Overall, wonderful work. You've done a great job. Thank you for sharing!
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery:
Some wonderful imagery in this poem. I absolutely love all the description. Some of my favorite parts
a blanket of heat like a down comforter settles over me the sweat beads atop my bald head and begins free -falling down my face. his wings raised half-way and his beak open gasping for air.
Flow:
This poem flows pretty well, especially for a free form poem which I find a bit harder to find the proper flow myself.
Rhyme:
Does not apply.
Mood:
The mood is interesting. You really portray your despair of the heat quite well. Personally, the heat is a love of mine. The hotter it is, the better Then again, I may not have experienced a heat such as this, considering I live in an area where winter's mark is all too known.
Structure:
The structure is good. Maybe try centering it and see how it looks.
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
Imagery is fantastic! Love it. The mood in this poem is quite amusing to me, which I liked. I especially like this line, "He shouldn’t dress in solid black on such a hot day!"
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
Second stanza, third line: "T-shirt" could be changed to t-shirt. (I know I am being overly picky
"half-way and his beak open gasping for air."
I think the line may flow better with a comma after the word, "open"
Hello, Sophy
This is a review of your piece, "Kayla"
Basics: Some comments on different aspects of your poem.
Imagery:
You've done a great job with the imagery in this poem.
I especially like the "lick away your tears" and "try to make you smile by knocking things off the coffee table with my ever-wagging tail"
This is so true
Flow:
The poem flows very nicely.
Rhyme:
Does not apply.
Mood:
For the starting line, I got the feeling that it was going to be a sad poem, however it creates a bit of both sadness and happiness as you read on. I like the blend of the two emotions.
Structure:
Your structure is good.
Likes: Things in your piece that really caught my eye.
The imagery.
Even though it is a short poem, it still creates a strong sense of emotion in the reader.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
None. A great poem.
Keep up the good work!
Write On!
Darkskye
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Basics:
It is March, neither lion nor lamb,
Suggestions:
Overall:
I am looking forward to the challenge, though I have never really done anything like this before ... so I am a touch on the nervous side 
It should be lots of fun though! You have laid this contest out very neatly and clearly. Your rules, your prizes and how to enter are all displayed very well. I especially like the testimonials of prior contestants! Very good idea to attract more people.
Likes:
I especially like the idea of this story. Aliens invading. 
Definitely an interesting subject to write a flash fiction piece on. 
You really portray your despair of the heat quite well. Personally, the heat is a love of mine. The hotter it is, the better 
The mood in this poem is quite amusing to me, which I liked. 