Hello, oliver 
This is a review of your piece, "Secret Keeper" 
 Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.
Characters: You developed the character of Giovanna very well throughout this story! You show her personality in the way she talks and what she thinks. Well done!
Plot: I really love the idea of this story! I think you've really got something here, but you just need to expand it more. There needs to be more to it.
Beginning/Ending: I like the beginning. I think you start it off well, making the reader wonder what exactly you mean my secret keeper. However, I find the ending does not suit the piece. It seems like it ends suddenly. I think you should expand on this story, at least towards the end so that the reader is not left hanging so much.
Structure:You're structure is good. Though a lot of commas in the wrong places and spelling errors.
 Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.
 Going through school, and stuff, well I guess you could call me the “Secret Keeper” because for some odd reason people, were like drawn to me. Like in fifth grade this boy that was popular and cute, well he came up to me at lunch…
- Omit the comma after the word "school". Omit the comma after the word, " people". Try not to use the word, "Like" too much either. It seems a bit repetitive after a while.
“ Hey, you,” Luke Falster, walked up to me.
- I would re-write the sentence something like this:
"Hey you!" Luke Falster walked up to me.
as I licked the extra cupcake of my fingers.
-of should be off
Luke pointed to Mandy Walker, the blondest girl in school, she waved to us then resumed eating.
- I would put a period after the word school and make the last part of the sentence into a new sentence, like this:
Luke pointed to Mandy Walker, the blondest girl in school. She waved to us then resumed eating.
“ Yep, what a blond,” I said then stuffed three grape in my mouth.
- Comma after the word then.
“ Well, I sort of have a crush on her,” He sad now sitting comfortably on the table.
- sad should be said. He should not be capitalized. Add a comma after the word said.
“That’s cool,” I sad and shrugged my shoulders.
- sad should be said.
He walked over and asked her, and long story short, she sad yes.
-sad should be said.
“ Oh, yeah my secret keeper,” He said this nonchalantly and I looked at him curious.
- He should not be capitalized. curious should be curiously.
“ Well it was hardly a secret, oh never mind, can I ask you a question?”
- Comma after the word Well. I would also re-write the sentence like this to help the flow:
“ Well, it was hardly a secret. Oh never mind, can I ask you a question?”
“ Sure,” He spoke with his mouth full and he might have spit on me,
- He doesn't need to be capitalized.
So I could tell you that my dad hit me, or that I cheated on the math test, and you wouldn’t say a word,”
- Comma after the word So
Then Tiffany Newman came up to me holding her brand new, red leather backpack with her name embroidered on it,
- comma after the word then
“ Hi,” Tiffany waved to me, I waved back and smiled,
- Period after the word me instead of a comma.
“ No actually, I just don’t have a life,” I explained this, but she smiled happily.
- Comma after the word No instead of the word actually.
“ Jo what’s wrong, I mean your usually quiet, but-”
- your should be you're. Try re-writing the sentence something like this as well:
“ Jo, what’s wrong? I mean your usually quiet, but-”
Buddy didn’t say a word, we walked three blocks together and I looked at him curiously, but he just looked down. I would put a period after the word "word" and Capitalize the word "we". Like this:
Buddy didn’t say a word. We walked three blocks together and I looked at him curiously, but he just looked down.
He didn’t speak until we reached or front steps,
- or should be our.
How could he agree with Luke, how could he say something so mean to me, his favorite sister, how?
- Try re-writing the sentence like this instead of using all the commas:
How could he agree with Luke? How could he say something so mean to me, his favorite sister?
he eats way to much of anything my mom or grandma makes,
- to should be too
eyes that seemed to be sensitive and loving,
- Period at the end of this instead of a comma.
What I am saying is that though people don’t know you and don’t want to get to know you, but you in the end will be the only sane person left, and...most successful. Someday, they’ll be begging for your life-”
 Overall:
My overall thoughts.
Overall, you've got a great idea here! It just needs to be expanded upon and the punctuation and grammar fixed up so that your story can be read easier. Keep working on this! Thank you for sharing. 
Keep up the good work!
Write On!
Darkskye
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Likes:
My favorite stanza is the first one! Perfect beginning.