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| This has been the fourteenth day that I have had to sleep on the floor. I don't have a bed yet, and it's really starting to affect my mood and personality big time. I wake up all stiff from head to toe, and not to mention grumpy too. We have a bed frame and a headboard, but no mattress. Grandpa prefers that I get a used box spring and a new mattress. I agree with him on that. I don't want a used mattress. I don't like the thought of having a used mattress, because you never know what people have done on it. I don't like the idea of sleeping on dried up jizz and vaginal secretions. If that happens then I will have to go to extremes and put a plastic cover on the mattress. We don't even have a couch yet. I guess we will have those things at some point. We are supposed to get a table and chairs tomorrow I guess. |
It looks like we got the bulk of everything that we want in the apartment. I hope we only have to make a few more trips out there. My Uncle Tom and his friend Jim came out to help grandpa and I. Grandpa came knocking on my door around 9am or so, and I wasn't prepared. I didn't know anyone was going out there. I will be glad when this is all over with.  I guess it will be worth it in the end. |
I have printed off all of the stories for "Invalid Item"  and will start judging those tonight. I will write notes and highlight the mistakes for those, and still do the public reviews on here. Then when I am almost done with those, I will print off the poetry for round 7 of the Newbie Challenge and do the same as I did for the other contest. Hopefully this will save me time, and allow me less time on the computer. Grandpa says I spend too much time on the computer, lol. He doesn't know that I have been lax in my duties on WDC and I need to catch up on things. I didn't mean to be a month behind on all of my contests, but I have been going through some serious shit in these recent months and just haven't felt up to it.  I really hope the people do understand my situation. I feel really bad about the whole thing. |
I forgot to mention earlier today, that my grandfather, my cousin Laurel, and I took a computer desk to my apartment. Laurel opened the main door to the building, grandpa and I proceeded to carry the awkward son-of-a-bitch contraption through the door. Well, I forgot about the first step and I tripped, and my right leg gave out and ended up on the floor.  I was still holding onto the computer desk with both hands, and one leg bent, and the other on bended knee. I couldn't even get up. My grandpa got all flabbergasted and said, "God!" That was the most amusing part of the whole incident! LMAO! Laurel was asking if I was okay, and I said yes. I started laughing, and then she laughed. Then when my grandpa and Laurel were still in my apartment, I was out getting something in the van, and I just got the worst case of the giggles and couldn't stop. |
I spent my first night at the apartment lastnight. I had to sleep on the floor of course, but it wasn't that bad. Certainly warmer than Sheila's room at dad's house. I guess the heating duct in her room wasn't working or something. Max meowed all the way into Kalamazoo lastnight, and he did it for a few hours at the apartment. He seems a lot happier without Jill's dog being around, lol He's pretty content with having windows to look out of and having his run of the house. Sheila tried to tell me to put Max's litter box in my closet.  Where in the Hell does she get off telling me what to do? It's my apartment too. What if I have company, like a male friend or something? I can't have his litter in there. I need my fucking closet space. I think Sheila is being self-centered. She knew that I had a cat and that was the agreement. She's bitching about my cat stinking up the apartment. I happen to keep Max's area very clean, so it shouldn't stink at all. She's just going to have to deal with it, or move out soon. The litter box is currently in the corner in the dining area. I think that I will look into getting something like..............well one of those things that looks like a counter but has a skirt around it, and maybe put his litter box in there, and stick air neutralizers in it, so it won't be so obvious to everyone that a cat is living there. Anyone have any ideas? I can't have it in my room because Max needs to roam free in the house. When I am gone during the day, I need to have my door closed so Jazlyn can't get into my stuff. I need some ideas, so that I can have Max's litter box out, but keep it concealed some how, so people won't recognize it.****Sheila and I worked out a compromise for the litter situation. I am going to buy some of that organic corn litter, that doesn't contain any chemicals whatsoever, so no one is harmed. I am aware that cat urine contains ammonia, and could be bad for people, but human urine has the same thing in it. I am tired of people's negative and conflicting opinions about my cat, and how I should lock him in my room when I go to work. That is a form of animal cruelty. If people don't like the fact that I have a cat, then they don't need to come over. I am looking for a solution so I can keep the litter box out of my room. I am not looking for conflicting opinions. If you can't come up with a good solution, I don't want to hear it! |
About what I said lastnight................of course I wouldn't deprive Sheila of internet and cable. I was just in a catty mood lastnight.  I am the one that wanted it in the first place. So, yes it is my responsibility to pay for it all. I am still hoping that I can eventually have my own place, and be by myself for awhile. So I can have ultimate privacy. You know, being that I am 30 and all. |
| I called Charter today to set up my Phone/Cable/Internet Service. They will be out to my apartment during the hours of 8am-Noon next Thursday to install everything. My phone includes, Caller ID, Call Waiting, Voice Mail, Unlimited Long Distance, and a few other things that I can't remember right off hand. My internet is high speed, and the cable is well, cable. It will run about $130/month. I would get satellite, but the apartment complex that I live at doesn't allow the drilling of holes in the buildings. I will pay for half of it and Sheila will pay the other half. If she doesn't want to help out with that, then she will have to find other means to get onto the internet. Because if I have to pay for the whole system, she can't use any of it. She told me yesterday that she doesn't need cable or phone. Well if she doesn't, I will just cancel one of the boxes, and then she can't watch tv. Same thing with the phone. My sister and I are going to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her and grandpa. At first, she wasn't going to do anything at all, but then I suggested that me and my sisters do all of the cooking and cleaning. She agreed to cook the ham, and me and my sisters will cook the rest. Today grandma and I made the pies. Pumpkin and Pineapple-Lemon pie. Those are in the fridge and chilling overnight. Grandma is having a hard time with getting into the holiday spirit with my dad passing away and all. She said for Christmas, she's just going to serve snacks, cheeses, lunch meats, and different kinds of breads and crackers. Which is fine by me anyway. One things for sure, it definately won't be the same without dad. I am going to make it as enjoyable as I possibly can for them. |
| Well, the deal is set for the apartment, and I can start moving in effective today if I want, and Sheila too. We have already started to fight about what is going to go into the apartment too. I hope her stay there is brief. I really want the place all to myself. She's never home, so I really don't see what the big deal is. We were fight about which entertainment center to take from dad's place. I like the bigger one because I could put all of my dvds in the cabinets. I hate the tall skinny one, and it's black too, which I really dislike. I like cherry-finish furniture. It's so much prettier. Black furniture is ugly, gaudy, and depressing. I hope she does move from the apartment soon. I haven't even been home for a week and she's already starting to pick fights with me. She is the one that I get along with the least. Jill's moving into the same complex as me. I can't live with her because she has a dog and we already know what the interaction between my cat and her dog would be. The proof is on my thumb still, lol. Too bad Sheila can't move in with Jill. I think that would be a better arrangement. I am going to make sure I have my own tv in my bedroom. That will be the next thing we'll fight over. That's kind of why I wanted my own place to begin with. Grandpa is the prime leasee on the apartment and I am the secondary, and Sheila is just an occupant. So if Sheila decides that she wants her own place, she or I can just let the managers know in advance and move out. I can tell you right now that this is going to be a major headache living with her. She's is the most irritable of the 4 of us and not the easiest to get along with. We will see what happens. I just know that this living arrangement is not going to work out between us. I can be the grown up, but she is one of those that thinks she has to have the last word out of any argument and make it look like the other person's fault. If Sheila thinks that she is going to call all of the shots as far as the apartment goes, she has another thing coming. |
I haven't been on the internet in a few days because I don't have access out at my dad's house. If the phone weren't shut off, we would still have it. I have to come out to my grandparents house to use the computer. I will be on again tomorrow. I have to come out this way anyway to fill out applications at the Admin Office for the school system here. I hope I get something fast. I am going crazy sitting out at dad's house with nothing to do but watch dvds. Sheila has gone bananas because I have so many dvds to choose from, she's like a kid in a candy store, lol! I have some reviews to catch up on, but I will do all of that tomorrow. I also have to go out and look at prospects for apartments with Sheila. I would still prefer my own place, but it will be nice so I can get to know my niece a lot better. She loves me to pieces already. She took to me immediately when I flew up for the funeral a few weeks ago. I will have to get some pictures on here to show to everyone. She's adorable!  Oh yeah, a friend of my dad's came out to haul some stuff to Goodwill/Salvation Army, and I told him about the back door not latching properly. He nailed it shut from the inside so no one can get in. |
| I just had to rant lastnight. The long trip across the country turned me into a total grouch. Sleeping at dad's house felt creepy, but I got through it. I also discovered this morning that the back door doesn't latch and will open from the outside if pushed. Great. One more thing to worry about. I can't wait to get out of there. Grandpa's goal is to have us out of there by December 1st. That can't come any sooner. It gets so cold in that house too. I woke up freezing lastnight and had to dig out my sweat-shirt and another blanket. I slept on the floor in Sheila's room and so did the cat. The meeting between the cat and the dog didn't go so great. The dog was friendly, but my cat didn't want anything to do with the dog, and he did nothing but growl and hiss, I also got my thumb bit pretty bad by Max. I am treating it with peroxide and red saav. He must have hit a nerve or something because my entire thumb hurts. I don't blame the cat or the dog for this incident. He will just have to stay in Sheila's room until we move out. I don't really hate being back in Michigan. It will just be a big re-adjustment for me. I was crying for the first couple of days after leaving Florida. I guess maybe it was just over the disappointment of a failed relationship with Jerry, and then leaving a place that I sort of got attached to. My period started today, and it's 7 days early and it hurts like a MOFO! It must have been the trip and the emotional turmoil that I had to face this entire year. I hope it will get better. Melissa is fashionably late! just called me and gave me a couple of leads on some jobs in the Kalamazoo School District. Thanks Mel! And my first official day back, and it has already started to snow. I think that it's absolutely gorgeous.......as long as it doesn't cause me trouble on the way back out to my dad's house. |
| Well, I am back in Michigan, and I feel so out of place. I am supposed to go stay at my dad's old place tonight. I don't want to for many reasons: 1) Nothing to sleep on 2) It's way out in the boon-docks 3) No phone or internet 4) Nothing to do period out there 5) It's as boring as watching water boil 6) No way for me to look for jobs, and if I get someone that's interested in hiring me, they have no way of reaching me because again, no phone-no internet 7) Dad died there, and it creeps me out I would like to have other people in my life besides my family. I have nothing going for me right now. NO Man NO Job NO Money NO Home NO Dad NO Car What's the point in going on in life if I can't have or can't get anything that I want? What's the point in trying anymore when all I do is crash and burn? I have tried and struggled for so long, and I just want to give up. This life is so crappy. I think God just created me to make me miserable for his own enjoyment. I don't know why I came back in the first place. I feel more screwed up and more miserable since leaving Florida. Grandma didn't help matters either. The whole time, all she did was bitch and complain. It drove me near mad. She hates my cat, and he didn't do anything to her. He tried to make friends with her and she shoved him off the bed when he wanted to sleep. I think that he hit the nightstand too.  Then whenever grandpa suggested a certain place for us to eat, she didn't want to eat there. We had to drive all over Hell until we found a place that was acceptable to her needs. I hate it when people are nit-picky and complain all of the time. I called Jerry to let him know that I made it safely to Michigan. What did I tell you? No sooner had I left the place, he brings her in. I feel violated and insulted. I know that I no longer live there, but it's the whole principle of the matter. It's very disrespectful in my eyes. He should've at least waited a week. This shows that he never had any respect for me whatsoever and never cared or loved me. All I ever wanted was a man to share my life with, and now I don't even have that. The only men that are attracted to me are the ugly-deadbeat losers that are divorced with children. I don't want someone that already has children. They can't be ugly, or dead-beats. I would rather be single. I can't have a man that has baggage. If you deal with the children, then you have to deal with the mother of the children, and I have no strength to deal with that..............ever. |
| Today I have to get the rest of my stuff packed in final preparation for my grandparents arrival. My grandparents don't want Jerry here. Their opinion about him isn't too great, lol! Originally, Jerry wanted to be here when I left so he could help. I don't want or need his help. Then he said that he hoped my grandparents would be civil with him. After everything that he has done, why would any of my family members want to be civil with him? All three of my sisters hate him, and my grandparents don't feel so hot about him, and my cousin has said in her blog how she feels about him. I think it's unanimous about how my family feels. I am still not telling Jerry when I am leaving, he doesn't need to know. I will leave the key in the house and lock the door. Along with the key will be a farewell note stating my final thoughts about him and what went wrong between us. It will be both a hand-written note and an email. Then that way he will read it for sure. Deep down in my heart of hearts I believe that everyone has the ability to change if it's something they truly want for themselves. They have to want it badly enough. I know that Jerry has it within himself to change if he would stop being selfish and think of others besides himself. I loved him unconditionally for 4 straight years, and gave myself to him so unselfishly. I was always loyal, faithful, and very affectionate to him. I never did any of the trashy-sleazy internet things that he did, because I felt that it would be wrong to do such things behind someone else's back. I am too honest, caring, loving, loyal, and considerate of others feelings................I would expect the same from my significant other as well. I guess Jerry didn't love me enough to stop his bad habits. If Jerry ever learns to grow up and be a real man, I may consider dating him again. I will not hold a candle for him though. Life is too short and I will not wait up for him. I need to move on with my life and meet that special someone that loves me for who I am, and wants the same things out of life that I do. |
| *sigh* I get calls from two of my sisters. The first one was from Sheila. Grandpa told her that he was going to get an apartment for me and her to share, and that she would have to share a bedroom with Jazlyn (her daughter, my niece). Sheila doesn't like that idea at all. I can't say that I blame her, because that would be a bit awkward, and there simply wouldn't be any room for both of their stuff in one room. I obviously couldn't share a bedroom with either one of them, beacause I am 30 and need my privacy. Plus if I start dating again, I wouldn't be able to bring the guy back if I was sharing a bedroom with one of them. We need something that has at least 3 bedrooms in order to pull anything like this off. Or we need to live in two separate apartment units. Which I know that grandpa wouldn't go for because he can't afford two apartments. I understand that part, just try explaining that to Sheila, lol! Then I get a call from my youngest sister Molly asking me where her birth certificate and title to her truck are. I tell her that I have no clue, and that I cleared all important documents out of the fire safe and gave them to our grandparents to hang on to. Now I am just waiting to get a call from Jill, lol! I doubt she will call though. |
The first ten months of this year have been total Hell for me. I have been through a lot of crap, and 2 1/2 weeks ago, so has my family. I am hoping that I can end the year on a good note, and get my life on track again. Jerry has admitted today that he is the one that has screwed up and failed in this relationship, not me so much. It tickles me when he admits to being the dumb-ass.  I hope that 2008 will be a positive turning point in my life where everything will go right for a change, well, the major things anyway. |
| I think that I will post-pone round 8 of the Newbie Challenge and close my review forum for a short time. I have a lot of things to catch up on and don't want to overwhelm myself too much, not that I haven't reached that point already. These are the things I need to get done: * Review all items in my review forum
* Review all items from Round 7:
* Review all short stories from
* Review the poetry that is owed from an aution that I donated to. It doesn't seem like much, but it's a lot to do. I need this as a distraction, and I need to get back to normal. |
Even though I have accepted the fact that I will never be with Jerry, there's still a certain amount of jealousy because he's still seeing this other girl. I know that I shouldn't give a rat's ass about him or her, but for some reason I can't help it. Although I am in total disgust over the things that Jerry has done all throughout our relationship, especially the recent bullshit that he's put me through. My father's death was a turning point for me and made me realize not to waste my time on pieces of shit like Jerry. I know that I can do a Hell of a lot better than him. I can't wait for my grandparents to come down here and get me and Max. I have had it with him and his tramp. Oh yeah, speaking of..........I find out that she's now homeless. I guess that I shouldn't say all of these horrible things that I have been saying about her afterall, Jerry was the one to create this whole fucking mess in the first place. Not her. He's the immoral bastard, and the one that makes stupid decisions. I will say this, I think that she's out to use Jerry because she has no home, and is driving on a hardship license because she's an imbecile. She has a hardship license because she was caught speeding too many times, then was caught driving on a suspended license which landed her in jail........moron. She is homeless because she quit her job before she found another one, she didn't find a job on time which got her evicted from her apartment, and now she's practically living on the streets. Nice choice in women, Jerry. LOL! In my opinion, they are both retarded and deserve eachother. I am glad that I am leaving this loser. I can do much better. He even said it himself (actually repeated what I initially told him anyway). He told me that he isn't good enough for me, and that I deserve better. Well, DUH! My sisters told me that I am too good and too hot for him, lol! I have been searching on Yahoo! Personals, and I have to say, that there isn't much of a great choice in my area (Kalamazoo) as far as men go. I once read this article on Yahoo! that talked about where the ugliest people live; it said Philadelphia was the ugly capital of the U.S.A., I think that they must have skipped Kalamazoo on this study because most of the men in my area that have contacted me are kind of  to look at. Most of them make me ill just to look at them, and the majority of them smoke, have children, have been divorced, are way too old for me, or all of the above. This doesn't exactly make me optimistic. I want to have a guy that's cute, no children, but want children. I don't want a guy that's been divorced, because in most cases you will have confrontations with the ex if they have children or whatever. I have had to put up with enough in my life, and don't need the extra stress to deal with. Smoking is a major turn off for me. It's just nasty. I would rather stay single than to date some of the people that are out there. Oh, and what's up with those cheesy mustaches?  Every guy that looks at my profile or emails me has one of those cheesy looking mustaches. I hate mustaches! A gotee is fine as long as they look good in one. I typically hate facial hair because I have sensitive skin and break out if stubble touches my skin. |
| I have been sneezing a lot since I got back from Michigan. The air quality is so much better in Michigan compared to Florida. I can't wait to go back. It will be so nice to be back up there with my sisters, grandparents, and all of my other relatives. I have already started packing things. I threw out my lower back though. That really really really sucks. I am going to try and pack some more today because I took yesterday off. It seems as though my back hurts worse today than it did yesterday. I also have to post winners for round 6 for the Newbie Challenge, plus I still have to do reviews for round 7 and I have to do reviews and judging for my Gothic Horrors contest as well. I have been kind of lax in my duties on this site with everything that has been going on in the past couple months, and to have my dad die on top of everything else. I will get everything done before the middle of the month. I have to because I will be moving at the middle of the month. I will still have internet access, I just want everything to have a fresh start when I go back. |
| I am feeling a lot better than I was before. It seems to get better everyday. Despite everything, I know that I am going to be alright. I just need time, and when I am back up in Michigan for good I will be even better off ready to start a new life. I am looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong, I am still devastated by the loss of my father and it will take a lot of time for me to bounce back. |
| I am really beginning to question God's existence. I mean, look at how crappy this year has been for me. *I keep losing job after job, even though I do nothing to get laid off or fired. *I lost my car because of some drunk-ass loser that can't control his drinking habits. *I lost Jerry for stupid reasons. *I lost my dad a couple weeks ago. This is like the worst thing ever. *Now I am on the verge of losing my sanity. I think that I have lost at least half of my sanity already. After all this I have to keep my faith and a positive attitude up? Yeah right. Does God really expect this from me? I have been through so much bullshit this year, I don't know if I have the strength to deal with anymore. Why doesn't he just go and pick on someone else besides me? I am tired of him testing me. I think that I have been through enough tests to last me a lifetime. How about lots of good fortune for a change? I think that I deserve to have an enriched life. I think that I have lost enough in my life. Do I honestly have anything to look forward to? Will I ever get what I desire out of life? With the way things are going......probably not. |
| I think Jerry had that stupid whore over at our apartment while I was gone. Which means they had sex in our bed. I know that we are broke up and everything, and that isn't the issue here. The issue is that this is my apartment too, at least for another two weeks, and we agreed that we weren't supposed to bring anyone else here of the opposite sex without the other's permission. This is the evidence that I have.......I found girly alcoholic beverages in the fridge, I also found a model questionnaire in the documents folder on the computer, and I also found the down pillows that are normally in the livingroom in the bedroom. I haven't questioned him about the questionnaire or the pillows............I will when he gets home. I read that questionnaire and the way that she answered them makes her a total whore. She has fantasies about being gang-banged by several men at a time. What a fucking slut! I can't wait to get the Hell out of here! I feel dirty and disgusting. I want to beat the shit out of him and her so badly. Thank God, I am leaving in two weeks. I don't know how much more I can take. With everything that has been going on this year, I am about to have a total nervous breakdown. I already had a minor breakdown today and it will only get worse. |
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