You had me at William Shatner. Had to read.
This was very cute. The doctor sounds like a quick thinker who is gentle with his patients. A very good scenario. I'm sure lots of actors in long term roles have some delusions when the memory starts to go.
Well written, entertaining.
Pumpkin
Loved your story. It was very positive and uplifting. Pets can have a powerful effect on us. I remember putting down our sick, disabled dog. I was divorced, but we had shared custody of the dog, so we both took her to the vet. Afterwards, we stood out in the parking lot and cried our eyes out. Despite our differences, it was a shared pain.
I found no flaws in your writing and have no recommendations for editing.
Why is it that when we say, "I'm old," no one argues with us or asks for further explanation?
Your very cute poem is relatable. I not only don't know young musicians, but other celebrities either. I remember being displeased when the older generation didn't like MY music.
You have a delightful poem describing the attitude of many men towards women. It's an old idea, but still lingers a bit, that women are the property of the husbands. Since men are built physically stronger than women, they have a sense of power over them. You mention "real man" in the end. It takes a real man to control his own power and put it to good use. I have seen too many women afraid of the man they are with.
You did a good job. I see no errors or corrections. No suggestions, except to keep writing.
What a hoot. The very thought of jewelry in the mouth would take away my appetite. (Maybe I need that.)
Your poem was cute, and the vocabulary wonderful. You managed to rhyme some words not used every day. It did not sound sing song-y like some humorous poems. You also aligned they type to be visually appealing.
Hello, Tim,
I enjoyed reading your poem, which I found under military.
It was nice to read something with pride and a positive outlook. I saw no flaws or technical problems.
I have no suggestions for improvement or correction. Please, continue to write more.
Best wishes to you.
Pumpkin
Hi, I found this under melodrama as I stroll thru genres.
I thought this was very interesting. It describes well a dead relationship with little regret.
The concepts of the chapter titles and the unwritten chapter added a lot.
I found no difficulties or suggestions.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Pumpkin
Hello,
I actually found this under the medical genre. I sometimes have insomnia, but nothing like what you write.
I find no technical errors.
It's very easy to imagine nightmares, but your writer is wide awake or on the edge of sleep. It's kind of scary. The reader feels sympathy for the sleepless writer who must work to earn his daily dollar.
Well done, vividly written.
Pumpkin
Hello, just browsing. This does have possibilities. You could take it in any direction.
Technicalities: I see no errors in spelling or punctuation or grammar.
General Remarks: There are good detailed descriptions. There is a feeling that the case is not going well, which leaves the possibility that the lawyer will find some way of turning it around, or not. Maybe it's a crooked judge. The stage is set for many possibilities.
Hello,
I see you are new here. Welcome. I hope you enjoy and grow as a writer. Found you by genre.
This poem is tightly written, no excess words. You repeat the words lie and alive, really driving home your point. You get across the feelings of betrayal and discouragement quickly. It even had eye appeal.
The only thing that caught my eye is switching back and forth between "he" and "you". Choose one and be consistent throughout because of the brevity of the poem.
Very well done. Best wishes for much more writing.
Found this under "ghost". Very interesting. I love tales told in an Irish brogue. True the world has changed, and they don't go for old tales any longer. Your poem was lovely. I guess they don't get their kicks on route 66 any more either.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm no expert. I only mean to be helpful, but may really miss the mark.
I can't tell if you're serious or making this up. It is listed as comedy. It makes me sad to read it. No one should call himself a school bus; that's just cruel.
As far as format is concerned, you might try spaces between paragraphs, especially since you don't indent. Your spelling and punctuation are perfect, no problems.
I know what you mean about other people giving advice. If they're not in your shoes, they think it's easy. I don't like that you put yourself down so often. I think you cut it off so soon and made a joke of it, because you don't want to face your feelings. No where in here, do I see any true feelings or see that this could be motivation. It sounds like a cry for help. You aroused empathy in me.
Again, your writing is fine. You express yourself well. Keep writing about other issues in your life and you will develop a really good voice. It looks like you're fairly new to WDC. I hope you enjoy it. Most folks are very kind and accepting.
Cute poem. We're with you. Knowing what we ought to do is not always what we really want to do. Sometimes thinking about my doctor chiding me is the only thing that makes me make the right choice. You're right about the labels; reading them in the store makes shopping take longer.
Keep up the inspiration. (I didn't find any faults with your work.)
Found your item randomly. As with all reviews, take what I say with a grain of salt.
It's actually an excellent little story, despite its brevity and lack of action.
It's clear, flows well. No typos. I did find one technicality: You're talking about one girl, but ask the question "Why are they. . ." Shouldn't it be "Why is she..."
Found this under friendship.
I loved it. It's so picturesque. I could see the mud on her clothes and hear her laughing with the other children. What a wonderful childhood. Mother Nature provides plenty of toys and activities. The poet's warm feelings for this child comes through clearly.
Great job.
Hi,
Found this under "Foreign". Fascinating and important. I wasn't aware of some of the geography you pointed out concerning their navy. It's a little bit short. Perhaps you could add just a few items of interest, say expand on the Indian navy, besides the submarine fleet. Maybe just one sentence to give authority to your first statement about the Chinese, like how do you know this?
Very important data.
Spelling and grammar are just fine.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Just a random review. I find no technical errors, like spelling or punctuation.
You tell a lot in a short paragraph; a lot of emotion comes through.
Sometimes people are like that. You capture a real life experience very well. We can't predict a person's behavior, and they don't always turn out to be what we want. It was a good experience but it's over.
'Develop these ideas some more in future writings.
Pumpkin
1 How beautiful! And what a different perspective. You combined prose and poetry. Very nice for the reader.
I realize it's a contest, and it is probably too late to make changes. In the second paragraph before the poem, you wrote "it's speed". There should be no apostrophe. And a grammar stickler would tell you not to end a sentence with "of" in the next paragraph. It still makes sense if you just drop the of.
I hope you fare very well in the writer's cramp.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Found this under "Fashion" while browsing through genres.
I loved it. Bouncy and upbeat, he told a great story. Follow your dream despite the naysayers, work at it, and indeed, you will be more than just beautiful hair. You told your story with humor.
The only technical point I found was the next to last line. It should be misled. It may not be spelled like head, but it rhymes.
Hi,
Found you randomly under Emotional genre. Please take these words as an attempt to be helpful, and not as criticism. There are always multiple ways to write things.
First, check your title. Did you mean to type "Not Your. . ." instead of "you"?
Please don't be insulted. I copied your story and made some suggested changes to it. It's repetitive in places. Some of the commas I changed to semi-colons.
I have a pie that is a pie like no other. I am in like Bipolar mode so I must go big or go home. This pie has a lot of big flavors in it.
You will need to mix up the following ingredients and put in as little or as much as you want: Boxed pudding any kind or flavor you want; cream cheese any kind or flavor you want but I say buy the good stuff; Vanilla wafers; Cappuccino, hot chocolate mix buy whatever you want but just buy the good stuff. If you're broke you can but the cheap stuff; it will work also. You can use heavy cream, milk, and or coffee creamer use, what you got used what you like,.
Lastly 2-3 bananas medium to large. You will also need a graham cracker pie crust. Cherries fresh , canned, or frozen to put on the top if you wish also put the juice on top with some of the whipped cream (optional) if you want to top the pie with some. Don't like cherries or can't have them use strawberries or something and that fruits juice. I eye-ball everything if you are making a big pie use less of everything. if you make a big one use, less stuff
Mix all the ingredients together into a blender or mixer but not the cherries, wafers, whipped cream they go on the top of the pie at the end. The pie should be thick, rich, smooth, and creamy if it's not, it's wrong to add something to it to thicken it up. If it's lumpy keep blending, not creamy enough add more fruit or cream cheese. Put the mix in the pie crust and put it in the fridge for like 5-6 hours to a day.
Happy eating y'all!
I tried to address the format issues only, not substance. Sounds like one heck of a pie. We'll all be over after the pandemic goes away!
Very cleverly done. The message is right-no one wants to know. Frankly, I don't want to know when I ask either. The exception would be "I think I'm having a heart attack right now" or "My loved one just passed away this morning". "I'm fine" would be inappropriate then.
Your rhyme is good. I noticed no technical errors. A good read anyone can relate to.
Found this under educational.
Yes, I agree with you. Door to door is the pits even without a pandemic. It takes a special person to do it, and I'm not that special.
Tree guys go door to door. They tell you things wrong with your trees that you don't even know, and they need to be taken care of today or it's doomsday for your home. I've only seen one with a mask.
Sorry about the contract. When you're in a hurry to work, you sometimes jump into something not right for you.
It does look like you need to capitalize "thank" just like you did YOU JESUS.
It's interesting that your complaint is in a poem with a recurring refrain, almost like a Psalm.
Found your poem under cultural. My reaction is simply that of a casual reader. Please take no offense.
It was very interesting and very graphic. Your words paint a clear picture.
I saw no misspelling or other errors.
I did notice the uneven rhyming. The first two lines didn't rhyme, which was okay; I thought maybe it would be free verse. Then every two lines rhyme until we get to the bottom. Then three lines don't rhyme, the next two do rhyme, then no rhyme again. I guess it didn't catch me until I got to rough, and I wondered was it supposed to rhyme with something and I misread it? Because it rhymed through the bulk of it, I expected it to keep doing that all the way. Maybe if you just worked on the last three lines to get something that rhymes with rough, since it's in the title, the rest could be overlooked. Just a suggestion.
What attracted me to this was your colorful coer photo.
Very interesting content. Well written, no errors. Good job.
I recommend a book called Life After Google. I struggled through the talk about math (it's been a long time since school) and enjoyed the history part. But about half way through I knew it was over my head. You might get a lot more out of it.
pumpkin
I found this under the genre "crime".
It's a nice summary of your starting out on a new venture. It could be broken up a bit, maybe into two paragraphs. One could be about you and your background and hopes. One could be about the research and the proposed topic.
An occasional comma would help. "Once I sit down the words" needs a comma after down. I thought you were trying to set once you set down the words, so a comma would indicate a new thought.
It looks a bit crammed in, so breaking it up and adding a comma where necessary will help break it up.
Best of luck to you. Hope you really enjoy working on it.
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