Hello Maria Mize . I am Just an Ordinary Boo! and I am going to be reviewing your piece as a gesture of friendliness, please accept it in the same spirit with which it is offered.
The Title: I like titles to work extra hard for the stories. It is not enough that they be apt, yours certainly was; they must also generate interest and catch the attention of an eye roving the site for something to read. If this was "Burning Issues" - that would have a double meaning, if you tacked on "In A Mayfield Summer" to that, you would have made it distinctive to your story. Or "Burning Issues, Mayfield 1985." You need not change it at all, but think of what might stop a potential reader in his tracks and make him want to click open that tale.
The Beginning: Beginning sentences are like Caesar's wife, they have to be above reproach. The grammar, construction, spelling, meaning, all have to be spot-on. The double set of quotes in the second sentence kind of threw me off the smooth read. Why not have him think the second set of words and demonstrate it by using italics? After all it is muttered under his breath. It is a deft comment that adds the unexpected leaven of humour that relieves tension in suspense.
The Setting: What exactly is a 'setting'? It is the era or time period in which a story is set; along with the locale where where it takes place. Do you feel you have brought that sufficiently clearly in front of the reader's eyes? The information may be in there, but is it presented in a manner that recreates the element mentioned?
The Characters: Exactly who is the protagonist here, the lead character,so to say? From whose POV is the story told? The editorial 'we' is used a couple of times, who are the 'we'? "We all knew deep down that those boys could have been anyone's sons." Who is the narrator?
The Descriptions: I see you have some random words and phrases italicized, it is not required by the storyline, hence I assume it must be required by a contest prompt. A word in explanation might help avoid what I like to call 'huh?' moments. When one spies a word or phrase that isn't quite what one expected, or where one expected. Then one slows down and does a kind of 'double-take' to ponder the issue.
The Story as a Whole: I like the soft tribute in the ending, it closed on a gentle reminiscence after the mayhem. I am not sure if one wants to forgive children who committed such a heinous crime, but was it up to the community to forgive them? It's more than a case of just 'playing with fire', it was deliberate arson, a series of such incidents, until finally somebody got hurt.
What I liked: It has a lesson in there that is succinctly portrayed.
Suggestions: Just a couple of places that I thought needed a second look.
"Mischief began to run amuck," The word is pronounced exactly that way, but I think you'll find it is spelled "amok".
"Property damage had run up to about half-a-million --- a few barns, fields, a tree farm, a few old farm houses and a church." I have no idea of property prices out there, but are you sure the damage you mention justifies the figure that precedes it?
"While their intentions were ominous, they had too much time on their hands and not enough supervision." Ominous translates as 'boding of evil, threatening', is that what you wanted to convey here? It just did not seem to go with the following phrase of 'having too much time and not enough supervision'.
"her eyes mimicking a catatonic stare as she cuddled their baby brother" Someone in a catatonic state might hold an infant, but would not retain enough emotion to cuddle. Why not simply have the eyes open in a catatonic stare, instead of mimicking it? Or if you are making the point that only the stare was lifeless, say 'she rocked her infant as much to comfort herself as to put him to sleep; her eyes wide-open in seeming lifeless stare'.
"She was distraught but after a night of horror, her boys were going to live. Each time a nurse came in to change bandages, the boys screamed in agony." The sentence does not make sense, the use of 'but' is a qualifier. Like 'I am fifteen but I am yet to be allowed to stay up after ten.' Or 'She is beautiful, but there's no heart behind that glorious facade.' Changing the position of that 'but' to after the 'night of horror' and just adding 'she had been told' there would make the meaning clearer. Thus: "She was distraught after a night of horror but she had been told her boys were going to live"
It was only of that night that you were speaking, how come the nurse changed the bandages so often? I thought the accepted line was to have burns dressings are either left open under a frame for the bed-clothes; or the dressings changed in the OT, probably with sedation, if not anesthesia.
A line space between paras will help to present the matter better, you have the first line indent in there already.
Any comments are made as an individual opinion. Please sip what you find sweet and discard what you think is sour.
Jyo
May your words go on to shine!
Effort brings colour to Life
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