Shellyville Continues

Anger boils and burns

Hello Sunshine,

Well I am deep into a PTSD moment. I had a nightmare last night that sent chills down my spine. It's so funny how our memories try to protect us but when we least expect it something can come back and haunt us.

It was the sound of my father's anger. It was this explosive moment that got out of control and I could feel the fear creep through my entire body. Laying in my peaceful bed alone. Wondering how I was going to control a raging fire all by myself.

In my dream and real life I didn't do anything. I just took it in. I let the feelings ride over me and I moved on. I can not stop a storm. I can get out of the way to avoid being hurt but I can't stop it. Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn or understand with Jackson.

I can't stop the storm that is his emotions. I can try to avoid the fire but I can't control it once it starts. I would love to get to that place were I could help him control it. I know he is hurting. I can see his fear and disappointment in himself.

I still feel like I am the trigger and something has to change.

Love,
Michelle