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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/manga_kate/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
Review Requests: OFF
1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this vision ~ recalled from a child's eye point of view ~ how a person was able to by one solitary kind act leave "...a dignity...rarely felt since."*Star* I can envision a ten-year old child's eyes opened to the sight, scent, and image before her upturned face*Heart*

As a story poem, well related in logical sequence with vivid imagery that entices the senses and this reader can envision a child's wonderment*Heart*

I do not seek rhyme, but would suggest perhaps some of the pronouns being tightened to aid the rhythm, i.e., fifth line, the final "...and"??; also a bit slowed where the lady releases her hand; the two lines there the transition in point of view a bit sharp perhaps?

Thank you for sharing this beautiful image*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (4.0)
I see the image of one in a healing process, caring enough about someone to share vivid details, and enjoining the other to allow the healing to continue; asking for time.

As a free form poem, the images are vivid and I can visualize the bondage in body and spirit, and the incessant struggle to break free and be able to once again trust another.*Heart*

I do not seek rhyme, and the pauses are, in general, effective to keep the images together and allow for pause and reflection. I would suggest for a bit more even rhythm, to delete a couple of 'and''s ~ the fifth line, begin with "yet..." and the second last, begin with "numb..." perhaps ~ see how that sounds to you.*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerfully written message in verse.*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is another splendid forum, helpful to new members of WDC as well as encouraging those of us who are no longer Newbies to read and review the work of others ~ I think one of the best tools for improving one's writing. I've kept my subscription to the Noticing Newbies newsletter active since I joined, and still find tips, along with the great Q&A and delightful reading ~

As a forum, the link to Noticing Newbies works ~ I checked in and responded to a post just a bit ago ~ and I like the instant link to new posts

Here's a token gp contribution to the group's efforts to encourage Newbies to read, review, and keep writing.

If you think I'd fit in, I would like to be part of this group as a floater, as I'm often on at odd hours and would like to pass on some of the encouragement in the form of reviews and interaction with new members that I received when I first joined this Community.

Many thanks for all your continued support and encouragement,
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The image of snowflakes as words, or ideas, or visions, or dreams, ethereal and elusive all*Heart* to be seen for a moment in a 'window' - a coherent thought*Star*

Reading aloud, each stanza leads me deeper into a labyrinth of imagery, seeking an outlet. The free form images fit well, the repeated use of "through" is only a bit disconcerting in the first stanza. For emphasis, I can see the use in first and third line, consider perhaps "...about this place;" for the second line to add pause to the thought? I presume the uneven pacing of the lines is intended to mimic the unplanned nature of the images that form the ultimate vision that is finally seen in the window?

Thank you for sharing this powerful, reflective work, that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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wistful rune ~ …
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I could see the innocence first fade, then trust renew, as first one realizes death is imminent, then accepts the fact, to be returned to the comforting sight of her mother watching her.

Reading aloud, I do not seek rhyme in the free form, and the images flow from one to the other in logical and passionate progression. For rhythm, I would suggest perhaps eliminating a few extraneous words to keep the tension more immediate and personal. i.e., "Too scared to even whimper" (delete "but"); also the voice of a child might not think "...air supply...deplete", and ""she feels a rush of heat" more personal???

The ending is just so poignant and vivid ~ I can see her open her eyes and stare at her mom.

Thank you for sharing this powerful work ~ the image remains after I have finished reading*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


What starts as an everyday evening of routine boredom between a couple who apparently stay together because it's what they do ends with a terrifying twist that makes me want to see the next chapter*Star* How will Bill react? Is he involved?

As a story, the introduction of Bill and Martha is detailed, visual, and provides the reader a good backdrop for the evening ahead. I would suggest only keeping the voice more active within each segment.

Relating the story from both Bill and Martha's viewpoint adds to the breadth of each character and the scene is set where just about anything could happen, but what actually appears to at the end ~ good lead to a mystery or noir story*Star*

Vivid scenic descriptions abound ~ i.e., the aura ("aurora"?) of "pre-dinner aperitif" tarnished by the morning light..." but I see a bit of telling in some of the scenes, i.e., the fragmented sentences in the third paragraph where Martha's acceptance of her life is described. Could be a bit more active if using her voice.

A bit of tightening to lead up to the seminal phrase "...Bill decided this was the common ground in their relationship...."*Star*

"The silence dragged its feet across the room refusing to leave the couple alone." ~ sounds like many a couple's routine evening*Star*

I look foreward to reading more of Bill and Martha's story ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
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Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I see a journey, at first uphill, with many obstacles, where one finds grace to continue through faith and by putting trust in that grace. Though the journey is ongoing, the traveler seeks not only self-fulfillment but the ability to share that grace with others and help others along the way. A heartwarming essay.*Heart*

The detailed examples draw the reader into a story, so that the message conveyed becomes more personal and memorable*Star* Grace can touch everyday events and experiences; grace can be found if one is open to it, and shared with others.*Thumbsup*

As an essay, the transitions are occasionally uneven in tense changes, suggest using quotes or italics to separate the other voice, i.e., the second paragraph, "...Told me, "You are never alone. Never alone." or "...Told me I am never alone." I think the quotes or italics might have more impact in story form.

also a couple places that have a quick tense change, i.e., sixth paragraph, "And grace pours out. You hold me close..." (in place of poured out) where past and present collide???

Thank you for sharing this beautiful message of hope ~ at places waxing poetic (i.e., "I do not have a direction, I do not have a clue. I do not have anything Lord, except for you.") that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate

wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

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Review of The Jazz Boy  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Desire for the ethereal, the image of being in love with the idea of love comes to me, as does an image of friendship budding to romance, until the moment of truth, when desire is met and the realization that it was the longing that made it special, which remains throughout the poem.

Reading aloud as a story poem, the progressionof images is logical and believable, with detailed examples showing the progression of the relationship, and the longing, or perhaps memory of the longing, that remains, full circle.

The length of the lines in the stanzas expand and then contract again as the relationship is debated with the vivid details offered, then tighten as the conclusion is reached that it was an image not real, but still there in the memory of the heart.

I would suggest only keeping the tense more active, i.e., third stanza, "You said you were lying in the grass..." and later "You tell me..." perhaps consider perhaps starting the third line with his quote to keep it more active and not change the tense from past to present in the same stanza??? Also, consider more active last line fifth stanza, "...who I moved on from you with." ???

The connotations of "jazz" as both music and the nature of a relationship runs through the poem and stays with me after I have finished reading. Thank you for sharing htis reflective work on the nature of relationships.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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wistful rune ~ …
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I've come in here and read the posts over a period of time, and recently jumped in with a couple myself ~

As a forum, inviting as the name ~ a place where Writers can vent, lament, offer advice and counsel, and discuss ways to sooner attain the goal of going from Writer to Published Writer*Thumbsup*

Thank you for offering this haven ~
Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Why do I write?  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your bio, the spirit of a writer, with the need to express in words the images and visions that bombard the mind*Smile*

As a bio, a story well related with little telling. Look forward to reading more, and welcome to the Terrace^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of My Rusty  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is a beautiful tribute not only to a person but to love itself; engaging the senses with words, sound, touch, and sight*Heart*

Reading aloud, as a free form poem, each stanza explores in depth an image of one facet of love. The final stanza is a summation, completing the image, making it whole*Heart*

The third stanza, 'arms' used three times, perhaps consider using fingers, touch, something to convey the same image of strength and stability?

Thank you for offering this testament to true love, would that it be so!

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I like the challenge ~ two days to write a prompt-based short story. Will likely generate a variety of genres for some delightful reading.*Smile*

As a forum, the rules, timetables, entry fee, are all clear and easy to follow. The offer to assist with entry fees is a nice touch as well ~ I've applied for the contest, and would like to add another 500 gps here to help defray someone else's cost or toward the prize fund, as you see fit.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a Dove*Heart*

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Review of Harm None  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed these lyrics ~ never too early to teach right action; and the message holds true for kids and adults alike.*Star*

Reading aloud as lyrics, I found myself actually singing. Wonderful cadence; memorable imagery. Geared to a younger audience (i.e., meanie) the images are memorable and pack an impact for adults as well.

In the chorus, third line, "there will be peace..." for the rhythm, perhaps try the sound of "There'll be peace..." or "To feel peace..." (what think you of one less beat there?)

I really love the vivid imagery; memorable way to illustrate the Rede's message*Heart*

Bright Blessings!
Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Bleeding Inside  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I was deeply moved by the journey that started out as one of despair and blossomed into a revelation of the healing that is possible with real love.

The detail of the assault is so vivid, very little telling. The evil is so palpable. I would only suggest, as a story, to separate some of the transitions into paragraphs, i.e., with her mother, when Timmy comes home, perhaps.

The flash forward transitions are concise, each moving the story forward while maintaining the character's voice. The healing process is gradual and vivid, with stark examples once again detailing that it's an ongoing process.

The final paragraph is not an ending, but speaks to the hope that lies within each of us ~ I am left seeing Becky as a person still becoming whole, still healing, but learning to go beyond the horrors of the past with the help of true love.*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this story ~ it's truly inspirational.*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of The End?  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Intense emotion from beginning to end ~ a seeking, a questioning of the meaning of life itself ~ each stanza grabs me and holds me fast with vivid imagery and angst.

Reading aloud, there is a rhythm which is held fairly through the poem, which adds to the intensity of feeling as I read, each stanza standing on its own image while building to a climax.*Star*

I note but a few places where the rhythm seems off and slows the intensity just a bit ~ consider maybe "now" in place of "because" in the second line first stanza for the rhythm, also the third line of the second stanza sounds a bit off for the same reason, and the third stanza, the voice changes from personal to third person in the last line ~ consider perhaps "they let us know" or "let me know" instead of "you" ??; and the fourth stanza, the first line questioning someone, is that a third person, or does it refer to the writer?

Thank you for offering this powerfully written, reflective work that stays with me after I have finished reading.*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful image that evokes summertime warmth even in the depths of a winter's night*Heart*

Reading aloud, the form is maintained, each image is vivid and engages the senses, with very little telling; the first line reads like a title or statement, answered well by the next two*Star*.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful image.
Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Open Book  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I see one casting aside past betrayal and emerging into a state of hope, desiring above all else to be able to trust and give of oneself to another, to be able to know that other's true self. Each image builds in intensity, to the quoted invocation, summing up the need.

Reading aloud, the occurrences of rhyming and instances of assonance pull each image together. I suggest perhaps separating into tercets by image to afford an additional pause for reflection on each. The second last line of the quote perhaps could "...see no mask..." in place of cover? for the rhythm.

Thank you for offering this vision of hope and reflection, one that remains with me after I've finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Façade  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think you sum up effectively what most, if not all, of us present to the world; putting up a front to protect a core that is often fragile, rarely if ever shared. Concisely phrased with vivid imagery.

Reading aloud, there is a cadence and rhythm to the first two stanzas, and a summation in the third. I suggest perhaps using another word for the first mask, something like veil or shade??

Thank you for sharing this powerfully written, provocative work.
Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Out Loud  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I read all poetry aloud ~ whether reading, reviewing, or writing it ~ regardless of the form, I like to savor the words and feel the rhythm, cadence, and pace of the words conveying the writer's images and vision. Nobody even looks askance as I mutter to myself on a park bench at lunch; they probably assume I'm just hooked to my cellphone like they are*Rolleyes*

Thanks for the opportunity to share
Bright Blessings for the New Year!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Of My Ancestors  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This vivid image of a journey, more than a dream, a vision called forth by a heart seeking knowledge and purpose in life, is a beautiful story poem.

Reading aloud, the images flow naturally in story form, where an apparent dream metamorphoses into a vision, engaging all the senses with vivid imagery and sensations. Upon waking, the common things of today's world appear to have been woven into the fabric of life, i.e., Mother Earth.*Heart*

As a story poem, I did not seek rhyme, and the pacing of the images was well plotted, some really vivid visual and tactile portraits. I also like the use of the Sioux terms ~ augmented the sense of stepping into the past and communing with Ancestors ~ and the definitions were helpful.

I have but a few comments with respect to the rhythm, i.e., repeating "only" in the same immediate thought at the beginning, and adjusting the flow by keeping to one tense within an image, i.e., past v. present when relating the contact with the ancestors.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful, heartwarming vision.
Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a splendid contest, challenging writers throughout the community to submit stories with a selection of themed prompts ~a chance to submit a favorite or perhaps try something new to his/her muse.*Thumbsup*

As a forum, the opening banner invites the casual observer to read further; the rules, links to formatting, prompts, are all clear and easy to find. Timetable and judging criteria also clear.

The forum as a whole is written in a friendly and inviting manner; posts are answered timely and in a friendly tone as well.*Smile*

Hope to see this continue for quite awhile ~ a small gp contribution attached.

Happy New Year!
Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (4.5)
The flame's point of view is maintained throughout this short piece, with vivid examples that the reader can see, feel and, actually sense the relief and joy of the miner and traveler at seeing the welcoming light.

The first example in the second paragraph is the only place I see a bit of telling; reading aloud, the work is near poetic as a whole.

As I light my mulberry candle, I smile at the yuletide memories it evokes. Thank you for sharing these delightful images, and good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading your blog ~I don't visit many and don't keep one myself, but the query pulled me in ~ asking for opinions on what the reader considers to be good poetry. I stopped in to read what others wrote and ended up leaving an opinion.

As a blog or forum, it's friendly and inviting to the reader, opinions are expressed as such and the author offers no judgment, instead encouraging feedback and commentary.

Hope to come back and visit some more, and read some good poetry here,

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of CHRISTMAS MESS  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your sonnet ~ such a realistic depiction of the rush and bustle of preparing for the holidays, then the image of the joyous children for whom the day was made memorable by all the effort*Star*

Vivid and graphic imagery maintained throughout, I can feel the frustration.

Reading aloud, the rhythm is fairly even, with only a few spots where the stressed word might slip a bit for me. suggest an apostrophe on "every" to keep from sounding the second 'e' and maintain the iambic beat.

Thank you for sharing this realistic and heartwarming work^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate

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*Star*Thank you leann
for my sweet Dove "On the Wings of a Dove*Heart*

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Review of The Awkward Liar  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your excuse ~ I can actually believe that the house has you trapped*Thumbsup* All my senses are engaged, the sound of the digging, the sliding truck, and the frustration at the deadbolted front door.*Star*

The only place I see a bit of telling is with reference to the police encounter ~ consider perhaps something like ...when he sees the flashing red lights of a police cruiser in the rear view and perhaps more accurate would be the "...unmistakable sound..." of the boss rapping the phone on the desk???

The verbal exchange with the boss appears realistic to me and rather dramatic ~this excuse itself has the potential to work, just remember not to discuss what you bought with your co-workers the next day*Wink*

Thanks for the "tip"
Keep Writing!
Kate

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