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Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the shuffle around here ... |
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Best quote to describe me (Anonymous): "Do not think you are on the right road, simply because it is a well-beaten path." I am what I am. Learn to live with it. And realize that comment is as much directed to myself as any reader who ventures here. Tempest arrived 31 March 2009 - changing everything, but she's pretty awesome. Dogbert arrived 13 January 2012 and is working on making the rules change again. I have two writing personas, Ransom Noble and Sheta Storm. Each has goals, and I work on them slowly. Both are published, and will continue to strive toward bigger and better things. I finally figured out how to describe myself in three words: Creative, Determined, Ambitious. It doesn't have anything to do with how I relate to others, but I do use all of those in my many relationships as well as my career goals. I know others use words sometimes like "kind" or "caring" but I think that list is the most accurate if only using three words. Cast... Sesheta: Me Dilbert: My Husband Tempest: My Darling Daughter Dogbert: My Hungry Son Sheer, Nemo, EyeKandy(K), Diego: Friends/Brothers Sugar, Wolvenwings, Mrs. Light, Jori, Trillium (others will be added): Friends It's a start, anyway. Off-Site Blogs: http://ransomnoble.wordpress.com/ http://sheta-storm.blogspot.com/ Upcoming Events: Beaverdale Books signing for Art of Science - TBD Other Items about Me: "Invalid Item"  "Invalid Item" "Failing is a part of success. To make goals effective, you have to fail at them 50 percent of the time, or they didn't stretch you far enough." Chip Wilson, courtesy of an article by Ella Lawrence called Set Your Course from Yoga Journal |
| Funny, I still haven't reviewed Luna, and I meant to. I should be editing, but it isn't working. Next George is going fairly well - I'm just shy of 15k in a little over a week. Trying to remember my readers for DTYM so I can actually all it finished. Dilbert driving me nuts. I shouldn't be surprised. A work email he simply couldn't begin later, so I had both kids screaming as I tried to put Dogbert to bed. Tempest was willing to be quiet after I managed. So, really, did ten minutes make a difference? It took him an hour to write that email. So, yeah, I got snippy with him about telling both kids good night. Then he finally finished just before I put T in bed. And he was trying to talk about it, and I was trying to get her to choose a book. It didn't work. Lots planned tomorrow. Not sure when I'll manage my words. So hard to do them after bedtime with Battlestar Galactica playing. But I like it. And it makes me want to write machines. Lots and lots of machines. |
| I finished Luna last night. Stayed up past my bedtime, and Dogbert fussed a bit at the end, which is very unlike him. Great book and will review on Goodreads today or tomorrow - whenever I get a chance. Annoyed at the daycare center director. July 4th and 5th, there was a memo that no one would be charged for those days because the center was closed. But she offered for me to go a different day that week. I had tried to open a discussion with her, but a glitch in her phone and she did not reply for NINE DAYS. I understand phone glitches, and I should have gotten back to her. However, my email to her (which stated I would not be there that week and that I was not paying for that week) did not get a reply that she would charge me. Shouldn't she have stated she would charge me then? Last night I had an envelope in Dogbert's box that my account hadn't been paid for July 11. So I replied this morning about the mix-up. I don't want to be held liable to pay for a day no one else paid for. She offered me a different day, originally I replied okay (but my s-Dad and Dilbert told me June 27 that they would be around that week. I had to change my plans to accommodate both of them. SERIOUSLY??? You can't think of that more than Thursday before the week?) And after waiting nine days, I just wanted to make plans. *breathes* Going to IC to visit Mom. Was going to have playdate this morning, but we rescheduled. Still need to teach Pilates as a sub. Posting progress on trilogy on Facebook. 3 days = 4193 words plus edits on ch1 of first book. |
| Dilbert has strep throat. I got to go to cooking club last night, which wasn't bad and it was seriously done quickly. Even had a lovely chat with my friend and was still home at 7:30. Not time enough to put Dogbert in bed. Because Dilbert put him to bed at the first sign of sleepiness. Which meant he woke up at 6:15 again. I'm a little cranky at that hour. So I stretched it tonight so maybe he won't wake quite so early, since I had to be home because he thought he couldn't handle the kids on his own. And they were particularly nice. And now I'm cranky tonight because I've been missing the writers. It would have been a nice distraction, a creative outlet that might have led to something. And Dilbert says I can go next time, that he won't be sick then, not to be mad at him. *sigh* I didn't go to book club in June, which meets once a month, because of his issues. I've been inside for the last two and a half weeks because of my issues, with very little contact outside. Dammit, I want to get out. Starting to feel trapped here. He says he's an extrovert, but he isn't. I told him yesterday we were either having a party or going to the party @ the Lights' in Rochester this weekend. He decided we could have a party because it was "probably easier to have people here." Hope I can find the writers next time. Sigh. Not that I need more to do, because really, I am busy writing and editing and stuff. I just need the outlet. It could be other kinds of outlets. Maybe I just need to get out. |
| http://techcrunch.com/2013/07/20/how-to-self-publish-a-bestseller-publishing-3-0... Yeah, I'm thinking about it. I hadn't thought about foreign rights or audio books specifically. Yet that would also take capital to do... but then I think if I could pull it off, it would be spectacular. |
| I feel calmer, but sad. Like, is this really going to be how July is for the rest of my days? for as long as I remember? I'm pathetic. |
| But I want to. I want to change thoughts in my head. Okay, honestly, I just want July to stop sucking. I'm mixing dialog from a story with dialog from real life and they're mashing together too well. Happening like an overlap. And I can't really stop it. Then I can label when there are completely irrational thoughts going through my head, but I can't stop them. Almost ten years of therapy. Seems like something is sinking in. My friend, one of those who got married last weekend, said before, you can't change how you feel. Or how someone else feels. Because feelings don't work that way. But it brings me to wonder if I'll always be trapped within this July loop, unable to break free, forever relabeling my thought processes according to someone else's flavor of therapy and failing to fix it. |
| My friends eloped Saturday. With a small group of intimate friends of which I am not a part. And I had a bad feeling that was going to be the case last Thursday, but I hoped it was someone else getting married. It wasn't. I probably shouldn't be so crushed. Somehow I thought we were closer friends than that, despite that I've only been here less than two years. One of them was my first friend in this area, I met her the day after I moved in to my apartment. She and her wife are so happy, it's easy to be happy for them. And that makes it even harder to revise my opinion of them. However, they haven't invited my daughter to their daughter's birthday party (things were very hectic around the day, and they came to my daughter's party - their birthdays are about a week apart). They invited me to go drinking with them and tell stories. I'm pretty sure they don't understand how much I have to trust someone to go drinking and tell stories. That isn't who I am with most people I know. It's "bad" for bipolar people, anyway, and I remember that most days. But the happy wedding pictures reminded me that the ONLY PLACE they have ever invited me with other friends was to the "introvert luncheon" which seems code for sad, lonely, pathetic people who can't find friends by themselves. It kills me that such great people who seemed to want to share things with me (since I've heard the stories of the shit they went through) don't see that much of me. Our mutual friend seems to see me a lot better, despite only talking to me about ten minutes (at a time) once a week (since May) when I drop my kids off at his center. I also know how well he doesn't know me, but ... still. My Swedish friend won't be back for about a week. My Iranian friend won't be back until August. My Y friend is leaving forever on the 4th to go back to Barbados. I know I'm having some sort of meltdown and my therapist is on vacation and I can't see her again until August 15th. I must be having some sort of meltdown, privately so far, in my head, because the calming thought is I'll probably only be here one to three more years. Yet I'm still examining all my local associates to see where I've gone wrong in trusting them, where I've gone wrong in unfolding the secrets around me that others can't seem to penetrate without a freaking road map and a searchlight and extremely well-laid out clues. At least it is mostly working to bury myself in Next Jane. It doesn't work 24/7 because I need to hang with my kids. We had a tea party yesterday. I hope one day they are not burdened with the insights(?) that preclude me from befriending others. But mostly I wish I could stop crying. |
| I listened to some Chinese language learning stuff in the car on the way to the Lights and back. Funny: When both kids are asleep and you have the Chinese phrases and then the English translation and one wakes up and copies you (and the recording), then the other one wakes up and tries to do it, too. Funnier: when they give up and just say BAAAA! BAAAAA! I soon gave up. But I heard they call it Black July for a big exam. But Black July works just fine for me. Dilbert has still been on the couch, even though we left him at home to go to visit the Lights. We left him AT HOME. TO SIT ON THE *#&$(ING COUCH. For three days. To catch up, we went to a friend's 4th birthday party, then drove to Rochester (which only took 4.25 hours and the only time I stopped was to yell at Tempest for getting out of her carseat to make faces at me in the rearview mirror. We went to a BBQ at their friends, then we bummed around a day, and we came back. Left around naptime and made about that time coming back. Found a shortcut. It's beautiful to find a shortcut that cuts off like almost an hour. Or more. Whew! But talked to Dilbert on the phone. And I told him that it couldn't be like this. At this point, he has been on the couch for 9 days. They asked me, in Rochester, where he was. All I could say was: in a funk. I have no other words for it, but it isn't working for me. And I told him he had this week to get together, then it would be my way. He seems like he might be better. Talking isn't horrible. *sigh* And I have plans for the first three evenings this week. DTYM still talks to me and I think I need more sensory detail, especially with the weather. And NJ is going to be some fun fixing, but I'm over 1/3 the way through. Izzy's going to be a problem in NG, too. Figures she'd be a problem child. I expected it of Nora, but Izzy? *shaking head* I still haven't decided the self- or traditional- publishing thing, but that will be time for another post. |
| Yesterday went to my parents' house without Dilbert. Feeding horses, I managed to slice open my little finger just beneath the nail. Didn't sleep last night because Dogbert was up a couple times and Tempest woke early and I am TIRED. Dilbert just watches TV. I am sick of watching TV. I haven't spent a lot of time with him. Monday did Pilates, then Pampered Chef party. Went home to save him from the kids, or save the kids from him. Tuesday spent at parents', then yoga. Today we shopped (we did Monday, too, for gifts). Tempest and I had a playdate while Dogbert napped. And I dragged both kids to gymnastics. During yoga I did only one standing pose, which is a HUGE change from my usual. But nice for a change. Tomorrow we have a birthday party, will drive to the Light house, and be there a few days. Should be good... Please no whammies. Getting my head wrapped around NG while editing NJ is very difficult. Keeping my head out of everything else is nearly impossible. Fixed one more thing on DTYM today. I want to be DONE I tell you! |
| Dogbert is sick (fever). Tempest wants to see Grammy and BabyLight (big brother light?). And she isn't takin no for an answer. I mean, I'm glad she's excited, but there only seems to be 'now' and 'never' in her vocabulary. (or today and tomorrow, which is kindof the same thing) One little detail frm DTYM keeps bugging me, so I may have to fix that before someone reads it. NJ is beginning to look interesting and my 750 was about NG. I have also taken in the fact that I am using a lot of the same names here and there. I'm not sure if I need to break that habit yet, but I am considering it. I'm exhausted but can't get enough sleep. I woke at 5 this morning for NO GOOD REASON. My back is sore from Pilates today, after I got adjusted. Blah. |
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