Hi, I found this in Read and Review.
I respect your opinion and agree with you. Your thoughts are well expressed. Your rhythm is consistent. I appreciate quatrains in free verse. Sometimes writers use "free verse" to mean anything goes. '
Your poem can be applied to an individual or a group, such as a church. Our attitudes remain the same even though people, culture, language, music, clothing, etc., evolve through the decades.
Very good poem.
Pumpkin
From Read and Review.. .
Not bad grammatically, but maybe a word was omitted: "to" the humming machine in the next to last paragraph?
It's a very amusing anecdote and a commentary on government. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks.
Found this on read and review. I see it was written in 2016. That explains a lot. I was thinking who sends a fax any more? It was like watching a rerun where no one had cell phones! (Still love to watch.)
A very amusing story. Well told, and flawless technically.
I enjoyed reading it.
Best wishes.
From Read and Review:
I see this is one of your older poems. Your lively imagination comes into play here. This is indeed a good poem for children, although you'd probaly have to explain all but the Hogwarts and Quiddich to them. I recommend no changes. Lovely as it is.
Pumpkin
Hi ruwth.
Such attention to detail. I can picture this step by step. It makes me feel sorry for the story teller, like I need to send a social worker! I can't really accept that the author is "satisfied", as I would never be happy with some thin oily gravy.
Your writing is flawless as usual, no errors.
Thanks for something different. (Found this in read and review.)
I found your story on read and review. How intriguing! I couldn't stop reading. And the ending was a surprise. You've managed the suspense, the child-like wonder and without any technical flaws. I so enjoyed reading this. Well told. A good story for children and adults.
Keep on.
Found you in a random review. Very romantic poem. Very colorful. Great nature descriptions.
Your rhythm is consistent and pleasant. The rhyme works well. I found no errors. It's brief, clean, and gets the point across very well. No suggestions. Excellent job.
Very interesting perspective of the ant. The story is good, somewhat mysterious, maybe the gruesome side of nature.
However, there are some technical errors which could clean it up quite a bit. For instance, the k is omitted from looks, just a typo. There's a question mark where there should be an exclamation mark after "You guys are scaring me". Just little things like that. You may have been in a hurry for a contest or other entry deadline, but once it's over, it's a good idea to go back and proof read, so that years later, when someone reads it, they'll see you nicely edited story.
Good job.
I am amazed! What a great story and told so well. I found no criticism of phrasing, rhythm, grammar, etc. I love westerns which include a lot of stories about hunting gold or silver. You could add that category. Very inventive title. The poem keeps a nice pace and captivates the imagination. Very well done.
Hi, I found this on Read and Review.
You don't say why she is missing, wandered off or maybe you gave temporary shelter. I know people who do that for shelters.
She obviously left a hole in your life. I hope you can replace her soon.
I find no fault with technical things. It is unusual to see a short story made of single lines like this, but I write it off as a cross between free verse and prose. And it is emotional writing. I can appreciate the sentiment expressed here. Very interesting.
I'm glad I read it.
Pumpkin
Great story. You painted her pain and her fear quite well. You've described a loner, who is self-reliant and resilient. I was glad it had a happy ending. Her inner strength and upbringing saved her life.
I did have some problems with punctuation and some minor technical errors. The first I noticed was "these mountain", should be mountains.
I wouldn't have said she "stupidly" chose this trail. That's a commentary from the author. Otherwise you write a description only without commenting on it. If she was thinking out loud, it would be appropriate for Alexis to say it about herself. As a third party observer and story teller, it may not be good form. But that's strictly my take on it.
I didn't understand "echoed throughout hole". These are imaginary voices, through the crevice or the whole night? Something must have been left out
There are a few punctuation matters.
In general, you've written a suspenseful and interesting story. Only the format needs a little touch up. Good luck with more adventure stories that sound so incredibly true.
What wonderful memories! You have written flawlessly, as I have found no errors in spelling, etc. How bless you were to have two wonderful women in your young life. I have known a few like that who prayed without ceasing and influenced so many others. People like this, who live what they preach, have a profound impact on us and stay in our hearts forever.
You have captured their stories very well.
Great job. Keep writing.
What an enigma! I did some math, trying to figure how many camels to cut up. Your solution is ideal. Real food for thought.
No grammatical, spelling or other technical errors.
Well done. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I plan to share this with others.
Thanks for sharing your gentle story with us. I appreciate the use of scripture.
However, I was immediately alarmed about the pet bunny in a wolf story. For my own fears, I would want some assurance in another sentence or two that the bunny was safely enclosed in a pen that could not penetrated.
I think I would also like to see some understanding by Janet that this is a temporary emergency situation, that the wolf would have to be returned to the wild when improved so that it wouldn't become dependent on her. That, too, is a way of caring for the earth.
As you can see, I have no problems or suggestions for your writing. It's only my reaction to the story itself. You have presented your story very well. I encourage you to keep nature writing.
The burn unit at the hospital is very very quiet. The patients are in so much pain, they keep it quiet to prevent disturbing them or waking them. They are mostly drugged. It gives me the creeps to think about so much pain in one place. I get sick on the stomach when I see someone get burned or even hear about it, like the kid who melted crayons in the microwave then splashed them on herself.
You have my sympathy.
Sorry you had such a horrible story to share.
Very beautiful. What great lessons she taught you. We do need to be more uplifting and encouraging to others.
You wrote about them quite nicely, without error, or hiccups. I have no criticisms or edits. I hope you will continue to share your observations.
Sounds like an exciting change, a big adventure. Could be a life upheaval. Certainly topography, scenery will help set the stage for the drama and daily routines that will unfold. Nicely written. A real life experience that most readers can relate to.
Nicely written. Found no flaws.
Best wishes.
Hi, just a casual read. The most blaring error seems to be missing quotations in fron of "You see", but the ending quotes are there in the next paragraph.
It wasn't really clear what Jake Lee's role as a time bandit except to kill Time Lords. I guess it was too big a concept for such a short story. It makes Wild Bill an innocent victim.
Very interesting story. Good structure.
Oh, I didn't care for the phrase "friendly card", but that's not your fault. You had to work with the tools they gave you. Well done.
Quite a weird story. It does sound like it needed investigation. I'm sure in the U.S. it's illegal to transport a dead and alive person together. In fact, a car from the funeral home would make a trip to the hospital, not a regular ambulance. Maybe the woman was drugged. At any rate, it was a thought provoking story.
I find no grammatical or technical errors.
I loved this story. i babysit rambunctious great nephews and their sister. I know things happen. You kept me spellbound. I admit the bold caps tripped me up, until I realized this was for a contest. You did very well tying them together.
I couldn't find any fault in punctuation, grammar or spelling. Nicely done.
Hi,
This is intriguing, no doubt. It could go either way, easily. Nicely done.
No technical flaws. I was thrown a little when Mike enters in. Maybe a brief mention of a third man entering abruptly would help.
You told them in the right order, too. Explaining the brain, and it not responding to the eyes, helped in understanding the second scenario. I do think the brain is still active even if it is not responding to stimuli.
Very well done. I will look for more of your work.
Just a review:
Please don't take any offense at the following comments. They are intended only to help clarify and improve what you have written.
No problems with your message. I have known people with fibromyalgia, who were in constant pain and fought moodiness and depression. They were lovely people trying to live a normal life. Most people are understanding when they know the constant pain the individual is going through. Your efforts to educate others about the disease are well-founded. Keep up the good work.
There are a few minor writing details. You are missing a lot of commas. Start with 2nd paragraph. After "conditions" place a comma, and again after "because of this", before "judgments".
Next, I would leave out the phrase "You see". In the middle of the sentence, you write "you cannot see". I know they have different contexts, but it doesn't sound right, almost like a contradiction. Starting with that phrase does not add value to what you are saying. Another comma in that sentence after "for".
I repeat you have an important message. You could do a little editing for punctuation and other things. In the first paragraph, use an apostrophe in "person's". A little editing will put the polish on an informative article.
Such a cute story. It's funny, but it also raises a lot of questions. Wouldn't it be cool to actually call Jesus and talk? To hear his voice. Of course, we think of prayer as talking with him, but we usually rush and don't wait for any response, even deep within our own hearts.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Hi there.
Very interesting poem. The rhyme scheme is unusual. I never would have found so many things to rhyme that fit. Plus, the switching of rhyme in the 4th and 8th lines worked for you. Is that a regular format or one you made up?
Sometimes, we want something to be sentimental and sweet. We want to believe that two people are meant for each other. Nicely written.
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