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Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the shuffle around here ... |
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Best quote to describe me (Anonymous): "Do not think you are on the right road, simply because it is a well-beaten path." I am what I am. Learn to live with it. And realize that comment is as much directed to myself as any reader who ventures here. Tempest arrived 31 March 2009 - changing everything, but she's pretty awesome. Dogbert arrived 13 January 2012 and is working on making the rules change again. I have two writing personas, Ransom Noble and Sheta Storm. Each has goals, and I work on them slowly. Both are published, and will continue to strive toward bigger and better things. I finally figured out how to describe myself in three words: Creative, Determined, Ambitious. It doesn't have anything to do with how I relate to others, but I do use all of those in my many relationships as well as my career goals. I know others use words sometimes like "kind" or "caring" but I think that list is the most accurate if only using three words. Cast... Sesheta: Me Dilbert: My Husband Tempest: My Darling Daughter Dogbert: My Hungry Son Sheer, Nemo, EyeKandy(K), Diego: Friends/Brothers Sugar, Wolvenwings, Mrs. Light, Jori, Trillium (others will be added): Friends It's a start, anyway. Off-Site Blogs: http://ransomnoble.wordpress.com/ http://sheta-storm.blogspot.com/ Upcoming Events: Beaverdale Books signing for Art of Science - TBD Other Items about Me: "Invalid Item"  "Invalid Item" "Failing is a part of success. To make goals effective, you have to fail at them 50 percent of the time, or they didn't stretch you far enough." Chip Wilson, courtesy of an article by Ella Lawrence called Set Your Course from Yoga Journal |
| 1. I do not accomplish as much as I would like to accomplish. Ever. While I admit this, it doesn't change how much I try to get done. I might be failing 50%, but I need to keep better documentation. 2. We are scheduled with playdates, etc, through most of next week. That's a little insane for Tempest's schedule, but we are trying to make it work. 3. Dilbert's been gone since Tues, returning Fri. 4. I weaned Dogbert. I'm still trying to regroup and figure out where I am on the projects. But tomorrow I need to clean and everything is kinda out of hand at the moment. *Breathes* It wouldn't do for Dilbert to come home on a Friday from a business trip and see the house as it is right now. But that's not until tomorrow. I am tired. But I picked up my new summer shoes (purple Vibram FiveFingers with straps to mimic ballet shoes with toes) and I love 'em. Thinking about playing racquetball tonight. Not looking forward to changing the entire story I sent to the editor into 1st person POV. But that might be how it has to be. |
| Dilbert murdered my plants. He put pepsi in two potted plants, and said it was "the best thing for them" but that reminds me of Idiocracy. Remember that movie? Pepsi! Since then, they completely drooped and mold has grown atop the soil.  Not that they were thriving under my untender mercies. I do much better with animals, somehow.Tomorrow is cleaning day, with a side of dentist appointment for a cavity they found at my cleaning on Tuesday.  I've been actually sick, too, this week. Mostly my brain has been in a fog this week, and it is slowly coming out of it. It's quite a bit better than it was, so I guess I am grateful. Horrible rain here, plus tornado activity. The rain pelted me so hard in just two minutes I was almost as drenched as a shower. Tempest hid in the cart- not that it did her any good- but I got them both in the car and then managed to get us home... about five minutes after the power went out. Which meant the garage door didn't open. And my key doesn't fit in the front door lock. And I'd just about given up, when I tried the back. It didn't have a keyhole, but I had gone out that door earlier in the day and hadn't locked it properly. So we got in the house. Dilbert came in, walked by, checked the sump, and nearly bought a battery backup when the power came back on - just in time to not have to bail out the pit. Whew. And then I made dinner. I still need to blog for this week for Storm- I managed for Noble if you count the announcement of an ebook. Also need to fix the part where the link on Facebook goes to 'only me' but at least I unhid the last several. Working on a new idea. Something about Curses seems to be fueling my imagination. I blame the current binge on Once Upon a Time. I really need to work on the goals for June. |
| I hate being sick. I hate Tempest being sick. Hoping like hell Dogbert doesn't get sick. And it's viral - and it messes up my plans. The ebook for AofS should be out... anytime.  Blink and it happens! AND we might have almost mastered the potty with Tempest. Plus Dogbert is acting very interested. |
| So, yeah, I wish I didn't see 4am so often. Ate a piece of pie and a fruit roll-up. Trying to figure out what else I have that I can simply munch on so I can go back to sleep. I'm tired but my brain is moving in too many directions. I'm almost worried I'm switching to a hypomanic state. I'm not sleeping enough, but sometimes I do feel tired. It's just weird how it is almost every other night I wake at odd hours (sometimes aided by Dogbert or Dilbert). At least Tempest is giving me a break? I think she might be growing or something - she keeps falling asleep during for a late afternoon nap and she's willing to go to bed a little earlier some nights. (like... 8:45) Maybe it's also that there's just so much going on. Tempest's preschool graduation tomorrow (Thursday). Having friends over tonight (must cook and bake for both that and graduation). Trying to get funds together to pay my editor and artist (selling stuff on eBay that I've meant to sell for a while). Putting final edits into stories. Reading. Forgetting to blog for today (Noble). Getting a bit more social media (Storm). Figuring out what to do about pictures with Mom for Tempest's preschool stuff and that there will be more for graduation. Found angle to follow up story for the one I am editing... Last night was the last night for yoga. At least, the last one I'm going to get paid for until fall. I'm going to keep it in my schedule because I like to get out of the house and I like doing yoga and I like the people. It seems like if I don't have a specific time slot for it, it falls by the wayside and I hate that. Still keeping with Pilates, so that's something. At a guess, losing the yoga class for the summer takes me to about $700 for the year. And yet I'm sure Dilbert will mention again how my paychecks do not go into the joint account and that I need to fix my withholding. Like that little amount of money affects our taxes negatively.  I get a free membership, which is worth $444 all by itself. Plus I take the kids' membership out of my pay, another $132 for a year. No wonder I can't sleep... Why is all this stuff swirling around in my head? I forgot to take dinner out of the freezer last night, so I got it this morning after I got Dogbert back to sleep. Then I remembered I haven't really worked with frozen bread dough before. I wish my brain had an off switch. |
| Dilbert took Dogbert to the grocery store! I saw Dogbert (after Dilbert said he was going to the store) standing by Daddy's car and trying to open the door. And I mentioned it. And then Dilbert did ask Dogbert if he wanted to go. And he seemed to want to. SO THEY WENT!  |
| Maybe I don't like romance because sometimes it feels like the entire plot is only contrived to get the hero and heroine together. Oh, I could find a hundred girls interesting, but it's only you and every little quirk of yours is amazing and a turn-on to me. I'm reading one of the erotica books from the bestseller list and I just feel annoyed. It's set up like a category romance, and it's even somewhat science fiction (at least in the setting). I'm also having issues with waking up every other morning at hours where I ought to be asleep. Gah. |
| Dogbert walked backward today. He is sixteen months old. And Mom says he's the most agile kid she has ever tried to chase. GO Dogbert! And the strange dream: something about my Swedish friend, but we had jobs together and things. Something about a house (all fuzzy now because of two hours of dealing with children) and the people next door to her had a skull that said you were responsible for the things you brought in your own house. But that meant you were not responsible for things you brought into other people's houses. And that was significant. Dang. I wish I could have written earlier. It was very strange. Mother's Day went downhill once we got home from DBQ. The in-laws are nice. But Dilbert laid down on the couch and was making more comments about why couldn't I keep them both from hitting the grate, to which I replied there were two of them and I was only one person. And I had been chasing after them one or another (yes, while I preferred to be sitting and playing with my tablet) for about an hour while he JUST LAID THERE DOING NOTHING BUT WATCHING TV. PPO is my current state: perpetually pissed off. |
| I'm kinda wishing I had a roommate agreement. Thought of that as I woke up yesterday morning. And yet, I worry that I would be the Leonard in the deal, which really wouldn't appeal as much unless I had Priya on my side. Yeah, geeking out again. It happens. It's currently 6am. I've been awake since Dogbert cried at 4:30 to be nursed. I think, anyway. He's probably teething and he's been waking between 4:15 and 5 instead of between 6 and 7. That hurts. Plus I've been having trouble getting to bed (much less to sleep) by 11. No wonder I'm exhausted. This morning I couldn't go back to sleep, so I've been awake a while. Played stupid games on the ipad and surface. Gonna shower and make a call so I can get the daycare forms in today. Early. Made Dilbert sign one of the forms - and he started again on "what i'm going to be doing during this time". I shut him down by saying cleaning the house. Because that is my plan... mostly. However, I'm also going to therapy on Friday. And I'm going to meet a tutoring student and make a little money. Which is why I'm pushing so much to get the forms in today. Last night Dilbert gave Tempest a bath. I asked him to "scrub her" which I tried to explain was just under running water and lots of soap - because she'd had a really bad accident (thought she'd peed but it wasn't) at the Y and I didn't want her going to bed without being clean. And he just ran a bath, which meant toys got thrown in there and I need to clean them before someone else gets a bath in there. It's the first time he's given a child a bath since before Dogbert was born. Here I thought I was doing good before to get him to watch a child while I bathed the other one. I hate that I can't ask him to do simple things around the house without ten million questions: "what do I do? Where is it? It's not where it's supposed to be. Why do you want it there?" And most of the time he doesn't hear me when I speak, yet he will tell you he has excellent hearing. Sure, unless your wife asks you to go get the soap so she can make diaper wipes. I need to figure out an emergency contact in the local area. I put my mom for now, but she's at least an hour away if anyone actually calls her. I've been reading erotica at night. The free bestsellers from Amazon from mid-month. The good news? I write at least as well as most of those people. And they're on the bestseller list. Many of them looked like temporarily free titles and not always free titles. I wish I wrote as well as Selena Kitt, though. But she's won literary erotica awards. Something to aim for. I'm getting ready to start self-publishing Storm stuff. Yeah, I've said that before, but this time I'm more serious. If I can keep myself focused on my goals. It's so difficult to even stay awake at the moment. I don't just mean this literal moment- I feel like I've been dragging for months and months. I got up to try to own my mornings. But normally the exhaustion takes over and I feel like there is a fog in my head for hours- even until my kids' bedtime. Then my brain seems to wake a bit and I can't go to sleep. I hate insomnia and I still resent people who actually sleep. Especially ones who want to micromanage and make sure they're getting their money's worth out of daycare. I want to know how we're getting our money's worth of him going out to lunch every single day since he's taken this new job when we moved to MLI. And I want to know how he thinks he can never take the kids anywhere and still believe I never ever need a break. Yes, I want kids, I love my kids and I don't regret them, but now and then I just need to be "off". Luckily there is childwatch, which I occasionally use just to get my kids to not be hanging off of me. But where is the partner I'm supposed to have to just take them to the children's museum so I can clean the house? Or, even, just to not be at someone's beck and call. I keep making lists and losing them. I get through one and forget ten other things that ought to be on there. I've given up on garage sales because the two kids are too mobile to really think about it, and I can never get a plan together. Plus most of the garage sales I've visited in this area just stink for what I am looking for. And of course, Tempest woke up. And while I went to get her the iPad she asked so nicely for, she woke Dogbert. Then she said we needed to wake Daddy.  NO! Bad enough she's awake, but let everyone else sleep. At least until I know my plan for the day. I think more and more about a life without Dilbert. At least on a temporary basis. Just to get some space. I need money for that. Yeah yeah, child support. I just also want to be supporting myself so I don't have to worry about whether he would screw me in the settlement. I mean, it's not like I would have the kids more than I have them right now... Then I think maybe I should tell him that, talk to him about that, make him understand i'm going crazy here and that a lot of days I hate him. Then I remember all the other things I was trying to do at the same time and I just want to give up. But I'm not going to. Somehow this will work. |
| I am beginning to realize that's the only time he opens his mouth. It's been 18 days since I blogged. Months since I've been to therapy. Something has to change. Last night it was the credit card bill, whch was 80% of what it had been the previous month. Which was also one of those times when he said "you have to spend less." But my March bill had gifts for other kids on there for birthday parties, and for Tempest's birthday, and some new clothes because I don't fit mine any more. Plus a hair cut. I guess it all adds up. And last night he started in on the specific charges, too. "You spent $52 on Tempest's pictures?" I think to myself, no, I spent $130, but I knew you'd hit the roof because that's what it took to get the CD, and I wanted the CD. And then it was 'what are all these charges at the Family Museum?" "I put Tempest in summer camp." "How many hours?" "Five days, 1.5 to 2 hours a day." "7.5 to 10 hours." [SIlence] "What about the other charges?" "I bought kites for the party. They were less than $2 each." "There are two charges." "I went back for more in case your sister's kids showed up." "Can you take them back?" "Already told your sister about them." [Silence.] "How long are you staying up?" [This is a nightly question to see what TV program, previously recorded, will fill my time until I am done. "I'm not if you don't quit questioning me." He shuts up and starts an hour program. There might have been something else in the exchange, but I wasn't paying that much attention. I was rying to do my 750, bcause I had been so busy cleaning the kitchen and putting away the laundry in the afternoon (both kids slept and Dilbert came home for the afternoon and "worked from home" because his NEW GRILL was arriving. So, during this time he gives me crap about my credit card bill, he spends AT LEAST my March bill on JUST KEGGING EQUIPMENT for his damn beer. He spends AT LEAST my April bill between the Surface and his new grill. (I did not ask for the Surface, and I even asked him to take it back because we didn't really need it. I was happy with my iPad, to which he said I didn't give the Surface a chance. Whatever.) In other news: People have started asking me for recipes because I make yummy food: cupcakes for Tempest's birthday, random dishes from my cooking club, and a couple others I have just been looking up. It's a nice change from back when I got married and my MOH stood up in front of my friends and family and said "Let Dilbert cook." And proceeded to give examples why. Did I mention we haven't spoken in over 8 years? Bitch. Tempest's party was awesome. Everyone had a great time. [That was on my credit card, too, but it was really only $80 - amazing! because I work at the Y.] The kites went over really well as party gifts, too. Somehow I'm going to do at least as well next year. Dilbert has reluctantly agreed to put the kids in daycare one day a week to see if I can get the house clean. He thinks I can clean the house - and keep it clutter-free - with two small children running around. And I am not capable of that. Sure, I almost accomplished it for when he invited people from India from work to our home last Friday, but I didn't eat lunch from trying to get everything else together and Dogbert clung to me like a burr and Tempest didn't nap. Talk about freaking out. Dinner went off pretty well, and I leveraged the clean house to inviting my Swedish friends the following evening. The house isn't horrible now, but I had to put the blocks in time out because they kept getting strewn across the floor. I need options. I don't feel like I have them at the moment, but I can't keep going on like this. I do not have support. Then I get my mother, when I admit I haven't been to therapy in months, apologizing for not being here to help me more. But it isn't her fault. I'm planning in my head, working to plan, planning to work, getting lists together will be the first thing I do this morning. Change is possible. Part of me keeps thinking about NaNoWriMo and some of the things that people talk about when they have books in progress, like staying quiet about the project in order to increase the pressure to get it out. I remember reading something about overtalking a project can let it fizzle because it's been hashed out so there's nothing left to write. Must keep the pressure on. I need change. |
| and the hullaballoo from the Surface has put me off from doing all the other stuff I should have been doing because Tempet's Birthdayl... uh... TOMORROW! I hadn't bought a couple hings Iwanted to get. Nothing is wrapped. Forgot to take the aster gifts to DBQ becaue we are spending the niht thre tonight. GAH! MOM FAIL. |
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