Hi aralls! After reading "Different Experiences" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is written in Tyburn form. I like the concept of the poem. Yes, children do enjoy circus entering into a new world of happiness. Parents have to put in extra effort to fit in the circus schedule into their busy lives. Facts presented with humor essence! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi aralls! After reading "Edible Indulgence" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and apt for the content. The poem describes a picture of red candies. The form is unique, each stanza contains 5 lines where the starting letters are vowels. Beautiful lines describing the delicious candies. My favorite lines are;
"Apples aplenty, lined in a row,
each candied, bursting with sweet flavor."
Great opening lines! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your words are expressive and deep in meaning.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is beautiful describing "Hungry Soul". The words are strong and emotional. I like the line;
"Open wound bleeds no healing tears,"
This is a real poetic description of a wound! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Sticktalker! After reading "Father and Son" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and interesting. The poem is about father and son. I like the concept of the poem. The poem has a strong emotion. My favorite line is;
"Baby owns them both"
This line is so true. A baby owns his parents more than parents own the baby. Because parents must let go the child after a certain age. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are a few suggestions;
1. There are 5 stanzas in this poem. The first, fourth and fifth stanzas talk about baby. But the second and third stanzas speak about "boy" and "child" respectively. I feel you could make it baby so that the poem would reflect the relationship between a father and his baby. Otherwise, replace "baby" in the fourth and fifth stanza with "son" and "toddler".
2. The word "reaches" is used thrice in the poem and twice in the first stanza. You could use some other word in two place to avoid repeatation. Repeatation of words make the poem weak and dull unlike in refrain-line which makes the poem sweet.
3. I think you could use "Father" instead of "Man" to make the poem powerful and apt for the title.
Your Poem with some changes;
A father looks down,
A baby with a frown
Reaches up.
A father comes out,
A baby gives a shout
runs into his arms.
A father holds a finger,
The baby not in anger
holds it very tight.
A father gives a smile,
baby all the while
Coos and mumbles.
A man is the father,
A woman the mother,
Baby owns them both.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND!
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The poem is emotional and fits the prompt so well. I like your comparisons and strong word chices. My favorite lines are;
"Loved ones left behind, dismissed with ease,
like withered leaves blowing in the breeze."
This is a most beautiful expression of seperation! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is touching.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Dr Taher writes again!! After reading "Trying" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. I recently learned the "Than-Bouk" poetry in the Tuesday Morning Cantos class. I like this unique and interesting form of poetry.
Your poem is on "Trying". The positive strong meaning inspires the reader. I liked the chosen rhyming words; prize, tries and cries.
Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Joy! After reading "Old Photos" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is about old photos that bring golden memories of the past. Your poem is terriffic! I am sure every reader could relate to your words. I agree that photos are like candles which light the night. This is my favorite line;
"photographs are candles
to light up the night."
Photos capture moments in pictures and later livens the lived moment once again. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is touching!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Joy! After reading "Autumn" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a beautiful haiku chain on "Autumn". I like your strong words and clear imagery. My favorite lines are;
"floating from the sky
scarlet leaves of bitterness"
Dramatic description! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your words paint an autumn picture in mind.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi fyn! After reading "Fireflies" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a cute children's poem about "Fireflies". The lines are fun to read. I like the way you have used the words; fire, flies and flitter in so many different ways! For me it is a tongue-twister poem. My favorite lines are;
"Flying fire-
Cool to touch
Light the night,
Do so much."
These lines are lovely. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Beautiful poem!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi fyn! After reading "Missing in Action" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is emotional and talks about how you miss your friend. I like the flow of the poem .My favorite line is;
"You have faded off into the void..."
This is a great opening line that sets a stage for the emotional poem. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your words made me cry!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND!
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The haiku is cleverly created keeping the contest rules in mind. The lines describe a hot sidewalk without using the exact words. My favorite line is;
"Fire in the cement!"
Most beautiful expression for "heat"! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your haiku is nice.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND!
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and apt for the content. The poem is on tulips. The poetry form "Pi-Archimedes" is interesting. Your words are crisp and the flow is smooth. My favorite line is;
"vibrant flashes of promise."
This is a beautiful and lively expression of fantasy. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Thanks for including the poetry form description link.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND!
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The poem is about how you see the ocean as your sorrow. Your imagination is great. The lines have hidden deep meaning and pain. You are able to show your intense emotion to the reader. Well done. I liked the last line very much. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I have a few suggestions;
The lines need to be polished a bit for a smoother flow.
1. In the first stanza,
"The ocean reminds me of all my tears
I have shed through out the years.
The years when I was in sorrow"
* I think "through out" could be "throughout" for a better flow.
* The stanza with some changes; "The ocean reminds me of my tears...
Tears I have shed throughout years.
years when sorrow shadowed fears!"
2. In the second stanza;
* "reminds" should be "remind.
Maybe you could improve the second stanza something like this, "The ocean waves remind me the emotions
that quietly settle and quickly erupt.
The harsh waves mirror my suffered pain.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi SHERRI GIBSON! After reading "HE WATCHES" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the poem. This is again another beautiful prayer song. My favorite line is;
"Trust in our Father, and be rewarded"
This is very true! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggetsions. Your work is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi SHERRI GIBSON! After reading "NOTHING TO FEAR" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is strong and apt for the content. The poem is about "Almighty God". Your words are inspirational. My favorite lines are;
"and sitting on a divine cloud a luxury granted.
In God’s hands there is nothing to fear."
This is the most charming description of heaven I've ever read! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is a nice prayer song.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi SHERRI GIBSON! After reading "ENCHANTRESS" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting. The poem is spiritual with positive message. The lines flow smooth and the pictures compliment the poem. My favorite lines are;
"Her heart always open for those wanting in.
Look into the night sky, you’ll see her there."
These lines have a strong message; God is always there for everyone who open their eyes and see (who have faith). Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi SHERRI GIBSON! After reading "BUTTERFLY WINGS" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and apt for the content. The poem is about a butterfly fairy who flies around the world and hopes for peace. The poem has a deep hidden meaning; living life right, with lot of hope! Beautiful words that are full of colorful imagery. My favorite lines are;
"I fly upon butterfly wings,
red rose petals are my bed."
These lines are very descriptive. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
A proud member of Helping Hearts, Simply Positive and Talent Pond.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a good in and out. Creative and unique. The challenge is to share most embarrasing moment. The page layout is nice and inviting. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Unique and original in and out!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Joy! After reading "The Ocean" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt and inviting. The poem is very descriptive with beautiful words. The lines describe the mystic ocean, while it has a strong inner meaning. The reader could relate the ocean to the inner thoughts of a person which is like an ocean(that never calms!). My favorite lines are;
"A rumor of angels
through the waves' rush
spreading a sheet of
peace over me
in a thunderous lullaby."
These lines are cleverly woven! I love the irony "thunderous lullaby". Sometimes, even melodious lullabies seem thunderous.
Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is an artistic tribute to the massive ocean of thoughts.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Maryann! After reading "Simply Rain" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is nice and neat. The lines are descriptive and colorful. My favorite lines are;
"Crashing bashing,
Sonic rumbles,
Flashing light,
Rain tumbles."
These lines brings the real picture of lightning and thunder. Beautiful narration! Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Maryann! After reading "The Magnitude of Stars" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is powerful and inviting. The poem beautifully describes the night stars in the dark sky. I like your word choices. Though short, the poem is strong with lots of imagery. My favorite lines are;
"The stars dance and wink in the glistening night,
For eyes to see and hearts to delight."
These lines are very lively. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is a sweet tribute to the shimmering stars.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This folder contains 5 sub-folders; Air, Water, Earth, Fire and Metal. I like the way you have named the folders after the five elements of Nature. I've read some of your poems which are great. I would try to read all your poems in future.
These five folders are five precious gems neatly created and arranged. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Wish you a very Happy Birthday!!!!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is written in Cleave form which is an interesting and difficult form. The lines are emotional and shows the intensity of love for someone. My favorite line is;
"nothing more than a empty shell yet fullfilled in awakening memories."
This line is strong and beautifully written. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Thanks for including the link explaining the Cleave poem.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi passionate lover! After reading "Like a flower" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and apt for the content. The poem is nice with smooth flow and good messages. I like the way you describe a relationship comparing it with a life of a flower. My favorite lines are;
"Like the flowers that grow, our love is growing. Growing into
something beautiful, something pure, something special."
These lines are beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I have a suggestion;
I feel, you could break the lines into stanzas and short lines to make the poem attractive and nice.
Poem with changes:
Like the flowers that grow,
Our love is growing...
Growing into;
something beautiful,
something pure,
something special.
Love like this is rare,
rare enough, not to
let it pass us.
Like a flower,
it needs love,
needs to be fed.
Dont let us dry up
and die like the rest.
Let us bloom and become
something rare,
something unique.
Something that is
never forgotten.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja.
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