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 |  Mulling, culling, and musing the confusing... in Blog format. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I stand in awe of life's predisposition for imploding, swiftly morphing into a churning, perilous vortex that mankind is hard-pressed to navigate, let alone survive. Maintaining a foothold and emerging from the gales unscathed seems wholly contingent upon survivors' personal philosophies, capacity for tolerance, and coping skills. Without these, the vortex becomes the portal to a toxic black void, and man stands naked in the spiralling eddy, awaiting the final flush.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Monsters Evil incarnate to their kind gives rise, their nourishment found in blood-curdling fear; horror-swept dreamscapes they stalk in disguise, unleashing terror, they draw ever near. Defiled wombs in hell to their kind give birth to seek symbiosis with souls in need; in lost and rejected spirits on earth ~ on their very marrow, such monsters feed. Iced are their fingers and vacant, their stare, black are their hearts, sustained by putrid breath; sucking the lifeblood imperilled souls share to spew forth their spawn of hatred and death. But they may not linger where Faith abides... for Hope's children fear not their raging tides. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The mission of this journal is to examine life issues that precipitate the storms and seek out the balms that soothe the wounds they inflict. It is my fervent hope that philosophically autopsying life issue outcomes will provide comfort in the midst of chaos and a keenly longed-for measure of inner peace. Bear in mind, dear Reader, that the thoughts to follow are only musings and by no means assertions of right or wrong. They are but a reflection of one soul's yearning to ascend from the roots of life to its flowering branches and taste of the fruits found therein. How, if at all, savory their flavors are deemed to be and whether or not they become a staple in one's spiritual diet is left to each reader's own palate. The journey thus begins...
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| I remember from childhood the playground retort, "the names you call bounce off me and fall back on you". What triggered the memory, unfortunately, is a quote that appeared in last night's newspaper from King Gee-DUH-baya after vetoing (for the SIXTH TIME) a bi-partisan Health and Education Bill submitted to him by Congress. In addition to the Congressional Majority (presently, Democrats), 50 Republican Congressmen also supported the Bill. In a statement issued while winging his way through the smog-choked skies comfortably ensconsed in his ultra-plush Air Force One, King George had the audactiy to utter the words, "The [Congressional] Majority was elected on a pledge of fiscal responsibility, but so far it's acting like a teenager with a new credit card." This from a man who lied his butt off to take this country into a bloody Vietnam re-run that has thus far cost 1.3 TRILLION dollars. (Bush is presently asking Congress for 200 BILLION dollars for the War in Iraq for ONE year. The entire Defense Budget Bush wants for the coming fiscal year totals 471 BILLION dollars.) The 606 billion dollar Health and Education Bill Gee-DUH-baya has now vetoed for the 6th time entails a 20% increase for job training programs, $1.4 billion (5% increase over what Bush requested) for health research at the National Institute of Health, $2.4 billion ($480 million more than Bush thinks should be spent) for heating subsidies for the poor, $665 million in grants to Community Action agencies (a program which Bush wants killed altogether), $63.6 billion for the Department of Education (representing a 5% increase over funds allotted in 2007 and EIGHT PERCENT MORE THAN BUSH WANTED TO SPEND in this area in 2008), and a $225 million increase for Community Health Centers. To be fair, Bush is claiming that the Bill includes some 2,000 earmarks which he contends constitute "pork barrel" spending, but given the deplorable conditions our nation's V.A. and Active Duty Military Hospitals/ Facilities are in and the outrageously poor care our brave troops and their families are receiving (often after waiting for MONTHS for a single appoinment ~ some 2,500 troops are currently STILL awaiting medical care after returning from overseas, according to Dr. William Winkenwerder, Assistant Secretary of Defense for Health Affairs), it seems to me that Bush's Defense Budget must be at least 75% bacon itself ! I'd like to see Congress similarly disect and release the stats applicable to THAT particular pork pie... because our brave Troops and Veterans are most assuredly getting the short end of the stick, to say the very least. And IMMENSELY greater than the massive spending on our current Vietnam, the Sequel,(inclusive of raiding the Social Security coffers America's aging Baby Boomer's worked their entire lives to build), let us not forget the human toll for Americans ALONE and exclusive of Iraqi and Allied Countries' losses in this fiasco: American Military Casualties in Iraq Since war began on March 19, 2003 ~ 3865 deaths (3174 in combat) Since Bush Announced "Mission Accomplished" on May 1, 2003 ~ 3726 deaths (3066 in battle) Since Capture of Saddam on December 13, 2003 ~ 3404 deaths ( 2868 in combat) Since "Handover" to the "Iraqi Government" on June 29, 2004 ~ 3006 deaths, (2541 in combat) Since Iraqi Election on January 31, 2005 ~ 2428 deaths, (2278 in combat) Total Maimed & Wounded: "Official" : 28451 (Estimated to be as high as 100,000) Latest Fatality: November 14, 2007 FURTHERMORE, a November 13, 2007 CBS News Special Investigation reported that: "At least 120 Americans who served in the U.S. military killed themselves per week in 2005, CBS News learned in a five-month investigation into veteran suicides. That's 6,256 veteran suicides in one year, in 45 states." ...And Pat Murphy reports in the November 14, 2007 edition of The Idaho Mountain Express Newspaper: "The Pentagon says the Army's suicide rate in Iraq rose in 2006 to 17.3 per 100,000 troops, versus 9.3 per 100,000 for all military services worldwide. Hundreds of other new veterans are joining the ranks of jobless and homeless ex-GIs from all wars —now an estimated 185,000 on the streets. Disgraceful." ...Not to mention that an absolutely shocking number of active duty Military families actually qualify for FOODSTAMPS because the Military "pay" earned by Soldiers is such a pittance. There have even been reports that our Troops in Iraq are in need of such basic things asunderwear and socks, for God's sake. I'm not surprised in the least that Gee-DUH-baya cares not one whit about the health care, disease research, shelter, nourishment, and educational needs of American Citizens, Veterans, and Soldiers ~ the man is dumber than a box of rocks and obviously content to remain thus, will always have ready access to top-of-the-line healthcare for himself and his family, thinks he's invincible, and is splashing merrily about in the blood of innocents (the beloved sons and daughters of that very same, neglected American Citizenry) with that big, dumb jackass grin plastered on his face. Gee-DUH-baya and his henchmen do not view the American people as human beings ~ they see us only as a potential "market"... and/or a commodity to be culled and systematically ground up for fodder in their mindless pursuit of self aggrandizement and power. What amazes me is that Americans collectively do not seem sufficiently cognizant of the looming economic and national security disasters Bush and the Boys are mindlessly setting this once great Nation up to suffer. We're content to remain lashed to the tracks... even as the locomotive's whistle blares. I honestly am thankful at this point that I'm more than one click past middle age and have no children... with a good tailwind, I just may check out of this old world before God decides it time to call it quits. For now, though, I'm gonna continue doing my part. I'm off to write Nancy Polosi and request Presidential Impeachment proceedings (again) ~ and to purchase a " Don't Blame Me ~ I voted for Kerry " tee-shirt.  If you or any other veteran you know needs help right now, here's a number to call: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** * SOURCES: Jennifer Loven, Associated Press http://www.antiwar.com/casualties/ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/11/13/stunning-cbs-news-disc_n_72417.html http://www.kxly.com/news/?sect_rank=1§ion_id=559&story_id=15873} http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/01/14/iraq/main593160.shtml http://www.mtexpress.com/index2.php?ID=2005117999 |
Of the many reasons I love Writing.com, surely the greatest of these is the abundance of genuine, kind, thoughtful, and immensely good hearted people to be found within the WDC Community. And of all these most generous and loving of spirits, Tigger thinks of Prancer   has humbly, quietly, and abidingly earned a lofty position among their numbers for years now. Her latest philanthropic endeavor, "Invalid Item"  laudably demonstrates that very fact... This Forum is absolutely incredible. For those somewhat familiar with technical aspects of constructing websites, touring and viewing this multiple-tiered Forum will astound you when you contemplate the immense amount of work that went into it's physical construction alone... not to mention the vast quantity of behind-the-scenes dedication and effort that is required of Tigger thinks of Prancer in coordinating, updating, and otherwise managing this endeavor on a protracted, ongoing basis. Even greater than all of the above is Tigger thinks of Prancer 's mission in establishing this wonderful, wonderful "A Season of Giving" Forum... gathering WDC Community Members together to frolick and joyously celebrate the magic, spirit of generosity, and true comraderie that is the hallmark of the Holiday Season... and that so nourishes the human spirit all year 'round. Treat yourself to a visit to this fantastic Forum ~ and a generous measure of the utterly pure delight to be found in inviting your inner child to come out to play, make wishes,and make others' wishes come true. You won't be regret it... I guar-ron-tee! Kudos, Tigger thinks of Prancer ... WELL DONE !!!To Sign up to Participate: "Invalid Item" For More Info: (From here you can follow further links) "Invalid Item"  PASS THE WORD ~ POST A LINK TO THIS FORUM IN YOUR OWN BLOG !!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I just witnessed a chilling event, courtesy of modern technology. It unfolded in an episode of a Reality "Court on Television" show popular in my neck of the woods entitled, An Eye for an Eye, presided over by Judge Akim Anastopoulo, AKA "Extreme Akim". Normally, I'm not a great fan of the so-called "Reality Show" genre, primarily because their prototypes (Survivor, Big Brother, etc.) so zealously instigate, encourage, generously reward, and blatantly revel in "winning stategies" inclusive of ferocious back-biting, ganging up on and undermining those perceived to be the weakest, deception and betrayal, and basically flushing the Golden Rule down society's toilet. But An Eye for an Eye does a complete 360 in that regard - it's "Reality and THEN Some" in my book, because it not only adjudicates actual filed lawsuits, but consistenly reminds us of, reinforces, and celebrates the abiding albeit badly battered concepts of common decency and our responsibilities toward our fellow man. The icing on the cake comes in the form of the ingeniously conceived "sentences" meted out to the persons eventually found to be at fault. Unique, "outrageous", and deservedly humiliating for the offenders, these sentences are always hilarious, perfectly tailored "punishments" for the offences in question... and therefore very amusing to watch as they are carried out. One of the cases aired today, though, was exceedingly disturbing to me - on a plethora of fronts. It involved an African American gentleman as the Plaintiff, and a Caucasian American female as the Defendant. Both appeared to be in their mid- to late twenties; he a College Student and she a Mom and Pop Grocery Store owner/operator. He had filed a tort legal action against her for false arrest regarding a shoplifting incident in her store. The Plaintiff testified that the Defendent had later mis-identified him as the person who stole bread, sugar, and candy from her store and intially fled without apprehension. He stated that in the resulting criminal jury trial, he'd been found guilty of the petit theft offense based upon her mis-identification, resulting in a 30-day jail sentence, his loss of eligibility to continue attending Graduate School, and markedly impaired employability. The Defendant testified that there had been no false arrest and conviction because she had NOT mis-identified the gentleman; that the Plaintiff in today's case had been in her store on many occasions before the incident, that she was in the habit of closely watching all of her customers while they shopped, and that he was absolutely the man who stole from her store. The trial concluded with the Judge "Extreme" Akim instructing her to turn and look at the Plaintiff, then asking her for a final time, "Is there any doubt whatsoever that this is the man who shoplifted in your store and against whom you testified in his resulting criminal trial?" She responded emphatically and without hesitation that yes, indeed, the gentleman standing before her was the man who stole from her store, and that she was 100 percent certain of this and had absolutely no doubt in her mind that it could have been anyone else but him. I have to admit, even though I had an uneasy feeling about the Plaintiff's seeming "guilt", when the Judge excused himself to deliberate without springing any last-minute surprises on the insistent, obviously convinced store owner, I feared the gentleman's proverbial goose was cooked. The Judge fooled me, though... thank God. And though I'm very rarely caught off guard or taken by surprise, this time I was - completely. Joyously so, I must say. Upon returning to the bench, Judge "Extreme" addressed the woman, [paraphrasing here] "Ma'am, I've listened carefully to the testimony presented in both sides of this case, and I want you to know that I do not believe you have deliberately offered any false testimony in the matter. But that aside, there is something I must tell you. The man standing across from you did not commit the offense you have accused him of. In fact, the man standing across from you was not even in your city on the day the crime occurred. Because the actual Plaintiff in today's case felt that you may have mis-identified him based upon his being an African American and all African Americans perhaps looking alike to you, we brought in an actor who, aside from being black, bears absolutely no physical resemblance to the man you actually accused... and who was resultantly convicted of this crime in the criminal courts system. We wanted to see if you would identify the actor as the man who stole from your store simply by virtue of his appearance here today as the named Plaintiff. And Ma'am, that is exactly what you did. The gentleman you actually did accuse, was convicted in a jury trial, and has filed the case we're hearing today is here - but he is not the man occupying the Plaintiff's box. He has been seated in the witnessing audience section this entire time." The Judge then had the actual Plaintiff rise... and he looked nothing at all like the actor who had played "Plaintiff" during the show. Aside from no similar facial features whatsoever, the true Plaintiff was much lighter complexioned, taller, and more sturdily built than the actor. He had, indeed, been seated in the audience - entirely within his accuser's line of vision and attired in an eye-catching, brightly hued blue print shirt. Of the innumerable shivers this case sent down my spine for a variety of reasons, perhaps the greatest of these is that triggered by witnessing this woman not only fail to appear even slightly chagrined... but her indication that SHE had been "tricked" and treated unfairly in the matter. She clearly felt that SHE was the victim, and, at least for the moment, was unable and/or wholly unwilling to look into the mirror held up before her and assume any personal responsibility for the error of her ways. The "sentence" Judge Akim handed out was that the Plaintiff's criminal record would be expunged and that the Defendant's store would provide the Plaintiff's family with $700.00 worth of groceries monthly for one year... and the Defendant remained unreceptive and passively defiant the entire time the sentence was read. Justice? Perhaps. Recompense? Absolutely not. An expunged record will not get the Plaintiff's fingerprints and mugshot removed from national FBI files. And a year's worth of groceries will never erase the psychological impact of being falsely accused, arrested, strip-searched, enduring a trial resulting in being wrongly convicted, and jailed for 30 days... not to mention the inestimable amount of damage to his reputation and future endeavors this man will likely endure for the rest of his life. Most of all, given the store owner's reaction for now, at least... the "sentence" is likely to only treat the symptoms - while falling miserably short of curing the disease. I pray to God that we collectively expose and eradicate that disease before its metastasis smothers us all. One Judge cannot stamp out this epidemic that is a pox upon our very humanity - that's a task we ALL have to undertake if it ever to be achieved. But it's a good start... |
| I met an absolutely incredible woman today... a woman of immense intelligence and insight... a woman who, in the span of an hour or two, I became utterly certain I could completely trust and confide in. That is simply not the case in so many encounters in life ~ and the precious instances when it does hold true are to be cherished and forever remembered. She is immensely wise and amazingly perceptive and intuitive... and I sensed that from the moment I shook her hand in greeting. Really. As I sit here thinking back on it, it strikes me as very similar to the experience Tom Hank's character describes in the movie, Sleepless in Seattle... "I took her hand [to help her out of a car] ~ and I knew." Our subsequent conversation only served to reinforce my impressions of her, and I have to say in retrospect that our interaction is one of the most meaningful, enlightening, and powerfully influential of my entire life. For the very first time in some 23 years or so, it is through her insight that some of the most difficult life issues I've ever grappled with became infinitely less monstrous and daunting in terms of endeavoring to understand, let alone truly resolve. This Thanksgiving, having met and spent time in her presence, this remarkable woman will hold a high position on my list of blessing to give thanks for. For now, though, it's off to sleep... perchance to dream. It's been a looooong day. |
| What IS it with society's LOVE AFFAIR with cell phones? I mean, REALLY ! Mind you, I believe them to be a wondrous device... it IS a very busy world these days, and I'm thrilled that folks (particularly in cases of parents staying in touch with their youngsters, unforseen emergencies, etc.) have this technology available to them. But there IS a limit... I hear college students bemoaning the fact that Profs insist they place their cell phones on "vibrate"... but I can understand precisely why the Profs do so. When one student forgets and their phone rings, that's one thing... but in a class of 24-29 folks, three and four phones going off at different points during a one-hour test or lecture is absurd. The other day, I was out front doing a bit of yard work, and given that I happen to live on a three-lane, one-way street that intersects with a four-lane, two-way, fairly major intersection, I was treated to not just one, but TWO vehicles stopped at a red light within a half a block of me... the female drivers of which were BOTH screaming at the top of their lungs in what sounded to be two separate domestic disputes generously peppered (on their ends, at least) with language that would make a Sailor blush. Shortly thereafter, I ventured out to the grocery store, (no, Deelyte wasn't there wearing nothing but a tutu - I could have HANDLED that...  ) where I was, with my half-filled shopping cart in tow, trapped and forced to stand behind someone gabbing on their cell phone on three separate occasions because the dufus-es involved were too rapt in their conversations to realize they were blocking an entire aisle. Twice in the Produce section, my cantalope and tomato reveries were interrupted by ringtones; the first one being "Gangsta Muthah" and the second one,"Do You Want My Sex?" ( My personal response to both was "Not in this LIFETIME !" , as if anyone had given a rat's buttocks)After standing in the checkout line listening to the wholesale cacaphony of no less than FOUR cell phone conversations going on all around me, I finally was able to pay for my groceries and flee the store... only to nearly broadside some chippie who ran a redlight ... while palavering on her cell phone. After practically standing my little Tempo on her NOSE to keep from slamming into this gal's gas-guzzling SUV, she honored ME with a withering stare, while STILL yapping away on her *^($%#*& cell phone, apparently blissfully unaware of the fact that it was SHE who ran the light, not me... and that she had just had a VERY close call in terms of possible injury had I slammed into her driver side door. After mopping my profusely sweating brow, I managed to safely navigate the remaining 5 blocks home ~ despite encountering/passing no less than 16 people driving and... that's right... blabbering on their blankety-blank CELL PHONES.  The following day, I had a Doctor's appointment. During my two-hour, chills- and chiblains-punctuated stint in the Waiting Room, I was a captive witness to 9 different personal calls taken by a total of 8 other patients... including a plentiful assortment of some of the most tasteless ringtones imaginable. During ANOTHER hour's wait in the Exam Room, I could hear cell phone ringtones blasting off in adjoining exam rooms, as well... and every word spoken during the ensuing conversations by the calls' recipients. It simply ASTOUNDS me that people sit/stand/drive/walk/bicycle/kayak/go to the bathroom/bathe/etc. in busy or crowded public areas and blather on about the most personal of matters as if every ear around them is utterly deaf to their words. Needless to say, I was absolutely ecstatic when my physician FINALLY entered the Exam Rroom in which I happened to be waiting. All went well... for approximately 6 minutes... at which time the Doctor's ^($%!^&* CELL PHONE RANG !!! AND HE A-N-S-W-E-R-E-D THE DAMN THING !!! I could hear BOTH parties in this particular conversation... and the man on the other end of the line was apparently a friend AND a patient who was inquring about an... ahem... personal matter involving... an... ahem particular kind of medication... to ... ahem cure it. So there I sat, precariously perched atop an Exam table, clad only in a thin and drafty paper examination gown, four feet or less away from my Doctor, for whom I'd been waiting for THREE hours... a hapless, feverishly flu-ridden, involuntary witness to this personal exchange between he and the male caller. I blushed... which is a VERY rare situation for me... and therefore, when I do, I flush beet red not only in the face, but the ears and neck as well. I motioned and mouthed the words, "Would you like me to step out?" to give them some privacy... and the Doc shook his head testily and gave me a "Don't interrupt me... can't you see I'm on the phone?!?" look! Except for the nasty look, it was probably just as well... if he HAD motioned for me to step out, I'd have been standing in the middle of a common hallway attired only in a gaping, oversized kleenex, bare feet, and the wild-eyed, feverish look of befuddlement that often preceeds passing out face first onto the hard linoleum floor... . After a full 6-7 minutes, the Doctor finally hung up and inquired of me, "Now... where were we?". " We were discussing whether my scantilly clad, uncontrollably shivering, aching-at-every-cell's-level, half-dead body would ever recover from this gawd-awful case of the FLU, you IDIOT !!! ", my pyrogenically-challenged brain silently shrieked, even as my stiff neck rotated my fixed gaze toward him, circa "The Exorcist". ...If you pick up your morning paper and the headline screams, "Paper-Gowned West Texas Woman Goes Beserk; Speaks in Tongues, & Stomps Cell Phone to Pieces in Doctor's Office" ~ do me a favor and DON'T bail me out... I understand that prisoners are not permitted to have cell phones in jail ~ and frankly, I could use the down time.  |
GAL & PAL ARE GONNA GET JIGGY WID IT AT THIS YEAR'S GALA WDC HALLOWEEN BALL !!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
SOUTHERN DIVA'S HALLOWEEN, UM... BOOTY !!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Some call her an Enchantress, some call her a Li'l Stinker of the Bewitching Kind, some call her a Goddess... and many of us just call the cops. Regardless of who calls her what or who calls whom, she's a woman of immense talents. She's a consummate shape-shifter, able to convert unlivable habitats into a place her family happily calls home. She's an amazing mother and wife, an uncommonly creative and humorous force to be reckoned with on ANY front, and Student of the Law (God help us all if she goes on to become a *cough* attorney like her virtual father.) She can shape-shift animals at will and in accordance with her innumerable whimsical flights of fancy, often practicing on her hapless pets, Amber and Tinkerbell. Mostly, though, she shape- shifts her own human form... particularly her breasticles. Sometimes they challenge Burger King in the Whopper category... at other times she concentrates less on size and more on numbers. (She was born with eight in her virtual hedgehog state). To HECK with "Don't Mess With Texas"... BEWARE THE DEE-DEVIL & HER CANINE MINIONS FROM THE LONESTAR STATE ! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
... She grew up to be a darlin' gal, didn't she??? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple more Tales from the Crypt... A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go on to the party and enjoy himself. Being the devoted husband he was, he protested, but she argued that just because she didn't feel well was no reason for him to miss the party. She said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. So hubby dressed up in his costume and off he went. After sleeping soundly for an hour or so, the wife awakened to find her headache had passed, and since it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she decided she'd be ornery and watch her him to see how he behaved when she was not around. Shortly after arriving at the party, she spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every attractive woman he could, copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he quickly abandoned the young lady with whom he'd been dancing to devote all of his time and attention to her, apprently intent on taking things as far as she'd permit him to.. She allowed him to take every flirtatious liberty, given that he was her husband. Finally he whispered a proposition for lovemaking in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars to dance the mattress mambo. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, hurried home, disrobed and hid the costume, and climbed back into bed, contemplating what kind of explanation he would have for his scandalous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and asked him what he had done at the party. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much?", she probed. He replied, "As a matter of fact, honey, I didn't dance a single dance. When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all night. But, boy, howdy... the guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one HELLUVA good time!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Howling Husband The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife inquired. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouted. "ALright, dear. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" his wife asked in a gentle tone. "Are you deaf or something?!" he screamed. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat, alright??? Is that alright with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? HUH?" The crazed Wolfman then began growling and throwing things around the apartment in a blind rage. Glancing out the window, the by now perplexed wife beheld a beautiful full moon suspended in in clear, starless night sky. Her face relaxed as understanding washed over her... it was his time of the month. |
BECAUSE IT WAS YOUR TURN, YOU BAD, BAD GIRL!!!! MUUUUUUU-AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH !!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| She's a mystery, that Li'l Dee Piddly chile of mine... but this game of Tag (and a bit of ... ahem... immense insight on MY part)... has finally unmasked the REAL Deelyte- Chillin' . And not a moment too soon... WDC Inquiring Minds NEEDED TO KNOW ! Below is an exerpt from Dee's very own stylings, found in her Blog entry, "Invalid Entry" . Now, as we who love her most know, our li'l Dee is DEEP... sometimes so much so that we hafta scramble for waders  . But *blows on fingernails*... that is why I, Blabbigail the Great, have included a "bottom line" translation of each of these until now well concealed, dark secrets that Gal's and my li'l Lovechild has revealed about her adorable self. Read on.... if you dare.... Dee's many facets are at long last to be revealed ! (Eat your heart out, Geraldo  .) MUUUUUU-ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! "Ok, eight heretofore unknown facts about my person....hmmm..... In the eighties, I took my kids to a wrestling match (doesn't every Texas mother??) and got my left breasticle pinched by Chris Adams! Well, it wasn't actually pinched, he was doing one of those Fonzie, Ehhhhhhh, things in front of it, but in the polaroid, it looks like a full blown pinch." *Dee got her left Polaroid pinched while Naked Mud Wrestling with The Fonz when she was 80, and wound up pregnant with her fraternal twin sons, Fonzie, Jr. and Chachi, both of whom also now love wrestling. " In the fairly early nineties, I once made a complete ass of myself at Billy Bob's (then touted to be the world's largest honky-tonk!) by doing an impression of Debra Winger from Urban Cowboy, riding their mechanical bull. It didn't turn out nearly as sexy and smooth, let me just tell ya that! I still cringe to this day when I think about my stupid-ass 23 yr old self! I may have been bull riding under the influence just a tad!" *At the age of 91 and while impersonating Debra Winger, Dee honked every tonk in sight, then unsexily and roughly rode the tads of a 23-year-old bull she'd drunkenly mistaken for a stupid-ass Urban Cowboy named Billy Bob. " My husband is my best friend and he does understand me. It must also be stated that he's full-blown mental! He is the keeper of my heart. I don't know how I would still be this sane (LOL) without him." *Dee owes what laughingly passes for her sanity to her husband, who carefully monitors her cardiac rate and output at all times and does not always have both oars in the water, but is usually sufficiently lucid to help his wife out of straight jackets. " I had three children with natural childbirth. It was hell, and I highly do NOT reccommend it. Why suffer in utter/udder agony, when it can be avoided and you can actually kick back and enjoy the experience. It should be noted that I begged for any meds they could give me, but alas, medical problems prevented their application. For anyone who suggests taking meds is not good and shouldn't be given to laboring women, I suggest they go get their teeth pulled and dental work done without medications." *It required three childbirths for Dee to discover she could not kick back, file her nails, pop bon-bons, peruse the Enquirer, place an online order from Spiegel, and otherwise enjoy the deliveries in the same manner she did each of the three tot's conceptions. During one or more of the deliveries, Dee placed a vice-like death grip on the Obstetrician's ta-dahs, pulled his face very close to her own, and advised him "we're not going to hurt each other... are we?" Attempts to administer pain medication were thwarted by the medico's inability to locate the right hole, despite the fact that Dee's one-oared husband had no problems "finding it" on at least three occasions. Dee's subsequent resentment of her babies is responsible for why she's had all their teeth pulled. " I talk too much and I blather on and on using twenty words when two would do just fine. While this method has brought success to some, in my experience, it's rather a pain in the ass, and a terribly hard habit to break." *Dee's a Fallen Nun who was booted out of the Our Lady of the Capitulated Convent because she incessently flapped her gums during Silent Prayers and simultaneously inadvertently sat on her keyboard lengthwise, resulting in Trauma Center personnel having to break her habit to extract it. " I can still do my tap dance and ballet routines from when I was four to six years old and I do them all the time in grocery stores. Most especially in lines for the bathroom." *Dee grocery shops wearing nothing but a tutu, but does add tap shoes to her ensemble when dancing in bathhouses. (She's a passionate advocate of safe tap.) " I am a world champion yodeller. I once yodelled for seventeen hours straight. Once I got my hand out from under where it was wedged under that rock, I was congratulated over and over by my rescuers for having the stamina to yodel until the cows came home." * While yodelling at some guy's rocks, Dee got her hand stuck under them. She then exhibitted amazing stamina while her rescuers gang-"congratulated" her, and wound up making a cow come. " I couldn't think of eight original things about myself, so I may have tossed some fairy tales into this contest, mixing and matching things a bit. There...now who to tag with this ear gun! " *Dee laments what she perceives to be sporadic bouts of unoriginality, is fascinated with fairies' butts, and has a few irksome trans-gender tendencies. This explains why she's presently racing around WDCville in search of eight people whose ears she intends to pierce with a .44 magnum.  |
My li'l girl kittiara just TAGGED me - YIKES !!! Now I have to divulge EIGHT whole, little known facts about moiself. YECHHHHH !  I mean, what poor schmuck in their right MIND would want to know that much about me in the first place? I don't wanna know that much about me! I LIKE being an enigma wrapped in a mystery and festooned with multi-hued ribbons of suspense! (SHADDUP, WHO ! ) Nevertheless, that rotten li'l chile of mine has tagged me, and I am nothing if not a good thport. ( I will, of course, exact my revenge in the VERY neareth future.) Besides, this may be the WDC equivalent of a chain letter, and who KNOWS what motley assortment of tewwible catathtropies might befall my sweet-virginal-pure-innocent-and-wholly-undeserving-of-such-treatment little self { e:angelic smile } were I to recuse myself from full, enthusiastic participation. In compliance with the rules of dis here game, I will be tagging the following victims: Deelyte- Chillin' Steev the Friction Wizurd galinago SouthernDiva AL katherine76 ⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites  katherinea ... AND HERE ARE THE RULES EACH ABOVE VICTIM MUST FOLLOW: 1. Click on the Blog Entry Link your "Tagger" gave you, and obtain and post these rules in your own Blog's entry for the day (see Rule #2). 2. Include in your above Blog entry eight (8) random facts about yourself. 3. Tag eight people at the end of your Blog post and list their names (*linking to them ). 4. Let them know they’ve been "tagged" by leaving them a comment on the Blogs of each of the 8 folks you "tag". * To link you Blog entry when "tagging" someone, use: { Entry:and then your corresponding Blog Entry Number } ~ EXCLUDING any spaces. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thus, the adventure in deep, dark, innermost self-revelation begins: ...Little Known Deep, Dark, Secrets About Moi: 1. I'm 56 years old., 5' 2-1/2" tall, weigh 131 lbs., have tri-color (blue with brown specks and a gold ring around the iris) eyes, and dishwater blond hair. 2. I'm single, have never been married, and don't happen to be gay, and I have no children except my kitties and my 5-lb. Yorkapom, who looks like a chihuahua on crack and goes by the handle, "Peanut". Her sister, Pipsqueak, passed away unexpectedly two months ago, and this is the first time I've been able to speak of it here. ( For that and many other things, I thank you, kittiara. ) I am heavily into preservation of the environment and animal rights, be it wildlife or domestic animals. 3. Aside from reading and writing and what's already been mentioned above, I am passionate about nature, crafts of all kinds, flower and veggie gardening, and a variety of needlecrafts including crochetting, knitting, and crewelling. I also LOVE to fish but ALWAYS let 'em go. 4. I'm an incurable prankster, wholly subscribing to the creed that 'laughter is the best medicine', and consummately tickled by non-malevolent practical jokes, both when I'm the prankster and when I'm the "victim". I ONLY prank those folks of whom I happen to be very, very fond... my family has always been the same way in that regard. If we're very polite and dignified around you, it means we respect you but just don't genuinely like and/or feel close to you all that much. If we include you in banter and jokes, you're considered a dear friend. 5. My little white, 1994 Ford Tempo GL has less than 40 thousand miles on her ~ I believe her to have a heart and a soul, and her name is Annie Laurie. Someday I'll tell you the story of how, after not having a car or driving for 13 years following a very bad injury accident, I came to receive her magical little self. BTW... Annie Laurie has a monumental crush on the (Southern) Diva-mobile. 6. I'm a huge proponent of "The Golden Rule", have a deep faith in the Creator I happen to call God, and am very spiritual ~ but abandoned the practice of attending Church many moons ago because "man made religion" is simply not for me. My two greatest pet peeves in this world are: a) Hypocrites, particularly Bible-thumping, condemning and judgmental "Christians" who no more truly understand what Christ was really all about than fly through the air, and b) Prejudice, racism and bias against black people, gay people, or any OTHER group of folks for whatever idiotic reason(s)... it's birthed of utter ignorance, demeans all who perpetuate and/or are touched by it, and is a pox upon humanity that I pray we someday fully eradicate. 7. I usually vote for the "person" and not the "party", but generally find that the "person" most deserving of my vote turns out to be a Democrat. I'm extremely patriotic regarding my country ( the good old U.S. of A. ), and in being so, consider it citizens' patriotic duty to preserve our democratic way of life for ALL people who wish to share it. I further wholeheartedly believe that every American citizen has a Constitutional responsibility to be vigilant watchdogs of Governmental functions, and speak out against any misdeeds we perceive that Government to be perpetuating. I am a U.S. Army Vet and passionately believe that the U.S. has no more right to thrust our way of Government and life down the throats of other nations than they have the right to endeavor to do so to us. 8. Sometimes I'm berry, berry good.... sometimes I'm berry, berry... um..., ornery... and yes, sometimes I do lose my head. (The last example below being Mary Lou Boo Who's top pick, I'm sure, after my post day before yesterday... )....** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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* the following excerpt was clipped from the Society Pages of today's edition of The WDCville Herald Tribune Gazette *... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Mr. Hunk Who-Henner and his lovely wife, Mary Boo, are pleased to announce the upcoming Renewal of their Wedding Vows at the stroke of midnite on October 31, 2007 at the Church of What's Happenin' Now, located a 666 Holy Ghost Rd. Plans for the formal, October 24th sit-down-on-my-face Rehearsal Dinner are still being ' fleshed out ', but Mr. and Mrs. Who-Henner advise that the menu will feature raw oyster appetizers, followed by a Hungarian Ghoulash entree and a saucy Spanish Fly sorbet for desert. The Black-Tie Re-Nuptial Ceremony will be officiated by The Right Reverend Larry the Cable Guy, with a gala reception to be tossed AT the couple's honor immediately following the Re-Nuptials... and will be hosted by the lovebirds' nearest and dearest friends, President George W. Bush and his comely wife, First Broad Laura What-the-hell-was-I-THINKING Bush, at the Hail To The Chief First Ranch. Scheduled Reception festivities include Crawling with Intent to Walk, Buck Naked Bingo, Pubic Hair Cornrolling, Blind Man in the Buff, and Bobbing for French Fries. Invited Guests include but are not limited to those listed below, and the Who-Henners request that all donations be forwarded in their name to the West Texas B.D.S.M. Society. The blissful couple also wishes to announce that the After-Orgy immediately following the Reception will be strictly "Bring Your Own Pumpkin", with a decidedly relaxed dress code of 'Cum as You Are'. Ya'll come now, ya heah?" ~ OFFICIAL WHO-HENNER GUEST LIST ~ Jack Mehoff Justin Tyme Yetta Nother Barry A. Live Dawn Under Ted N. Buried Ima Byrd Yul B. Next Bill M. Later Lefty B. Hynde Kerry M. Off Fester N. Rott Seymour Butts Reid N. Weep Sue D. Bum Jess Gough Barry M. Deep U.R. Gone Otta B. Alive I.P. Daily Mummy B. Ware Will B. Back Berry D. Hatchet R.U. Next Dr. Izzy Gone Emma Ghost M.T. Tomb Hugo First (Esteemed Novelist who's latest epic is, " Haunted House ~ thanks, katherine76  !Mr. Completely (Author of the Pulitzer winning novel, Spots on the Sofa ) Hu Pumped Ethel (Author of the Best Seller, Blood on the Gas Nozzle ) All their Dude and Dudette buds from WDC-ville who just heard there'll be free eats and spirits ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Saw off the legs on MY fainting couch, will ya???? THOU MUST NOW FACETH THE WRATH OF THE GERM-RIDDEN LEPRECHAUN-AUN-AUN-AUN-AUN!!! |
| Just LISTEN to that saucy wench, MaryLou "Invalid Entry" ... actin' all innocent and stuff. Let's review... shall we???  :1) Ya'll SAW what she did to my completely innocent Cocoa Puffs... 2) She has unabashadly: a) snot-sneezed b) gagged, AND c) barfed ( TWICE ! )... all over my Blog's eggshell white, heretofore silky soft shag carpeting. 3) She CONSTANTLY leaves the terlet seat up, black hair dye splatters, and the cap off the toothpaste in the Convoluted Conundrum Ladies Room... not to mention hoggin' all the t-paper and tampons...  3) She PILFERED MAH PUMPKIN !!!  4) The October 14th issue of WDC Latrine-o-gram's Investigative Report Column, in a revealing expose, has un-masked Who Henner's terrifying plot to kidnap moi... AND threaten The Story Mistress and Master that she's gonna RETURN me if they don't pay her pumpkin pie with extra Cool Whip ransom demand !!! And now she's unleashed this... * sniff, snuffle, snark *... hellishly heart-breaking tirade of salaciously slanted, libelously licentious, foundationally unfounded, callously cheeky, besmirchingly brutal accusations against virtuous li'l ole me... Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury... ah rest mah case... * clutches little heaving breast * ... BEWARE THE TIDES OF OCTOBER ! ... et, tu, Who? ...  * gracefully swan dives upon the fainting couch in an emotionally devastated little heap * |
Here lie a few phunny tales from the crypt... " DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE " As firefighters, we are required to wear our full bunker gear on all safety calls, even those as routine as to advise homeowners of a county ordinance against that prohibits open burning of leaves after dark. Last Halloween, two co-workers waited on the porch of one such offending household, helmets in hand, until an elderly woman finally opened the door. Promptly dropping a candy bar into each helmet, she remarked, "You boys are a little old for this sort of thing, aren't you?" and closed the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " WRONGLY RECUSED " One Halloween night, two young fellows walking through cemetery were scared out of their wits by a tap-tap-tapping sound heard coming from a a nearby, freshly made grave. As they warily approached the site they realized that the frightening sound was actually being made by an old man who was working skillfully with a hammer and chisel upon the grave's tombstone. Experiencing a huge sense of relief, the two exclaimed at the elderly man, " Why are you doing this work in the middle of the night??? You scared us half to death!!!." The old man groaned and then complained, " What else could I do? Those idiots spelled my name wrong! " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " A COFFIN POSSESSED " A man was walking home alone late one night when he heard... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... drawing ever nearer behind him.Picking up- his pace in terror, he frantically glanced back and to his horror, made out the image of an upright coffin lumbering down the sidewalk toward him... ...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... Horrified, the man broke into a dash for his his home, and the coffin seemed to match his pace, banging and bouncing just as rapidly behind him... ...faster...faster...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP !!! The man scrambled up the steps to his front door, fumbled for his keys, threw open the door, rushed in, and finally slammed and deabolted the heavy door behind him. But the crazed coffin simply crashed right through the hapless man's front door, it's lid now repeatedly yawning open and clapping shut greedily.. clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... right on the heels of the petrieid man. Racing for his very life away from the pursuing coffin and upstairs to the bathroom, the man locked himself in, his heart pounding, his head reeling, his breath now coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH! the coffin broke down the door, still banging and clattering in its mindless, inexhorable pursuit of the hapless man. The man screamed and reached for something ~ anything ~ with which to defend himself with, but all he could find was is a box of cough drops. Panic-stricken, he hurled the cough drops at the coffin and... ...the coffin stopped. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| HEY, GANG!!! Mary Lou Who Henner and her Hunky Hubby heard that their very favoritest U.S. President in the whole, wide world was going to be motoring past the Who residence on his way to the First Ranch today... and those two li'l devils came up with the CUTEST Halloween greeting for him! They leaped into their costumes in a single bound and... well... a picture says a thousand words... ( Mawwy Woo's da one on the right ~ I'd recognize her guords anywhere... ) |
With apologies to Mary Lou Who, I needed a humorous shot in the arm... " LESSON LEARNED " Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was nearly full-grown, and had already acquired an extremely bad attitude as well as an exceedingly raunchy vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive ~ those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He cajoled and yelled at the bird, but the parrot's language only got steamier. He shook the bird, but the parrot simply grew even angrier and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few minutes he heard the bird boisterously swearing, squawking, kicking, and screaming... and then, quite suddenly, all went silent. Frightened that he might have inadvertently hurt the bird, Jimmy quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, " I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I beg your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior in the future ". Astounded by the complete turn-around in the bird's attitude, Jimmy was just about to ask the parrot about it when the bird continued... " May I ask what the Chicken did? " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " KING OF THE JUNGLE " A lion woke up one morning feeling his oats. He ventured forth and immediately cornered a small monkey, roaring, " Who is mightiest of all jungle animals? " The trembling monkey said, " You are, mighty lion! " Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, " Who is mightiest of all jungle animals? " The terrified deer stammered, " Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle! " Now on a veritable roll, the lion swaggered up to an elephant and roared, " Who is mightiest of all jungle animals? " The elephant regarded the lion for a moment, then snatched the big cat up with its trunk, slammed him against a tree, stomped on him, and, with a snort of disgust, ambled away. The battered lion hollered after the elephant, "Sheesh! Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get yer trunk all in a bunch! " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " THE HELPFUL COW " A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled. He got out and raised the hood. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the pasture over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks like a bad carburetor to me." Then she walked back into the field and resumed her grazing. Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer. "Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?" he asked. The farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Ayup, that's old Bessie." The man then said, "Well my car's broken down, and she just said, 'Looks like a bad carburetor to me.'" The farmer shook his head and said, "Don't mind old Bessie, son. She don't know a thing about cars." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " THE DIRTY BIRDIE " A woman wanted a pet to keep her company at home while her husband, Samuel, was off at work and the children were in school. After some research, she decided a parrot would suit her purpose quite nicely. It wouldn't require as much attention and care as a dog or a cat, and it would be very interesting to hear it speak... the only drawback was that parrots were quite expensive. One day on a shopping spree, she spotted a large, beautifully hued parrot, and asked the owner of the store for the price of the bird. The owner said he let it go for $50. Delighted that such a rare and beautiful bird wasn't far more expensive, she agreed to buy it. Before accepting her money, the owner said, "I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel. Sometimes it says some pretty..... well, embarrassing stuff." The woman was so taken by the bird and the excellent price that she decided to buy it anyway. When she got home, she placed the bird's cage in her living room and waited patiently for it to say something. The bird carefully studied his new surroundings and his new owner, and finally exclaimed, "New house, new Madam!" The woman was a little taken aback at the implication of what she'd just heard, but after a few minutes decided that it wasn't really all that bad. When her two teenage daughters came home from school, the bird looked them over thoroughly and said, "New house, new Madam, new Girls!" After their initial surprise wore off, the teens joined their mother in laughter. Shortly after 5:00 P.M., the woman's husband came home from work. The bird regarded him, then the mother, and then the teenage girls, seemed to consider the situation for a moment, and exclaimed... " New house, new madam, new girls... Hello, Sam! " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " ASK MONKEY... HE EATS EVERYTHING " A guy walked into a bar with his pet monkey. He ordered a drink, and as he was drinking, the monkey commenced jumping up and down and darting all about the place. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them, then filched some sliced limes and ate them, then leapt up on the pool table, grabbed the cue ball, popped it into his mouth, mouth and swallowed it whole. The bartender yelled at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just DID ?" The guy replied, says, " No, what? " " He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole! ", the Bartender shouted. " That doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. " He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finished his drink, paid his bill, and departed. Two weeks later the man returned to the bar with his monkey once more in tow. The customer ordered a drink and his simian companion set to scampering around the bar at will. While his Master was bending his elbow, the monkey discovered a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, inserted it up his little monkey butt, pulled it back out, and ate it. The Bartender asked in disgust, " Did you SEE what your monkey just did? " " Now what? " the patron responded. " He stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" the Bartender exclaimed. " That doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. He still eats everything in sight... but ever since he swallowed that damn cue ball, he's taken to measuring everything first." |
| This is an actual personality test constucted by Psychologist Phil McGraw, PhD. It is widely utilized by numerous corporate Human Resources Divisions throughout the United States to gain a better insight regarding prospective and current employees. Though it consists of only 10 questions, I found the results both surprising and informative. (Administered during an episode of "Oprah", McGraw himself scored a 55 and Oprah scored a 38. I may come to rue this day for doing so, but I'll go ahead and disclose that I scored a 44. ) It takes only a few minutes, and you'll need to jot down each of your letter (a,b,c,d, etc.) responses to each of the 20 questions as you go along. Be sure to answer the questions as they apply to you presently; not as they may have applied to you in the past or might be expected to apply to you in the future.Got your pencil and paper? Then here goes... 1. When do you feel your best? a) in the morning b) during the afternoon and early evening c) late at night 2. You usually walk... a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly 3. When talking to people you.. a) stand with your arms folded b) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair 4. When relaxing, you sit with... a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) your legs crossed c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you 5. When something really amuses you, you react with... a) big appreciative laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile 6. When you go to a party or social gathering you... a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed 7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you are interrupted. You.... a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes 8. Which of the following colors do you like most? a) red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green e) dark blue or purple f ) white g) brown or gray 9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are.... a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers 10. You often dream that you are... a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something or somebody d) flying or floating e) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant NOW, ASSIGN EACH OF YOUR RESPONSES THE NUMBER OF POINTS INDICATED FOR THAT PARTICULAR RESPONSE IN THE CHART BELOW: 1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2 . (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 ( f ) 2 (g) 1 9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 ( f ) 1 NOW TOTAL UP YOUR POINTS AND CHECK THE TOTAL AGAINST THE BELOW RESULT DESCRIPTIONS: OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care."You're seen as vain, self- centered, and one who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate. 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the mood for another one? " HOW OBSERVANT ARE YOU? " QUIZ 1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom? 2. How many states are there? ( don't laugh ~ some people don't know! ) 3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch? 4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label? 5. What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? ( no cheating! ) 6. What 2 telephone #'s don't have letters by them? 7. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg? 8. How many matches are in a standard pack? 9. On our flag, is the top stripe red or white? 10. What is the lowest # on the FM dial? 11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise? 12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run? 13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial? 14. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on? 15. On a NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom? 16. Which way do fans rotate? 17. Whose face is on a dime? 18. How many sides does a stop sign have? 19. Do books have even # pages on the right or left side? 20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel? 21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil? 22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing? 23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package? 25. On which card is the cardmaker's trademark? 26. On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats? 27. On the back of a one dollar bill, what is in the center? 28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits? 29. How many curves are in a standard paper clip? 30. Does a merry-go-round rotate clockwise or counterclockwise? ANSWERS: 1. Bottom 2. 50 ( please tell me you at least got this one! ) 3. right 4. blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold ( Did you see blue? i didn't) 5. Q and Z 6. 1, 0 7. Left 8 20 9. Red 10. 88 11. Counterclockwise (unless you happen to be south of the equator) 12. Towards bottom right 13. 12 (no #1) 14. Right 15. Top 16. Clockwise as you look at it 17. Roosevelt 18. 8 (or 2, if you took the question a tad more literally and interpreted "sides" to mean "front" and "back") 19. Left 20. 5 21. 6 22. Bashful 23. 6 it's really 8. (someone messed up here.) 24. Did you notice there wasn't one? (e:laugh} 25. Ace of spades 26. Left 27. ONE 28. *, # 29. 3 30. Counterclockwise SCORING: 30-28 Mensa is calling, you genius ! 25-27 Not too shabby ! 20-24 You could do better... 16-19 McDonald's is calling ( would you like fries with that? ) 15-00 Shucks ! Being blind wouldn't affect you one bit ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Strictly for giggles... " ARE YOU ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET? " QUIZ Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have your cheeks taken on a pasty white pallor from over-exposure to your computer monitor? How do you know if you're addicted to the Net and losing touch with reality? Take the Internet Junkie Test below and find out ! Answer the following multiple choice questions and check out your score to see if you should be concerned: What do you think are good names for children? a) Scott and Jenny. b) Bill Gates IV. c) Mozilla and Dotcom. What's a telephone? a) A thing with a round dial you use to talk to others. b) A telecommunications device with 12 keys. c) Something you plug into a modem. Which punctuation is most correct? a) I had a wonderful day! b) I had a **wonderful** day!!! c) I had a wonderful day  You wake up at 4:00 a.m. and decide to: a) Visit the bathroom. b) Raid the fridge. c) Check your E-mail. What are RAM and ROM? a) A male sheep and a city in Italy. b) Hulking stars of the WWF. c) I need more of the former and should upgrade the latter. To avoid a virus you should: a) Stay away from people who sneeze and cough. b) Never read E-mail titled "Good Times". c) Use virus scanning software every time you boot up. When you want to buy something hard-to-find you: a) Ask friends where to purchase it. b) Check out the Yellow Pages. c) Go to Yahoo! When you don't understand how to use a new appliance you: a) Call the retailer. b) Call the manufacturer's toll-free number. c) Visit the manufacturer's Web site and look for the FAQ. When you want to see all the beautiful people you: a) Visit a club on a Saturday night. b) Turn on the TV and tune in to Baywatch. c) Check out the alt.binary newsgroups. How do you introduce yourself at a party? a) Hi, I'm Jane! b) Hi, I'm a Taurus on the cusp. c) Hi, I'm a 5'10" hot blonde with a super bod. When you're interested in someone at a party you say: a) Tell me more about yourself. b) What's your star sign? c) What's your Profile? If you really like the person, you say: a) Could you tell me your phone number? b) What's your E-mail address? c) Let's chat Private. When I say spam, you think: a) Ham in a can. b) Unsolicited advertising E-mail. c) I mailbomb all spammers! When you receive an AOL trial diskette, you say: a) I don't need another mug coaster. b) Great! I'll reformat and use it for backups. c) Great! I'll sign up under a fake ID and use up the 50 hours. When you want to research a reference you: a) Open up a volume of your encyclopedia. b) Slip Encarta in your CD-ROM drive. c) Go to www.altavista.digital.com. When you write a letter you: a) Put pencil to paper. b) Open Eudora. c) Ask: What's a letter? Is it like E-mail? Different types of text formatting include: a) Writing and printing. b) Underline and double-strike. c) Bold and italic. You correct errors using: a) An eraser. b) White-out. c) Backspace or delete. You sign your name: a) Best regards, John Smith. b) See you in IRC, John_Smith. c) Check out my home page for the cool links, johnsmith@aol.com. To keep a copy of your letter you: a) Insert a carbon and a second sheet. b) Take it to the photocopier. c) Check your Sent Mail folder. SCORING: Give yourself zero points for each "a" response, five for each "b" and 10 for each "c". If you scored 150 or higher, unplug your computer and log more hours in real life. If you scored between 50 and 145, you're living a good mix of Net and reality. If you scored under 50, you probably didn't read this far. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF YOU STUCK AROUND FOR THE FINALE, THERE'S A MERIT BADGE IN IT FOR THE FIRST PERSON TO SOLVE THE BELOW RIDDLE: ( This is a great barometer for measuring your problem-solving skills ) You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, on your left is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo, and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion, running at the same speed as you and another kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this stressful situation? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
| I'm certain that it was fever-spawned, but I had the most vivid dream last night about Kirkie, Darcy, and me... and a couple of near-catastrophic adventures we three siblings experienced together at our old childhood stompin' grounds, John Todd Park. The first took place right around this time of year... early Autumn in Ohio. I would have been about 12 or so, my sister Darcy, 10, and my brother, Kirk, just barely 5. As is so often regretfully the case, I did not come to treasure my younger siblings during that time as much as I would have with the benefit of "20/20 hindsight", but such is the way things are for most youngsters, I do believe. When it came to play, I didn't mind Darcy tagging along so much, because she was far closer to my age and associated physical agility, etc. Kirkie, however, was a different story... he was basically fresh from the hand of toddlerhood, and though, for his age, quite the daredevil, he still required far more careful supervision when it came to play of the Rough and Tumble Kind. For that reason, Darcy and I both had come to loathe my Mother's dreaded words, "I think you and your sister should take Kirk along with you today". What a bummer! On this particular gorgeous Fall day, Mother had indeed issued always ill-received, "Take Your Brother With You" Edict, and though we'd never dream of arguing with Mother, we were, to say the very least, not at all thrilled with the prospect. Off we went, just the same, to meet up with our chums and see what adventures we could whip up at the park. Now it's important to understand the layout of John Todd Park, as the geographical setting plays an instrumental role in the events that unfolded on both occasions I'm about to relate. The playground portion of the park was actually the deep "bottom of the bowl" that the park's grounds included. In other words, entirely surrounding the "bottom of the bowl", almost like a canyon, were appreciably high hills of land that then flattened out to form a tennis court/ice rink, large enclosed Recreational Pavillion, and a full-size softball field complete with bleachers and a parking lot encircling approximately half of the park ~ with a lovely wooded, steep hill encircling the remaining half. Most folks entered the playground area via the non-wooded side, so romping and sledding, etc. were confined to the opposite side's tree-bedecked hills. It was there that we wiled away innumerable carefree hours playing such things as "Pioneer Life", "Explorer Adventures", "Arctic Sledding", etc. On this particular day, we were playing "Tarzan", utilizing several of the strongest of the plentiful collection of woody "grapevine" type growths to swing over a particularly deep ravine that sliced through the wooded side of the park, then land on our feet on the other graded bank. We were a merry band of six that day, inclusive of our buddies, Jackie, Vicki, and Deb. All of us except Kirk were in the 10- to 12-year-old range, and all of us shared tomboyishly exhuberant agility and fearlessness. Each of the five older kids had completed a non-bodily-harm-incurred "swing" across the deep ravine and back again, and we were calling dibbs on who'd be first to start Round Two when my kid brother started kicking up a fuss, insisting he wanted his turn, too. No amount of trying to talk him out of it would dissuade him... Kirk simply jutted out his little jaw, grabbed ahold of the vine, and proceeded to throw a complete hissy-fit, uttering the most feared threat known to Kid-dom... "I'm gonna tell Mama you won't let me pway wiff you!" We finally caved, primarily due to being terrified of being "squealed on" combined with the blissful ignorance most children of that era possessed at our age regarding the concept of mortality, let alone great bodily harm. We boosted Kirkie up so he could grip the grapevine as high above the ground as possible (we ourselves would always leap up to grasp the vine as far away from the ground as we could in order to avoid dragging on the ground at some point on the arc of the "swing" over), and on the count of three, gave him a collective boost to help him get up sufficient speed to make it all the way over to the opposing side. And he would have done so flawlessly... except for one teeny problem "mid-flight"... His little hands slipped on the smooth vine, and though he maintained his grip, he slid down a crucial number of feet on the length of the vine ~ resulting in some serious, full-frontal body-dragging across the entire bottom of the ravine as well as up a fraction of the opposite ravine wall, abruptly terminating in a bone-jarring "landing interruptis", whereupon Kirk released his white-knuckled grasp and lay there, sprawled face-down, bellering like a banshee in a choked-sounding, gutteral kind of outcry. We five older kids scrambled down the side of the ravine, traversed it's belly in record time, and reached the bellowing lad's side within seconds. Five pairs of panic-stricken, saucer-sized eyes stared as we anxiously assessed him to ascertain if he'd broken anything that Mother would be sure to take immediate notice of. Thankfully, he had not. I say "thankfully" now because I'm an adult and realize just how badly he could have been injured in the fiasco... but back then, the "thankfully" applied to the situation at hand in the strictest "we may just get out of this without gettin' a lickin' " sense of the word. That is not to say Kirk emerged from the episode unscathed... not by a long shot. You see, as he realized his grip was sliding down on the vine, Kirkie opened his little mouth to maximum capacity in order to fully facilitate a prolonged, terror-evoked, ear-splitting shriek as he catapaulted across the fast-appproaching terrain... and as we rolled his still gutterally screaming little form over, we beheld the awful result. Not only was the front of his body entirely covered ~ from fiery crimson-abrased forehead to severely road-rashed knees to appreciably scuffed tennis shoe toe-tops ~ with twigs, pebbles, a plethora of soil samples ranging from powdered sandstone to wet clay, bird nest and egg remnants, dehydrated cricket parts, dead leaves, pine needles and assorted cone shards, plus various and assundry other samplings of the landscape around us... but so, too, was the hyper-extended little 5-year-old tongue he dared not retract into his mouth until someone scraped off the disquieting amount of "ground-shrapnel" presently adhering to it. Which, of course, we did... not so much to comfort Kirk, but to make certain that all of his tongue was still there. After all, a missing chunk of tongue ranked right up there with broken bones in the "Mother Is Sure to NoticeThis Right Off the Bat" category. Once we had his tongue scraped clean and rinsed off, and much to the relief of not only Kirkie but each of we five elder conspirators, as well, we realized that 1) the pink little heretofore unidentifiable protruding organ was, indeed, still a complete, relatively intact tongue and 2) Kirk had miraculously regained a sufficient measure of his sensibilities to cease his mindless, shell-shocked bellering and cautiously draw his battered tongue back into his mouth in toto, thus reclaiming a near-normal appearance. One of his front upper baby teeth was loose, but it was time for him to lose them, anyway, we reasoned... and Kirk himself was swiftly reassured and pacified (once the bleeding subsided) by our assurances that the Tooth Fairy would give him a quarter for it when it eventually gave up the ghost and fell out completely. ... Which brought us to the final and perhaps most daunting dilemma thus far: the issue of Kirkie-Bird's soiled little body, hair, and clothing. Being the diminutive "pioneer outdoorspersons" we were, we soon came up with a scathingly brilliant idea. Darcy, Vicki, and I stripped the battered little goose buck naked and bathed him in the creek while Jackie and the Debster spirited his clothes up to the pavillion, washed them with handsoap, and rinsed them out thoroughly in one of the sinks therein. Then, while we ate a picnic lunch in the woods with Kirkie's little bum happily ensconsed and thus obscurred from public view in the handlebar-mounted, wicker bicycle basket of my trusty 26-inch, dusty-rose-pink and white Schwinn Spitfire, we let his clothes air dry... hanging aloft in the day's gentle breezes and dappled sunlight from the very same grapevine that had almost de-tongue-itated the hapless pre-schooler earlier on. My mother, primarily because we plied Kirkie with cherry tomatoes and Twinkies ~ and secured his sworn oath of silence by convincing him he would get the lickin' if Mama found out because he had made us let him take a turn on the vine ~ was never made privy to any descriptive information beyond a rather terse, "Kirk fell down" regarding this particular one of a vast number of like mishaps until all three of we children were safely into our young adult years... and only when all three of us were absolutely certain we'd wouldn't still get a lickin' if she found out. When we finally did 'fess up, we then... and still... laugh like loons at the telling. I'm too sick to write of it now, but when my gills are a bit less green, I'll tell you the story of "The Great John Todd Park Snow-Sledding Sandwich Caper "...  . |
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