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<a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/06/28/halp-now/"><img src="http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com/files/2007/06/halp-now.jpg" alt="HALP NOW" /></a><br />moar <a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com">funny pictures</a>
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/06/28/halp-now
it worked in the preview, but not in the post . . i dunno . . 
I know what I wanna do, and I know what my heart wants, but I don't wanna leave my head out of the equation, either, so . . . I want other's opinions!
I'm seriously considering moving to Illinois. I swear I didn't just jump to the idea because I was in Illinois with him for two weeks.  I've been thinking about this for quite awhile . . . Longer than Paul even knows about, probly. Honestly, every time he said he wasn't gonna be able to come down here, I thought about it, at least a little. Never thought about it seriously, though, not to the point I would wanna tell my mother or anything, until recently.
I think it was about a month or two ago when I really started considering it. I even have a Pro/Con list for it now, after the encouragement to do so from Paul. Here's what I got:
Positively, I think I would do far better in school. I would be more focused on school because if I weren't, I'm sure Paul would make me be focused! I also know what Paul says he's gonna do, he's actually gonna do. When my mother disciplines me it doesn't usually work, 'cuz she's tied to do so for years and after years of her not following through, I no longer expect her to do so. And she doesn't anyway. I would have a basically clean slate going into a new school as well, in IL or otherwise, because only my passing grades will transfer and the ones I failed in my first year that are hurting my GPA, etc., won't be there. Also, I wouldn't want to be online quite as much when I don't need to be signed in to notice when Paul's on in order to talk to him.  I was certainly more productive online when I was up there, and I usually got offline soon after if not right when he got home. Not having to sleep alone is a big plus, too.  I'll actually sleep. I won't be pining all the time like I am now, either! On top of all that, I prefer the colder weather and I  REAL SNOW!  I can't forget that being closer to him would greatly affect (and hopefully help!) our relationship and likely inspire me to write more, too, though that has little to do with school. 
Negatively, I do worry about whether or not things between us would move too fast. I like to think that things seem to be moving faster because of the distance and how little we're actually in one another's presence. But you never know until you try, right? Also, I wonder and worry about what my friends may think about this. I would miss some of them more than others, for obvious reasons, but moving apart, at least physically, is also something we all knew we would have to deal with at some point. I would have to decide on a new school to go to, too.
Looking at those statistics, it seems, at least to me, that it would truly be a good idea to do this. If you disagree with any of this, feel free to let me know!
I guess the BIGGEST part of this whole equation is my mother. If you've read previous entries, i.e. "Invalid Entry"  or "Invalid Entry" or even parts of "Invalid Entry" , you'll know at least part of why I would wanna go to get a little further away from her. She usually doesn't want to give me my space and it seems she doesn't think something is a good idea unless she thought of it first ... or at least thinks she did. Most of her annoyances I might write off as the whole "empty nest" thing and me being her baby and all, but that doesn't change that I am an adult now, that I should be able to make at least a few of my own decisions, and that more than half of the time she just makes me upset. 
On the other side of that same coin, it frightens me how she'll react when I tell her I wanna do this.  I know she'll be at least upset, but as for what degree of completely and utterly pissed, I dunno. And I don't wanna tell her, even though I have to. I know I'll hate to see her sad and know it's all my fault, but again, this would happen sooner or later anyway, so I'd have to deal with it sometime.
Now . . .Tell me what you think! Do you think, based on the facts, that I'm making a good decision both educationally and emotionally? I think I am, but I also know that my heart knows how to yell in my ear ~ and it's very loud and VERY clear!  If there's any decision I don't wanna be stupid about and rush into without enough thought, it's this one.
you all! 
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! 
In other news: I really think I've got this Easter Bunny job! 
Moving out and being able to be myself has been a passion of mine since high school. 
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. (I always do that when I link a wrong item! I'm not sure why . . . 
