I think this is a very nice Christmas story and one I found to be interesting and rather sweet. I'll go through some grammar mistakes first 
 Editing:
You Have: settled into my recliner with my bible.
 I would suggest adding a capital to bible: Bible
You Have: Perhaps if I read the Gospel accounts of what Christmas is really about I can focus on Jesus tomorrow instead of my lonely little self.
I would add a comma after about.
You Have: I immediately did as I was told and knocked sharply, and as I did, my heart jumped within me.
I think you could re-word this a little so that you don't have two ands. Normally two ands wouldn't be a big deal, but it seems to disrupt this sentence.
You Have: The door swung open in an instant, and once inside I saw the owner of that voice sitting at a table in the center of the room.
I would add a comma after inside and use the word the instead of that(before voice).
You Have: Although it was somewhat dark inside, I knew deep within in was my Lord Jesus.
I think you meant to say it after within instead of in.
You Have: I nodded yes still holding His hand.
I would add a comma after yes.
You Have: I wanted to tell Him that I would go anywhere He wanted me to and that I would do anything He asked of me, but I could not manage to speak even one word.
after doing some research, I find a lot of articles say the word "that" should be used as little as possible. So, whenever you feel you can take out the word"that" then you should. In this sentence, I feel you can take out all the "thats". I would also change the "could not" to "couldn't". After you do all this, here's what the sentence might look like:
 I wanted to tell Him I would go anywhere He wanted me to and I would do anything He asked of me, but I couldn't manage to speak even one word.
You Have: He explained further, that I would actually be present at His birth, but that with the exception of His mother Mary and the angels, the other people I would encounter would not see me.
Again, you can take out the second, "that" and the sentence would be fine. But, you see how you can't take out the first one because then the sentence would be disrupted.
You have: The long hard journey they had just made had taken it’s toll on her, and it was shown on her face.
I would add a comma after long.
You Have: Joseph stopped and said a few words to her and went inside the Inn.
I would try re-wording this sentence, also, because there is three ands and it doesn't seem to flow that well.
 That's about it for grammar. You had no misspellings. Overall, the grammar was nicely done. Good job!
 Likes:
I like the overall theme of your story. It shows some nice potential and I think your doing the story well.
I like how you kind of introduce the character before jumping right into the story. It helps the reader learn more about your character, thus, being able to relate and associate with what she is feeling. Nicely done!
You spaced between paragraphs.
Dislikes/Suggestions:
Indent, Indent, Indent.
I find in some places, you trail on with ands. I think I've pointed out one or two. Try going through the story and re-wording anything that seems to disrupt the flow of the story, or drag on.
At some parts, you tell rather than show the description. For example:
The long hard journey they had just made had taken it’s toll on her, and it was shown on her face.
Your telling this, rather than showing it. Try describing her face. The lines that maybe crease along her forhead. The roughness, her eyes, the way her hands may have blisters. Show the long journey that has taken its toll on her. Don't just state it, then leave it at that. Description helps your reader get involved in your story and one of my suggestions would be to add more desciption. This is one place in your story, but I think there is a couple more places also. Again, re-read and make your story come to life.
*floewr3* Overall:
I think you've done a good job with this! A little work and you'd have a great Christmas tale. Good job!
Write On!!
darkskye
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Rhyme:You do good with rhymes for the most part, but here are some palces that you might want to work on them:
We could save for just a few years,
Imagery:The imagery is really nice. Here's some I really liked:
Flow:Flows well, but as I said above it could be better with a little work on the rhyme. Other than that though, nicely done!
Suggestions:
Overall:
I can tell you were very strict with this because of the way you did it and it must have been very difficult. Though all your hard work payed off because it really is a very nice piece.My favorite lines would have to be:
It made me smile and remember some good times I had at Christmas. To me, at the end it has a little bit of a sad touch but that could just be me. I like it though. Nice job.
Dislikes: