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 |   By biggest challenge- My life. Wanna know me? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is just a flow of words from my fingers. I just jot down the words that come to my mind. This might have many grammatical, punctuation and other errors, please help me correct those if you find any.   Thank you kiyasama for the lovely banner! Please read these two entries if you are new to my blog:"Invalid Entry"  "Invalid Entry"
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Whoever extended my upgrade till 30th June 2008, a HUGE THANKS to you, my friend! |
| After about one week, I went to college today. I really needed suggestions about business studies, and luckily managed to gather up quite an amount of study materials. I tried to be a two-in-one today, and happy to say, I didn't fail. Today in class, I really felt like doodling, but paying attention to sir's lecture was also important. Not a single bit of lecture escaped my ears, and I managed to finish a little picture of water-lilies, which I later gifted to my friend, Rehnuma.  I learnt about exchange rates and marketing today. Good thing I had studied exchange rate yesterday night before the electricity went off. It was Zeeshan's birthday today. I gave him a little drawing of butterflies and flowers. He forgot today was his birthday- silly boy! Aside from Zeeshan and Rehnuma, I also met with Naveed, Sabrina and Disney. Hee hee! I call her Disneyland, and she enjoys the nickname a lot. Also went to the British Council. It is the headquarter of my academic informations. On my way, we passed the Institute of Fine Arts. I used to pay frequent visits to this institution as a contestant of various art competitions when I was a child.  On my way back, I passed the Nabisco biscuits and bread factory, one of the giant bakery producers of our country. If one ever crosses that factory, a sweet smell will always sweep past one's nose. I also passed the BFDC (Bangladesh Film development corporation) A huge amount of people thronged around this building, to enjoy the film shooting. I went to Priyo super shop, a well known mall near my place. It was fun going through the different goods, and watching the customers, involved with different things. We bought biscuits, chocolate for my nephew, and some cosmetics. I always enjoy these little evening trips, like visits to the mall with my sisters. I seldom get them together, my second sis is busy with her MBA studies, and my elder sis is a service holder. My elder sis is 15 years older than me, and second sis 14, so they are more like mothers to me. We are very free with each other, it is their guidance which helps me to enjoy life.  I found this sweet gift in my inbox today. Thanks so much Kiyasama! kiyasama He'll spread a smile on everyone's face.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| It's exam time, and I really don't like guests at this time. Still, my aunt and her family came some days before, and I had to fix the table and had to do a bit of hi hello against my will. I really loathe this particular woman, cause she was the one who mostly talked against my education. Lame girl's shouldn't go to English medium schools, it's a waste of money, she'd say. And moreover, we're attacked by frequent power failures. Electricity goes off at least five times per day, it's impossible to study in the dark. But I will never loose my battles, no matter what happens. |
Yesterday, my best friend Lunarmirror   called me twice. I usually like talking to her on the phone, and she called me daily for the past few days. She is going through a very bad case of depression, sometimes I also go through such phases. She's very lonely, as because her only brother remains quite busy, though he's close with her. Her parents are busy too. So, she turns to us, her friends, for help. I always try to help her but nowadays, my family members behave a bit strictly with me, about my phone conversations with friends, because my exams are coming up soon. Even she has her exams, they are running now. She's got exams on the 25th of May, and also on the 4th of June. When she called me yesterday night, my sister was continuously telling me to cut short and go to the table. So I told her sorry I've to go, and then hung up. Minutes later, again call: "Why did you hang up?" Now, I know, hanging up on one's face is an ill manner, but I tried to explain, and she misunderstood me, promising not to call again.  I thought she's becoming a bit too dependent emotionally, on me and her other friends. At one point, she became dependent on a weirdo, and still she's suffering because his intentions was not friendship, but something bad, though she tried to help him. I just thought she should sometimes try to face her challenges herself, so I cut the phone, so that a fire lights up within her. Sometimes my near ones do the same thing with me, they behave rudely to lit up a fire of anger, and ultimately courage, to face the world and solve my problems without anyone's help in any way. This girl's got a whole lot of potential, but she just can't discover her own true self. She's sometimes too lazy, that's a big obstacle in her way. Today morning, when I messaged her saying sorry, she just replied: "I'm a person seeking vices for myself, so you better stay away." This was a bit rude, but I was happy that she's trying to face the world on her own. I'll always be there if she ever needs me, but if she can't help herself, none can help her. My fellow angels, just tell me, was my intention a bad one? I know my attitude was not proper. She might feel I'm a bad person now, but I still love her as a friend and a sister, that's all I can say.  |
 I've got some very nice diaries from my Bhabi (sister-in-law) today. I'll use them to write stories and make notes. No pain, no gain...so I'll never let my pain rule over me, no matter what. I've made my plans, and will set off to work accordingly. I helped with some household works today. Looked after my niece and nephew, that's my regular job. Even if I have exams, I'll never neglect them. Also baked a few chapati breads. Chapati and Paratha are two types of breads usually taken for breakfast. After all the other babies passed away on my birthday, all the mourning parents came to bless me. The deceased babies, are my gurdian angles now. My friend Tanisq, wrote such a beautiful poem for me. Thank you jo Here's the poem:
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Juliet, our sky, perhaps lost her Romeo. She's crying for hours! The weather's quite dull here, it's making me a bit sleepy. But I love watching the rain, this weather encourages me to sing. It's not a downpour, but a quiet shower. I adore our seasons. Nature dresses up in six beautiful gowns in six different seasons. First, its the hot yellow gown in summer, which is April-May. Mother nature sends the scorching rays of the sun our way, people become cautious about their health. Cause if one's not cautious, he/she is gonna end up in the cholera hospital or get down on bed with flu. Summer has no mercy, but it does have juicy fruits. Monsoon, June-July, is called the queen of seasons. Now Nature prefers to wear grey, matching with the colour of the dark clouds. The roads become muddy, shoe stores increase their stock of rubber/sponge sandals. People always have colourful umbrellas stuck on their heads. But some of the flowers of this season is just gorgeous. The tasty guavas...yum, I love them! All the trees feel fresh with a new shower. Watching a downpour outside with a warm cup of tea and some crispy snacks...a very nice passtime. For many people, the bed looks so attractive, they'd prefer to become Rip-Van-Winkle for the time being. No, they won't sleep for twenty years like Rip did, but some prefer to stay tucked up inside a blanket. I hate sleeping too much. 5 to 6 hours is enough! I've got many bird-friends, mainly sparrows and Martins. Their chripping can be so soothing! Natural music is the best of all. I'm trying to pick up the broken pieces of studies. I've organized myself, I've become an early-bird now. I adore waking up at 5 am. I usually go to bed at 11 PM. I know patience is the key to success, I'll not loose patience...The Master of The World's might test me...but I won't give up. Studies can be a lot of fun, if I can properly understand what I'm reading. Right now I'm preparing for another battle, with my weapon of knowledge. I always prefer to be multi-tasking so I secure a segment of my day for WDC, and another for my musical instruments. Every day, power failure attacks us, for at least 1 hour, leaving us behind a thick curtain of darkness. That's when I sit with my little white keyboard. I'm learning new tunes every day. Can play my national anthem now. |
| I really missed my nephew and niece. They went abroad for a week, but came back yesterday. I love them both!! Couldn't go to college because we don't have a car driver now. Damn!!! Didn't do any studies, lazybone, but have only 20 days left. I'll manage, I know that, I'll be regular with my studies, and serious too. Have 6 large papers to handle. I couldn't fullfill my plans. I don't expect anything from anyone except myself, and I don't wanna depend on anyone except myself. A request to all my friends out there, please play for me. My body-machine will go out of order every now and then, thanks to this stupid weather!!! My sickness wil not put me down on bed, I hope. Cause if that happens, I'm DOOMED!!! |
| I Really hate to be depressed, but can't help it. No matter how much I try to smile, clouds again appear after a few sunny days. Have got a whole lot of work to do, but this stupid season always makes me sick. I used to register for January exams, but now had to register for May, or else I'll be way behind my friends, loosing another academic year is the last thing I want to do. I'll try my level best to achieve good grades, I know I can organise myself. But at this crucial time, I HAVE to do classes regularly, which is not possible because of some transportation problems. I dunno what's happening... wish my troubles would end soon. Allah Allmighty always has some patience tests for me, I really don't mind giving those tests. And I know if I succeed in Allah Allmighty's tests, then perhaps(insha Allah) I'll get a pleasant reward. That's what always happens to me. Bus travel from home to college is a bit troublesome, so I go by CNG instead.  . CNG actually stands for compressed natural gas, the fuel by which the vehicles, the autorickshaws are run. But auto rickshaws are popularly known as CNG in our country.There are a number of one-way roads in Dhanmondi (the place where my college is). Our autorickshaw was stopped three times today by traffic surgents: "You can't take turns, that is one way!" Grr...I felt like killing the surgents. But I went to college and also did a lot of work, and a bit of talking with friends. When I look back at those terrible teenage years, I realize that my college is a real paradise. My fellow classmates never said "We won't be friends with you because you're lame" Or "You're older than us, go away!" I was really afraid of these two points when I first went to college. But they accepted me with open arms. I love all my friends, every single person is special in his/her own way. I'll always be there for them if they need me. |
| This naughty girl did not sit with her books yesterday. That's why she changed her handle. But she did study using this wonderful site: www.revisionguru.co.uk This naughty girl did a lot of humming, went to college, studied quite properly, she's talking with her best friend right now, on the cell. This naughty girl has a lot of homework, she'll do reviewing too. She wrote a new story for kiya's contest, but didn't win! You may check this out if you wish to:
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| I'm trying to make new sigs for my shop. And of course, I'll also make some gift sigs for my sweet friends. I could allocate that scarce resourse, time, between studies and entertainment properly today. I'll also try writing new stories. Meanwhile, please visit my sig shop if you wish to. It's been a long time since I had new customers.
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| Had a very tasty breakfast today - Puffed rice with milk. I've increased milk intake recently. Rice is one of the main foods for Bengalis. Boiled rice, called Bhat, in our language is an all time favorite for many. Some people even eat bhat three times a day. I don't like this boiled form, though. This moist food makes me drowsy. Moreover, I am told not to eat this much. I'm an obidient patient, so must follow doctor's orders. For Bengalis, Lunch and Dinner means boiled rice. I always eat a very small amount of bhat, but make sure that veggies and fishes are abundant in my plate. I do like the puffed form, it is known as Muri in Bangladesh. It can be turned into many delicious dishes, by mixing with oil, pulses, coconut, milk, molasses...whatever one likes. Then comes the flaked form, Chira. This is a very good medicine for dehydration, ulcer, dysentry or any other stomach related diseases. Just mix chira with a bit of water, add sugar or molases, and chew! The most common dish of Chira in urban areas is when it is mixed with Yoghurt. Some people like to eat with banana too. Some also like fried Chira. In Rural areas, just plain wet chira with molases is considered healthy. I think this is the most calm face of rice, it only has benefits, no side effects. But the other forms can make one obess. Last but not the least, comes the popped face of rice, Khoi. This is quite popular among elderly people, it is mainly eaten with milk and molases. During winter, Bangladesh floats in a river of rice cakes. Cake festivals are arranged in many places. There are special dices for different types of cake made with rice flour. Among these, Bhapa pitha and Chitai pitha are two of the most popular cakes. By the way, pitha means cake in Bangla. If rice is to be used for bhat, then the paddy has to be boiled before being taken to the rice mill. All other faces of rice emerge out of rice from raw paddy. The raw paddy rice is called Atop chal. Chal is rice in Bangla. Chal also means roof, for tin shaded houses. |
| Exams start from the 4th of June...so, study study and also have fun! |
| FINALLY, I've won a physical battle. The circulation problem is always there, and it never really stops bothering me. But today, I didn't show any signs of pain (this is a very rare case). No matter how hard I try, that stupid demon (the pain) always loves to display how mighty it can be. Since morning, I kept humming my favorite tunes. Listened to plenty of songs. Went through a chapter of my new Eco book...I was quite satisfied with myself. Though my lower body (waist to toe) was burning, it didn't bother me at all.  Allah! I really wish every day would be like this.Thoroughly enjoyed my class, I loved learning about window dressing, a part of business unit 3. Sania was not in class, she went to Nilkhet to buy books. Imran was there, and my teacher seemed quite happy with my performance. Imran thought Zeeshan might be attracted to me. I laughed the whole matter off, because from the very first day, I had treated Zeesh and Nav like my brothers. Even they treat me like a sister. Moreover, lil bro Zeesh has a really beautiful fiancee. She's just a few hours younger than him, they were born in the same hospital. They are childhood friends. They'll get married after a few months. It's 8th May, Rabindranath Tagore's birthday. A huge opportunity to learn new songs. I will learn as much as I can. |
| Woke up at a very pleasant time today. 6:30 AM. I always prefer to sleep early, so that I can wake up early. I love the soft, soothing breeze. It is one of Allah's blessings that comes only at the crack of dawn, and fades away as the sun rises. But wish I could sleep at 11:00 PM and get up at 5:00, but can't do so. I dunno, I'm frequently having great falls like humpty dumpty recently. As a result, pains and aches...snd frequent application of Moov, an Indian Herbal pain reliever. Rode on a bus after a long time today. It was called Midway. I was tired of the car, so enjoyed the ride from my college to Nilkhet. Nilkhet is a heaven for students. Wonderful resourse materials, past papers... just name it, and you'll get it. Wanna sell used textbooks? Nilkhet is the place for you. Wanna buy academic material at cheap price? This is the place for you. Went to college, and was really surprised to find all the rooms locked. My economics teacher hardly remains absent, but today he wasn't there. I was really irritated, cause the journey from college to home and home to college is quite long. Had a refreshing lassi, (blended plain yoghurt drink. If it had fruits in it, we'd call it faluda, or fruit lassi.) Got two thick Economics books, One by Peter Launder (Economics explained) and one by Sloman (Economics) have to read them now. |
| Oh My!!! May is going to be a very hot month, according to the newspapers. Frequent storms, continuous heat waves, and not to forget many unpleasant diseases. Allah! I've turned into a grilled chicken already. I haven't done any creative writings for the past few weeks. I have loads of homeworks to tackle, but sometimes my fingers weep for a break from academic works. Let's see... I might enter a contest today. Despite being hot, summer is a favorite month for some people, especially those who love fruits.Yummy! Watermelons, mangoes, berries, plums, jackfruit....the list goes on. I don't like jackfruit though, the yellow, semi- solid appearance does not appeal to me. I like jackfruits in the rainy season, when they turn a bit crispy, and less sweet. Try yoghurt during this hot time. It'll really help. Try blending yoghurt into a glass of refreshing shake, or make normal curry with it, it'll help you fight with this rude weather. I take about three showers per day now. I feel like standing under a constant flow of cold water. Wish I could study in the bathtub! Lemon juice is an instant cure to dehydration. Mix a bit of lemon juice, a little sugar (salt or honey, for some people) in chilled water, drink that, you won't feel nauseus any more. Cotton- best for this season. Just forget the trouble of constant ironing, I know that job is tiring for many of you. Wear as little make up as possible, wear light ornaments...and BOOM! You're ready for the party!!! |
| My college is a paradise for me. Friendly teachers, helpful staff, nice library...the books are a bit old, though. And surely, I have many friends to thank. Without you, the difficult journey as a college student would remain incomplete. Diagnostic centers, physio therapy centers, doctors chambers...these ate up five valuable years of my life. I was supposed to finish my O levels in 2002, when I was in my mid-teens. But frequent paralysis and unbearable construction work (or so it seemed) in my muscles FORCED me to stop studying attentively. I had to finish my O level exams in 3 sittings, with large gaps in between, because my doctor advised not to take too much pressure on my brain. I should be in university, but I'm in college instead. I couldn't finish my A levels in 2004, because I had to continue giving O level exams. My first O level sitting was in 2002, then 2003, and the last one, in 2005. I was admitted to college on 22nd May, 2005. Thanks to all those wonderful people who didn't hesitate to accept me as a friend. You all are juniors to me, but perhaps I wouldn't find angels like you even in university. At hard times, they always had their strong hands ready for my book-bag. I can't cross busy roads alone. Always have to hold a hand. Thank you, Sania, you've taught me to walk in the streets, to depend on myself. You show your affections towards me in your own way. Thank you, Zarin, Lunarmirror for building up my confidence. Before meeting you I used to think I'm a good-for nothing. I love your hugs, cause I love you!!!Thanks to Zeeshan Naveed and also Imran...my sweet little brothers But you can be rough at times, Naveed. |
| I had been thinking about that proposal message. First of all, in my country, a man must be either a bit older than the girl(2-5 years or more difference) or of the same age. But when the man is younger than the girl, it is not socially accepted(there might be a few exceptions). So, obviously a romantic relationship between me and that guy would not work out. Even my family would not approve, and family's approval is very important to me. Yes, if I was still in my teens, then I might have thought about play-dating. But now, at 23, I'd prefer a permanent relationship, love which will lead to marriage later on. I hate playing with one's feelings, I'd never like it if anyone plays with my emotions. I want only one man in my life, as I have only one heart. I knew that I can always love that guy as a friend so this morning I was thinking how to tell him this. So, I started another message conversation, he told me he loves me like an elder sister. I gave a huge THANKS to Allah Allmighty and another thanks to that sensible boy, telling him I'd always love him like a dear little bro. Being the youngest in my family, I always wished for younger brothers or sisters. I have started practicing music seriously again. Many members of my family used to sing Tagore Songs. I grew up listening and singing those melodious songs. Tagore Songs are creations of Rabindranath Tagore, the Nobel Prize winner poet who wrote the national anthems of Bangladesh and India. He won the Nobel Prize (literature) in 1913, for his famous collection of songs, a well known book, Geetanjali. I actually like all sorts of songs. English songs, Hindi songs etc...I listen and try to sing anything that suits my voice and catches my ear. |
| It's 33 degrees celsius (room temperature) now. So, one can easily understand the situation outside. Everyone is on a furnace!!! Heat was the culprit yesterday. I always suffer from extreme pain when "uncle sun" feels like dancing, throwing scorching rays all around us. But as I have said previously: Let pain go to hell! I had deprived myself of many pleasures before, but from now onwards, I'll try my level best to catch every single bit of joy floating in the air. Depression is just a phase everyone has to go through. But day comes after the darkest part of the night. I've got my voice back, began singing again.I'm trying to catch up with studies too. My waist is being torn apart from my body, but that won't stop me. I'll always trudge forward, no matter what! Thank you all for the inspirations and encouragement you sent my way. I again had a messaging session with him last night.  It was like:"do you love me?" "yes I do love you ""how much and why?" "A lot cuz you're simple, talented and friendly." "I love you cuz you are beautiful!" Good god! now it was my time to  |
| Dunno...life is just so unpredictable, and so unfair at times, I feel like comitting suicide. Need to study a lot...can't do that, need to brush up my creativity, can't do that....why? All because my foot has turned into a huge DRUM! Had a real tough time hiding tears from my sisters tonight. I've tackled such swellings before, but these usually come and make me suffer for maximum five days, this time it is continuing for the past one month! Won't get my doctor before the 25th. I don't wanna give up, but... The total geography of my face has changed. Swelled face, fat eyes, messy hair...damn! I HATE myself. At my age people can be so active...just look at me! I'm such a lazybone! People are misunderstanding me today. They think I'm trying to run away from studies...But I'm not I'm not ...I'm not... OH Lord Allmighty... Kill me...I don't want such a life... Took a paracetamol, now I'm a bit steady... My room's turned into an oven...My sister thinks I'm chatting with others...Nobody can write a diary in computer, she says... Wish Icould die...wish I could die.... every single moment is so unpredictable.... |
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