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 |  Dear Me: Please keep me sane! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.Swedish Proverb  Here in the South, we don't lock up our crazy people. We sit them out on the porch for everyone to see." ~~ Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women *********************************** Visit Vivian   Web site: http://www.viviangilbertzabel.com Blog site: http://viviangilbertzabel.com/blog.html For more info as to why I am linking these links of Viv's, see "Blogging, blogging, blogging" 
"Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor
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| I think it's time for me to move along. I am taking a break from WDC. I dated one of the members here for a long time and am unable to let it go. Being here just makes it harder. He's angry with me now about my myspace account. When I joined, it wasn't for dating. I have updated it recently. It's no more of a dating site than WDC. It helps me pass the time. I'll be on until the end of the month. I'll miss you guys very much. Please know that I have no idea how I will get through this without you!!!  |
Sorry guys I had to move the entry below. When I thought about it, I realized that it could come back to haunt me. I moved it to "Invalid Item" and is available to WDC registered members but can't be seen by the general public..... arrrrggggg, I'll just use this one to rant  Actually I'm in a great mood, it's Friday and I'm smiling......  Have a great weekend! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hey guys, I moved my rant about my employee to "Invalid Item" Just in case it gets ugly, I don't want anyone to say that I had her life posted on a public blog. I forgot that blogs are public and can be seen by the general public. I guess I will just use "Invalid Item" to keep a record of the happenings at work so I can use it if I need it! Damn children!!!Maybe I need some lessons on how to deal with immature people......  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| MY LIVING WILL Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine. She's such a bitch..... |
| http://youtube.com/watch?v=1UrmP-y8BnM THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.......  Have you ever stopped to think about the different generations and how we look at things so differently? We think about the world differently, interpret situations differently, define success and loyalty differently, look at the future differently and think about work differently. The four generations that we studied last week were: Builders: Born prior to 1946 Boomers: Born 1946-1964 Gen Xers: Born 1965-1980 Generation Y Born 1980 and after The Builders value hard work, believe the early bird gets the worm. They have loyalty to institutions such as marriage and jobs. They believe you work until it’s done no matter how long that takes. They don’t complain, their word is their bond and timeliness is of the utmost importance. The Boomers lived through birth control, Vietnam Era, freedom from institutions, counter culture, daily TV, loyalty to a cause, sexual revolution, anti-institutional, change oriented, group focused, bonding together is unimportant. We were taught to challenge the norm. We were case oriented, grew up in an era of civil unrest, demanded group/individual rights and were globally focused, sought goals like social, civil and economic justice. Gen Xers were latch key kids, raised themselves, and were in smaller families. They had technology, were independent, and lived in crisis oriented society. Ozone was a concern, social security insecurity, entrepreneurial, casual dress, loyal to what they can see, touch, and connect to. They expect to change jobs 5 times or more, do not see loyalty by society toward them, saw parents loose their jobs because of downsizing/rightsizing/bought out/etc. They are energetic, individualistic, technologies focused, seek meaningful work/life/balance, grew up in information era and expect quick answers and feedback. Generation Y are a unique bunch especially to the Builders and the Boomers. They are not yet 30 and you have to understand the following about them: They have no meaningful recollection of Reagan era Only been 1 pope (until recently) Infants when USSR broke apart Never know a world without AIDES/HIV ATARI and vinyl albums were before their time May have never heard of an 8-track Always had an answering machine, telephone and TV May have never seen a black and white TV Always had cable and remote control Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show Michael Jordan is old Don’t know who Mork is or where he came from Don’t care who shot JR or even know who JR is I could go on and on about these different generations. We see things so differently. None of us are wrong, we’re just different. After seeing in writing the differences that we must deal with, I am going to try to see things from a new generational perspective. Why not give them a chance? Hey, we went through the sexual revolution and we survived. They will too! So, which generation are you? Does it scare you that we are all so different in our beliefs, our views of the world, our work ethics? Coming up next week: Back to our regularly scheduled program….. "Na-Nu Na-Nu" |
Well, I graduated from my class yesterday and got a certificate for the wall and everything. I'm still not home; I, er, got detained.  Thank goodness for laptops and wireless connections. Anyway, the class was excellent and I learned a lot about letting go of those preconceived notions of the way things are supposed to be. Sometimes, you know these things and you know how you are "supposed" to act, talk, react but you catch yourself falling back into the same patterns. This is my goal, set out in writing, for the world to see: "I, Sheila, promise to try my hardest to take each minute, day, hour as it comes. I will try to throw away all the "mental models" in my head of the way things are supposed to be and concentrate on what they are as I see them in an adult way; not a parent or child way. I will be happy with me and not wait for someone to make me happy or try to make them happy" Now, that being said I am going back to enjoying this minute, this hour, this day. Luv ya, mean it  I am NOT getting a dog When my son went through a stage of being my dad/husband, he wanted to know where I was ALL the time. I started telling him I was going to see a man about a dog when I didn't really want to tell him where I was going. |
| "Mental models" are the deeply held beliefs, images, and assumptions we hold about ourselves, our world and our life, and how we fit in them. 1. Everyone has mental models 2. Mental models determine how and what we see 3. Mental models guide how we think and act 4. Mental models lead us to treat our "thinks" as facts 5. Mental models are always incomplete 6 Mental models influence the results we get, thereby reinforcing themselves 7. Mental models often outlive their usefulness I give you these thoughts in hopes that you, like myself, will stop and think when you do something or say something that causes someone else pain. Is that an embedded mental model? Why did I say or do that? Do I want to change my mental models and the reactions and actions I take? The question I want to learn to ask myself is WHY? Why do I think that? Why do I react like that? Why do I make people feel like that? I am aware of my mental models AND where they came from. Now, if I can just learn to readjust them and change the way I think of people, places and things, I'll be "moving on up".... Now, I'm off to see a man about a dog.... See ya! |
| Yesterday's lesson was Human Behavior. In each of us there lives three people that are in constant battle with each other. There is a child who goes between natural child, adapted child and little professor. Your natural child is the one who does the fun things without fear of recourse, the spontaneous, fun-loving, impulsive, rebellious, trusting and loving. The adapted child is the one groomed by your past experiences and is compliant, unlovable, compelled to please others and rebels against wishes of others. Your little professor is your mediator. It houses your feelings, experiences and behaviors that result from child's efforsts to get along with significant others in the real world. When you are talked into doing something by your little professor because your natural child wants to have fun, then your adapted child kicks in and makes you feel guilty about it. Then there is the adult. This is the ego state that is not related to your age but is logical, rational, non-emotional, calculating, funless, in the here and now. Your adult does the evaluation and helps you make adult decisions to do adult things with adult reactions. Last is your parent ego. The controlling parent is rigid, judgmental, critical, protective, moralistic, rigid, prejudiced, controlling and full of authoritive. Your nurturing parent is supportive, permission driven, caring, sympathetic and paternalistic. These ego states are NOT age driven. The perfect combination would be to have mostly adult traits with a little child and a little parent. There is a neat test you take and then score. I have way too many adult child ego traits. I like to have fun but feel guilty when I do. I am a pleaser and do things to please others rather than myself. I react based on things I learned as a child in an atmosphere with no nurturing training. When the man told me this, I had to FIGHT back the tears. This was so correct and he didn't even know me. I'm going to try to get the test in an email when I get back home if any of you are interested in knowing. I assume you KNOW what ego states you have more of than others. I did! |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctJ4I7PqxN0 During a class I am taking, the instructor was discussing perceptions. The class is relating to supervision and management; however, some of the issues being discussed could relate to relationships and the way we deal with people in our lives outside of work. Preconceived notions of people and situations are embedded from childhood. The way we deal with or communicate with people is based on what or how we learned to deal with those situations in childhood or other relationships. They are "mental models". She described the difference in the way we should deal with others and the way we do as being the difference between looking through a fishbowl of clear water to see the fish or looking through a swamp trying to find the fish. The swamp is filled with murky water, vegetation and trash; messages that we have picked up from reactions and teachings from parents, siblings or peers, past relationships, past loves. These reactions have been ingrained in our brain. They are preconceived notions caused by us believing we will know how the situation will go. The mental models kick in and tell us that "he/she" will act like the last person I dated or I know how this will end. The assumptions we make are not always correct. "Mental Models" are deep held beliefs, images and assumptions that we hold about ourselves, our world and our relationships and how we fit in them. Relationships should be perfect and should be a fairytale dream we all read about in school and everyone live happily ever after.He/she should be able to make me happy. He/she is going to hurt me just like it happened before. He/she is just like every other man/woman. Just because your parents/spouse/sibling/children/dates were a certain way or did something that caused you pain does not mean that you or they will repeat that pattern. Stop and reflect on the way you deal with people. Back up and step back and begin to see each person as a new person. Don't let past relationships or "mental models" dictate the way you deal with people today. Open your mind and start over. Renew those relationships or friendships that you have been reacting to because of your preconceived notions of how you should act. Nobody is perfect, nobody can make you happy and nobody can be everything to everyone. Don't assume that someone will react, don't decide how someone will act/react based on the past. If you normally react to situations with anger, try kindness If you normally react with silence, try communication Conflict is not always a bad thing. Try talking, try communicating, try to see the fish through the clear water in the fish bowl not the murky water of the swamp. We all have 4 basic psychological needs 1. to be valued and treated as an individual 2. to be in control 3. to have strong self esteem 4. to be consistent 5. Added for Scarlet cause you can't have a 4 list, you have to have 5 to be loved, stroked, communicated with Step back and change your thinking. Don't make assumptions about the way I will act or react. Talk to me, not through me. Tell me what you want or need or desire.......... I'll listen, will you? Note: The town paid good money for me to take this class; however, I bring it to you as just another service we offer in blogville for free! |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llJWdWjkPpU Dave was and is a good man. We had a great four years. He was exactly what I needed at the time. We had a good time and I have many memories for old age. He also had an iron fist and controlled with that when allowed. His opinions ranged from mild to obsessive and shallow. When the fights started over me being at the grocery store for more time than he thought I should be, it was time to let it go. Dave never physically harmed me but I wasn’t going to stay around to find out if that could be part of his personality. He could crush me with one blow.  Dave had been unfaithful to every women he had ever had a relationship with. He was married for many years to his childhood sweetheart. She caught him with a wild woman and almost destroyed his boat. He left the wild woman for Kathryn, left Kathryn for Rennie, left Rennie for me. The point I’m trying to make is that he didn’t trust me because he couldn’t be trusted. I don’t know if he was seeing others when we dated because I honestly didn’t care. I was floundering around like a fish out of water and was having a hard enough time keeping up with myself. When he and I broke up, I actually had several calls from some of the women he had wounded telling me how great it was to finally see him get his heart broken since he had done that to so many. That was not my intention and I spent many nights with that guilt weighing heavy on my heart. Love, I don't think so; not in the sense of being "in love". I had a shield over my heart and wasn't ready to let it down. Dave was not one who could be alone. He needed constant companionship and still does. He and I have remained friends and talk on the phone about once a month. We still joke around about how bad our timing was when we dated. I was just coming out of a marriage and he was on the party train. We were a bad combination. I made a lifelong friend and for that I have no regrets. He is a good man with a big heart and a jolly laugh and is always the first one to give you a big smile and a bear hug! |
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