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 |   By biggest challenge- My life. Wanna know me? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is just a flow of words from my fingers. I just jot down the words that come to my mind. This might have many grammatical, punctuation and other errors, please help me correct those if you find any.   Thank you kiyasama for the lovely banner! Please read these two entries if you are new to my blog:"Invalid Entry"  "Invalid Entry"
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| I want to be an active member of WDC again. I will write, read, send a fixed number of reviews everyday. Overall, I want to be that old self again. I missed WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Sunny summer. I will enjoy every bit of it from now on! |
| I'll be glad to be back to studies. New semester begins on the 6th of June, and I've got two subjects this sem. Both are very good ones. I hope to score a 100 percent this time. Lord help me! I know getting a Gpa of 4 on 4 is not an easy job, it needs a lot of dedication. I'm gonna be as serious as I can be this time. I have to increase my gpa, else I won't be able to apply for scholarships. I need scholarships, really do. |
| Just got the new issue of Youth wave, the magazine where I publish my stories, along with my payment. The amount is meagre I know, but it is my own income, and I love to see my works in print. It inspires me toi write on! Youth wave is like a practice platform for me. Am looking around for more platforms. I also wanna be active here again, so I've started reviewing for simply positive and other groups. Will post a new essay here soon. It's about music, hope you like it. |
| Finally, my semester finals are over. End of spring 2010, and Summer semester will begin on the 6th of June. I'll be writing a lot throughout this whole month, maybe I'll host a new activity too, being active here is fun. I'm published in a local magazine www.youthwavebd.com. Here are my links: www.youthwavebd.com/silent-witness/ www.youthwavebd.com/deep-in-my-heart/ www.youthwavebd.com/invisible-bond/ www.youthwavebd.com/down-from-paradise/ I'm really so happy. And it's a nice way to earn, sitting at home. The remuneration is a meagre amount, but still, it's my own income. Finished the pending work with my auction. Raised a big amount, thanks to my friends. I plan to run another auction soon. And people, please help me to be active again. If you are hosting new activities, let me know. Love you all  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
Went to university yesterday, gave a mid term exam filled with silly mistakes  I really wish I could do a bit better in the exam, my grade will be in the "Neither bad nor good" range. Went to KFC with two friends, chicken fry really is yummy.! Had to miss economics class, thanks to my swelled foot, I have a mid term tomorrow and am not prepared for it. My foot is really killing me today, but I have to be strong. If I can be strong, maybe Allah will give me a reward  . I really don't know what Allah has in stock for me, but I have full faith in Allah and angels, I know God wants us to be patient. Am reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Love it! Come celebrate my birthday with me:
This is my first auction, Have to raise a lot of Gps for Charity groups. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| God! this pain's driving me crazy today. My waist to toe is being broken down by a hammer perhaps. This pain is part of my life, so I'll have to endure this. I can never loose my patience, no matter what. I'll always get blood circulation problems, so swelled foot, waist problems will continue, but I must be strong. I was sunk into a nice storybook since early morning. I've put up my first auction. I took a day off from studies. Couldn't go to university. I have to fight with my feet, usually only the left gets swelled, today right also is. pray for me friends, I'll try to be as strong as I can.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| My midterms will begin today. Life's been full of events recently. I have to increase my CGPA this semester. It seems like all my friends are running after CGPA, while I like to run after knowledge. I hate sinking my nose in my books, I like creating a balance between my hobbies and my studies. Books are not the only source of knowledge. But when I tell my friends that I study cause I like knowing new things, they either call me an idiot or laugh at my back. I even have to hear that I get the good grades by taking advantage of my physical disability and my creating sympathy. God! Please give them some brains, give them some mercy. They can ride public transport easily, I can't. They can wear fancy shoes, I can't. I have to carry a walking stick, they don't. I can't do a lot of things they can, and maybe I can do some things they can't. These thoughts made me weep a lot yesterday. Michelle ShellySunshine   sent me two sets of beautiful handmade jewelery yesterday. Thank you Michelle.My car driver is away to get married. So I have to travel by autorickshaw. No problem. My writings got published in a magazine recently. One of my bengali writings also got published in my university wall magazine. More coming later |
| Grrr...I don't have internet connection at home! That's not good at all, cause surfing the net is like travelling all over the world for me. Anyways, I can always surf from my university. That's what I'm doing now. I'm enjoying my student life too. How's everyone here? |
| I had a great new year's day. A package fromShellySunshine containing two beautiful necklaces with matching bracelets arrived on 31st December. It was such a wonderful surprise. Thank you Michelle. Here are my new year resolutions - promises to myself:   Pray - Even if I can't pray five times a day, at least try to pray once a day. And four times on Friday and Saturday. Allah's my best friend. Concentrate on studies even harder: I've got to increase my CGPA, and semester begins on January 17th.I have my advising tomorrow. Write to Mira every day. Mira's my personal diary. Write at least one short story every weekend. Concentrate on playing the keyboard, I've been ignoring that instrument for a long time now. Concentrate on learning drawing, I've got to improve that too. Donate and participate in more activities, promote my wdc friends in any way I can. Do at least 10 reviews everyday -or everytime I log in here. Send some more writings to youth wave or other magazines for publishing. Make new friends, and increase communication with old friends. |
| I'm yellow! I just love my new look! WDC knows how to make my day when I'm down. Thank you so much! |
| We'll be celebrating Eid ul Azha tomorrow. It is one of our biggest religious festivals, where we have to sacrifice animals for the satisfaction of Allah. I have my new clothes ready. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to forget a bit of my academic sorrow. It is no use brooding over the past anyway. I'll have to be more punctual next time. I just hate the traffic here, it can be so unpredictable. I could get an A in statistics only if I could be in class on time, but now I'll have to bear the hard blow of an F, F is for failure, and I know I was a failure this time, but will succeed next time Insha Allah(praise be to Allah). I'll try as hard as I can. |
| My math instructor did not allow me to retake, due to the heavy traffic congestion, I could not do a single math class this semester. My class used to begin at 9:30 and ended at 11:00, but I could never reach my university before 10:15. I have a F grade in math because of this. My instructor did not accept my project report, and she won't allow me to sit for my final exam. She just took out my records, and put a big fat F in it. I had dreamt of getting an A in this subject, but now I have to repeat it to fullfill my dream. Oh well, failure is the pillar of sucess anyway. As for computer, I won't fail, but won't get an A either. So, another repeat to fuilfill dreams. No problem, I always stumble at the first attempt, but succeed at the second try. Hope Allah Allmighty will help me reach my goal now. As anticipated, I'll have a very low CGPA, but can't help it. |
| I got a lot of things to catch. Gotta practice a lot of statistics today, so that I can go to my instructor for a tutorial tomorrow. A little bit of pain is bothering me, but I can get over it I suppose. Gotta read the programming book too. Will write a little children's story for my nephew. Have to practice art and music. Talked a lot with my two little neighbours. Have computer class tomorrow, gotta prepare for it. English homeworks have to be done. It's already 6 PM here now. have to hurry. |
| I am not gonna give up. I keep telling this to myself, just to boost up my confidence. Yesterday was one of those wonderful days without pain, and lots of enjoyment. I got 15 on 20 in an Art presentation, but my maths tutor did not allow the retake. English is alawys fun. I sang a lot yesterday, my senior friends asked me for a treat, and they always ask for songs(not food). I really liked it cause they sang along too. One of my friends have decorated my palms beautifully with henna. I got 10 on 10 in one of my computer science assignments, where I was asked to create a diamond using asteriks in C++. My efforts finally paid off! Coding in Microsoft Visual studio C++ is really fun when you can understand how to code. I'm well today, and I'm gonna enjoy every moment. I'll practice coding right after lunch. I'm hungry now. Gotta go eat. Just created a little graphic for WDC. Check it out:
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| I am not going to give up, no matter what happens. I did not miss the art exhibition that day, the best paintings got sold on the very first day, for 3000 taka each. Mine got sold for 1500 taka. 1000 is all I need as allowance per month, I still have 500 taka left in my purse. Also did an art workshop as part of my course yesterday. I enjoy painting a lot, though I don't know whether I'm good at it or not. I can't judge myself, so I leave it for other people to decide. I do creative works just for the fun I get from doing it. I was being torn apart by constant pain and temporary paralysis(these are part of my life, these are challenges, and I'm willing to accept them.) Today I'm a lot better than before. I'm in the computer lab right now. Did a program using C++ which shows 10 errors. Have to call the teacher assistant, I need her help. She's really sweet. At times I mail my program codes to her, and she helps me out. Thank God I had her, cause my instructor is not always available. I know I've missed a lot of points in computer class, but I still have my final exam and maybe some quizes left, so I'm gonna try my level best for that. Hope math instructor will accept my test retake application. I've started helping two of my classmates with English. I enjoy English class a lot, and I like helping people with their problems. I'm hungry now, gotta go grab my chicken roll, will come back later. THANK YOU TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO'VE PRAYED FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT YOU'VE SENT MY WAY. I'M SMILING TODAY, ONLY BECAUSE OF YOU. I love WDC. |
| Footache, temporary paralysis, declining grades, lack of concentation, I'm sunk in a huge pool of tears. It's really hard to keep smiling. I'm getting late for class every day because of the heavy traffic congestion, I'm getting hurt everyday, no matter how careful I am. Just how do I prove to my computer instructor that I really enjoy his subject, that I understand everything he says? Cause my grades don't reflect that. Last class he asked me to explain my assignment in front of the whole class, but two of the most difficult works for me are 1. Standing for a long time and 2. walking for a long time. But I enjoy doing both of these, as I like accepting challenges that comes my way. I had to stand for a long time that day, but though I understood, I could not perform properly in the quiz. Don't know what my grade is. And why did I fail to perform well? because standing for a long time caused serious footache, and now I can't walk properly either. I had a feeling that I might fell down while explaining, and if that happened, people would burst out laughing. I missed my math class test, have to submit an application for a retake. But don't know if my instructor would accept that. Sickness is pulling me down, really down. But I think I can gather the strength to rise up again. I just don't wanna give up, no matter what happens! |
| I worked for the art exhibition today. Helped cut the thread, organize the paintings, and enjoyed it too. But when I gave the computer quiz today, my enthusiasm vanished, I won't get more than 2 out of 10 in it. Have to submit the new assignment. I am a BBA(Bachelor of business administration) student, and computer science is for the engineering students. I took it cause I just wanted to learn programming properly. But the way I'm loosing points here! I wanted to excel particularly in this class, but I just can't perform here because of the circumstances. My instructor is quite sweet and helpful, and that is what increases my woes. I don't deserve that sweetness, I really don't! The more I think about it, the more I feel bad. I know Allah Allmighty always tests my patience, and a lot of tears comes my way before an unexpected reward. I just hope I can make my instructor happy in some way, through my grades. But how? I've already lost more than 25 points in some way or other. My instructor knows I'm sincere, he helps me a lot but I just don't deserve those smiles, those encouragement... Studies is the only field where I can dream big. But this time, my CGPA will be low, very low, I just know that. And why? Either because of the traffic congestion, or the broken car. I just wish I could walk like the other girls of my age, travel by public transport like my other friends do. I wish I could wear those beautiful footwear, the sight of which only makes me sigh! Lord Allmighty, why me? Just what sin did I commit? Why am I not getting any chance to try this time? I had a CGPA of 3.25 out of 4 last semester, wanted to take it up to 3.75 this time. But how? When I know I'll get either a C or a D in computer science, the subject I wanted to learn so much! I'd prefer to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, instead of living like this! |
| My car was in the garage from last thursday. As a result, I couldn't come to university. I'm not allowed to travel without the car. I've missed 5 statistics classes in a row. Missed computer class, couldn't show my homework to my instructor, and already have two zeros. If the total number is 100, and I get a zero out of 20(because I've missed two quizes). How can I dream of an A+(when I know that 90 or above gives an A+, 85 to 89 gives an A -, 70 to 88 gives a B+) I had a dream of getting in the merit list since the begining of this semester. But if I get a C or below in computer science(which is obvious because I've missed so many things), merit list? Huh! Maybe I don't have a right to either smile, or dream! Even today, when the car got out of garage(freshly painted and all), another huge car hit ours, and again, our car got smashed. Which means I'll have to miss two more classes. Well, the owner of this culprit car will pay for our repair, but will that bring my lesson back? NO! Sum total - 0 on 20 in computer science 0 on 10 in statistics Miss the art exhibition scheduled tomorrow - and miss another 10 points. Huh! Me in the merit list? No way! |
| I was trapped in the lift for about 40 minutes some days ago. When the door was finally opened, I had to jump down and got hurt- and as a result - footache again. Sometimes I really feel like chopping that leg down with an axe. I did not CHOOSE to be a premature baby, I did not WISH to walk with a stick, I did not ASK for the blood circulation problems. Sometimes the pain can be so severe that I just can't figure out what to do. I was fine for the first 12 years, then from 13 onwards, this constant pain, swelled foot, sleepless nights, painkillers, sleeping pills... But then maybe my life really has a purpose. I know I was born with a short left foot with twisted blood vessels(all these happened because of the life saving injection I recieved at birth.) My father and mother, agreed to let me live, though for my relatives I'm nothing but a living corpse. I'm glad to get such supportive parents and siblings, and now a sweet sis in law. And on top of that, I've got two little bundles of joy(my nephew and niece) to live for. I'm always reminded that all the babies born on the 4th of April 1984, in Holly Family Hospital, had birth problems. One by one all of them passed away within hours, except for me. Doctors used to call me a miracle baby. And most importantly, I don't need medicines anymore. Whenever waves of pain sweep through my body, I begin either singing or painting. My physiotherapists encouraged me to do this. They've read about music therapy as part of their course, and I've applied that on myself. Life's not a bed of roses but I've learnt to make it so. Life is a challenge, and I'm gonna face it. Hope Allah Allmighty will give me the strength! |
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