Hi ! After reading "Art " , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is attractive and inviting. This is a perfect cinquain poem. My favorite lines are;
"creative impulses
carving out pictures"
These lines create a picture in mind. I like the artistic words used. Thanks for sharing.
Suggestion:
I would request you to include the meaning of cinquain at the end of the page so that it would be easier for the new members like me to follow the poem. I had to learn the meaning of "cinquain" before reading your poem.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Lost" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is apt for the poem. The poem is emotional and the lines have good flow. I felt the strong emotion as I read the poem and at the end, tears filled my eyes. Your poem is touching.
My favorite lines are;
"How can I trust anyone?
When you left me dad,
Who can I love?
That won’t leave me sad.
I miss you daddy
Why did you go?
Where are you now?
I’ll never know."
These lines describe the whole poem. These are very strong lines.
I really liked your poem. Thanks for sharing.
Suggestions:
1. I felt you could replace one of the "my own" from first stanza so it does not repeat.
"Lost in my own
My own mind,
Searching for someone
I will never find"
2. I think the letter "l" should be capitalised in the title "lost".
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Waterdrop" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is interesting and inviting.
Your poem is cute and I like the way you personified the waterdrop. I could imagine the waterdrop travel to the sea.My favorite lines are;
"Brave little waterdrop
Lost some weight.
almost there,
past that gate."
These lines are lively and rhyming to read. This is a nice little poem. Thanks for sharing.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Sleepless nights" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is apt and good for the content. Your work is interesting and "sleepless Nights" is a growing major problem for many now-a-days. I like the way you stated the problem, described it and gave a solution to the problem. It is really a positive approach to the problem. Good thoughts.
Suggestions:
You could extend the work a bit to give some more possible ways to spend the sleepless nights, and may be you could do some research and add a few scientific reasons which you have mentioned in your writing. It would be more informative if specified.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Lies" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is good and apt for the poem. The poem is simple, short and nice to read. I like the way you described the way lovers pretend. My favorite lines are;
"Deep in your eyes,
I know your words
Are also lies."
These lines are great because true lovers can read the eyes and talk through the eyes. I enjoyed reading your poem.
Suggestions:
I have one suggestion;
The introduction line, "This is a love poem to somebody that I am not supposed to love." could be reframed to suit the poem better. It does not speak about the lies. And it is a bit confusing.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "i envy you" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is apt and interesting. I like your thoughts and you prove that poems can be written on any topic in the world.
My favorite lines are;
"A star lit sky bristles,
Sending tiny beams of light my way."
These lines are very cute and are positive.Though you sit in darkness the nature brightens your way.
I enjoyed reding your poem.
Suggestions:
I felt bad that you crushed the beetle just because it has 12 legs. I think you could remove the last line, "I crush it."
Or extend the poem to give a few more reasons to crush a creature.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "GOOD MORNING" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is apt and interesting. It is an unusual topic chosen for poems and is very good. I could imagine somebody reading it as the morning news on a television. Well written!
My favorite lines are;
"Acid Rains.
Planet Pains." These lines are rhyming and they are true(common in the news).
I like the the way you covered the whole news session in just 16 lines(each with 2 words).
I really enjoyed your work and I hope to read more of your work.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Blink" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
I am reviewing this because you won the package in " Creative Newbie Sig. Actuion. "
The title is good and inviting. The poem touching. My favorite line is; "Blink and you’re here; blink and you’re gone."
This line is very powerful. It gives the meaning of the whole poem in one line.
I like the way you compared love to "light". And yes, without love life is colorless.
The poem ends with a tragic thought which brings out the dark side of love.
I like the poem's flow.
This poem is a short tragic ballad for me.
Suggestions:
* Second stanza, second line- I think the flow would be better if you change "didn't" to " did not"
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Seashells" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
I am reviewing this because you won the package in " Creative Newbie Sig. Actuion. "
The title is apt. The picture is beautiful and it is a poetry by itself. Your poem is great and I love it. My favorite lines are;
"Each the remnant of a lifE
Left as a memoriaL,"
These lines are emotional and strong.
Very cleverly written mirrored acrostic.
The poem defines and describes the picture so well that even without the picture one could imagine the scene.
Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. The poem is perfect.
I enjoyed your work. Thanks for sharing.
Your work inspired me to write a mirrored acrostic for the campfire story.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "'My Bumpy Hill'" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is apt and interesting. I like the message. Yes, it is true that children always see the positive side of things unlike grown-ups. This is one quality if possessed, can turn hell to heaven. I really enjoyed reading your work.
Suggestions:
There is one suggestion; If you could make the content precise and to the point, the flow would be better.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I found one spelling mistake;
* "suprise" should be "surprise"
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "THE TIME" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title "TIME" is apt and inviting, but I feel it would be better if it is changed to "The Time". Your comparison of time with air is good because both have some similarities. As you specified they are not constant(still) and they do not wait for any reason. I like your thoughts.
Suggestions:
I have one suggestion;
* You have used the word "stop" 3 times in different forms. Since this work has only 2 lines, you could avoid repeating words.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I found a couple of errors (punctuation and grammar);
* "an number" should be "a number".
* I think the question mark should be placed after "What is time", because you have the answer to the question immediately.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
I enjoyed reading your work. Keep writing.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "A Moment In Life" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is interesting and inviting. This article is a great example to show how to turn miseries into miracles. I like your positive approach of life. My favorite part is;
"The bubbles themselves tantalize. Each tiny bubble contains a rainbow. Mounds of them together appear as snow-covered mountains. Mountains that can be picked up and blown away by a gentle breath or piled higher and higher until they topple over."
Good imagination! I like the way you compared bubbles with mountains. I could picture the scene as I read the lines.
I agree that looking for pleasure in problems can remove the stress and increase the positive energy.
Suggestions:
There is one suggestion. You spoke about the faucet,water, soap bubbles and sink. I felt you could have explained bit more about dish washing(The full process; scrubbing, washing and drying dishes). You could do the comparison for each process. Maybe because I cannot wait to read your extended work!
This is just my view, so please change only if necessary.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "MY VOW TO YOU" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
Your work is good. The title is nice. As I read I could feel the depth of love.My favorite part is "your inspiration to overcome obstacles" because you do not promise to get her a life without problems (which is impossible), but, you vow to help/inspire her to overcome the hurdles of life. This makes the vow true.
I enjoyed reading it. Good thoughts.
Suggestions:
I have a suggestion;
* The first line says,"To be your lover when you need to be loved".
I feel love is always there and there is no specific time to be a
lover. You could alter this line to show your intense, unconditional love.
These are just my views, please change only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Young Love" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is good and inviting. I like the flow of the poem.
My favorite line is;
"I never thought that I'd smile everytime i see you"
This line is nice and is a poem by itself. It brings out the feeling of love and friendship.
I enjoyed reading your poem.
Suggestions:
I have suggestions;
* I feel you could remove the part "that at a young age", because you say this at the end of the poem.("teenager")
* I think the lines are too long. You could split each line into two.
* I think "I'd" could be written as "I would", so that there is a better flow.
* I feel "boyfriend" could be replaced with "love" so that "friend"
is not repeated.
* I think "THE LOVE OF MY LIFE" need not be capitalized, instead you could put inside quotation marks.
Poem with the changes;
I never thought I would find...
what I wanted for the rest of my life
I never thought that I would fall,
except for down the stairs.
I never thought once, about...
the consequences of us being together.
I never thought I would find a guy,
who is both my love and my best friend.
I never thought that I would,
smile everytime i see you.
I never thought I was good enough,
to be with someone like you.
I never thought there was a person,
who could make me laugh so hard.
I never thought I was going to say
"Baby lets prove them wrong!"
I never thought that I would find
"The Love of my life" as a teenager.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
* "i" should be "I".
These are just my views, so please do change only if necessary.
Even without the changes the poem is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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First Impression:
The title is apt for the poem. I like your thought and the poem is good. My favorite lines are;
"I can paint like the masters
And sing like the divas "
I feel that these lines are true; when you start exploring yourself, you discover your own talents.This leads to self-realization and you attain peace.
This poem has a very deep meaning. I enjoyed reading your work.
Suggestions:
* I have one suggestion. I think if you break the poem into 3 stanzas, it would be nice and attractive.
* I feel you could replace the 5th line, from the last(With my eyes closed) with "When I close my eyes" so that the poem has a better flow.
Modified poem;
When I close my eyes
I see so much clearer.
My vision turns inward
And searches my very soul.
Vivid colors and truths
Float through the cluttered
Pathways of my mind.
When I close my eyes
Reality fades away
And is replaced with a world
That spins at my pace
And is perfect at that moment.
When I close my eyes
I can paint like the masters
And sing like the divas
Please excuse me as I
Close my weary lids.
These are just my views, so please change only if necessary.
Even without the changes, your poem is good.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "Alas, the Sea" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is good and interesting. The poem is nice and I liked
the flow. Nice description of fish and waves. My favorite line is;
"Endless water, always deep,". This line defines the ocean.
Suggestions:
* I felt there are too many commas, maybe you could remove commas from some places like the third line from first stanza;
1. "Wide, never stopping,"
and the second line from the third stanza;
2. "They move in schools, and lie on a dish,"
* You could modify the third line from fourth stanza because it is too short;
"Never any slack,"
Maybe you could modify these lines into,
1. "Wide but never stopping,"
2. "Moving in schools, lying on dish"
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I think there should be a space between light and bulbs in the 4th line from the 2nd stanza.
These are just my views, so do change only if necessary!
Even without the changes your poem is great.
Thankyou, Puja
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Hi ! After reading "The Rusty Spoke" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression:
The title is good. I choose to read this poem because of the inviting and attractive title.
The poem is nice and neat. I like your thoughts. Yes, it is very true that our lives are similar to the revolving wheel. My favourite line is "Your role is your roll, you’re a matching pole"
I feel, this line has a deep meaning; It reminds the duty of a person, and if not done properly in time, he becomes worthless(the rusty spoke!).
I like the poem's flow which creates a picture in mind.
Suggestions:
I feel that this poem is very interesting, but it seems like it is an introduction for a long poem, as the "Society" is a vast subject. Maybe, I feel this because, I can't wait to read the extended version of this poem!
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I think you could use full stops(.) for some lines or atleast the last line.
These are just my views, make changes, if necessary!!!
I enjoyed reading your poem.
Thankyou,
Puja
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