%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Here's to bloggin' around the block--one word at a time. |
| Yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown that ended with a rare fight with Jack. Both of us are normally laid back personalities and it takes a lot to make us angry at each other. I think we both like to appear calm and in control, too, even when we don’t feel that way. It’s clear now that both of us must have been bubbling beneath the surface. Nobody who is paying attention can deny that it’s a nerve wracking time right now with this high stakes election, this “emergency bail-out” and onanonanon. I try not to let it get to me, because I have such little control. But still it does. My mother is going downhill fast now. The cancer has apparently spread to the bone and she’s been in a lot of pain. When I talked to her on Friday and she was so dopey she made little sense. She has asked for the funeral director to come by on Monday. Although the problems with my sister’s behavior escalated before they got better, things are calmer at the moment. She “came clean” with the doctor and convinced him to give her another chance. He consented, partly because Mom was insisting she’d rather be dead than go to the nursing home. But he warned that if he got one more report about my sister being loaded he would have her arrested. They had to get a whole new hospice crew – equipment and all -- but for now it is working out. And in my job we got a new unexpected grant with urgent deadlines meaning twice as much work for the next six weeks. I thought I was already busy. It’s important, and I’m pleased, but the conference calls are already tense with the frustration of overworked people. At least I won’t be traveling to staff training because we’re too busy here. Anyway, add the fact that Pop called sixteen times in a row when I was finally trying to get some sleep, and I just couldn’t keep from popping my cork yesterday. Our fight was over almost as quickly as it started, but then I couldn’t stop crying. It took great effort to get my hair cut when I knew I’d have to take my sunglasses off. But I made it though the day and night I feel much better right now. Final FtL entry in response to "surfaces"  by mood indigo  |
| FtL response to "Invalid Entry" by objurgate whose entry reminds of the saying: “Expectations are preconceived resentments.” I've certainly done it to myself a few dozen times. Speaking of expectations, here are a few more choice quotes: Every writer should always be trying to defy reader expectations. I guess 'try' is the word I zero in on here. . David Duchovny: I love dogs. They live in the moment and don't care about anything except affection and food. They're loyal and happy. Humans are just too damn complicated. Note: Yes, I know the latest tabloid disclosure on him. It only proves his point. Douglas Adams: I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. I hear ya. Aesop: Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. Hmmm. Sound like some advice a certain society should have been living by? Finally that great orator we all know and love: A lot of folks don't think I can string a sentence together, so when I was able to do so, it uh - Expectations were so low, all I had to do was say, “Hi, I'm George W. Bush.” They have miscalculated me as a leader. That is an understatement. |
| State Legislators Florist Gump: blinks a lot; asks unnecessary questions; has a thriving business selling flowers to lobbyists. Backseat Brian: struts around looking smug; begins each session with a long winded prayer; spends every lunch hour with an intern in his parked car. Poison Paula: Ann Coulter look-alike; works for the highest bidder to insert unrelated appropriation requests in bills. And Lobbyist Lucas: pinstriped suit, Gucci shoes; former legislator who cast the deciding vote on the governor’s pet project; now works for law firm who benefited from deal schmoozing former colleagues. FtL response to"Invalid Entry" by emylitha |
| The other evening Jack and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood when we passed another couple. The woman and I both slowed down, looked at each other, kept looking, then stopped in the middle of the road with an “Omigod, is that you?” We had worked together years ago and probably hadn’t seen each other since 1998. We gabbed like hens leaving the guys standing there twiddling their thumbs. Finally Jack stepped over and introduced himself to her husband. It turns out we’ve lived within a couple of blocks of each other for about six years and didn’t even know it. We chatted awhile longer then went on. Have you ever known anyone to turn into a different person? When I first knew Cheryl I avoided as much as possible. She wasn’t friendly at all and she acted like she was always mad. It wasn’t just a personal thing with me. She was like that with all but a select few of her similar hateful friends. She had a kind of epiphany, I guess, when she got breast cancer. She went though some very rough treatment including a bone marrow transplant. After that her whole personality changed. She became friendly and easy to get along with, she smiled more. She was a pleasure rather than a punishment to be around. She even admitted that she had been “just awful.” Anyway, it was fun to run into her after all this time, and I can’t help but think how it used to be. We didn’t make any plans to meet again, though. We’ll just have to run into each other, I guess. We’re strange creatures. I mean surprising. FtL response to "Invalid Entry" by flex |
| Democracy is not a spectator sport. Our system is really a plutocracy. It’s set up to benefit the few, the wealthy, the connected. Sure we get to vote, but do we? There’s been voter apathy for years. People wake up around a presidential election, but still we don’t vote in the numbers we should. Government and big industry have been in bed together for a long time. Deep-pocketed lobbyists fund campaigns and swarm like flies around our state capitols and Washington DC. There’s a revolving door between government and industry and the conflicts of interest are staggering. Not a democratic system. We’ve got religion out the whazoo but where’s the ethics? It’s been bad for a long time and the past eight years have been obscene. Connect the dots and follow the money, folks. The urgency of this bail out is eerily familiar. Paulson was with Goldman Sachs. Think they’re going to benefit? You betcha! Remember the Cheney/Halliburton connection? Still working for them no matter how much they screw up. What a corrupt mess. I express my opinion all the time, and I wish I could stop thinking about it. It’s not like I just woke up to this. I’ve been aware for years, and I’ve been both a paid and unpaid citizen activist. You know, like a citizen organizer. (snicker) So, it’s not like I feel guilty for sitting back and watching the train wreck. I know that the lowest ebb is when the tide turns. I just keep wondering how low we will have to go. I’ll continue to do what I can. My problem is taking myself too seriously and then getting burned out. I hope this is my last political entry for awhile. (yeah, right) FtL response to "'I Have A Dream' was taken..." by katwoman45  |
| Caravaggio. Still Life with a Basket of Fruit. c.1601. Oil on canvas. Pinacoteca Ambrosiana, Milan, Italy. http://www.abcgallery.com/C/caravaggio/caravaggio28.html Nature is amazing. I love the season change. Autumn always seems too short, though, as the green leaves turn bright and beautiful then too quickly dry up and fall to the ground. It makes me notice Lfe is short and Nature both kind and cruel. At 96, with failing hearing, limited eyesight and shrinking bones, my father-in-law doesn’t have a lot to do with his time. The other day he got it in his head that someone needed to pick three apples from his tree and take them to the neighbor so she could bake a pie. He’s not convinced that all the apples are tiny and wormy. There have to be three perfect ones – he’s just sure of it. So sure that he mentions it about every ten minutes. Personally I’m glad he isn’t out there spraying pesticides on everything in sight anymore. He used to think that pesticide made the cherries taste better. Actually they look and taste much better without the spray. The neighbor made several little cherry pies for him this summer. Now that autumn is here, it won’t be long before he’ll be worrying about supervising the leaf raking. If he is still able, he’ll ride around on his mower spewing fumes and complaining that the “boys” (his AARP aged sons) won’t bag the leaves the way he showed them. Is that important? It is to him. He wants to be useful and his world is small. What about my life? I think it was Thoreau who said life is frittered away in detail. Simplify, simplify. Today I’m rethinking what is really important to me. Life is short. FtL response to "like a piece of fruit in a Caravaggio" by Again I learned something. |
| earlybird has some good advice in his entry "Invalid Entry" He sets a regular time to get away by himself to ponder. And when things get stressful he knows to take a time-out to get the negativity under control. I think I’m my own worst enemy. When I’m under stress I seem to drive myself even harder. Thursday was a hellish day between work and personal stuff. By the end of the day I noticed that I hadn’t even taken a break or eaten anything all day long. My neck was in knots and my head was thumping. Yesterday I made a point of taking a little walk in the sunlight in the early afternoon. (Lucky there was a cool breeze.) It helped. I don’t see some of my stress going away soon so I’m going to try to work in regular breaks in my day. And to remember not to go so long without eating. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay – no, it’s very important -- to take good care of me. FtL response to "Invalid Entry" by earlybird |
| The title is from Stephen King’s Children of the Corn about a frightening group of children revolting against adult supervision. Most of my life I’ve felt like someone was watching over my shoulder just waiting for me to screw up so they could rip me apart. Maybe that’s because I had that for a long time. My mother was good at that, followed by my ex-husband. It became such a part of my life that they didn’t have to be there; I’d be busy policing myself trying to make sure I didn’t do something that would make them explode. Of course, their reasons changed without notice so it was a little difficult to predict. I even felt I was keeping guilty secrets just by having private thoughts and that somehow he would know who I saw or what I talked about at work and find out. It was that sick. Yet I stayed and stayed because that was what I knew and the thought of facing the unknown was just a little too frightening. My kids very likely have their own cops in their heads. Finally, finally I left and I felt like I had just been born. When I first lived with Jack he couldn’t move quickly or open a door abruptly without me nearly flying out of my skin. I’ve come a long way since then but it’s been hard work. I don’t feel like I constantly have to protect myself – certainly not from him. I’ve learned the difference between boundaries and walls. But I still have work pretty hard to overthrow that cop in my head. FtL response to "Invalid Entry" by MaryLou |
| This ought to be perfect for a scattered mind. Maybe I’m too scattered. Am I too far behind to catch up? Quote of the Day: “It's not based on any particular data point. We just wanted to choose a really large number.” -- A Treasury spokeswoman, quoted by Forbes, on why the bank bailout will need $700 billion. Protests on Wall Street: “No Bail! Send them to Jail!” “You broke it. You bought it.” Sounds fair. I’m listening to Sam Cooke sing “A Change is Gonna Come.” I didn’t realize until now that the song was released posthumously. He was only 33 when he died “under mysterious circumstances.” I got a DVD called Free for All! They sent a dark blue condom with it, wrapped in cellophane and labeled “Election Protection. Don’t Get Screwed at the Polls.” Yesterday was a bit of a nightmare with the family saga. I’m glad I’m here and they’re there. I’m not up to giving the details yet. Why do I feel kind of icky after I share something? Now Sam Cooke is singing “You Send Me.” Today is beautiful - sunny and a nice breeze. A little warm yet. Trees are already beginning to turn, though. I love autumn. Bonus Quote of the Day “Any change is as good as a vacation at this point. I don't know if you've paid much attention to the past eight years, but it has been a shit burger supreme. If somebody gives me an empty burger, it's better than eating shit.” -- Stephen Colbert, setting aside his conservative TV pundit character for an interview with Entertainment Weekly. My FtL entry for "Invalid Entry" by Wendopolis |
| I started to say that I thought American sexual inhibitions began with the Puritans. After all, I think it was H.L. Mencken who said: “A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is having fun.” But with a little research I found out that may not be exactly true. According to Jennifer Keirans: Puritans had no particular issue with sex. They knew that both men and women were subject to sexual desires. They certainly knew that women experienced arousal and orgasm - conventional Protestant wisdom of the 16th and 17th centuries was that women might grow ill or mad if they didn't experience regular sexual release. Adultery and premarital sex are another matter, of course, but this was a bit of a surprise to me. In fact, maybe we’ve slipped backwards a bit. FtL response to "Invalid Entry" by femmedragon |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
![Merit Badge in Genie
[Click For More Info]
The Genie of Inspiration will shine upon you ~ when you least expect it! Trust me!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Genie-2500.gif)
So glad to see your blog again, and I like the idea of a 'new' Clean Slate. I may just do that myself! I look forward to reading more from you! 
