Hi Ben Langhinrichs! After reading "Freedom" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and apt for the poem. This is a sweet little poem about freedom. You have a nice message for the readers.
* Freedom is beautiful and spreads fast. Our deeds plant the seeds of freedom.
Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Mew! After reading "Lunar Beauty" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and interesting. The poem is beautiful with smooth lines describing the enchanting moon. You make a good point. "If moon is imperfect, why is it beautiful?"
I think, beauty is not just physical appearance, it includes the inner beauty or the qualities. That is the reason moon is beautiful. It's charming qualities are louder than it's skin.
This applies to everything. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your words are inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a nice acrostic poem about "John Steinbeck". You talk about the place he came from, his appearance, nature of his stories and his famous works. A sweet tribute to the great writer. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a sweet and short poem about the moon. The poem flows well. It is a neat tribute to the beautiful white moon. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I think you could use more powerful words to make the poem unique. You could work on the syllables to make the lines uniform.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi K! After reading "Car for Sale" , I offer you these comments:
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and the poem has a good moral. You tell a very big message in a short poem. The refrain "I can’t believe it!" works well.
Life is full of surprises(good and bad). Be happy with what you have and feel sorry for who do not have what you have!
Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi fyn! After reading "A Definition" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This little poem is the truth every person must realize to make a peaceful world. I agree with your point, "Peace" is the big word that is spoken only after war when thousand lives lie scattered into pieces. This is a great social message.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Thanks for sharing.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi JACE! After reading "Mentor" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a nice and short acrostic poetry for "Mentor". You have described a mentor in 6 words. Great tribute to a mentor. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Lovely poem!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The short story is emotional and has deep philosophical message,
* A strong heart can pass through any physical pain to reach the target that leads to the glorious paradise.
Your words are poetic. My favorite part is;
"...her soul journeyed and the music carried her to a place where pain and heartache was forbidden."
Beautiful thought and a positive insight. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I have one suggestion;
You could expand the story a bit to give some more descriptions. Maybe, I feel like so because I cannot wait to read the extended version of this short story.
I see that you have joined WDC today. Welcome and All the best!!!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Fittizo Lettore! After reading "The Black Rose" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The horror story is good and scary. I liked your descriptions;
* "The winds were cold and the moon had taken over the dark skies."
* "Her eyes were wet with tears and fear had kissed her face dull."
* "The shadows jumped from one building to another, seeking the victims for the night."
These lines are lively with a poetic touch. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I mostly do not write prose, so I cannot give you technical suggestions. Reading your story I felt that it could be tightened a bit so that the suspense is intensified. I think, little changes would make your story unique and lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Annie! After reading "Dreams" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a nice tongue twister which talks about dream. It is interesting and fun to read it aloud. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
* I think "were" should be "where" in the begining. Or did I miss the point you have made?
* I would suggest you to add some scientific or maybe any other emotional messages to make this tongue twister precise and powerful.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi melhelson! After reading "A Stranger's Eyes" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and interesting. The poem is deeply philosophical with a geat message;
"All the answers to your questions lie within yourself"
The poem flows smoothly with self realization thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your words are touching and powerful.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Potter's Writer! After reading "Gone " , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem is emotional, but is neat to read. I like the word choices. My favorite lines are;
"Never to return
Lost to an empty world
Memories
Reminiscences
Recollections
More Tears"
These lines speak a lot which every reader can relate in his own way. The repeatation "Never to return" works well. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There is one suggestion. The last line is too long. I feel you could break it into small lines to make the flow better.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi VikramAdith! After reading "The Yawn" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The poem defines and describes the yawn. The yawning process is nicely captured in words. My favorite line is;
"My greedy lungs fully inflate
Mouth opens like a garage gate"
These lines are great with a touch of humour. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your work is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the poem. The haiku describes the autumn leaves falling down detaching from it's root(house).
There is a philosophical message;
In life, children leave their parents when they grow, making them lonely. The parents cry silently. Beautifully hemmed touching words.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Thanks for sharing.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and interesting. The haiku is about the mystic shapes of summer clouds and the peeking brilliant sun. Your words paint a picture in the minds of the readers.
The senryu describes people in their swim suits jumping into the sea for a refreshing swim.
My favorite line is;
"Forming peculiar shapes"
The clouds do form peculiar shapes. Nice thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your work is lovely.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi J! After reading "Midnight Sea" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is inviting and interesting. The poem decribes the thoughts, feelings and emotions that exists while waiting for someone dear and near to the heart. The lines are smooth and the flow is lovely. I like the Nature descriptions. My favorite lines are;
"I watch for your face in the deep sea blue.
Waiting for your warmth in the dark cold night."
These lines are beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I have a couple of suggestions;
* The word "knows" does not seem to rhyme smoothly with "rose" because last line, "The next secret night awaits for who knows?" is confusing. You could rephrase it to make a precise and clear point.
* The rhyming scheme is not the same throughout the poem. The poem follows abab pattern except the last two lines which is in the aabb pattern. The flow is interupted. I suggest you to break the poem into 4 stanzas to make it flow better. The poem with changes; Standing by the sea I’m waiting for you.
Sitting alone in the soft dark moonlight,
I watch for your face in the deep sea blue.
Waiting for your warmth in the dark cold night.
I can see you coming through the cool sand,
And your arms around my waist so secure,
We silently danced to the playing band,
The sound of the music ever so pure.
As the night went on it starts to sprinkle.
Not for long we will again see the moon.
Bright light from the moon made your eyes twinkle.
The sun is going to rise very soon.
You gave me a hug and a pretty rose,
The next secret night awaits for who knows?
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The poem talks about saving "Earth" which is being depleted. The lines have strong social messages. The lines,
"it's not the earth that needs saving..........
it's us."
are very true. Nice thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
I have some suggestions;
* The words "homes" and "walls" do not fully rhyme with "foam" and "all". Removing the letter "s" would help.
* Also the words "do" and "anew", "fuss" and "saving" do not rhyme.
* The last three stanzas are very long compared to the first six stanzas. This disturbs the flow. You could make them precise to match with the other lines.
* I think the lines;
"ride your bike instead of driving
parking your car increases your surviving
cloth diapers on our babies, and used tires for walls
reusing your glass helps us all"
are not clear. I could not quite get what you meant by driving, parking, tires and glass. These lines could be rephrased to make it upto the point.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Richard Bennett! After reading "Defeat" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the content. The poem describes your favorite football team and their loss in the super bowl. The lines are smooth with nice flow. My favorite lines are;
"The team fought real hard
Only short one yard
Were beat"
These lines give a clear introduction and set a scene for the reader. Nicely written. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is good. I hope to read the "Victory" version of this poem soon!!!!
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi fyn! After reading "Withering" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is apt for the poem. The lines are smooth and deep in meaning. My favorite lines are;
"willow tree-autumn fades to
winter. Skeletal fragments"
These lines are lively and they paint a picture in mind. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your work is nice.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi fyn! After reading "Thanksgiving Grace" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a touching poem. The poem talks about the positive approach of life and the real significance of Thanksgiving. My favorite lines are;
"on our pathway through life there are
no stumbling blocks--only stepping stones!"
I totally agree with these beautiful lines. Each obstacle of life is a stepping stone to success. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
You work is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Cubby! After reading "The Trail" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the poem. The poem is a short and sweet treat. The favorite line is;
"The snow has melted, paths are clear"
This line is very deep and philosophical. It also means, sorrow is melted and joy has come. I like the way you have explained the poetry form. It is really helpful for new members like me. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi Jewel Busy Busy Busy!! After reading "Tree Rings" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This poem is about a tree. A tree speaks about it's leaves, bark and roots. Each has deeper philosophical meaning. My favorite lines are;
"My leaves reach up
soaking in knowledge
eternally patient
growing"
These lines have good messages. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is inspirational.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi sybariteascribe! After reading "Synchronicity" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a sweet little poem with crisp words that sing the presence of a valentine. I liked the lines;
"One
from two,
love's pure bliss,
forever linked.
Love."
These lines are beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
Thanks for including the information on Lanturne poem. It is truly helpful for new members like me.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi JACE! After reading "Computer Woes" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
The title is interesting and apt for the content. The poem is about your feelings when computer stopped working. I like the flow and the words used. My favorite line is;
"I sit in dread,
my wallet's red."
The words "dread" and "red" are great. Thanks for sharing.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions. Your poem is nice.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Hi kiyasama! After reading "Field of White" , I offer you these comments: This review is on behalf of Helping Hearts.
First Impression/My Favorite:
This is a nice prayer. My favorite lines are;
"Teach me Your ways and let me see the truth,
To be more patient, understanding and wise.
Let me walk with You in that blinding field of white,
Where happiness awaits all those who turn to You."
God is always there for everyone who believes in him.
Thanks for sharing a beautiful poem.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
There are no suggestions.
These are just my views, so please make changes only if necessary.
Even without the changes your work is good.
Thankyou, Puja.
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