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 |   By biggest challenge- My life. Wanna know me? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is just a flow of words from my fingers. I just jot down the words that come to my mind. This might have many grammatical, punctuation and other errors, please help me correct those if you find any.   Thank you kiyasama for the lovely banner! Please read these two entries if you are new to my blog:"Invalid Entry"  "Invalid Entry"
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 Thanks to all my friends for being there when I was going through a terrible trauma. I love you all. A bright sunny morning with sparrows chripping and a magpie softly whistling on my rooftop...My morning showed my day!!!  My books were missing me. After a really painful week, I could finally concentrate on my homework today. Proper concentration on anything helps me to win my physical battles. I'm still fighting, with my aching waist driving me crazy. But I really don't bother much as long as I'm capable of achieving my own goals with my own strategies. Moreover, I always have to pass through these physical tornados before a pleasant, unexpected surprise comes my way. Perhaps Allah Allmighty has something good in stock for me. My close ones sometimes advice: "Never forget that you are not like the other girls of your age.Always keep your physical constraints in mind, before setting any goal." I believe that being physically challenged is not my fault. I sometimes thank Allah for this, cause my challenge has given me a new perspective of life. I think I also deserve to be happy, if I can be happy in my own way. Let pain go to hell...I'm suffering for the last 10 years, I'll never give up. I was fine for the first 12 years of my life, I can still enjoy, if I can overcome this hurdle called Blood circulation problem. Perhaps the Master of the Worlds send me to this world with a special purpose, I still don't know what that is. I'll always bless that man, that angel whose daring venture gave me life. I'll always thank my mother for being so brave. She could have aborted me if she wanted to, but she didn't. I'll always thank my father for signing the birth bond. Thank you,kiyasama and Karis for this beautiful sig. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thank you bymydesigns for giving me a huge sum  25000 gps and funny merit badge for my entry in artist's galore group April challenge.Thanks a lotgar57 for the inner strength badge and the lovely comments. Thank you Lunarmirror   for being there when I really needed you. I know I've disturbed you a lot on the phone. Thank you all others, for sending me well wishes. THANKS A LOT, I LOVE YOU ALL. |
 I really love to wear ornaments, but why?Some of my classmates sometimes think that I wear jewelery to attract people. It is very easy to misunderstand me. I don't wear jewelery to attract people, I wear them because... Back in 1993, when I was just nine years old, my mother took me to the beauty parlour to get my ears pierced. I had a pair of gold tops in my newly pierced earlobes. We went to my uncle's place and the first sentence my uncle said to my mom was: "Sister, what is the use of making your lame girl look pretty? Isn't it a wastage of money? You have two more elder daughters!" My mom was shocked, but didn't say anything. When she got home, she and my sisters told me: "Just wait for the right age, then we'll decorate you, no matter what others say!" Now, at the right age, I wear ornaments mainly for my family. It has become a hobby now. I love wearing ornaments matching with my dress. I wear almost everything, and I love glass bangles! I wear them so that Ican look fresh, cause I always have to try to keep myself happy, it's my doctor's advice Foot still killing me, voice still blurr, but humming bird can hum now  It is 9:14 pm over here now, and footache really is turning me crazy. Let's see if I can find any A1 assignment to keep me busy. I'll try contests, and oh yes, I'll study as well. I was happy in college today cause though I was late, I understood the lectures and took the homework down. Now have to read a lot to do that homework. There's something I've realized from life, and from my doctors and therapists. If one continuously thinks about pain or other negative things, it will snatch him/her away from being positive about life just in a flash. Life is short, live it up. Once when I was really sad, Sania told me:"There will be many people to laugh with you, but there will be few people to cry with you. " She's so right. I want to be a friend one can lean on, one can trust. I wanna share my friend's secrets, I'll keep them as secrets, won't spread them. I wanna be a trustworthy friend, which I think I am, I wanna be a good friend to laugh with, a good shoulder to cry on. I wanna be a loving sister,(my sisters are my best friends, but I'm scared of my brother's temper since childhood.)  I wanna be an obidient daughter, a caring aunt, and overall, a good human being. I wanna enjoy life in my own way.(which I do) I like singing, soft, melodious songs. I used to sing on my therapy bed, while the therapist did the treatment. The therapist told me that I had treated myself with a treatment called music therapy. Keeping a smile on one's face, with a silent hammer working continuously to smash one's muscles is not an easy job, but it is not so tough either. After all, if there's a will, then there's a way too |
Today, I began my day at college by seeing the face of a male, Mr. T who was my friend once, but now I hate him. But my anger vanished when I entered into class and saw his face. He gave me a very sweet smile We were discussing about Business Studies. I asked questions to my teacher but he kept answering me. I always stay after class to do some extra work. He usually doesn't, but did today, cause during class I gave him a sign that I wanted to talk to him. Anyways, I showed him that proposal message and asked whether he was serious. He said it all depends upon me. Then I said that I was attracted the very first day I saw him. He  It was fun watching that fair face turn pinkThere is one problem though, which I also thought about. He mentioned it today again, he's five years younger than me But I said age really doesn't matter to me. I also like him as a friend, I messaged him (cellphone) after he went away, I'll quote that message here: "I was honest about my feelings, now the choice is all yours. F or L, think and tell. You can always be my friend, no hard feelings." I think I did the right thing, cause I always want to be crystal clear to myself and to others. We have holiday for the next four days, hope he'll reply to my messages. |
| Just now, a sharp piece of broken glass got into my right foot. Hell! A bit of blood flowed out, now its aching like hell! Happiness? Huh! Perhaps that word is not for me! How will I walk now? |
 Finally, I'm back in college. I'm glad to be back. Finally, did some serious studies. Could not pay my fees today either, the money is still in my purse. After a bad day, something did cheer me up at night. Someone I like, proposed to me.Through cell phone message. He is serious, I also let him know my true feelings. I was about to tell it to my best friend Sania, but didn't. I'll tell her later. Lunarmirror doesn't know either. Can you make a guess who this person is, sweetie? Only Navid and Zeeshan knows about this. I know these two will not spread it out. Finally, I am a bit happy. |
 I love to sing...but can't do that now, because my voice is totally broken! I don't know if I sing well or not, because that is for the audience to judge. Didn't touch my harmonium for more than a month. Played that yeasterday, at 1 am. I saw insects roaming around on that beloved instrument. The cover had a coat of dust on it.  The harmonium was a birthday gift from my elder brother and his wife. I got it on 2003, a few years back. Had to do its servicing last year. I just adore music! Today was a Saturday. I had three consecutive classes, but couldn't go to college because my uncle passed away. I had visited my uncle at the Kidney Hospital last Sunday. He held my hand so tightly. He stopped speaking some days back. Used to communicate using signs. He told me many things using different signs. Asked me to study more, and pray for him. But alas! Even if I want to, I can't pray! Oh! Allah! Why did you create me like this? May uncle's soul rest in peace, may all the seven doors of heaven open for him...Amen!  I haven't gone to college for many days. Last monday was the last time I saw my friends. I was extremely sick, so had to stay home against my will. My friends kept on calling me. My cell phone beeped with messages. But didn't have credit in my prepaid account, so couldn't reply back. I know they'll understand. Tuesday, Wednesday.. and now Saturday! Oh God! Three whole days? How am I gonna catch up? I have to study a lot these days, or else June would be the last month of my life! I wanna do well...but how am I gonna do well without studying properly? My teachers help me a lot. I'm not a good student, still they support me, I don't know why? I want A this time, not B's and C like last time!!! Don't know what'll happen. It was a friend's birthday on the 27th, didn't even make a gift for her, though I wanted to!!! You're a lazy girl, a very bad girl, Falguni. Hope everything will be alll right, or else I'm doomed!! Worst of all, humming bird can't Hum... Hell! I wanna sing again! I wanna be my old self! Not like a stupid lazy hag. Couldn't even collect the statement of entry for June exam. All my friends went to Thunderbolt today, except me. Didn't give the college fees either, still have the money in my purse. Then my best friend, Lunarmirror called and talked about a really irritating person who was once our friend. Sorry sweetie, you might read this, but I just hated talking about Mr. Mental Patient today.Today just isn't my day at all. |
| I can sometimes become very lazy. I make a plan to do a work, then don't do it afterwards. Silly me! It's Friday. Weekend, so most of them are at home except my brother. He has office on fridays too! I plan to be more active in WDC. I will take part in more contests. I have to write more too. Also have to look at the writing academy forum, I'm falling a bit back. I really like Kiya's kiyasama A picture is worth a 1000 words contest and Vibha's Vibha Viewpoints. The prompts always make my pen dance. |
| It's Thrusday, I didn't have any class. But at home, it was a busy day. I always love to be active. I usually don't do any household chores like cooking. Sometimes I do like to do the dishes, and wash my own clothes though. I usually spend my day running after two angels - three year old nephew, and one year old niece. I can't handle my niece much, cause she's always running around. The boy is calm, and he always listens to me. I spend most of my day with the dear little boy. Everyday, I rush home after college only to spend time with him. I have to hand-feed him, or else he doesn't eat his lunch. He can eat on his own, but just expects me to feed him. He also loves to listen to stories, and loves cartoons and building blocks. I joined the A1 children's course to increase my story writing skills.Also joined the If I become sick, he'll just create a storm in the house screaming: What has happened to her? My little doctor! Have to make more gifts for my college friends and WDC friends. I love giving gifts to people. I always like making gifts. I believe something specially made for special people can show how I really feel for them.  I do buy gifts from stores, cause some cute little gift items really attract me. Whenever I am in a store, and a friend's face crosses my mind, I pick a little token of love for that friend or close one. Loads of birthdays coming up... so get to work, Falguni. I always try to balance between home-managing and doing my own work. Today, I could do that quite successfully, thanks to Allah! |
| Oh God!! It's too hot today. It's Boishakh, the first month of the Bengali year. The hot summer has started. Thank God I had paid a visit to the beauty parlour last month. Or else, I wouldn't get a chance to get my hair cut. I've got thick, straight black hair covering my neck, and dark brown eyes. I'm waiting for Kalboishakhi, the famous summer storm that loves to make us scared. One is sure to find plenty of green delights under most of the mango trees after a storm. What are the delights? Why, raw mangoes obviously. My mom loves making pickles with raw mangoes. Aachar-(bengali of pickle) is an all time favorite, especially among women. There are a variety of pickles: Kashmiri, Oily, sweet and sour... the list goes on and on. But I love to eat grated raw mango mixed with a bit of sugar, salt and chili powder. Hope my Dad will get a lot of mangoes for us from the village. I couldn't go to college today. My foot is killing me!! I had planned to go to Thunderbolt, a very popular place for college students to play pool and bowling with my friends. Some of my friends will finish their A levels this May, so the little bowling party was a farewell for them. I have to study a lot today as well. I don't want to fall back. Have done some questions from Business unit 2, but have to go through Economics and the other Business units as well. Will try to sit with my colour box too. It's been a long time since I last sat with my colour pencils, my fingers are a bit itchy for drawing Listened to the radio today. I love FM 89.6 and FM 98.4. They play such melodious songs! But my foot.... No matter how much I chant:" Pain pain go away, don't come again another day..." Pain never leaves my side. Being a premature baby( I was born at six months) I had very little chance of survival. My mom had to go through a lot of problems all those months. She had tripped over a coconut, so an emergency delivery aided to my birth. All the babies born with me on the 4th of April, 1984, died one by one. All were born with some birth complications. I was the sole survivor. That's why my birthday is so special for me and my family. Every year on my birthday, I say a silent prayer to Allah, thanking him for letting me live for another year. "I might not be able to save your baby". The doctor had told my father just before taking my mom to the operation theatre. At the last moment, a junior doctor came forward. The junior doctor told my dad that he'll try to save me, but for that he had to give me a needle-shot(injection) with a fatal side effect. The organ through which the injection will be pushed, will not develop properly. But still, my father agreed to this condition. My left foot looks completely normal. If I don't show, none can even find out that I'm physically challenged. My left foot is about an inch shorter than the right one. I can't even put my foot flat on the ground. I walk on my right foot and left fingers.(Nowadays, I can at least try to put my foot flat, thanks to the physiotherapist.) But the worst part is the blood circulation problem. Something is wrong with my blood vessels and nerves, so circulation always comes to frequent stops, dropping me in an ocean of pain without a shore. But no brooding... cause I know I'm better off than many others. |
| At first, I thought I'd write this in an essay form. But blog perhaps would be a better idea. After all, this is supposed to be the place where I can jot down all those words which can only drop through my fingertips-not through my mouth. This is the place where I can open all the windows of my mind. I'm Falguni, a 23 year old, ordinary girl. I belong to Bangladesh, a small, yet highly populated country in South-East Asia. I live in the capital city- Dhaka. Youngest of five siblings, I recieved a lot of love from my family. As long as I get their support, I really don't care about the sympathetic looks and pitying words that come my way quite often. I want to depend on myself, not others. I came to the world alone, will depart alone. So why care? All throughout my life, I've heard a common advice from my parents and siblings: "Love others, and they'll love you." I try my level best not to hurt others in any way. I love almost everyone I know. Hatred is like a fire in one's heart, it can burn everything in the blink of an eye. So, I usually don't let hatred or any other negative feelings enter my mind. Music, my biggest medicine. Have to buy batteries for my keyboard. Will play my harmonium now. Did study quite a lot today, in comparison with the other days. Will study even more. A level sitting number two coming up on 4th June. Please pray for me everyone. Wish I could wear earrings and anklets. I wear almost every other item. But can't wear earrings because my ear skin is sensitive. I can't wear earrings much because they aid to ear infection. Anklets? Well, I'd love to wear that...but... First entry, so this is it for now. Be back later |
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