Entry #654734, added on 06-16-09 @ 6:58 am EDT
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| My Swan Song | Entry #654734 |
I'm singing because this auspicious little entry will be my last at The Blog of a Lifetime. When I wrote the entry before this one and hit "enter," I received a warning that the content of my book is almost at capacity, thus informing me that the time has come to write here one last time, then retire it into history...
Whether I start a new blog or not, it's going to feel weird not writing in THIS one. After all, it's been four long-but-short years that writing here has meant a myriad of things to me, from a chronologic view of my world and thus my life, to all those introspections about my life and world, always trying, always striving to somehow make it better for myself and the people around me. Sometimes I think I succeeded. Sometimes I didn't. *mental shrug*
Quite often during these years, I ran into this blog when I was at my wit's end to do anything else, when the stress and pressure of trying to get a bipolar adolescent through to adulthood without irreversable harm to herself-or me-seemed like an impossible task. I still don't know if that particular journey was a success, but at least she's alive. That's what I can write about her at this point. At least I made it through her teen years with a minimum of scarring, albeit a lot of emotional turmoil. The turmoil didn't turn into a bleeding ulcer because I spilled it all out here, in my blog and in Blogville; and those who ventured over to offer support with comments and other forms...there are no words to express how invaluable it's all been, the friendships forged here and the shoring up of my often-wagging spirits and purpose-the support was sometimes overwhelming to me, choked me up more than once. Without this blog and the people I met through it, Liz's teen years would have been SO much harder on me and thus on her and the other two girls. For me to have the chance to vent between these virtual pages and see the response to my woes...more often than not it kept me sane.
Blogville is changing these days. I have been feeling it, reading it, observing it for awhile now, and of course it is. Nothing ever stays the same, not even in virtual reality  People are waving goodbye as others are just entering, gazing about and planting their feet into their own growing corners of our little Hamlet. To be real and deadly honest, I'm not sure where I fit into this changing atmosphere, or if I do. That's something I'm going to ponder for a little bit of time before I take the plunge and create a new blog. I've been neglecting other forms of writing for quite some time now, something I've battled continuously while I've blogged. Most of the time I enjoyed writing here too much to be concerned enough that I'd consider NOT blogging, but now it seems to be out of my hands. And there's the simple fact that for a while now, blogging has seemed like more of a chore, something else on my to-do list rather than the pleasure it once was. Like Blogville, I seem to be changing.
I will never regret the the four years I've given to Blogville and the Blog of a Lifetime-quite the opposite. I came to know and love more than one member here; there's nothing like perusing each other's blogs, thus inner thoughts, to really get to the heart of a person. I started to know Thomas  here! For that alone, Blogville is forever lodged into my heart--not as completely as HIM, of course, but it's still there 
I'd like to say I've come "full circle" during these blogging years, but life is not like the ending of a book. Life is a contuing saga, a compilation of the day-to-day and events and high points and low moments--my life is no different. My struggles are different, now, than they were the first time I opened up a little box for a blog entry, but they are still in existence. So is the good stuff, though, the stuff that makes life and the struggles all worth it...
So I'll be taking, probably, the rest of June to decide whether blogging is something I want to continue with right now or whether I should take some time off from it and focus on other aspects of my writing life. Whatever I decide, I'll certainly continue to visit my friends and their blogs, here. I've received so, so much from you all, how could I not?
Adios. For now.  |
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