*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/elfmage7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Review Requests: ON
1,125 Public Reviews Given
1,366 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 3 4 5 -6- 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
126
126
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: An interesting approach to the prompt. While there is the iconic elements on Santa in the prompt, you took that aspect to a whole new level with all of the pop culture and other aspects you pushed into the story. We get sort of the following of an already done story but in so many ways, since using all of the different elements you really made it your own instead of it coming off too other stories that have already been done. Definitely an 18+ story and I shouldn't be surprised since I judge your other stories. *Wink*


Title: A nice title that does really link to the story. The description doesn't give much information but I do appreciate that you mention the contest since others who randomly come upon the item might not know what it was written for without that added somewhere. It would help to have a little information about the story in the description to help entice readers but it doesn't hinder without it either.


Prompt: The prompt is a specific one in the expectations it created, which does make it easy enough for the reader/judge to see within the entries. In this one, we needed to have Santa not able to follow his usual Christmas tasks and someone to save the day. There had to be an emphasis on character because this is for What a Character. For the prompt, we do get to see those elements in your story with the issue of Santa and her having to do something about it somehow.


Story Notes: It was a different approach right from the start. I have to admit, that with the prompt I wasn't quite expecting the very beginning of this story. Not the dialogue part, that worked with the immediate reference to Santa and it was a line that draws the reader in at once. However, what I didn't expect was at the start of a Santa based story that wasn't a Quickie prompt (or similar contests) to involve discussion on boob size. lol

I liked the carol aspect. The story itself doesn't read exactly as a music carol but I like the little bits and how it was divided by those "carol" elements. Plus, of course, there is the following of the Christmas Carol story that is obviously an influence for the title. We get that format, the "ghosts" as it were and a definite emphasis on character.

However, while I do have several things that I liked about the story and approach, I also have to admit that during reading it, I was confused a few different times. During the ventures, past/present/future, there are a couple of points that I couldn't figure out what is going on. Also, while the word count limit is far more than some others we know, it does feel like maybe there needed even more room for this story. It could fit with a much longer story with how many elements are pushed into the piece. I probably didn't even know all of the references, but I did get a majority of them.

Nice work and I hope you enjoyed creating the story. Thanks for the entry. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: It is a nice approach to the prompt and character. There were some fun elements in particular, which is good to see considering the fact that it's a rather iconic set of character with the focus being Mrs Claus, who is known but not quite at the same level as her husband. While one of the more obvious choices based on the prompt, I think you did well with giving the main character an interesting identity and coming up with something for the reader to enjoy.


Title: The title is nice in that if someone is looking for a Christmas related story, they know that is something they will find in this particular static item. It is a little obvious in that it says who is going to save the day but that can be both help or hinder, depending on who might be considering reading the story. The description gives a little more details and I liked the ending part of that with the link to the title and the word choices.


Prompt: The prompt is specific in the requirements expected and that made it easy for the judges and readers to see when they were followed. For story, there had to be an issue with Santa Claus so that he can't do his normal Christmas job and someone needs to save the day. There had to be an emphasis on character too since it was for the What a Character contest. For these points, you succeeded and it was easy to find them within the story and the title/description.


Story Notes: You did a nice job with this story in the plot, character and the technical side. While the problem created that gets in the way isn't the most dynamic, it's also rather realistic. And the characters are really what make the story, which is a good approach for this particular contest.

There weren't any particular aspects of the item that stood out in regards to the technical side of the writing. It's well done.

I like the dynamics you created between Mr and Mrs Claus. They are realistic even if some of the things are a little stereotypical considering Santa's known diet and some married couple interactions that have been done a number of times before. However, it didn't really harm the reading of the story because in this case, the interactions and comments worked.

Nice work overall with the story and I hope you enjoyed writing for the contest. Thank you for the entry. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: Nice work in creating something for the contest. It made me curious about the poem since that gets mentioned in the description of the item. I wonder if the poem is as character and out there as the story was from the very start. There are some things that didn't work for me but there were also a couple of them that I tend not to lean towards but could appreciate your usage in those elements brought to the contest entry.


Title: The title is interesting because it brings up questions. It tells us something of what to expect while the description gives information the reader wouldn't have known otherwise but didn't provide any other details for what the reader might expect.


Prompt: The prompt is easy to see in many cases because it provided a distinct expectation. We needed simply to have Santa not able to do the job because of some problem and someone to solve the problem with a focus on character. You definitely have Santa and a problem with Rudolph along with a team effort coming together in order to save the day.


Story Notes: It's an interesting approach with what you had to work with in the challenge of the official contest for the month. It does good things in creating the conflict, showing things happening and one can definitely say they noticed the characters when reading the item.

While I liked the general idea of the story and characters shown, I do have to say that I was a little confused. I felt like I was missing a key bit of information to tell what the big deal was over the trees. While, I know trees are big decorations points, I didn't know what was special about this tree or why Rudolph would be in such of a panic because I don't have that bit of information or I somehow missed it in the different times I looked over the story.

The very beginning and some of the dialogue was a bit of a miss for me. I get what you're trying to do with Rudolph and creating the drama but having the noises as dialogue as the very starting point, it came off a tad rough. I'm not a fan of exclamation marks used within most stories and the sniff one in particular, throws me off. However, while I don't care for all caps used for words, in many ways it worked this time around and partly because it is limited and not entire, long sentences. And it's the same with the bold. Not a fan of making sections stand out in that form but for this case, it worked. Granted, a little editing would help on the technical side, yet it's still working with the potential for more.


I hope that you enjoyed creating this story and the development it took to go from the poem to the longer item. Thank you for the contest entry. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review of Delivery Man  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: I liked the story you pulled together for this contest. You have brought in a few different elements to the story, little moments or influences while still making an original tale about Santa having to rely on his brother to deliver the presents. Little things like the joke about a woman kissing Santa from a song was a nice touch. And I liked the reference to Krampus as well.


Title: The title is nice because it's not overly obvious to what we can expect from the story. It doesn't tell me the big problem or who is saving the day, but it does show some element of the story with the description to show more about what is found withing to entice the reader.


Prompt:{/b The prompt was nice and easy in a way because it provided both the scenario and focus while still allowing interpretation. Requirements were easy for the reader to find within the stories too since we just needed to have a problem get in the way for Santa so that someone has to step up to save the day. For the contest, character had to be an emphasis and we got to see that with your delivery man along with a bit from Santa, who is quite a character for sure when written into a story.


Story Notes: Overall a nice work with the creation of this story. It has some interesting elements for sure that all caught my attention.

While some points were cute and fun, making me think but not throwing me off, I will admit one of the little moments brought about a little doubt from me. Even with magic and such, it sounded a little odd for Santa to say they had never made a mistake in sixteen hundred years. That created a break in the suspension of belief for just a second.

Technical and personal opinion aspect for this story involves some of the dialogue and punctuation choices. Not to say that any of this was wrong but it's something that is not within my personal preference and I'm bringing them up for your consideration. And one of those types within this item for me was the use of the exclamation mark. While it's okay to have them, for me, that particular one is best to use in limited fashion because the more it's used, the less impact it starts to have. And you have over 15 in the bottom half of the story and yes, I counted. They could be trimmed down in edit, which will help as that way the ones left in have the better impact.

While some of these aspects are part of what created the character, it also almost pushed them too far in terms of the dialogue and approach. It's not bad but sometimes have to watch how we do the characters in stories that are so iconic, like ones involving Santa, so that it doesn't become overdone. But it still worked in many ways and gave us something creative to read.


Thank you for entering the contest and I hope you enjoyed creating this story. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of Stepping Up  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: Nice work in general with the story you created for the contest. It's a fun little story to show how things can improve even with a bad situation. We get that something happens to Santa, who is quite an iconic character, and the digital approach in solving that problem made for an interesting choice. The doubter elf too made for a different character and helped balance the story while also showing development as the solution sort of proves him wrong.


Title: The title is nice because it does provide some information without being overly obvious in what is about to happen. I liked that the title didn't mention Santa and instead that was left for the description portion, where it fits well as we need that little bit of information but not too much is provided. Just want to gain interest so the reader wants to find out more, which isn't always an easy balance to create.


Prompt: The prompt wasn't too difficult to interpret for this round of What a Character. It had to involve a situation where Santa couldn't follow his duties for the event along with some character focus. This story does fit within those requirements and expectations.


Story Notes: Nice job overall. The writing is fairly well done and not too many technical notes that would cause distraction for the reader. While there are a couple of points that I noticed as the judge/reader, it still was a fun little piece to read.

There are a couple of points that did catch my attention. I had a little confusion over the timeline when it came to the ending of the story. The line about waiting for Christmas morning is amusing, but I also had to stop and wonder because of it. If Christmas was saved then wouldn't it already be morning? I did like the line even if it created a little bit of confusion. And the reference to not making video games at first was believable but then having the elves have computers and work on facebook, that made me wonder why they wouldn't be able to do video games and such.

On the side of personal preference, there is also the font that came to mind as a slight distraction. I don't mind having the story bold to make it a little easier for some to read as the fonts look different depending on a few factors. However, I had a little bit of a distraction when I noticed the color seemed a little off. Is it green? It's close to the usual black but off a little and for me, that's not something I care too much for in stories and poems, in particular ones entered in contests.

Either way, nice work with the story and I hope you had fun creating this for the contest. Thank you for the entry. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of Santa-napped  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: An interesting little story about what happens if someone decides to take Santa hostage. It was a decent approach to the prompt provided by the contest with some noteable figures involved. This contest did have some big shoes to fill considering the prompt had ot involve the iconic characters including Santa Claus and you decided to include a couple more, such as the Grinch. While it had some fun elements with those decision, a little bit of it also came off a little too much already done from other stories.


Title: This title is straight forward in telling what is going to happen in the story. The description is nice in that it let's the potential reader know that it was made for the contest in particular. However, later it might help to write something about the story to entice them to check out the static item if you keep it in your port.


Prompt: The prompt is somewhat specific because it has the requirement of something keeping Santa from following his duties for Christmas. Also, because it's the What a Character contest, there is the requirement for an emphasis on character. The story does meet the prompt expectations as it involves Santa getting taken away in an attempt to ruin Christmas.


Story Notes: Nice work, in general, with the creation of this story based on the particular contest and prompt. Nothing too much was noticeable on the technical side aside from one minor point. It was well written overall.

For the technical point to consider, I would suggest looking up "saidisms" and options for trimming down on them within the story. For a very short word limit in particular, you don't want to do the different forms of "said" for a large portion of the dialogue. There are ways to incorporate actions and such within the paragraph of the dialogue without having to tell the reader that the person is saying things. The quotation marks help facilitate that fact as well, so sometimes you can get away without having any of the typical options like: declared, asked, stated, replied, etc.

Story wise, I have to admit that the Grinch felt a little less creative for the antagonist to me. In his story, he already has had his heart grow big as he returned the gifts to those in Who-ville, so it has been seen before. The ending follows a similar format to his story, which I can see the reasoning for that approach and has some merit but at the same time also lends to the less original feeling overall.

The end also came a little too easy. The word count limit may have influenced the factor but there didn't seem to be that much of a fight, which isn't quite as interesting for the reader because we want there to be a challenge and that little question of what if they fail to exist.

Still, nice work in the creation of this story. I hope you enjoyed coming up with this piece and thank you for entering the contest. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review of Elf Team Six  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: A fun approach with a different interpretation of the rather iconic Santa and his elves. While some chose the have a replacement, this one was interesting because it focused on rescuing Santa from a danger so he can return to his job by Christmas. Frostbite was also a decent choice in character as it's something believable but also shows some levels of creativity to bring about him as the antagonist.


Title: The title is interesting because it doesn't specifically say what is going on in the story. It's not too out there and open, which can be appreciated. Though knowing the prompt, it does imply enough that we have something going on with who will save Christmas. However, those seeing it not in relation to the contest might be interested in what an elf team might involve (except the random ones who don't like elves but that is their loss).

The description is different. What I liked about it was you tried to get the reader's attention, which is the goal of that spot on the static item. You say what the story is about to a degree without giving it away. That is good. However, I'm not sure if trying to say what the reader will feel or pointing out the level of humor to expect ended up working in favor of the story. While I found it had funny moments, it didn't come off as hilarious to me. So, while a nice idea it almost sets up the expectations too high and makes the reader maybe notice something or have less of an impact created because of that mark brought up before they have read the story.


Prompt: The prompt is somewhat straight forward. The story has to involve the situation of Santa not being able to do his job and the writer can come up with their reason as to what caused this conflict. Also, since it is the What a Character contest instead of the other officials, there has to be an emphasis on the characters. For that, you did well because we get the prompt (Santa is kidnapped) and who is trying to save the day, even with this one being them saving Santa and not taking his place in the giving out toys job.


Story Notes: It was a nice approach overall and use of the elves in the adventure of the day/story. You have a decent writing style and it's easy enough to read and understand what is going on during the different sections.

One of the main issues that I come across is something I deal with when I try to enter these all of the time and it's trying to fit a story within the limited word count. It's challenging to get a short story done with a dynamic plot and characters plus adding the different points of view creates more of a challenge. In the end it feels like there needs to be more room for the different scenes to really show the reader what is going on along with showcasing the several characters involved.

While I can see some of the humor attempts there are a couple of points that didn't work for me. The Professor Doodyhead lines fell flat for me in particular. For me, it was a little too childish and it seemed random. Instead, they could have found a mocking name that related more to frost that could have been still funny but a little more clever in the approach. Because of this while there is a little humor, the story doesn't reach the "hilarious" expectation that is provided by the story description.

Nice work. I hope you enjoyed coming up with this little escapade for the elves. Thank you for entering the contest. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: Nice approach. There were fun elements to the story from in part, the prompt, the creation of character and the little bonus WDC aspects found within. It had some fun elements along with doing what the prompt required even though some aspects of character had some struggle aspects that I'll get to within the review.


Title: The title is very specific in connection with the prompt for the contest. Along with the description, it's pretty easy for the reader to know what they are going to find in the story as to what it is about overall. It doesn't scream who will take the role but it does tell the reader that something is going on with Christmas and they might want to read to find out.


Prompt: The prompt is pretty straightforward in that character is important and the story has to involve Santa not being able to take his role on Christmas. Had to focus on that situation but with the contest being What a Character instead of the other official ones, the focus too had to incorporate character, mostly the one taking over the challenge to save Christmas. To that extent, you did well with following the prompt and showcasing character.


Story Notes: Interesting character development and choice with focusing on Mrs. Claus in this one. While not the only one to decide on that approach, makes sense considering the basic prompt everyone had to follow, the way you show her is going to stand out in comparison to others, which is important for What a Character contest.

I'm one who actually knows some of the angel army members used within the story. Though with them being other moderators, a few of us should know them. It is helpful to some degree because it adds a personal, playfulness to the story. However, when I see Sapph in a story, I expect a little more from that one in particular. He is quite a specific type of character and just a line about soup is not going to be enough if putting him into the story. At least, for those of us that know who is being added.

While it was fun to have angels in the story, I did sort of wonder about why there were there. Mostly, with Santa, we think of elves more than anything else, so we kind of expect them more as a reader. Without any link or connection shown to the WDC group that it seems were combined in order to make the story, it can come off a little out of place.

But overall it was a nice approach and since we are on WDC, kind of a fun way to put together a story for a site contest. Hope you enjoyed writing it and thank you for entering.

Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: A different approach in story and interpretation of the prompt with the addition of a more sci-fi element to the characters. While many went with the more approach of having something happen to Santa Clause to get in the way, having to admit retirement or something of that nature, going with a sort of pink slip approach does provide a different view on the prompt.


Title: The title is straight forward in giving the reader an idea where they story would lead since it is about Father Christmas getting a termination. That is the focus of the entire story so it's no surprise but does have a little something that might peek a reader's interest once they see the description as they will wonder how Santa could have that come up at all.


Prompt: The prompt is pretty specific and easy to focus on in the story since you had to write something showing character where Santa was not able to follow his duties one year. You do that in the story to a degree with the different take of having the cyborg be the one coming off as someone who was supposed to take his place.


Story Notes: As stated above, it creates an interesting story based around the prompt with the aspect of termination and bringing in the cyborg type of character. I don't write much in the sci-fi range but do have some interest in stories that use those elements as a reader.

The only struggle with the approach in how this story goes is that while the ending really gives the reader something they want, it was a little challenging to get there because you have the non-likeable as the potential replacement. The ones speaking to Santa are definitely in a more antagonist type of role. There was a slowness to the story for me near the middle when we're trying to figure out what will happen to Father Christmas and if the so called replacement can stack up. Once we get near the ending things picked up a little more but there was a stall for me in getting to that point.

On a personal preference note: I prefer to see the prompt and word count, if listed, placed at the very bottom of the item instead of the top. The focus at the beginning should be the story or poem and those other details can come later. And the title is already listed in its own spot so doesn't need to be included within the body of the item as well. Though nice touch on the link to reviews at the very bottom. Never really thought about doing that one.

Overall, nice work with creating the story based on the provided prompt. The sci-fi/cyborg element did provide a different feel that can be appreciated. Hope you enjoyed creating the story and thank you for entering the contest.

Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Chris Breva . Thank you for entering round 228 of the Weekly Quickie contest and writing for the gift of action prompt. I hope you enjoyed writing for the prompt.


First Impression: Overall, it was a nice approach even though the prompt wasn't as strong throughout. Having the Christmas element in the beginning helped and the characters have a spark that will interest the readers. There is a room for improvement and potential with the approach given for the flash fiction story.


Prompt: The story has the basics of the prompt since there aren't any physical gifts. Instead, they are going on a date. It's a little minimal for the prompt but enough to qualify. While I liked the couple, we don't quite get enough to know how the actions is so much better than some present. Maybe the coworker aspect is a little less helpful because of that factor, though that can make things more interesting if taking the story longer.


Characters/Story: The story has potential. It's hard to get everything done within the limited word counts for the contest, which I know from experience. However, the beginning comes off a little too much trying to explain their situation. I get the purpose for most of it since you're trying to get the reader to understand the characters and their interest in each other. However, it could have been edited down with more put in the bottom half to really make it even more erotic since most of the Quickie is based off fitting in the erotica genre. The characters show their potential by the end, which if the beginning is cut down, then it would let them blossom even more as I want to see into the pov even more as the reader.


Other Notes: On the technical side, things went pretty well within your entry. There weren't any grammatical or punctuation issues that stood out, which is helpful as we don't want anything to get in the way of the story.

However, I did find it a little odd to have a link to the story at the very beginning of the story because it's not a place where it's needed. For me, I like to get right into the story when I click on an item and it's the same with poems. It's better to have the extra information whether it's word counts, prompts or form for poetry left for the very bottom so the reader can focus on the important part of the item.

Also, I would recommend maybe putting up the rating on the item to GC since you do take it to the sexual action at the end of the story. It's hard to do well with 18+ in Quickie unless it's a romance round and when an item on WDC starts getting into sexual description, it's usually better to go on the safe side and put the rating up a little higher.

Overall, nice work with the task of writing for the prompt.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Chris24 .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: This time around, due to the nature of the contest, it was relatively easy to create a story that fit the prompt because it required just a story in the fantasy genre. Your story went quite well in this regard and it was easy enough for me to see how it fit for the contest. Nice work with that.

Characters/Plot: I like the name Avery. Have a character with the same name, though mine is a boy one as I tend more towards that for main and secondary/love interest characters. *Wink* Still, fun name for anyone and interesting to see the character development that others have and features they affix to certain names.

The turn the plot took closer to the end caught me off guard a little, I have to admit. Not in a negative way or out of no where but not quite where I saw things heading, which works because the main character wasn’t expecting things going that way either. Helps show the pov usage with that. And I think it works overall, the conflict and the characters involved. It was an intense route to take. Nice choice and story.

Other Notes: Not too much to add here beyond a little nit-picking and nothing more. You did a nice work overall with this story and it was one that I enjoyed. So, here is just the minor point that caught my attention as the reader…

One minor point you could consider to work on with edits and rewrites would be the use of adverbs, in particular those ending in -ly. I’ts not a big deal but can strengthen the overall tone of the writing when those types are a bit more limited. Some are okay but I like to have less than a couple within a few paragraphs. Personal preference on the tech side of the writing.

Thank you for entering the Journey Through the Genres contest for the fantasy round. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the official contest and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review of Hare Trigger  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello BD Mitchell .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: The contest had a rather simple prompt in that it just required a story within the fantasy genre, which was easy enough to follow. The character working as a wizard gave that element of the necessary genre right away, so that’s a good start. Story qualified for the contest with the character and situation he gets involved within.

Characters/Plot: Nice concept with the character and not so glamorous world working as a wizard and handling different situations or unknown creatures. Fun to have a character you write, as the link shows, with the adventures and other options. Stood a little on its own story wise but also a small section of an interesting world.

The method of combating the hare was a nice touch, with the musical notes and all. Also, an interesting choice with the “creature” being the hare instead of some other type that might have presented a different level or threat.

Other Notes: Nothing much to note here as you did well with the technical side in writing this story. Some less common details, like the size of font and bolding the first letter of the story. Understandable but still, not something seen very often online with the different stories available on the site.

On the technical side, while some of the italics made sense, I wasn’t always sure the reason for having the font style. The rendition of Roy Rogers and the occasional emphasis near the end was easy to see but some of the earlier bits, I had a harder time discerning the reason behind the usage. Well, I mean, I do get the parts as thoughts, just seemed like it could be a little too often with the different reasons and fonts involved.

Nice work with the story and thank you for entering Journey Through the Genres. I hope you had fun with this entry and keep writing.




Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello remusmdh .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: Borderline leaning towards horror but with enough fantasy elements to fit within the requirements of the prompt. It was easy enough with the story needing just to be in the fantasy genre and nothing more beyond that. Worked well enough for me to qualify.

Characters/Plot: Bit different of an approach for the fantasy prompt with the bit of horror added in along with managing to intertwine character, plot and setting. We get a little less involved with the main character, as there are some limits due to short story word count ranges. The bonus with that approach is that it gives a little room for showing other aspects, which helped build a stronger story.

I wasn’t quite certain what was going on all of the time with the plot but managed to get there in the end. It was a little dodgy at first, not quite sure on her role and the place she had to go. The ending, however, settled things quite well.

Other Notes: Overall, you did a decent job with the story. It’s kind of interesting how different stories and writing styles can create a different affect and feeling with length based on the focus and word choices. I mean, in this case, the story almost felt longer than the rather short word count requirement. It wasn’t too long but had a longish feeling created through the paragraphs and sentence structures used. Not saying it’s bad or anything, just something I noticed.

You could move the word count to the end of the story instead of the beginning. It doesn't hinder the story in any way, and I do know very few contests actually prefer that information up front. Personally, as a reader that is a minor detail and I'd rather see the story first and as a judge catch that bit of information later. However, it's really up to you in the end as it's your story.

Nice work with the writing. Thank you for entering the fantasy round of Journey Through the Genres. Hope you enjoyed creating this entry and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review of Frozen in Time  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Than Pence .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: A genre prompt tended to be easy enough to follow. The ice elements were a good choice and worked well to create the story within the fantasy genre as this contest required. The title and type of magical element used worked well together too. Story held enough aspects for fantasy as the genre plus had aspects that are rather common but some individuality involved as well.

Character/Story: Interesting setup and approach for the contest entry. I like the spark of character we get with the parts that we are shown during each section of the story and room for even more in the future.

The freezer aspect is another part that will draw attention from a reader. Some potential, though could have used a little more details in that aspect. I wanted to learn more about what a freezer meant and the world, though the jumps from section to section might have had a slight influence on how much we got to see in regard to those elements.

There are some beautiful little details that help with not only the fantasy aspect along with showing some of the world that you have everything set within. Some could use a little work and more words, but there are some great moments that I honestly did appreciate.

Other Notes: This has a common short coming issue that happens with attempts at fantasy within a limited word count (or any of my own attempts at fiction under 10k words, lol) in that it needed more words to really feel complete. It helped with putting the story in the different sections with trying to get as much of the story in as possible, but it also created a more choppy feel overall. Both a positive and negative for the overall results since it helped to get what you needed of the story involved but also chopped off some points, where a reader might want things to continue further instead. Also, it did help having something to indicate the pauses or changes, which is something I appreciate instead of jumping at random without much to notify the reader of things going on. So thank you for that.

Keep developing the story. It seems like you have a character with more to show than what can be fit in under 2,000 words. Thank you for entering Journey Through the Genres with this piece. Have fun with whatever you do beyond the contest and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
140
140
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Thank you for entering a story into round 189 of the Weekly Quickie contest with the rain focused prompt. I appreciate you taking the time to write a story for the round. And I haven't reviewed for the dear Paper Doll Gang and since this story isn't quite in the genre of the contest, this is linked to them as well. *Smile*


Prompt:
It does involve rain, which was what the prompt required. It's too bad this round wasn't one of the ones where I specifically allowed romance instead of erotica because it would have worked out better in that case (and if enough people would have entered for a winner to be chosen). Not the best fit for the erotica side of the contest but it did use rain, which the round required.


Characters/Story:
This has potential as a story with the characters and plot involved. It does feel more like a scene, a small part of a story than a finished piece of flash fiction, at least to me. We get a little glimpse of a potential but nothing else, though the word count for the contest does limit to a degree what one can accomplish. Still, there is room for something to come of this and I'm sure you probably have a story that involves the similar situation whether it's with these specific characters or others similar.

Professor and student is common but appreciated by some, at least when it's on the college level. Others, will vary, as I have noticed. This situation, though, works fine for most readers, which is partly why I mention the potential. Maybe developing it and the characters more could bring about a spring romance, which is open right now. Something to consider.

I like the hint of what might come with the asking out on a date and even if we don't see that, the whole idea and her experience of his approach would be stronger with more words to develop everything.

Other Notes:
I don't have many notes to make at this time. The small bit that went into his point of view did feel a little out of place because there wasn't enough room in the Quickie for that change. I tend to recommend one point of view only in flash fiction for the most part, though at times switching can work. In this case, it was just a little too late and minimal for the pov switch. Maybe if it's longer going between the two characters might work better but hard to tell in the current draft.


Keep writing and work on the story because this one is not finished, if you haven't already gotten it into a longer item. For other quickie entries, unless stated, I do prefer to see something sensual or erotic, though I will admit I'm considering doing more rounds that allow just romance, if anyone enters them. Have lots to work on with this contest but thank you, again for entering as any story that gets submitted in the contest is appreciated.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review of Giving Thanks  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with {ritem:} and in connection with a group I sometimes managed to review for, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title is simple and to the point. It provides enough information to the content of the poem without giving too much away and is interesting enough that it might grasp a reader's attention, in particular during this month since you have it related to Thanksgiving, which is coming up.


Overall Opinion:
I like the idea behind this poem and it's a good time for the topic. I know a number of people are posting on facebook and such things they are thankful for and there will probably be a few poems/stories written during this month with similar thoughts in mind. The approach you took was good, with the question and how you provide an answer at the end.


Form:
Thank you for providing information on the form used as that was helpful because I wouldn't have known the rhyme scheme or syllable focus without such (though can often guess on the rhyme parts with some poems).


Rhythm/Rhyme:
Overall, it's decent when it comes to the rhythm and following the rhyme scheme chosen with the form. The only things I'd suggest in this regard is maybe consider rewording the fifth line. Since the last word ends with an s it is close to the other B endings but just a tiny bit off in sound. For me, the rhythm was a little stilted, or at least that's how it sounded in my head. Rewording might help but you do have to fit everything within the form requirements and get the message planned across at the same time. Then again, it may sound fine for other readers since we don't all see things the exact same.


Favorite Part:
Here´s something to be thankful for:
That being loved is always free.

- I liked this set of lines because it was the best message and point of the short poem.


Other Notes:
I don't have much else to add. Nice work with the poem about something good to be thankful for and it's a thought that is good for any time of the year. Good luck in the contest and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
142
142
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 💙 Carly

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection for the "I Write in August-September-October"  [ASR] along with connection to "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
I like the title of the poem, or at least the part that is the main title. Unusual to have the word count of a poem posted as many do just line count in these cases somewhere in the body of the item or forum post. Having the count in the title is different, though have seen it before. I would recommend considering not having it in the title, however, unless a contest or other reason requires such.


Comments:
From the title, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. It's almost like a pep talk, trying to encourage during a windy time when change is impending. The ending gives the feeling in particular but it didn't take long from the first line to get there either. Not that there was much room since it's a short poem but I think you managed to get it in quite well even in the short word and line count.


Form:
It's a simple form but can be quite challenging. You follow the form well with using the first letter of each line, bolded, to show a word or phrase. In yours it is change and that works with the overall poem and title. Some do the whole title as the acrostic part but this works just as well too.


Favorite Part:
Grow and adjust with the times
Everything will be all right.

- I don't often put the end in the poem, except if it's super short, but in this case, the two lines of the poem were what caught my attention. The first lines do bring about the topic of change but the end gives that positive twist/message to the poem.


Final Comments:
Nice work with this little acrostic poem. Also, I see the contest has the word count in title requirement, so that's interesting. Would still suggest after the contest is over to maybe crop that out, but obviously you have to keep it in until judging is done. Though the wording in the contest is a little different but I'm reviewing the poem and not the contest. *Wink* Good luck and hope you had fun with the poem.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
143
143
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in August-September-October"  [ASR] as part of the challenge and affiliating the review with one of my groups I take part in, "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
A straight forward title that tells you what to expect as far as what the item will contain. It's not the most attention getting or showy to individual aspects of the dialogue bit, but it's sufficient for what you need.


Initial Reaction:
Ah yes, the challenge of writing a scene/story in only dialogue. It's not an easy task to show the characters and keep organized when the reader will just have the different bits of dialogue but no other information to go upon. Worked pretty well since you kept to a pattern of one character then the other talking and since it's all dialogue we didn't even need tags or marks to indicate such. An interesting little bit between a character and a ghost from their high school years.


Character/Story:
I wasn't quite sure on the gender of the non-ghost character. I am guessing male but not certain. They had a bit of a past, the two characters, though not a clear point as they weren't very close or anything. The hug moment discussed was a good one. However, near the end I ended up having a couple of questions to the character and situation but don't get any answers as the bit of flash fiction is on the short side and it's hard to get information in with the dialogue. The ending came up a little sudden for me but I know it's hard to get it all in the challenge.

I do like the bit of character we see through the dialogue, the voice elements involved. While we don't get all of the answers or quite see the conflict as well compared to a full story with more than just what the characters say, it has some decent elements shown. Overall, the contests is a good voice practice if nothing else.


Other Notes and Suggestions:
I don't have much to offer here. I know there are limits for the type of item. I would have liked to see more as to the connection to the two characters and what is going on but understand that's not the point and you were probably going for the non-connection aspect between the characters with the ending. Nice work with the challenge of keeping it to dialogue and good luck with the contest.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
144
144
Review of The Open Bottle  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item for "I Write in August-September-October"  [ASR] and also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
A decent title that involves what the poem is about. The only niggle of doubt I have with it after reading the poem is that it almost implies to me that the bottle is already open instead of it being about how she opened it. Nothing really to worry about, just a slight perspective on my side of things. I do like you put the form in the description since it's nice to have that information somewhere, though you could move that to end of poem and put a little bit about the poem to grab reader attention more if you wanted to do so.


Comments:
Short and well considered poem based on an image prompt. It was a nice image to use for a prompt that could have inspired stories as well as poems. In fact, the poem made me hope that a story some day would come from it as I wanted to see the "character" involved and learn more about what made it bad to open the bottle, what came from the bottle and why she was glad it was opened. I get that they are "feelings" in the poem but with a story the events from that could be interesting depending on how it's written. Either way, it worked as a poem too.


Form:
While I haven't worked on form poetry (okay any poetry) in well over a year, I am familiar with this particular form. I don't have it quite memorized but in general view/memory, it does appear you followed the form. Only tip I'd have is maybe consider adding a dropnote at the end of the poem that shows the form and details on what is required in it. Not something that you have to do but it is nice for those that might view the poem who have no experience with the form and dropnote means it's not as distracting from the main focus of the item, which of course is the poem.


Favorite Part:
They told me keep the bottle closed,
So your feelings won´t be free.
I am so glad I did.
To open it scares me.

- I picked the middle of the poem since it adds to what is within the bottles, along with both the positive and negative aspects to it being opened.


Other Notes or Suggestions:
I don't have anything else really to state here. It does get a little repetitive in the short set of stanzas but that's required by the form. Other than maybe a little on the form being added, I think it's good for what you have going with some potential for expansion or maybe delving into more from the prompt. Nice work and good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
145
145
Review of Rymond Reborn  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 💙 Carly

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item for the "I Write in August-September-October"  [ASR] and also putting it in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
I like the title. It's a little different with the name, Rymond, but that works out well and the RR aspect is nice in this case. The description is also sufficient for the item, doing a bit to get my interest in what the poem might hold.


Comments:
My main suggestions are pretty much going to be punctuation based for this one with a little bit on paragraph/structure. Content wise, you did really well. Interesting prompt too considering the highlighted words as a couple make sense together but mustard stood out among them. Yet you managed to make it work within the world you created.


Form:
No specific form noticeable or mentioned, but has an overall flow that makes it easy enough to read. Just a few things to consider in structure and punctuation that is mentioned *Down* there.


Imagery:
You create the images of the world and the beings well within a limited amount of space that the poem has. Nice work in this aspect as it can be a challenge to do without going too epic. Word choice is key in creating images in short bursts that still capture the readers attention and imagination.


Favorite Part:
Darkness is chased off with the light
From kerosene lamps that glow
Golden along the passages
Like the lowly mustard seed
We flourish...

I like this part because of the imagery used along with how it's a turning point where we are going to what is flourishing instead of the dismal reality shown on the surface. It's a nice moment.


Other Notes and Suggestions:
Just a couple things to note here, as mentioned above. They are based on my thoughts and how it comes across to me as far as structure and technical side are concerned. It's not so much of a matter of correct versus incorrect, but just something you could consider to play with the flow and affect of the pauses created within the poem.

Structure - It's fine this way and not uncommon for a poem to be just one long stanza. However, I think in the case of this particular poem and where it feels like some good pauses could be created, one thing you could consider is breaking it up into a few different stanzas. You can play around with it when you have time and if it's something you want to do, changing where you put space and create stanzas to see how the pauses affect the overall feel of the poem. Find the one that works best for you, which is fun with no specific form cause they don't have to be uniform or follow a dictated path.

Punctuation - Not bad here either, but some of the sentences follow what I'd view as a traditional sentence structure. Full sentence with punctuation to mark the end, which is found in the beginning of the poem in particular and what sets off the general expectations for the rest. However, part way through it gets a little less structured in sentence format. Death walking is where it caused a slight stall for me, though I can get a little of the desired affect from the not quite complete sentence. Right after it though, there are some places where punctuation could be added or changed. I would recommend, for example, putting a period at the end of the line "life abounds and begins anew" because connected with the lines below makes it run on. From there, just go over the lines and sections to maybe consider where might need commas or punctuation and where it might not be needed. This could also be affected by stanza choices if you play with those as well.


Nice work overall. I liked what you created, whether you work on it later or not. Nice job and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
146
146
Review of Gatsby Romance  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, ♥Hooves♥ . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
An interesting poem that starts with the title and works its way to the very last line. The Gatsby focus did catch my attention. Along with the word choices and line rhythm, it made for a decent poem.


Prompt:
The prompt was easy in the context of expectations. All one had to do to qualify was write a poem within the romance genre, and the poetic side has a little less restriction than story. On the other hand, that made it a challenge to create something both in the genre but that will stand out among the other entries. This one did have an interesting angle used in creating the genre aspect and worked a bit in that regard.


Form:
No specific form listed. Follows a basic formatting in that there are 4 line stanzas and a rhyme scheme. Does appear to follow the general plan that is noticeable.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhyme does work fine from what I noticed during reading the poem. Having it can seem forced at times but in this one that wasn't too bad and it helped with the rhythm.


Favorite Part:
Danced a wedding dance one bright Friday noon,
Champagne kisses under a timeless moon!
Delicious rapture promised to be ours,
Forever together, written in stars!

- I like this part of the poem because of the image it provides for the moments and how it incorporates the prompt.


Other Notes:
I liked the idea behind the poem but I also felt like I was missing some information that would have been handy to know as the reader. I couldn't tell for sure how much it related to the Great Gatsby and what not because, I have to admit that I've never read or seen it. I've read very little Fitzgerald at all, sad to say, so I ended up a little out of the loop with this one.

On a personal preference note, there were a few too many exclamation points for me. I don't like using more than a couple at most within any story, and poems even a little less as they tend to be shorter. When too many are used, it loses a little bit of the impact and it can be a little distracting.

Nice work with the poem. I hope you enjoyed writing it for May's official contest.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
147
147
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings, Oldwarrior . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
A nice poem dedicated to a loved one. The long lines and short stanzas are an interesting mix in poetics that some will prefer more than others. I like the way you approached the prompt how it's spanning over time with how the character talks about the love they experience.


Prompt:
The prompt this round was relatively easy in that one simply had to write a poem within the romance genre. And while poetry in the genre has a little less in reader expectations for qualification, it's also easy for a reader to spot in general. The hard part comes in sticking out among all of the other poems entered. One thing your poem does well in is that it tries to show a love story, going through the years of the couple, while working with the prompt.


Form/Rhyme:
No specific form listed. Follows a two line stanza approach with end rhyme scheme. No technical issues with form or rhyme scheme noticeable, though one can always play around with word choices and rhymes if wanting to change things up.


Favorite Part:
As I sit with care on this swaying limb, in a majestic ancient tree,
I think of you and the wonderful joy, your life has brought to me.

I like this part in particular because it's the start of the poem, has an interesting image created with the tree and also tips off the type of poem without being obvious just yet.


Other Notes:
It was a nice poem in general. For me, I had a slight issue with the flow/rhythm that gets created by the lines, commas and short stanzas. Too short can be choppy and long can be difficult on other levels. The commas did work in that they do create very minor pauses, as do each line, but for this one, I almost wanted to see the lines broken up into more stanzas. Some word choices and sounds could be played around with too for how they affect things but overall, what you do with the poem after the contest is up to you.

I hope you enjoyed writing the poem for May's official contest.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
148
148
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings, LibraryPat . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
The poem has potential but in the end didn't work for my personal preferences. It has some nice touches, good elements that hint towards the prompt. The end, however, comes off a little childish and messes with the moment the stanzas before it tried to create.


Prompt:
The prompt for this round was fairly easy in that it only required a poem be written within the romance genre. And for poetics, there are less reader expectations compared to stories in romance, so that helped. However, it also meant it was going to be more challenging to create a poem that would stand out above the others. Yours had a good element of romance that would have been really good for the poem overall if kept to that theme instead.


Form:
For is basically the repeated line about no romantic bone along with a rhyme scheme for most of the stanzas but the end. So, form like but not following a pre-determined form, or at least not one that is listed or noticeable.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhyme works within the first three stanzas and it's not unusual for the final grouping to not follow the scheme, so that was okay.


Favorite Part:
He brings me no flowers, yet does the yard work
He cleans my car - it's a nice perk
Yet there's not a romantic bone in his body...

I like this stanza because it starts off the poem and is what helps create the genre element needed for the contest. I like where it goes with the recognizing of the things the guy does to show he cares, even if it's not romantic.


Other Notes:
Preference wise, this poem will probably be hit or miss depending on the reader. For me it was a bit of a miss for a couple of reasons. I have never been a fan of repetition but can see why it was chosen in this case, with the line that is the title of the poem.

Also, not incorrect, but you could consider getting rid of the spaces between the lines and just have space between each stanza (group of lines). Every space affects the flow/reading of the poem and there is just a little too much that doesn't really need to be there.

However, the part I didn't care for the most was how the poem ended. The "he-he" just seems out of place and is where it gets more of a childish feeling. That and the "damn him" comes out of place too. I kind of wish you had kept along the lines that the rest of the poem created instead of wanting the romantic bone, ending with something about what he does and that it's much better that way. End it on a more positive note also would work even better for the romance genre.

Either way, I hope you enjoyed writing the poem and entering May's official contest.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, PrudhviRaj12 . I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
An interesting approach with the line structures and prompt usage. I liked the general idea, though stanza structure and line length caused a few stumbles during the reading process. It's easy enough to see the romance focus and reflects well as a poem with room to grow/develop into something even better.


Prompt:
This time around the prompt dictated just that the poem be within the romance/love genre. In that reference, this poem qualifies because the romance is the focus of the little story attempt created within the stanzas. The difficult part of the contest will be if the poem stands out enough among the other romance ones submitted.


Form:
No specific form noted within the static item or detected, so assuming it is more of a free verse and follows whatever pattern decided in the moment. Works decently in that regard for this one.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
There is no rhyme scheme in this one, which is probably for the better. While rhyming can work well in some poems, other times it would have been a distraction and the poem works quite fine without such.

The rhythm does well in some of the stanza but a couple of them could be worked on to have better flow. The main issue is the last stanzas in particular as they also have more of the random, longer lines and where some of the lines break don't quite match with the rhythm from the beginning of the poem. I would suggest working on them, in particular the last two, and maybe break up some of the longer lines. Though reworking some of the short ones too, finding different spots to take the pause that each line creates will help keep things moving better. If you want specific suggestions, just let me know and I can pick a small section to show what I mean, if you want to rework your poem that way.


Favorite Part:
That was the time my mind stopped functioning and my heart began to listen.
Then I knew that you were going to become someone special in my life.

I like this aspect because it's near the middle as part of the turning point in where things develop within the poem towards the topic of the prompt.


Other Notes:

Title - This is a personal preference, but I'm not a fan of the all capital letters used in almost anything. In this case, the one word does stand out and was emphasized in the poem but it's too distracting in the title to have it in all caps.

I'm also not a fan of using color often within writing, prefer it more for forums and other items like that instead of contest entries and such, but I do get the reason behind the use in this case. While it isn't something I would use, it's not something that needs changed either in this case because it's not done at random.

Tense - Most of the poem is in past tense but there appears to be a slight slip in the fourth stanza. This line in particular: That moment, I believed that the world around me is filled with glee, - It's part in past with believed but the "is filled with glee" is present tense. And the last line of the stanza isn't quite in past tense either.

Last note: I like the general idea of the end but with the way the last sentence is structured, having the word "with" as the very last word of the poem gives a slight off feel. It's not the best word to end any sentence with, let alone the very last sentence of the poem. But the idea behind the sentence is great for the ending of the poem.

Nice work and even though I had a fair amount of notes on your entry, I did enjoy it and hope you had fun writing for the contest.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
150
150
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thank you for entering round 150 of the Weekly Quickie contest and attempting my one night/one decision prompt. I hope you enjoyed the round and had fun writing your entry.


First Impression:
Different with the type of characters and felt more like a scene than a complete flash fiction story. It's borderline at the edge of 18+ rating wise because it's not quite an erotica story. If it had a bit more to make it fir the genre, the story would then have to be GC instead.


Prompt:
*Check5* There is a decision there one night. Interesting as there were several different stories entered but more than one had the friendship type aspect to them. Yours had the interesting element of the different characters who grew up together making the step from friends to maybe more. It's enough of a focus in the story, the decision, that I could see the prompt influence and that's what matters for this part of the review.


Characters/Story:
The story and characters are a good start but clearly need a much longer story to get into things. It does read more as a scene, as it's hard to get everything in a flash fiction story.

It almost got to the erotic part except that it doesn't quite reach that point in this particular piece. I'm glad he waited based on what happened. However, that makes this story lack what is expected from a Quickie because the contest is based around the erotica genre and not romance. We almost need to get their first time part instead and this could have been reworded to fit one of the romance contests, which also would have allowed more word count to share some aspects of the characters and what makes the actual conflict in their potential relationship. Though if you wanted both, Naughty Niceties prompt is unusual couples, if you can develop it and add in more erotica (she expects the stories be erotica and not just romance as well, though has a guest judge this round) then you could enter that one.


Other Notes:
Word Count - this is kind of a big one because it's part of the rules of the contest. You need to post the word count either at the end of the story, or in your forum post when you enter Quickie. I would recommend doing it at the end of the story because it's a good habit to get into when entering contests on WDC. Most will want it at the end of the story while a few on occasion will allow the word count to be posted in other places. For some contests, not having the count can mean the story is disqualified so I highly recommend making sure you get it in next time.

And, it came off a bit weird to me that while taking the approach of changing their friendship to something more, he still calls her little kit. Just a personal thought, it threw me off a little but nothing major.

Interesting story and I'm sure you're going to take it more places than this little Quickie attempt. Keep writing.

Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Good Luck!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
288 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 12 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/elfmage7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6