Hey there Nice poem. It has a lot of emotion and thought into it that draws the reader into it. Well done!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
My big suggestion that I think would help the rating of this poem is too add more depth to it. You have emotion, but add some more imagery so that the reader can picture more. This would help a lot.
You Have:I am aready there.
*I think it would sound better like this: I already am.
You Have:I love him dearly but he doesn't love me back.
*I would add a commma after dearly.
Also I would think about making the strcuture a bit more organzied. This would also really help the poem.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nice work. This has some nice potentail. Some editing here and there would really help.
Hey there I like the idea of this. I think you did a good job in starting off the first...and ending it also. You started off with some good imagery and emotion. You also ended it with a sense of hope...and need. Well done!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
You Have:He's addicted to... messy curls, bright blue eyes, the way the neck of her baggy blue sweater always slips down her left shoulder when she gestures too abruptly (the way she always does when she’s lecturing him on leaving crumbs).
*The elipses(...) are not suppose to be used here. They are only suppose to be used in dialogue and though it's not a big deal I think this line could go without them. Also, sentences are usually better when they don't start with And. Here's another way that you might re-do this first paragrpah. Only a suggestion though. He's addicted to messy curls, bright blue eyes, the way the neck of her baggy blue sweater always slips down her left shoulder when she gestures too abruptly (the way she always does when she’s lecturing him on leaving crumbs), and those lips.
You Have:And he’s fairly certain that he’d better stop using the word “addicting”
*I think addicting would make more sense if it was addicted.
One more thing is the brackets that you use. There's nothing wrong with using them but in such a short piece you might want to cut down on them just a bit because it seems as if there is a few too many and it distracts from your piece.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nice work! I really like the idea of this and you write it well. I think just a bit of editing and fixing up and you would be able to pump up that rating. Well done!
Hey there This is very nice. I really like the originality in this! Works nicely! Another thing that I liked was the rhymes, though simple, they suited the peice very nicely. The imagery is also very well done in this! Some lines that were my favorites:
Fly to the crest
of the darkest tower
Hide in the depths
of the latest hour
*I really like this! Great imagery with a nice feel to it.
I think you've done really well with this! The title goes well and this isn't just another love poem like all the other ones. It has a really cool originality to it.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
You Have:and jill will follow
*I think jill should have a capital as does Jack.
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
The imagery was beautiful as was the emotion. My favorite line(s) was:
the same moon hangs in the sky
and I remember . . . . .
*I absolutely love the end of this! I think this line is beautiful and really shows so much emotion. Great work!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
I think it could help if you devloped more structure or form to this. That is, if you wanted to spend osme time with it and work on it more. I like what you have here it's just the flow is a little off.
the big white moon smiled.
*This line seems to be a bit off simply because of the word, "big". I know I'm being pretty picky here but that word is so simple. I think something like:
glistening, sparkling, etc. would suit it a bit better. Just a suggestion though.
Though the title definitely suits it, I would try to find something with a bit more originiality. I think it could draw readers in more if you had a title with more...flavour or originality.
Imagery:You start the imagery right off from the start and it is very beautiful!Definitely my favorite line would have to be the third one. The emotion and imagery in that is beautiful and the line itself it quite original. Nice work!
Flow:Flows beautifully for a poem without any specific structure or form. Very good work!
Feel/Mood:To me, I found the mood to be extremely sad. The more it went on the more I felt like I wanted to cry It was filled with so much strong emotion. A great sense of love and happiness and hope, but then at the same time that deep sadness that was the result of that goodbye. Very nice work in bringing me in with the keen sense of emotion felt in this poem.
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
The emotion was my favorite thing about this one. Ususally it's the imagery that stands out for me in a poem, but for this one it was definitely the emotion, not tha your imagery wasn't good. It was well done too!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
Really, I'm not sure whether I should suggest you put it in a form or not...so I think I'll just leave the up to you. If you like it the way it is then keep it that way.
YOu Have:The epitaph shall read
*Though you don't really have any puncuation in the rest of your poem I would still put this comma in after read. It just seems to help the flow a bit.
Another suggestion would be to see what the last six lines of you poem(right where the quotation marks start to the end of them) would look like in italics. I would just give it a try and if it doesn't look right then put it back to normal.
Imagery:There was some nice imagery in here that caught my eye. Here are some of my favorites:
The smile on your face warms my soul
*very nice imagery and nice emotion also.
You saw me with your tender eyes
*
Flow:Flowed pretty well.
Feel/Mood:The mood was definitely one of lvoe and you showed that clearly by you words. Nice work!
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I really like the title of this. It definitely caught my eye and I think it goes very nicely with your poem.
The ending is also well done!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
The reason why I rated it a 3.5 was because it seemed a bit dull. The idea was definitely good and though you did have some nice emoion and imagery as I mentioned above I thought it could use a bit more. I think with some work you could really pump up the rating of this. As it is now, it just seems a bit monotone...if that makes sense. I don't want to offend you though, because I really do think this is a nice poem with some true emotion it just needs a bit more depth. Another suggestion that might help is to put it into stanzas. I think this would really help.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nice work! I really did like this and I think with some work you could really make it even better. It has potential. Just work with it a bit. Well done!
Imagery:You have some really nice imagery in this. Here's some of my favorite line(s):
My mind and heart fights a battle
*nice work!
While my mind argues you have enslaved my heart
*great emotion along with the imagery!
For my soul I have surrendered to you.
*Love it!
Flow:Flows very well for a poem without rhyme or any specific form. Well done!
Feel/Mood:The feel is one of love and hope in my opinion. You really show this at the end!
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I love the idea and the overall poem. There are just a few things that you might want to fix up to get a higher rating.
I absolutely lvoe the ending. Beautiful way to end a very nice poem!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
You Have:Tears burns my eyes, staying unshed
* You should take the "s" off of "burns". It would flow better and make more sense.
YOu Have: For once, my mind do not lead my thoughts
*The "do" in this line should be replaced by "does".
It would look like this: For once, my mind does not lead my thoughts
Another suggestion is you might want to decided whether you want to use puncuation/grammar or not. For example: You Have:Tears burns my eyes, staying unshed
My hearts pounds faster in your presence
But beats only to live while you are away.
Because it has to.
You have periods in the last two lines, but the first line should have a period also and if you are going to use periods you probably should use all the rest(commas, etc.) so I suggest you add a comma at the end of the second line.
You Have:My mind and heart fights a battle
Both wanting me to follow them
My heart goes to you with all my love
While my mind argues you have enslaved my heart
Here you have no periods at all. I'm not going to continue on because I think you can probably figure out where you need the periods/commas yourself by just taking a quick run through.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nicely done! I think with some fixing up here and there you could really spice up this poem. It was nicely done!
Imagery:Not really too much imagery in this piece.
Flow:Flows pretty well for a poem without any rhyme. Well done!
Feel/Mood:The mood is kind of confusing. Actually, I think the mood is littlery one of confusion. This character doesn't exactly know how he feels.
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I like the idea of this. The kind of form thing you have going on is nice. Well done!
I also really love the ending. Great work there!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
My suggestions would be to make a bit more depth to it. I think you have a really good idea here but that you could expand on it and add more emotion and imagery to it. As it is now it's a bit dull. But it's definitely a good idea and I think it definitely has potential! Just try adding some more imagery, emotions...just depth to it.
You Have:I am not going to Die,
If i am without you.
I am not Living either.
*The i you have should be capital I
You Have:I am not going to become an Insane,
*I think you can take out the "an" in this. I thnk it flows better like that.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nice work! With a little editing I think you could really spice this piece up. Well done!
Hey there, Thank you for entering in my Write Away Contest. It's much apprecaited.
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I like the idea of this. The torture of the city and in a way I know what you mean. It's nice that you can get readers to relate.
I also like the iamgery in this. It's very well done! Here's my favorite line(s): To see trees -- and not be able to touch them,
is a punishment in itself.
To see the sun stretch a band across that ridge
while here, it conspires
with buildings, and fences,
to keep us in shadow --
is a torture for the creative soul.
*This is my favorite in your poem. Very nice imagery and feeling/tone.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
None really. Except I think if you really wanted to work on it, it might flow a bit better with some kind of form. Just a suggestion though.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nicely done!
*Winners will be announced within the next couple of days.
Hello, Syldanara
Here's my review of your piece, "Sappy"
Hey there, thanks for entering in my Write Away Contest. I really appreciate it!
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I really like the emotion put into this and the thought. What you say I imagine many poeple think about, at least I do so many readers can realte to this poem. Nicely done!
My only suggestion would be to cut it down some. For a poem it seemed a bit long and dragged a bit. Just a suggestion though.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, nicely done! I enjoyed reading this!
*Winners will be announced within the next couple of days.
Hey there Thank you for entering in my "Write Away Contest"! I really appreciate it!
Very beautiful entry. Truly enjoyable.
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I love the emotion in this. It rings clear and I can really relate to everything you're saying. The thought put into this is very beautiful and the words you use convey a lot of thought and emotion. Excellent work!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
None!
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, great work! Usually freeform poetry I find hard to read and usually find it would be better in some kind of form but for this poem I think it's beautiful the way it is. I really like the way you have it and I wouldn't change anything. Nicely done!
*Winners will be announced in the next couple of days.
Thank you for entering in my "Write Away Contest". I really apppeciate it!
This was a very cute piece. The ending really made me smile. Nice and original. Well done!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
The way you wrote this it was as if you purposelly used bad grammar with the guy. This guy had an accent of some sort(in my opinion from how you've written it) so the suggestions I did have for grammar I couldn't really put..lol. So I don't have any suggestion, other than I would try indenting the paragraphs. I liked how you spaced between them though. Makes it look nice.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, well done! I enjoyed reading this! Winners will be announced in the next couple of days.
This was nice. It showed a lot of emotion and I like that. You captured an essence of love nicely and this guys attraction and want for this girl. The Emotion is great in it!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
The on thing that drew away from this a lot is the ammount of grammar mistakes and mispellings, etc. I'm going to re-write the story below. I'm not adding anything new or anything like that, I'm just simply fixing up spellings, where there should be commas, where there should be capitals, etc. I'll try and point out the things that I changes with green color but sometiems it's hard to see so keep an eye out
His heart beats rapidly as he looks at his true love. He trembles at the site of her. He is tooafraid, but he knows he has to try. He must before his heart stops beating. He starts breathing hard as he walks up to her, his stomach throbbing with pain. His heartwas beating even louder than before. He is finally face to face with her. He is blinded by her beauty. Heaven is surly over her. But then he sees a man walking up to her, he calls her name gently and the girl walks away with him. He's lost. Pain reeking from him. Nothing matters to him anymore. Not even his own life.
One more thing. You have two different titles. One is Love or Hate and the other one is True Love. I would put one or the other, since I'm not sure which one is the right one.
Rhyme:You a some in it, but in no specific scheme. The rymes are goos though.
Imagery:There was some really nice imagery in this. Here's some of my favorite lines:
Deep pain of passion and anger, you were the
One that made love no stranger
*aweomse emotion in this along with nice imagery!
Hold the bow around my finger to never
Forget my reason to be, wanting to love some
One other than me
*more great imagery accompanied by a strong sense of love.
Flow:I find the flow to be the one thing that messes up your poem a bit. You have the poem in one big clump. Maybe try developing it into stanzas. You probably just mean it to be free-verse poetry and that's fine. It's just it might help the reader if the lines were seperated a bit. Just a suggestion thoughI find you ahve commas in this but no periods so it seems to run on and on with no real pause in the lines. I would try going through and inserting periods where needed. This would definitely help the flow.
Feel/Mood:The mood was one of love. It has a lot of emotion in this and that's what makes it a good read. Nice work with the emotion and feeling in this.
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I liked the title. Fits well with the poem and I also lvoe the ending. Good work!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
You Have:As I sit and wait for time to change it's
Pray, I'm crying aloud cause our GOD
*You might want to re-word this a bit. It doesn't seem to make much sense.
You Have:Called, and you went away, who could imagined
*I would change imagined to imagine.
You Have:I be missing the arguments and fights
*I would add the word "would" after "I"
You Have: I steel
Hold the bow around my finger to never
*Do you mean still instead of steel? Still would make more sense.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, good work! Just fix up the grammar a bit and seperate the lines a bit. Maybe work a bit on your wording and you could definitely pump up the rating. It has potential! If you work on it again, email me and I would be glad to come back and re-rate it for you. And one more thing. For your introduction to the peice, you ahve it all in caps. Maybe try small letters. Great work though! I enjoyed this!
Thanks for entering in my "Write Away Contest". I really appreciate it.
This entry was very nice, filled with excellent imagery. It was original too which was very nice. Some of my favorite lines would have to be:
Chants reached the air; parted and mingled,
*nice imagery here*
Beautiful how they danced with dirty feet,
Calloused were the hands that waved their fleece.
Oh, lovely how their culture showed through the mist!
And only for a second did I dare and breathe.
*This whole stanza was beautifully done! Both awesome imagery and emotion!!!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
My only suggestion would be to change the title. I would change it to something a bit more orignial and enticing, something that draws the reader in. The Natives seems a bit dull for this beautiful and original piece. Just a thought though.
Thanks for entering in my "Write Away Contest". Great entry!
This was very beautiful. Filled with plenty of imagery and equipped with some nice emotion. I still remember you for writing the Bugler. It was one of my favorites poems I've read on the site yet. This one is another example of your talent. Great work with it. My favorite part is the last stanza:
Earth was quiet
and all would know,
her frozen tears
were pure white snow.
I also love the originality of this. Great way to think of where snow came from.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
Sorry, but I don't have any for this. Oh, maybe bold the title or underline it...lol. Not a big suggestion, but at least it's one.
This was a really nice piece filled with a lot of emotion. The imageryw as very well done and for the most part the flow was pretty good. I really love the title in this! It definitely drew me into your poem right from the start. Some of my favorite lines were:
It hurts like a wound
That hasn’t healed yet,
*I think this shows a great depth of emotion!
And I became afraid
Of the love you gave
Made me feel too much inside.
*great work!
Very nice job with this!
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
You Have:I sit here alone within myself
And miss you so bad,
*I would change the comma to a period.
You Have And the amazing times..
*I would get rid of the extra dot.
You Have:Wishing Id have known
*I noticed this a lot throughout your poem. Id should look like this: I'd
*I'll let you go through your poem and see where else there needed.
You Have:And though Ive tried
*Ive should look like this: I've
You Have: On one hand I'm angry
That you pushed me away,
But on the other one
Now you are gone
I just can't feel okay.
* I would add the word "hand" after one in the second line. It'd look like this:
On one hand I'm angry
That you pushed me away,
But on the other one hand
Now you are gone
I just can't feel okay.
You Have:I know its goodbye,
Its too late now to cry,
* its should be this: it's
this goes for the one in the second line also.
One last thing is that I would try shortening this up a bit. It seemed to drag a bit. Just a bit though.
This was truly beautiful. The emotion and imagery play a huge part in this! Such a show of love in this. It was oozing out of every word. I really felt what you feel for this baby. Awesome job with the emotion!!
The imagery in this was another thing that was absolutely beautiful! Some of my faovrites lines were:
My baby is desire,
Like the smooth caress of the wind on a hot summer’s day.
*Awesome imagery to start the reader off!*
Eyes that burn and sear through my soul,
Seeing all that words could never say.
*beautiful!
My baby is heat,
Cloaking me in arms that could warm the coldest of nights.
*
Awesome job with the imagery! The structure was well done! I found no grammar mistakes either.
Suggestions:
You Have:Seeing all that words could never say.
*HI stumbled just a bit over this. You could try to re-word it. I found myself wanting to say something like this: Seeing all the words that I could never say.
*This could change the meaning around a bit though...maybe just experiment a bit with it. Or if you want leave it the way it is. It's not that big of a deal, I'm jsut being extrememly picky.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, great work on this! I really enjoyed reading this piece and I especially enjoyed all the emotion that filled this poem. The ending was my faovrite! I think you really ended it with a bang. Great job! Nice work with the image above this also! Touches the poem up a bit and adds a nice touch.
Great job with this! Rhymes were all perfect as was the flow. I love the way this poem was written. Great emotion throughout. The title matches great with the poem also! Of course, my favorite part is:
We must not judge sins of others,
Lest, others judge our own.
On earth there is no one worthy
Of casting the first stone.
*Right from the start you draw the reader in with this stanza and you end it just as well! Great work with this!
Thanks for entering in my Write Away Contest I appreciate it!
This was another well done piece. I've just read your sisters work also. You all did a great job with showing more about you in each poem. Nice colors in this. Good job!
lol, your the third one with this kind of poem. I've read your other two sisters also. This is really cool how you guys all did the same kind of poem! Very unique. I've enjoyed all of them including yours. Very nicely done! Tells a lot about you. It's cool how I can see the differences between you all.
Great work!
haha, I just read your sisters work. You both did a great job with these. The more I read them the mroe I want to try out this cool form. Nice use of WritingML. Great job to let people know more about you!
By the way, I really like both your names, Gracious Palm and Celestial Hunter.
Thank you for entering in my Write Away Contest I really appreciate it!
This was very beautiful. The colors add a really nice touch to it. I really like the way it was done. I've never seen this done before, but it's definitely something I would like to someday try. Tells quite a bit about you in such a short time.
Very nicely done!
Imagery:Some awesome imagery in this. Here's some I really liked: Take the moon from the sky,
take the stars as well -
You've taken all the dreams
and left me in a living hell.
*awesome start!!!*
The bitterness and anger
went through me like a knife,
*a lot of strong emotion in this! great work!
*There was a lot I liekd in this! Great imagery throughout.
Flow:Flows perfectly
Feel/Mood:The mood is a sense of sadness, anger, and hopelessness. You really bring these emotions out in this poem. Beautifully done!
Likes: Things that I specifically thought were good in your piece or that brought out your piece in some way.
I love the title and the way it goes with the poem. Really nicely done!
My favorite part:
Take the moon from the sky,
take the stars as well -
You've taken all the dreams
and left me in a living hell.
Suggestions: Things in your piece that could be changed to improve it. However, this is only my opinion
I really only have one suggestion. In the last stanza, 3rd lines you have this: You've taken all the dreams
*Just a thought but I think it might sound a bit better if you changed the "the" into a my. So the line might look like this: You've taken all my dreams
Just a thought though.
Overall: My overall thoughts on the piece
Overall, great job with this. An awesome poem that I really enjoyed reading. Great work!
Keep up the good work! Write On!
DaRkSkYe
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Nice poem. It has a lot of emotion and thought into it that draws the reader into it. Well done!
Suggestions:
My big suggestion that I think would help the rating of this poem is too add more depth to it. You have emotion, but add some more imagery so that the reader can picture more. This would help a lot.
Overall:
Overall, nice work. This has some nice potentail. Some editing here and there would really help. 
Fly to the crest
Likes:
but that word is so simple. I think something like:
Rhyme:There was none. 
Imagery:You start the imagery right off from the start and it is very beautiful!Definitely my favorite line would have to be the third one. The emotion and imagery in that is beautiful and the line itself it quite original. Nice work!
Flow:Flows beautifully for a poem without any specific structure or form. Very good work!
Feel/Mood:To me, I found the mood to be extremely sad. The more it went on the more I felt like I wanted to cry
