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Review Requests: ON
1,125 Public Reviews Given
1,366 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of On Capitol Hill  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings, Christopher Roy Denton . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction: You put forth a very good point with this poem. Overall, you did a nice job putting a bit of a political twist to poetry. It's interesting, brings up some history and even puts to use vocabulary that can be appreciated by a reader. Some of the flow with the sentence structure and formatting from the form felt a little off for me, but others will have different reactions based on their own reading of the poem.


Prompt: This round, the prompt required a poem that related to politics in some way or fashion. Makes it simple to both follow for the author but also easy for the judge to find. You have a poem and it involves politics, so that makes it work for the contest.


Form: I was not very familiar with the form though I've read some that follow the structure. The use of any form was extra and an added bonus. I am kind of interested as to why this particular form was chosen. There are so many forms available, the question always comes to mind as to whether it was a random pick or had some more purpose behind it.

Judging by the information I found on the form (the link didn't work for me), it does look like you followed it well. This one can be a bit tough because you have to pick particular words that are going to have enough options to fit the rhyme scheme, but also find something to repeat at the last lines.

For me, while the copied line chosen makes sense for the topic and form, something about the flow of the piece felt a little off for me. The last line or two had a feeling of being extra, not quite connected. This is just a general experience with me as the reader, though, and someone else will have a different perspective.

One suggestion I have with the form is to maybe put more information in the item instead of just the link because some might not want to take the effort to search out the rules of the form in order to see how well the poem followed the guidelines. To put it in so that it doesn't distract from the actual poem, I recommend using the dropnote option. That way more information is available on the page for anyone interested but it doesn't take any focus away from the important part, the poem.


Favorite Part:
While Senators scheme with duplicitous skill,
Americans fight for their liberty still,


Other Notes: Nice work in creating a political poem for the official site contest for November. We appreciated the entry and the time you took in order to create it. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the contest, prompt and the product you created.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
102
102
Review of Remission List  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Rhyssa .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.

First Impression: Nicely done story that includes an emotional element with character focus while following a prompt. I liked this approach even though there is some aspect of having been done with the topic of the remission list (similar to bucket list and other types). The characters went well with the approach and the emotional element is one that different readers can enjoy.


Prompt: The contest involved a quotation based prompt that required an interpretation while combining a topic into a short story. This time around it was a prompt that focused on the encouragement of exploring/doing something instead of regretting not taking action. Or something along those lines as some interpretation is up to how the writer perceives the paragraphs provided. The story is easy enough for the judges and anyone who is aware of the prompt to see some influence, which meant it qualified for the contest.


Story Thoughts: As stated in the first impression section, I appreciated the approach with this story. It's enjoyable in character and conflict. The characters meld together well and we get to see aspects of their lives enough to show the story within the limits of the word count requirement for the contest.

On the technical side, you did well in the creation of the entry. Nothing stood out or distracted during the reading process. I'm not always a big proponent of first person as I tend to stick with third, but in this case, I think it worked quite well. And the choice in whose point of view to follow was a good choice. Might be interesting to see his side if feeling like having a fun challenge in doing the same story in different perspectives but overall, the way it is written is a good choice.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this story for the site contest months ago. We appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the process of coming up with the story based on the quotation prompt. Well done.


Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
Review of Rainbow's End  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.

First Impression: Not where I expected things to go in the light of the prompt and with where we started, but overall an interesting story. It has a little character and some adventure with a bit of a not quite expected type of ending. I liked the approach taken in this regard and could appreciate things as a reader even within the limited confines of the contest requirements.


Prompt: This round had a quote with potential both in obvious forms and a wide range of ways to interpret the concept provided. General goal is to have some connection to the quote that the judge can find. Your use did well in that regard and thus the story qualified for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Nice approach with the given prompt. It's a developed story line, got some character involved and they do stuff. Don't always see that though is somewhat expected in stories, just hard in some of the lower word counts for some writers. I like where you went with this one even though the ending isn't as happy as I might have liked. In the case of the situation, it was fitting and you worked up to that point well. Granted, I could always want more character, seeing more of the world but let's face it, in these contests we do have to keep the word counts to the limit and you managed to put a decent amount in while putting forth a story that is short.


Final Comments: Nice work overall. On the technical side you did well in the creation of the story. Sure, if you felt like editing, developing sentence structures and the what not to tighten this up a bit you could look at a couple of points. A few adverbs could be cut out or reworded perhaps. Or some of the connections to dialogue known as saidisms (things used instead of said) could be eliminated in place of just either said or keep to more of having actions and things around the dialogue. There are simple things like that, which don't make or break the story so aren't required but things you could do if you decided to work on it a little more. Still, nicely done.

Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and creating this story for the contest. We appreciated your entry.


Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
104
104
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Graham Solo .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.


First Impression: Fun approach with the use of heroes and action to create a story inspired by the prompt. Gave something for the judges that was a little out of the norm along with snippets of characters through dialogue to showcase things happening with a quick jump in from the start.


Prompt: The prompt is a different one than some of the other official contests as it's based off using a quotation in order to come up with a story. It had the option of a literal approach while also giving room for interpretation, which made for interesting results. In this case, the prompt can be seen as inspiring the story enough for it to have qualified for the challenge.


Story Thoughts: Overall, this is a fun story with potential. I like the super hero element in particular, which has such a great range for drawing readers in with character and a way to put forward action that isn't always an option. And can start with action, drawing someone in at once.

However, it feels more like a partial view of a story that was stunted due to the contest's word count limits. You had to make some decisions and get the story to the place you want all while keeping it under 2000 words, which is part of the challenge with writing for the officials. However, it also gave the story a limit and slightly disconnected feel. A portion of the action is stunted because some of the details are left out in order to not go over the limit.

And while I like dialogue, in this case, it seems like too much is used compared to other elements. This leaders to many shorter paragraphs and pushes the speed of the story a little too fast so that I ended up feeling like I was missing elements. It throws off the pacing, at least for me. The story overall becomes a little too jumpy and I think that it will get better over time now that you can ignore word count limits (at least have much more room compared to 2k) and really develop things further. Even as a scene, there is room to grow, to write more and beyond that as a complete story you have many options from here.


Final Comments: Thank you for entering the site's official contest and taking the time to come up with the entry based off a quotation prompt. Hope you enjoyed the challenge and the story you created.


Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
105
105
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFi .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.


First Impression: I'm familiar with your writing at this point, which means in some ways have an idea of what I might find within one of the stories entered/written and this was no exception. It showed the strongest aspect I've found with your writing, which is the creation of the world along with the imagination to develop something quite interesting. As for the story, some great things and also some elements that miss the mark for me as the reader but we'll get into that soon enough.


Prompt: A creative and different approach taken to the prompt, which this time around involved the use of inspiration from a quotation focused on the question of taking action instead of letting life pass by or some other interpretation of the inspiring quote. The entry worked enough within that realm with what the character was considering in taking action along with a little difference in not just world but how the character speaks in hesitations within the story. Qualifies for the contest, which is the important factor.


Story Thoughts: As expected and already mentioned, you do a great job in the creation of the different world along with the characters that fit well within those realms. It has potential but also feels limited by the 2000 word count requirements of the contest entered. A few elements in particular stuck out for me so I'll focus the rest of the review on that.

The characters are interesting and it has a straight concept. But I do have to admit that parts of it felt like there was too much dialogue. It was more the characters saying what had "happened" than anything and this made me wish I had the action going on instead of hearing about what at the time seems like in the aftermath.

Oh the dream element... I have to admit the aspect of having a large portion of the story be dream or other methods of not reality ends up bringing with it some disappointment. Aside from the general recommendation to avoid such, I will say it's going to be hard most of the time to pull off the "it was a dream" without causing some disappointment. Most of the time I'm not a fan and there are other readers who will feel the same, though there probably are some who really would enjoy that fact.

I enjoyed the world and some of the elements discussed but like I often find happens I need more, so much more.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this story and entering the official contest for April. We appreciated the entry and hoped you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
Review of Pleasure Cruise  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and offering your perspective using the quotation based prompt.


First Impression: The title gives a peek of interest and plays off a little with the tension/drama that gets created throughout. Though at first it made me wonder where the cruise element comes in but get the suggestion once I've read the story and see the usage of the prompt as well, which is needed when reading this as the judge. It goes beyond the prompt though too, so others who see the story at random will get a good read without having even known the quotation that worked as inspiration.


Prompt: This round involved a quotation dealing with taking the risk and sailing out of safe harbor for adventures that might exist in other places. At one point I wasn't quite sure where the link would come. There is a bit of ship elements near the end but I do see the main pull from the prompt is more in how the one character tells the other she might regret not doing anything 20 years later. And of course how that gets twisted at the very end. Works enough to qualify for the contest for sure.


Story Thoughts: In general, you did a fair job in the creation of the story for the contest.

On the technical side, when it comes to the feel and flow of the story, I did appreciate that there is a decent balance between longer and shorter paragraphs/sentences. You have dialogue, some description and action involved throughout. I can't quite place the source but over half way through it began to feel a little long for me but then it draws to the bigger problem the character faces near the end. Not a negative thing, just something I noticed as it was a feeling I got as the reader and others will have different experiences when they read the short story.

The end both makes sense and is a little surprising. Like I can see how we got there as it works with the overall approach but at the same time it wasn't so obvious that I knew at the start how it would go. Not a bright ending but had its reasons for cutting things off at that point.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this entry for the quotation inspired official site contest. Hope you enjoyed the challenge and the prompt that was offered.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
107
107
Review of The Only Way Out  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today in connection with {ritem:} as part of the challenge.

Title:
The title and description are to the point in that one has a way to catch a reader's attention while the d3escription discusses the contests entered along with prompt. It is helpful though at some point, the description could be used to give a little teaser about the story, which probably wouldn't be longer than the actual story since it's micro fiction.


Overall Reaction:
Ahh.. I see what you did there. It was pretty easy to understand the story while still having that little element of surprise. Kind of fun twist to the story about someone hiring a hitman. And quite a good job considering the very minimal word count limit required for the contest entered. That does make it feel a bit abrupt and there are definite limitations to the scene because it had to be so short but it still worked out quite well.


Characters/Story:
Bit of an odd set of characters. We get limited detail on either since it's a bit a micro fiction. The focus is on the conversation and what is about to happen. It does have a little character shown while also having a bit of plot, which is a challenge in general let alone within the limit of micro fiction.

The story works in what you are trying to create. However, I will admit the line near the middle where the character is both worried about guilt in having a hand in someone's death and how it wouldn't last long did cause a slight stall for me. I was already getting where the story was going with who was being hired and who the target might but, so it the guilt, while marginal, came off a little strange. Though I'm sure it's difficult to pick the right wording with that small word count goal.

Don't think the character will make it far if running though. *Wink*

Contest:
I considered this contest as well. It's kinda fun even if the word count limit is way too low for me. Had to listen to the song to get a little context in order to see how this might fare in considering the contest entered. The story does involve reference to money and a form of a hit, so can see influence of prompt. It's a bit of a trippy song, isn't it? Will be interesting to see what the judge thinks when the round ends along with what other people create for the same prompt.


Final Comments:
Nice work in taking the prompt and coming up with this quirky little bit of micro fiction. Good luck in the contest and keep writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review of Gratitude  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello 💙 Carly

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title is simple, straight forward and yet enticing. I like the choice and it made the most sense considering the focus of the poem. At times, I would find it a little too easy of an approach with the title and the first word being the exact same thing but for this one, I think it's the right decision.


Overall Comments:
A very nice approach to the challenge of writing a six line poem that had a particular form but wasn't given an exact topic/prompt to follow. Those can be tricky when writing for a competition because there is so much room for anything. It can be freeing but also very challenging, whether writing a poem or a story.

The topic is pleasant and one that various readers will appreciate. No matter how they come upon the poetic musings presented, they will find a nicely created item to read. Made me wonder what different people would produce if the topic/prompt had been that of gratitude. Interesting to think about.


Form:
Thank you for having a note at the very bottom of the poem. It was good to know even though the poem would have stood on its own without having the reader know the information. I do kinda visual a couplet as having a space between each duo of lines but that probably isn't an actual standard, just something that comes to my mind when I think of a couplet. The extra bit was also interesting but a nice element to provide since the reader has the option to read those details. It is a nice use of the drop-note feature.


Favorite Part:
Gratitude surrounds me like a shawl

This is just a pleasant line and visual. It's a great start to the poem and gave me something to imagine. Made me sort of wish I had a shawl right now in fact. Even with the metaphorical elements since the focus is on gratitude there is much more involved and yet this is just a single line.


Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the contest that you entered with this particular poem. Keep Writing!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review of A Donkey's Tale  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Cheri Annemos

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2018"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title is quite important in the case of this particular poem. That and the description of the poem in the small section below it help to provide enough details of what the reader should expect before they get to the actual poem. The only downside might be that without the title I wouldn't have known that we are given the point of view from a donkey. Might have been able to guess that it's an animal and consider the options based on context but it wouldn't have been as obvious without the title/item description.


Overall Thoughts:
This is a nice approach and should work well considering the contest that sparked the creation of the poem. Things look quite well on the technical side. The only thing that caught my attention from a slight stumble is the minor difference the last stanza has compared to the other two. It's not an error or anything of that nature, just having a slight difference in the number of sentences caught my attention. The first two stanzas have two sentences while the last stanza has the one so when I got to that part, my mind wanted to keep going with the same pattern of the first. It still has the pause with the comma but my mind wanted a slightly longer one with a period instead but that's just me and how I read it.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhyme at the ends of the lines are easy enough to spot but they don't stand out too much either. It's a nice balance. The only thing may be that in the second stanza the rhyme isn't as strong in comparison, but it's only really noticeable when I look at the poem specifically to consider the rhyme scheme. It's actually not something that stands out during a quick, initial read so others probably won't even notice such.


Favorite Part:
The time passes slowly
accompanied only by her sweet song.


Other Comments:
Good luck to you with the contest that you entered. Hope it goes well and you're having fun with this weekly challenge of writing and entering a contest on the site every single week.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
110
110
Review of Bliss  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings, Big Red . I found your poem and have some thoughts to offer over the poem that you posted here on the site.


General Reaction:
The title in particular caught my attention and drew me to the poem.

I like the subject matter that comes from the title and matching end line in particular. Bliss is a concept that lends itself well to poetry. I do find, however, that while this is a very short poem, I'm left wondering if there could be more. I had a question to where this might go in relation to bliss but didn't get very far within the very short poem.

Still, was a nice, pleasant little read.


Form/Technique:
On the technical side, something you could work on is comma placement. There are some spots where you need to add a space after the comma. And a couple of the lines have the opposite problem where there is a space between the word and the comma that is after it. Just a slight edit can fix that element.

A thought of fresh desire is nothing Ill, - This line I had a struggle with in part because of the last word. With the font of the site, until I copy and pasted it to the review tool it almost looked like three l instead of ill. Is there a reason for the capital letter there? I do see the word choice is in part from the rhyme scheme but could consider other options or maybe it will help to not have the capitalization at least. Something to consider at least.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
There is a noticeable rhyme scheme within this small poem that follows an easy structure of two lines per stanza. Easy enough for any reader to see the having rhyme at the end of each line within the short stanzas without coming off as too forced. A decent job with the approach to the rhyme and rhythm of the poem with room to develop if you decide to work more on the poem in the future.


Favorite Part:
Suspense ,leading up to what may be the end,
Watching ideas break and fall and bend,

- I liked the sounds of these line in particular from the poem and how it developed around the topic of the poem. It is interesting to consider watching ideas and to have them bend or even break.



Overall, nice work with the poem. Thank you for sharing it here on WDC.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
111
111
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello PureSciFiPlus .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: As I would expect, being somewhat familiar with your writing, the story takes a very interesting and different approach when considering the prompt provided and how you used it. The reporter and the crowd drawn to the snowman gave this a creative approach.


Prompt: The prompt is rather simple due to the contest requiring not much more than to show an inspiration from the image provided. This round the image came in the form of a sand/snowman that had to come into play in the story entered. We get this in the entry and thus it qualified for the contest. Though the use of the picture as a picture does get an overdone, almost too easy approach but you manager to counter than by how you create the rest of the story.


Story Thoughts: The situation is a different one but not overly so. It's not so out of place and it's one that the reader can follow with the main character being a good focal point. There is the drawing of people to the sand/snowman and also Elizabeth's focus to the point she breaks it down wanting to find answers. And what this does well is bring up questions, something that is helpful with a story.

I'm not quite sure why she can't be a reporter any more by the end of the story, however. I like some of the elements of questions and the way things go about but also still do get minor confusion over the result.

While I appreciate the use of bringing up the font size, even the use of bold to help make it easier for more people to read, in this particular case, it's a little too far on both. Having this particular size with the bold was a little harder for me and I would have preferred to have it down at least one size. Not a big deal, but a personal preference as the reader.

And the very end of the story is missing one minor point. The paragraph is set up as dialogue but just has the one " and doesn't have the ending mark. Minor but something that is noticeable, especially with it being the very end of the entire story.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this story for the official site contest with the December round that used a sand/snowman image as the prompt. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge and writing the story.

Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello LegendaryMask❤️ .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: While used a common factor in relation to the sandy snowman character, you managed to take something often used while going a very different route. The character helps provide the twist with her being a journalist trying to get the scoop on the situation of the strange, non-snow snowman.


Prompt: The prompt is simple in the requirement because it asks for the writer to get inspiration from an image of a snowman made out of sand. We had to see that at some point within the story and it was easy enough to find as the judge, especially since it's even within the title.


Story Thoughts: While the name Sandy was a common one for the contest entries, due to the particular image prompt, what you do beyond that is what helps get your story to stand out a little more in the crowd. And it some ways, how you took what we know of the story of the snowman(the song) and created something similar yet very different, that was a point that stood out as the reader.

On the technical side, you do a decent job. The only thing I'd really suggest is maybe separate some of the paragraphs when it has dialogue and actions from different characters. Like the ones where she will say something or act and in the same paragraph someone else, like Jeff for example, will then have dialogue too. Those are better on their own instead of together within the same paragraph.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the end with the camera line. In some ways, think it works quite well with the overall approach of the story. On the other hand, it almost feels a bit too done as well and not quite a strong ending for the particular entry. Hit or miss, for me at least but some readers will really like it even if a couple others may not have the same opinion. And either way, you manage to create a whole story within the limited frame that the contest allows as far as the word count in concerned.

Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time and entering the official site contest for December. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the image prompt and that you had fun coming up with the story.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
113
113
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello fyn .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: It's a fun story and one that I could appreciate despite the sometimes flustering use of a change in the end that can irritate some readers (will spoil which element later in the review so spoiler for later if other people read the review aside from the author). The title is easy to catch considering the popularity of the song, which was commonly heard in December and will draw someone in to see what happens for a Christmas in Hawaii.


Prompt: The prompt is on the simple side in that the contest requires use of a particular image to create a story and nothing more. In this round, we had to see how the picture of the sand/snowman influenced the story created. Easy enough to find in your piece so that qualifies for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Overall, the writing is well done. There might be a minor edit or two needed, but they are on minor things like missing a quotation mark for part of a dialogue near the end of the story. Just take another quick scan through, or read it backward, one sentence at a time and you'll get the tiny little edits points fixed.

It's kind of fun with the situation around the holiday. The characters have a little surprise but then take things in, accepting the different atmosphere of a time where they are used to colder weather and different settings.

Some will be less interested in the end with the dream element to the story. It's not that it can't be done, just some readers don't like when they read about something only to find out the whole situation was nothing more than a dream. The end does work in relation to the story overall, though.

The conflict is on the smaller side, too, as we do get a little something to help develop the story for the contest but it's nothing major. The sort of conflict is getting stranded and then how they handle it, but that's part of what makes the dream end a little down for some because the issue never really happened. For contest, on the other hand, having a lighter level of conflict can make it struggle to stand out within the pack of entries.


Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to enter the official contest in December. We appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed using the prompt to create this story.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
114
114
Review of A Year's End  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BlackAdder .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: Overall, this is an okay story that focuses on two characters who are dealing with the end of their year on holiday. They have interactions starting first as strangers and meet again which has the potential story wise but the overall result is a little lack luster in the end.


Prompt: The image prompt of the contest is one that is simple and easy to spot for most readers. We needed to see how the picture of the sand/snowman and how it influenced the creation of the story submitted. Was able to see the use of the prompt within your entry easy enough and that's all we needed in regard to the contest at least.


Story Thoughts: Overall, you did a nice work on the technical side of creating this story. Nothing that distracts or causes stumbles for the reader, which is appreciated.

The main issue for me is that there isn't something to really make this story stand out. On it's own, it's fine, but in the range of considering the contest it doesn't have enough to the characters or a strong enough plot to really stand out. We see glimpses into the situation going on but the conflict level is on the lower end of the spectrum.

A new year is a good time to place the story and considering the small personal struggles the characters are facing, it does make sense whether considering the time of the prompt or the month of the contest or not. Either way, that element works and does help give something to the story.

And I did like the beginning. The two characters have a believable yet interesting way of interacting. They match well together for a story and create a bit of a spark that is easy enough to see within the first half even though they aren't going to go anywhere in particular.

Even the ending has some elements that work in it favor. It does have a complete feel, which can be a challenge in the word count. However, it's also not the strongest either. Gets us there but in a light fair with less of a stand out, remember me type of approach. Not bad for a story but in a contest does put it a little more in the middle of the pack.



Final Comments: Thank you for taking the time to create this story for the site official contest from December. I hope you enjoyed the image prompt provided and the story you came up with for it.

Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello JA .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site. Sorry for sending these out so late and hope that the comments are still helpful.

First Impression: A bit of a different story with a central focus on the main character. I did find appeal to the story and the struggles of the MC as she tries to find something lost.


Prompt: *CheckG* This does qualify for the contest because it was easy enough to see that the prompt was used. It wasn't at the very start of the story but we get the stand, the girl and you managed to work some form of conflict despite having a static image to work with for the contest. That is the challenge with the image based one. While it is often easy enough to find as a judge, the image can be a challenge in order to create a strong story, depending on how the writer approaches their take on things.


Story Thoughts: It's not a grandiose, big story or conflict but you managed to put in a couple of things not everyone gets within something so short. I see a character that the reader can focus on along with an issue, problem/conflict that helps create the story. It's a good idea with the focus on trying to find something lost that is so important to the main character. There is also room to develop if you want to make things bigger and delve into the character, surroundings and what she is missing, but you can keep it short if that is what you prefer too. It works either way.


Final Comments: You did a pretty good job on the technical side of the writing for this entry piece. Nice work in coming up with an entry for the contest months ago.

Just a couple of minor things stood out for me. On in particular was the consistency of paragraph structure. It's not too bad or anything, just something I notice as a reader and that is you put space between some paragraphs but not all of them. Personally, when reading online I do really appreciate the space between a paragraph. With reading on the laptop/computer, it is so much easier on the eyes and helps to keep it from looking like a block of text. You have spacing for the most part but there are a few spots where it looks like the paragraphs are put together instead of spaced out like the rest of the story. An easy fix. And a couple of them it looks like there was an "enter" or "return" depending on your keyboard, done in the middle of a sentence. Paragraph 8 is a good example of that as it was "big but it
was in this area..."

That's also an easy fix and where it spaces could depend on browser used so just going off what I see on my screen as I'm reading it.

Last minor thing that can easily be worked out with another quick edit would be the tense. While we do present tense in dialogue despite a story being in past tense, at times when writing we accidentally slip into the wrong tense during the story. Most of the story seems to be more in present but there is the occasional past tense used within the item. I do it to at times in my own writing, though usually slip in present when I mean to use past. So, just another quick edit with a focus on the tense used will help clean up the minor hiccups.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. I hope you enjoyed coming up with this story for the contest. Keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
116
116
Review of Baby Race  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Carissa Jean .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A good approach to story with conflict and character who are struggling to make it through while having to face some tough emotions. It was something I could appreciate as a reader even with a bit of a minor technical side that will be discussed later as we all have our own preferences when reading things here on WDC.


Prompt: *CheckG* You chose a different place to use the image of the prompt, near the very end of the story, but it is there. The moment is very short but that's okay because it's hard to gain much beyond that with the static image provided. The good part is mostly the prompts are easy to find when they are images but they aren't always the best for inducing conflict. You managed to come up with your own, which was an interesting approach and part of what makes judging for the contest a fun one because never know what each writer will bring to the table based on the one image as a prompt.


Story Thoughts: Will admit, prompt or not, it's not a story I would have ever thought to come up with. It works and well, just not where my mind would have gone with the prompt. It's an interesting approach and provides conflict, which is appreciated by readers since that does really help for story development.

It reminds me of some episodes and some elements were recognizeable when doing something like the scavenger hunt situation. The bit about the other character and how she brings about those facts at the end, those were good touches that helped show the work put into developing the story line and not just having some characters running around even though they might have felt that way. It's quick paced and had to be for the situation. And while there is room for it to grow outside the contest now that you don't have the word count limit, it also worked within the limited framework provided as an entry of this length.

Final Comments: Nice work, overall, with the writing of this story.

The main technical aspect that I noticed as the reader, based on personal preference, is that the spacing could be worked to make it a little easier to read on the computer. I know not everyone prefers it this way, as I saw a number of entries follow similar formatting, but for me, when reading on WDC, I find it works out better if there is a space between every paragraph. So, it's not incorrect or anything of that nature but for me, the pacing and reading would have been a little easier with that space added.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Good job in creating something based off the prompt for this particular challenge. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
117
117
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Stowe_Evermore .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: An interesting approach to story based off the given prompt. The character works and I was drawn in while having interest in where the story would lead. You put the girl from the image as the main character, as makes sense given the image, and developed her along with giving some action without it taking too obvious.


Prompt: *CheckG* The prompt was easy enough to see near the beginning of your story. The good part about the image prompts used for this contest is that more often than not, one can tell how the author used the prompt as inspiration. However, depending on the image, it can be difficult to put together conflict but many rise to the occasion. This one uses the prompt well enough and pushes off from there to get into the story that is developed.


Story Thoughts: A good approach given the initial inspiration. The end wasn't quite what I expected and there could be a little more development now that the contest is over so you don't have a word count limit. However, even without much change to the story things work together fairly well. It doesn't feel cut off, which can be a challenge in short fiction. Getting that feeling of a complete story isn't easy but yours does a decent job with how the ending is worked to bring things to a bit of a close. Good approach to both story and character in the limited framework. I enjoyed the result as a reader and judge.


Final Comments: Nice work overall. On the technical side, my only advice would be to maybe do another read through/edit with some attention to how the sentences flow. Might consider reading it out loud to see where some pauses might be needed or a little rewording could help with sentence structure. Here is an example: A paper map the bane of modern existence. I like the sentence but get a big of a stumble between "map" and "the" where something feels off when I'm reading it. Very minor but something to consider and I know for mine, I'm always needing another look through or edit on contest entries as those pesky deadlines catch up to me. Other than that, nothing really stood out nor did you have anything that was problematic for the reader.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. We appreciated every entry. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the contest and the given prompt. Keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
118
118
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello brom21 .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A nice approach to the challenge of the contest and an interesting story that came out from the spark of the image, taking it beyond the girl looking at a map. I liked the use of character and the conflict that was presented with the gem and what happens throughout the short story.


Prompt: *CheckG* This one works for the given prompt. A good part of the contest is often the prompt is easy enough to find in the entries as the judge, though the image can be difficult to develop into a story that includes conflict, depending on what is provided. For the contest, your entry had obvious inspiration from the prompt image based on the start of the story and the character, which is good enough for the contest entered.


Story Thoughts: The character is an interesting one. I've read so many I can't remember but it seems like the name Clara was used more than once but given the image, it sort of makes sense. She looked like a Clara. The story takes a different approach with the sort of time travel, what about the time line and all of that jazz to the situation, which helps intrigue the reader. I'm sure there are a few who will enjoy the story.

Though I do have to admit that I didn't quite think of gem and talisman as the same thing. Is the gem in the talisman? Is it part of it? Cause I didn't quite get that in the story when I was reading it the different times I looked it over as the judge. Maybe there is a little room to work on that, or maybe reworking the title as while ancient talisman has a nice ring, it might work better with something else.


Final Comments: Overall, nice work with this entry. Couple of minor points on the technical side but in general it is a well written piece with an interesting character developed from the given prompt.

A little bit of an edit could boost this item a little further in standing. There wasn't anything overly glaring but we can often spruce up our items more, especially on the shorter term deadlines like WDC contests, which are weeks or months at the most for creating and fine tuning an item. Just a little check for minor things, tense slips and the such will help. Example: That thought made her relaxed. (made her relax)

There also is a minor question of point of view in the story. We're mostly with Clara but it jumped out from her main focus at least once, when she was getting to the office and we get her referenced as "the anxious woman." Something I noticed at least, though others might not even catch that aspect.

Oh and one final point with editing, more of a questions as I think there might have been a missed word within a sentence. In this part of dialogue from Clara: That gem you found. There is something you do know about it.” Did you mean, "there is something you do not know"? I wondered because he responds about how there are many things they might not know about it and would make a little more sense to me if she was saying they didn't know about the particular detail.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Thank you for taking the time to come up with something based off the prompt that was provided. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello KnightScribe .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A cute approach to the characters using the image as a set point but not the girl as the main point of view. Bit of a different approach but still one that works in regard to the contest. It does have some good elements between the character and story, which helped create something for a reader to appreciate.


Prompt: *CheckG* An image prompt can be both easy and a challenge. They tend to be easy enough for the reader/judge to find but can be a struggle at times for the writer in order to create conflict depending on the type of image presented. You were able to use the image of the girl and create a different situation, one that other writers can relate to with the one doing a character build off the appearance of the girl.


Story Thoughts: It is an interesting approach. There is potential with the character in particular, but for me it felt a little lacking when it comes to conflict for a story. There is a little bit of the situation of the characters and how they interacted, with the one doing the study and finding out it was about the girl they were meeting. We get a little implication at the end that there might be a dating situation but that part is cut off. Would really need more for that to show through.

I do like the idea of the characters with them being writers. It's something many readers on the site can relate to or find interesting since most are also writers themselves. It has potential but could maybe use a little more development, word count length, or something to add to the story beyond just the characters.


Final Comments: On the technical side, there isn't much to say. It is well written. There is a fair amount of dialogue that makes it jump a little fast but with the character focus, having a decent amount isn't that bad. Could be adjusted if you were going to take things further not that you don't have a word count limit. There might be a little room with the characters to grow more or maybe there is some other conflict that could come out. Just depends what you want to do with it next.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Hope you enjoyed the challenge and had fun coming up with this entry for the contest. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: Nicely done. This is an interesting approach given the prompt with the image of the girl. You came up with a story that has intrigue, character and story elements that should interest a reader whether they were aware of the contest/image or not. I enjoyed the ending, in particular, along with the rest of the story based on the choices made.


Prompt: *CheckG* The image was easy enough to see in the story and one of the plus sides of this type of prompt is that finding it in items tends to be on the easier side. However, it can be a struggle at times to create a story with conflict and things going on depending on the image presented in the contest. You managed quite well with this particular story that you submitted for the challenge.


Story Thoughts: Well done approach with the conflict and character developed for the story. It has a good starting point, brings the reader along to that ending. We get some insight into the character but will say that is a little limited. However, limits tend to happen somewhere when it comes to these contests because of the word count requirements. Not easy trying to fit everything within 2000 words. So, we get some character and we get plot, which are important to have involved in a story contest.

The end works really well for this particular piece as it wasn't quite where I thought things might lead but it's not way out of line either. Made sense while giving the reader a different result. The quotes at the end in particular stood out for me as a success, which isn't always easy to do because the approach can be a hit or miss one.


Final Comments: A good approach to a story based off the prompt with the technical side also well in tact. I don't have many things I could point out overall. While we all could use an edit or rewrite (that process can be never ending if we allowed ourselves to keep fixing the story) there is also a good level showcased here making it easy to read.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Congratulations on placing second. Nice work and hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
121
121
Review of Cheating Husband  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFiPlus .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A different approach. You manage to create a story with conflict just off a rather static image (okay, it's just a picture not a movie so very static with not much complication implied in the one chosen as the prompt). Having conflict developed, aka story, and a character is something I appreciate as a reader/judge.


Prompt: The prompt was easy to see within the story from the very beginning. *CheckG* The good part about the contest prompt with the image is that one should be able to see the influence easy enough in these entries, for the reader that knows about the prompt at the very least. It doesn't always make it easy to develop a story but at least I can tell when the prompt was an influence. Nice work in pulling a character out of the image and going from there. And you managed to give it a different spin with how you used the image with the girl and the map.


Story Thoughts: There is a strong story involved, which is a definite good point to this story, along with the characters used to help make for an interesting read overall. I did get a little sense that it might have needed to be trimmed down in order to get everything within the limited word count. Wise to use the words you had available considering the scope of the story and the cuts work for the most part. There is just a small feeling of maybe having more room would have helped to push things even further.



Final Comments: Technical wise, you do a good job with the story overall. Some of the elements are a personal choice and different readers will obviously have different opinions to how they feel about their reading experience.

The bold was an interesting choice but I can see the benefits that can bring. Though it does seem to have a draw back in having the larger, bold overall font would have made just using italics to indicate thought a bit difficult to determine with the particular font. You chose to do color instead, which makes sense but at the same time I've never been fond of the use of any colors within fiction entries (and most other things like poetry too) for contests and such. It's a personal preference but I can see reasoning behind the choice, which does help in that matter. Far better than if done at random.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt along with coming up with this story based off the imagery presented. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
122
122
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: Interesting approach with the story and stylistic decisions. While I'm not as into first person pov as other readers might be, it does seem like a good approach given the image and helps bring some character into things. And the choices were interesting with bringing Rembrandt along with the sources of information provided.


Prompt: *CheckG* Was easy enough to see in the story that the image from the contest had some influence on the item. The image can be hit or miss when it comes to story creation, having judged this contest before and it's always interesting to see what approaches people take in putting story/conflict to the provided prompt. This one also included a unique approach in showcasing information to the reader, something that haven't often seen no matter the type of prompt.


Story Thoughts: Overall, some different choices and approach with this particular entry. Character and conflict were not quite the strongest, for me as the reader. It was different to read but I couldn't pull myself into the story enough, when having to compare to others as a judge.

I wasn't too sure on the links as they do risk distracting from the story. Since they do have the different appearance and having to click on them does mean going to another web page, there is a distraction factor. However, on the other side of the coin, it's interesting and informational. The music is a nice touch but I may be a little partial to that and use youtube a little too often at times. It can be a little distracting but I also think different readers will really like those elements as they aren't often found but add something different to the writing.

Final Comments: Nice work with the creation of this piece. Even with it being about half of the word count allowed, it didn't feel clipped or too long either when reading. For the most part, on the technical side, things were well done.

Style wise, a couple of spots it brought part of the sentence down to the next line, which gives an odd looking bit of space. Not sure if it's how the links are done as it does seem to happen at time right before a link, but other spots with links didn't have that issue so it was hard to say for sure.

Thank you for entering the site's official contest to take on the particular image prompt. It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. I hope you enjoyed creating this based off the image provided. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Detective .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A good start with character and the potential for things to happen. Just need more. Maybe get more into the character's head, show things from her pov and have some interaction with another character. That might help build further and add to the situation at hand.


Prompt: The prompt is one that's easy to see though at times images can be a challenge in creating conflict/story. The contest prompt had potential and at least made it simple to tell whether it was used at all for the story you posted. What you provided works enough to qualify for the contest but could have really used more development to stand a better chance to place.


Story Thoughts: As stated above; its a start but doesn't have a complete story feel to it even though we do get somewhere within the three paragraphs provided. It has an idea, a spark, but for a story contest for me, I need to see something more and there was space available since you weren't near the 2,000 word limit of the contest. I'm usually the opposite, often going over and having to cut. You've got room at least when it comes to word count in order to expand pretty much everything within the short bit of flash fiction produced here.

Could possibly look up some writing exercises on show versus tell, in relation to how this particular one is written. It does have that more, tell approach. The paragraph say what is happening to her but we're not really in her pov enough to see what is going on or feel as much of a connection as could be developed with different writing skills used for the story telling. Just an idea to consider for working on the stylistic aspects of the writing.


Final Comments: Put more into the story if it's something that you want to explore. It may be not enough of an interest, the character might not draw you and you could have just done it to try and enter the contest. That's fine too but if those aren't the case, maybe take the character and do some exploring by writing different parts based from what you have thus far. See where the MC leads you and what story can develop from there. Could develop into something quite interesting. Depends on where you take it.

Thank you for entering the site official contest. Hope you enjoyed writing the item and using the image prompt. It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
Review of The Treasure Map  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I sometimes review for on the site.

First Impression: Nice approach to the story. It's not always easy to create something interesting from some of the image based prompts, from my experience both entering and judging for these contests. The character caught my attention from the start too.


Prompt: *CheckG* This works quite well with the given image prompt. The girl involved and the map bring about the picture and were easy to see as the judge/reader in how the prompt influenced the creation of the story, which is appreciated. I do appreciate being able to see a prompt within a story for contests like this even though sometimes an image can be difficult to incorporate in interesting enough ways.


Story Thoughts: Nicely done with the contest entry. It's not quite what I expected given the start of the story but not in the didn't work kind of way but more in a hmm, interesting result that I wouldn't quite have been able to guess on my own. Not what I saw in the prompt and yet makes sense.

The only struggle I had with the story in general is that during the middle, with the drinking and right after when we get the two girls going out on the adventure, I had a little bit of a struggle distinguishing between the characters. Was easy to mix them up and their voiced started to have a similar ring to them. They were interesting at least.


Other Notes and Suggestions:
These are some of the minor points that caught my attention as the reader. Overall, the story is well written and created for the contest. It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries.

Near the very end, the l-l-l- thing worked for me but I would have cut out the "d-don't" one as it's not as effective in that part.

Also, on this one part of the end, from a technical stand point, would have gotten rid of the - because it's more of a comma situation, for me. (“You see”—he licked his lips—“there's) That just needs the comma and space as it's dialogue with a little action during it. At least, that's how it seems to me. Though the overall aspect of the line works as the ending, giving it that slightly unexpected yet not too out of range result for the story.

Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the contest and the use of the image prompt as inspiration. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
125
125
Review of A Change of Plans  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: It was a nice approach to the prompt with a story that shows someone different who might be able to fill Santa's shoes. There is potential while in general being a well done and finished story based on the prompt from the contest entered.


Title: The title works for the story and has a little appeal with it showing that something is going to happen that is a change. The description helps too as that tells us to expect Santa and who might take over. It is helpful and might create some interest from a reader for them to check out the piece.


Prompt: The story had some specific requirements from the contest with the obvious expectations involved that the story has Santa not able to take part in Christmas and someone who takes over the role. It had to have an emphasis on character since it's for What a Character.


Story Notes: A nice approach overall with the story. There is some development of the characters, which is good to see along with an interesting approach in having Santa have a boy and a girl who take over his role.

The only downside to this approach/interpretation when it comes to character is that it doesn't go as strongly into one viewpoint or another. We get a little jumpy instead of having that focus, which both helps and hinders. This way we see some from Santa and also from the children in what is going to happen but at the same time, that limits how close of a view we get with the children. Not bad or anything, but I do like a bit of a more specific focus on a single character for shorter fiction or in specific scenes, as my own personal preference.

The story is well written but with some room for improvement when it comes to the technical side. A quick edit would do some help fix up some very minor things. Like some typos as those happen for us all as writers including common issues like the words that are similar, including there and their. Also, a few times there are some paragraphs that don't have a space to separate them while the rest of the story does have that space. It helps to be consistent and it really does make it easier on the reader for online to have that little space between each paragraph.

Nice work with the story and thank you for entering the contest. I hope you had fun. Keep Writing.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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