Entry #370362, added on 09-02-05 @ 9:19 pm EDT
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| The 360 Degree Kim | Entry #370362 |
The 360 Degree Kim
Who Am I?
 I am the sun before it rises -- A brilliant show of colour but offering little warmth.
 I am the morning sun -- Casting long shadows that lean towards promise and hope, shining with potential.
I am the sun at its zenith -- Harsh, bright and burning with intensity.
I am the afternoon sun -- Warm, indirect, lazy, calling you out to play.
I am the sun when it sets -- Beautiful and calming, embracing and loving, brimming with fulfilled purpose.
I am the new moon -- Dark, mysterious, secretive, sensual. Sometimes blind to my beauty. Sometimes lost in the dark.
I am the full moon-- Glowing, ripe, romantic, playful, revelling in both my inner and outer beauty.
I am the earth -- Wise, bountiful, fertile, nurturing, supportive, loving, unconditional. A solid foundation upon which to build.
I am air -- Weightless, powerful, invisible, undeniable. Sometimes still and quiet, other times I'll blow your roof off
I am water -- Flowing, calm, tumbling, joyful. Sometimes full of turmoil hiding just under the surface
I am fire -- Warming, calming, protective, lifegiving, but not something to be handled carelessly or toyed with.
I am ether -- Feeling the power of God and the miracle of life and love in every cell of my body.
My Favorite Foods
My mom's meatloaf, my spagetti, and my brother's creation lovingly called slop.
My Favorite Sleeping Position
On my side, curled up.
My Favorite Movie
That would be a toss up between Forrest Gump, Excalibur, and the three Lord of the Rings movies.
My Favorite Musician(s)
Too many to have a favorite. Jewel, Loreena McKennit, Enya, Duran Duran, The Police... long long list.
What Makes Me Happy? (in no particular order)
 Being with the people I love regardless of happy, sad or angry times.
 My cats because they love me no matter what, and remind me not to take myself too seriously.
 The hope of love and family in my future.
 Being called by an affectionate nickname and the loving connection it implies.
Writing, because it takes me away from the world and yet brings it into sharper focus at the same time.
Being out in nature, connecting with the earth and God.
Creating something beautiful that I can be proud of.
Horses, and Dressage. Riding makes me feel free and graceful and connected.
Music
Lying in bed and listening to the rain
Being held, feeling loved and safe.
Thunderstorms
Feeling close to God, and feeling that love all the way through me.
Doing unexpected sentimental sorts of things for the people I love.
When they do the same for me.
A good cup of sweet, milky tea or peppermint tea with clover honey.
What Makes Me Sad/Hurt/Cry
 Feeling ignored, invisible, or otherwise not important enough to take note of.
 Man's inhumanity to man. It breaks my heart to see what we are capable of doing to each other.
 Sometimes I mourn for my childhood and the little girl who deserved so much better.
When friends or family are hurting.
The end of relationships. I hate letting go, losing people and saying goodbye.
When people get hurt--disasters, war, accidents, whatever.
Feeling alone, and that I will always be alone.
Feeling ugly and undesirable
When my father and stepmother ignore me or otherwise show that they don't care.
I cry because of sad songs, movies, etc.
I cry during happy or sentimental moments in movies, books, whatever.
I cry when I am angry or frightened.
What Makes Me Angry
 Man's inhumanity to man.
 Selfishness
Cruelty to animals
Being denied a chance to speak, tell my side, or whatever.
When money is more important than people.
When people make promises and break them.
When my dad says he will do something, I plan for it, and then he changes his mind.
Being taken for granted
People on ebay who start getting rude about their item a week after purchase.
People who make assumptions and refuse to budge from them even when faced with counter evidence.
Sensorship or condemnation of thought, speech or creativity.
Self-righteousness and arrogance
People who use people
Child abuse
What Makes Me Afraid
 Rage. Nothing terrifies me more than someone who is very angry.
 Bad driving. My stepfather can scare me into tears with his driving.
Greed. It can cause people to do incredibly inhuman things.
War and terrorism because all they do is breed more hatred and thus more war and terrorism.
Hatred because it destroys everything it touches.
My Idea of a Perfect Moment
On a cool summer evening, curling up next to a fire with the person I love, watching the fire and the northern lights, listening to the sounds of the loons, the breeze rustling the trees, the frogs chirping, and the beat of his heart under my ear.
My Quirks and Unique-cities.
I don't wear socks unless forced to by social convention.
I love the water. I think I was a dolphin in a previous life. 
I tend towards being too hot rather than too cold.
I dislike crowds and don't like shopping for anything. Don't like yard sales, but do enjoy
auctions.
I am a very tactile person, and go absolutely nuts over anything soft -- literally stroking or playing with whatever it is for hours. The item usually ends up being rubbed against my top lip. LOL
I am incredibly ticklish, but not in most of the usual spots.
I am physically and emotionally incapable of having meaningless sex.
The Things my Parents Taught me by their Bad Example
Never to settle for anything less than what is good for me and what will make me happy. Life is too short to spend it miserable because I settled.
To build people up rather than tear them down.
That a single brutal word or action can cause a lifelong wound; a whole bunch of them can destroy a life.
What I Offer Friends
Platonic love. I love my friends as if they are family.
 Loyalty. I don't very often give up on friends, and even if I do, it doesn't last long.
Trust. I never knowingly divulge a secret or do something I know will hurt someone. I try to make it so that my friends are safe in my hands. I don't always succeed, but I try.
Complete acceptance. I accept my friend's weaknesses and down sides as valuable parts of who they are. They would not be the person I care about without the frailties in addition to their strengths.
It's hard for me to come out with hard truths because I fear my friend's anger, but I do my best to be honest.
Kindness.
A soft shoulder and an attentive ear.
A staunch defender. I try to always have my friend's back.
Sound advice when they want it.
A safe place to fall when they need to collapse and lean on someone else for a while.
Any material need that it is within my power to give, and safe shelter whenever it might be needed.
Unconditional support.
Forgiveness. I can't hold a grudge for long.
Patience. I have a very long attention span and believe that things take as long as they take. LOL That doesn't mean I won't help them along if I can.
Solidity and steadfastness. When the world gets crazy, most of the time I am able to keep my head and settle things down.
Fun. I love to laugh, tease, play, dance, and enjoy life as much as I can.
What I Need From A Friendship
 Love. It is part of my nature that I need to know that I am loved and appreciated. I forget sometimes.
 Trust. I need to know that I can trust their honesty and integrity, that they will be there when I need them, and that I am safe with them in both an emotional and physical way.
 I can be incredibly strong, but also occassionally incredibly weak. I need to know that I have a soft place to fall, and someone who will listen.
 Patience. LOL Sometimes I get cranky when migraines set in, so it is great if people can face down my grumpiness, give me a little hug and ride it out.
Sometimes I panic and need a calming influence rather than someone who'll lose their head with me.
Someone who will play with me.
I need to know that my friends will be there for me when things are terrible as well as when they are great. That they will accept the ugly Kim as well as the beautiful one, the sad as well as the happy, the anger as well as the peace.
I need to be accepted as completely as possible for the woman I am, because despite my shyness and other frailties, I am a pretty awesome woman, and a terrific friend.  If I do say so myself.
My Ideas and Dreams of the Perfect Romantic Relationship.
A lifetime spent in a relationship where:
we wake up every morning, look at one another and feel our love fill us up.
the needs of the other partner are as important to us as our own.
we don't withhold whatever our partner needs emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
there is enough trust that we both feel able to be ourselves.
we can talk about anything without judgment.
we both have our sexual needs not just met but met with passion, creativity, playfulness,
compassion, and sincerity.
we never tire of doing small, romantic things to ensure that our partner feels completely loved.
give one another enough space to indulge those interests that we don't share
spend time indulging those interests that we do share.
money is just a tool to give us the life we want rather than an end unto itself.
laughter is a big part of every day.
we never leave an argument without finding a resolution.
we support and nurture one another as we continually evolve and try to build ourselves into stronger, more aware, more spiritual, more loving and secure people.
play every day.
we understand that we are going to hurt, annoy and frustrate one another from time to time, but are devoted to working through those times and using them to deepen our partnership and affection.
we discuss rather than fight.
we will defend one another to the death no matter what.
connect on a spiritual level.
create a solid, devoted unit that allows family and friends to find peace, solace and refuge in our home.
respect one another's beliefs, and create an atmosphere where we feel free to share them without being judged.
My Relationship Fears
 My partner won't understand or meet my need to know that I am loved, thus leaving me feeling rejected, uncertain, and alone.
I will end up with a man with the temper, meanness, brutality, changeability and money obsession of my father.
I won't be ready for sex at the same pace as my partner, and they will take that as rejection.
That I am broken from all the years of abuse and the rape... that I won't be able to find a man kind and patient enough to make it so that I can feel safe and loved.
I will be taken for granted and be left feeling frustrated.
Discovering one day that... Oops, they don't love me anymore. They changed their mind.
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© Copyright 2005 cantbelieveivebeenjaren8years (UN: jarensbud at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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