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 |  Sometime simple, sometimes profound, always truth of some sort |
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What was I thinking? What will I think of next? Where can I hide? ~Ani DiFranco in "Untouchable Face" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I make such a good statistic; Someone should study me now. Somebody's got to be interested in how I feel Just 'cause I'm here And I'm real ~Ani DiFranco in"Fire Door" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| So, I just heard it on the news... not sure where this happened... possibly local? Anyway, someone attempted to kill themself by crashing their car, and wound up surviving, but killing 3 other people. Now, this person might get the death penalty. Hmmmm... |
| "True love brings up everything - you're allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily." "Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." "I don’t think anyone can DO anything that would make him worthy of love. Love is a gift and cannot be earned. It can only be given." |
| I have a new twist in my thinknig of my response to that common questino of "would you like to know the future?" Maybe its just a temporary one, but whatever... I found myself checking to see when my contract ends/ed (end of the day today, if you're wondering) and deciding whether or not I felt the necessity/desire to make another one. *flash forward a couple minutes* I started wishing I knew what the future held. How some things would turn out (nothing in specific, really.) Just so I knew that I could get through them... that there was light. So, yes, in response to "would you like to know the future given the opportunity?" "YES" because sometimes I just need to know that things WILL be okay. |
| ~Three names you go by: Jamie Tigger Gymnast ~Three screen names you have had: GymnastPoetry CryingARiver2 AniDAddict ~Three physical things you like about yourself: My smile My hair My uhhh... tongue? ~Three physical things you don't like about yourself: My legs My face My arms ~Three parts of your heritage: Irish Itallian Polish ~Three things that scare you: snakes spiders and other creepy crawlies doing something wrong ~Three of your everyday essentials: sleep Ani DiFranco music a Jaxxy conversation or two or ten ~Three things you are wearing: a blue bracelet that says "Think Autism. Think Cure." on it a t-shirt that says "Fly XNA Northwest Arkansas Regional Airport" on it my bathing suit ~Three of your favorite bands/singers: Ani DiFranco Indigo Girls Jill Sobule ~Three of your favorite songs: Little Plastic Castle ~Ani DiFranco Welcome To: ~Ani DiFranco I'm Sensitive ~Jewel (Be proud of me; it's not Ani) ~Three things you want in a relationship: honesty respect trust (yeah, yeah, they're the same answers Jax put, I know... but they're still what I value most.) ~Two truths and a lie (in no particular order): The first pet I've ever owned was a hampster. I've co-piloted an airplane. I'm interested in world religions. (I want all of you to guess at the lie  )~Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeal to you: Hair Personality Eyes ~Three of your favorite hobbies: Listening to music Writing.Com Collaging (haven't done enough of this lately...) ~Three things you want to do really badly right now: Be with Jax  Move out Get the computer in my room working again ~Three careers you're considering/you've considered: Special Education teacher Therapist Elementary Education teacher ~Three places you want to go on vacation: England Alaksa Canada ~Three kids' names you like: Caitlyn Alyssa Cody ~Three things you want to do before you die: Get a tattoo Have a baby Milk a cow ~Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy: I have short hair I don't care much about appearance I'm attracted to females ~Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl: I am emotional I am scared of things like bugs and snakes I uhhh... wear sexy underwear (Let me just say that these questions kinda frustrate me... but at least there's the word "stereotypically"... almost makes it better) ~Three Two celeb crushes: Ani DiFranco Angelina Jolie ~Three Two people that you would like to see take this test now: Pen Name   kittiara |
| My last one expired again. I did it! I did it! It was a little long to really be effective for me, but still worked... But, yeah, so, I contract to refrain from self injuring, going a whole day without eating, purging, overdosing (or taking other unnecessary pills), suicide attempts, and smoking. In effect through July 16. ~Jamie |
| I had said something to Jax about her room and got a respose of... "Jamie, it's our room" *touched* "So how long will you be gone?" Nope, it wasn't Jax who asked it that way... it was her MOTHER! Sounds like a good sign to me Hmm... I think there was more I wanted to add, but I can't remember right now. Oh well... |
"Invalid Item"  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This was taken about a month ago. On this last trip down there, she finally got them developed! |
Two new items in my port that I wrote yesterday:
And another poetry beginning: A calm sky Of grey and blue Watching over a bed of green |
| (I am challenged to make this list at least FIFTY... EEEK!) Things I Am Proud Of And Things I Like About Me And Good Things About Me 1. I accept others' mistakes. 2. I am patient. 3. I look for (and usually can find) the good in things. 4. I don't give up easily. 5. I have found thigns to be passionate about. 6. I am good at math. 7. I am vegetarian. 8. I do things that scare me. 9. I have found ways to work with my weaknesses. 10. I can think outside the box. 11. I am good with kids. 12. I learn languages easily. 13. I'm open to new ideas and consider others' views. 14. I can go grocery shopping easier than before. Added 9/17/05: 15. I am kind. 16. I am smart. 17. I like helping others. 18. I work with the special needs students. 19. I'm honest. 20. I can see when what I'm doing is not working and will usually then try something else. 21. I am energetic. Added 9/18/05: 22. I can make tasty spinach enchiladas. 23. I believe strongly in human and animal rights. 24. I'm proud of owning and running "Invalid Item" .25. I'm proud and honored about Love asking me to help with "Invalid Item" .26. I'm written some poems I like and am proud of. 27. I am intelligent. |
| Yesterday, Jax suggested that I write a list of things I want to do before I die. Here is the beginning of that list (in no particular order)  go bungee jumping (errr, maybe)graduate collegeget marriedraise kidsgive birthgo to Englandtravel out of the country (doesn't have to be England... Hell, Canada even works)completely stop letting destructive behaviors be an optionAdded 9/18/05: Get paid to have smoethign I write in print (thanks a LOT, Love!)re-learn to crochet or learn to knitbe an "extra" in a movie againgo white water rafting againown a houseaccept and like (or more) me as I am... on a consistant basishave a cat and dogMichFest! (Michigan Womyn's Festival)tent campingrock climbingdance in the raincarve initials in a treemake a kick-ass baby bookscrapbook (and be good at it  )take a road trip!!! (with unplanned stops)make a quilt (maybe)do a run/walk/whatever for a cause I supportvisit Alaskavolunteer regularly againSCUBA divego on a cruisebecome a special ed. teacher |
| I was driving along with Jax's mom and there was armadillo roadkill on the side of the road. I was SOOOO excited! This is my fourth trip to Arkansas and the first time I saw easily-recognisable armadillo roadkill.  |
| So, like I said, I was at her work yesterday. Well, she laid down on my lap and was reading through my journal. At some point, a man came over the counter and looked at her, shaking his head no. A tapped her shoulders for a bit and then she finally looked up and such. *sigh* He said a few sentences to her and sent her home for the day (1/2 hour early.) hmm... I think that was all I was going to write... So, here's a little more: Last night, we went to see fireworks.  It was tonsa fun. Came home, though, and I went right to sleep. *sigh* oh well... |
| I just chased a peacock down the street. And then I called an eyebrow (eye of round) steak "cute" Back off to help with grilling again. |
| I forgot to write somthing the other day... while we were in the park, Jax and I had our first dance. Under the beautiful starlight and to the crirping of crickets and the howling of hounds (LOL). As I write this, Jax is putting a grill together. Se's my handy girl Ooooh... we went to WalMart today... and there was a game machine thing near the doors. It cost a quarter to play and you went until you won. So, I had Jax try to get me a cobra. (I'm terrified of snakes, but she identifies with/likes cobras a lot of the time), but she ended up getting me a seal instead (the OTHER animal she identifies with/likes a lot!) And then as we were leaving, she tried again. And, this time, she DID get the cobra! Whoo! But, not only that... she also got a HammerHead shark and a Sandy the Squirrel (SpongeBob). So, Yeah... VERY COOL! I'm citered! What else has happened during this trip??? I've been readin my old journals to her and letting her read through them herself as well. It's kinda scary, but also kinda nice. So, anyway, I went to work with her today. We ate a little. She did some things that she had to do. (more later) |
| Adventures, adventures, adventures! So, I left my house about 12 hours ago. Had a two-part flight with a plane-change in Kansas City. The first part of the flight, I think there was only ONE open seat! And, i fly standby... so, yeah, it was REALLY cutting it close to make it on that flight. But, I did... whee!! So, my second flight got in a little after 7pm. We went out to eat in Tulsa before driving the 2 hours to Jax: Not here.  's place.And then the adventures began! We decided to take a walk to the park. On the way there, I was impressed by the number of visible stars, so we ended up spending most of the time at the park looking up at the stars. She apologised for almost letting me go. And, one thing led to another.... (more details soon to follow in Jax's blog/port) And, in the middle of everything, my necklace came off. :( Wouldn't have been a big deal except that on the necklace was the promise ring Jax gave me. So, we looked for the ring. Found it after a bit of a search. And then we walked back. Probably got there at about 1:15 or so. Well, Jax's parents were out on a paper route and had locked the door! So, I tried to climb onto the roof and into her open window (second floor.) But, the ladder wasn't tall enough for me to get onto the roof. *Sigh* So, we tried a few other things before I noticed that there was a tree on the other side of the house that I could climb up and get to the top of the roof and climb back down the other side and into the window. It worked! But... BOY was it steep! Slightly scary, but fun! Yeah, more details on the day will be in Jax: Not here. 's blog. |
| So, I'm going to Arkansas today! Whoo! Not sure when my flight leaves... but I still have to pack and clean my room... *grrr* I'll do it... I'll do it... And, what else? Oh, my mom brought up schools for Spring semester... thinking of Eastern or Northeastern or something (follow both of those with "Illinois University")... and I'm like "well, I'm really thinking of going to school in Arkansas." and she said "well, you only know one person down there." and asked about cost and such and such. And then said something about how she wouldn't like it or something. Oh well... at least we talked a bit.... right? |
| (edited to correct typos) Was reading through an old not-finished journal today... because I left my most recent one at home and thus used this one.. And, anyway... it talks about so much. Was planning on letting Jax read through it... get a little glimpse. Well, I also wrote a biddle. Some poetry-like stuff... Don't like most of it, but added the one to my port... I feel like a paper doll Ripped into pieces And thrown into the wind. Torn apart carelessly And disposed of Left to float away Haphazardly. **but really didn't feel that way at the time I wrote it...** ------------------------- I know it pains you To see me hurting ------------------------- Dreams and goals Wishes and desires A hope and plan for the future. Faith in life A sense of peace. A desire to experience all I can. But Clouded sight Largely overwhelmed A lapse in judgement, a desire to end. ------------------------- Missing you with a hurting heart Longing to lie in your arms Reaching out through the emptiness Knowing I'm all alone Wishing for time to rush by Till finally I'm by your side Asking time to freeze then So we'll never have to part ------------------------- "Invalid Item" You've reached out And touched my heart. Awakened it, made it spark. It sang to you And you sang back. You held it tight My heart in your hands Then you pulled and tugged Stretched it until it ripped Into pieces again and again (and on paper I started to continue with the next line) You gathered them all (and was going to say something about letting things mend ... or not hurt as bad... or something....) |
| I want my babyback babyback babyback babyback Chili's babyback ribs |
| Things may be rough right now, but what I wrote four (public) entries earlier still stands. Many a destructive thought has raced though my mind... well, more than raced, but whatever... doesn't matter because I recognise that I'm strong enough. that I'm worth enough. |
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((Tigger)) Welcome back! It's SO wonderful to see you, and to read such an awesome blog entry about your life! 
