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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| I'm sure many of you have come across some sort of article about interesting facts about dreams. Lately, there's been one fact that keeps appearing that I find hard to believe. That would be: Every person you dream about, you've seen in real life. How on earth could scientists possible test that? The writers of the articles claim that if you ever dream of a stranger, you've still seen their face as you've seen thousands of faces in your life and you can't possibly remember them upon waking. Again, how can you even test that? Even if researchers could see your dreams how would they know if you seen a face or not? As writers, we create characters. Some of us not even human characters. If we can imagine a new person while waking, than I think our sleeping mind is more than capable of creating someone new. I've tried to research this fact a little to see how someone came up with it. I can't find any research backing this statement up. I call shenanigans. |
| I've been sick pretty much since I wrote that last entry. I'm on the mend. My laptop died on me. I'm currently using my husband's computer. His new job is going fine thus far. My grandmother and cousin have been sent home. My cousin has Marfan Syndrome. It's genetic. With my luck, it probably comes from our shared side of the family. The thing with Marfan is that it's something wrong with your DNA that keeps various body structures from being built properly. Thus my cousin's ripped aorta. It's a bunch of small conditions that clue you in that you may have it. Stuff like nearsightedness, sleep apena, small mouth, flat feet etc. So it's stuff that by itself just seems normal. Most people with the syndrome are lanky and have unusually long fingers and toes and chest that sinks in or sticks out. I don't look like that, but I do have a number of the other things. I'm thinking once I'm done with this illness it may not hurt to talk to my doctor about Marfan. Blah. I'm going crazy in the sense I've just stayed around home for the most part. I'm going to try to do some errands today and see how that feels. The cats need food, the laundry needs done. Since I've missed more than a week of work, I have forms that need filled out. Because that's what all sick people feel like doing, paperwork. I realize the reason for it, but geez. |
| Benn got the job. He starts Monday. My grandmother had a collapsed vein in her leg and had surgery for it today. She seems to have gotten through it fine. My favorite cousin collapsed last night from an aorta tear that reached his groin. He had a fifty percent chance of surviving the surgery. He survived but couldn't breathe on his own until later this evening. And the pretty much sums up my world right now. |
| I've pretty much given up the notion of keeping a daily journal on this blog. I'll do all that stuff in my physical journal. As I feel the need to post something here, I shall. Almost all of my WDC friends have fallen away and the small group that I followed their WDC blogs have gone away as well. Having that group certainly motivated me more to do blog entries and even doing other writing. Due to events of Friday night, I've retreated into myself even more. I plan on making some more changes, polishing areas in my life. This mood could shift, but I still need to do things. I need to get some focus back. Benn had an interview for another job on Friday. So far, it seems like it went rather well. I'm hoping he gets it. He also was just diagnosed with walking pneumonia this morning. *sigh* Although, the doctor didn't seem as concerned about it like I thought he should be. I guess the concern is more for normal pneumonia and the elderly. I am working today. Speaking of which, we're getting a new hire in on Tuesday. He's schedule is Sunday through Thursday too. But during the week he works during the day. This may mean that I can start coming to work at 2 on Sundays like I do for the rest of the week. We'll see. Like so many other things. |
| I read a blog this week that suggested one should keep a daily journal because memory is faulty. Given how I sometimes bemoan my own memory, you'd think I'd never get out of the habit. I've had many journals throughout my life and every time I go back through them, I'm grateful for my past self for doing so. Also seeing as few people read this blog anymore, I could start a daily entry here. I never did promise that this blog would be entertaining. I've combed the entries many times trying to figure out a timeline and such of past events. There are still some things I don't think I could bring myself to post in a public forum. I could easily set those entries on private. Sometimes, it just feels good to hand-write things. It's a great excuse to buy those nicely made journals you find in bookstores and craft stores. One never knows if something could happen to computers and the internet and my blog would be lost forever. The same thing could be said for traditional journals. Fire, water and curious pets could damage those. Maybe I'll do both. There wouldn't be duplicate entries in both. That would just be tedious. As much as I do enjoy going through my past journals, I often think that I don't write enough. Sometimes I think I should be putting down more of my thought process and emotions. But trying to do that may just drive a person mad. Often it's enough to have just a few sentences about the day. I guess in that vein, I will tell a little bit about my day. Today, I did a few toning exercises for my arms. I recently decided to focus on a different body area for toning everyday. I decided this because I've been using the exercise workouts that the cable company offers for free. If I found an all over body toning program it would go away after awhile. But there is always an exercise program that targets specific areas of the body. Yesterday, I did one for my legs and my thighs hurt like crazy today. Benn is off work today. He fell asleep not too long after he woke up.  But he's been running around like crazy for the past few weeks. He hurt his ankle last Saturday night, but it's been doing better. I imagine that could be another reason he's tired. Today, is one of the move in days on campus. In previous years, I've been able to avoid move in week because it was the same week as Gen Con. Gen Con was earlier this year, and I've had to endure finding parking in the garage. It could be worse. It used to be when the students were only given a weekend instead of a week to move in. But still, not used to it. I'm not quite ready to go back into full customer service mode. Here at the library, it seems we're having kid issues again. A couple of teenagers are suspected of stealing some wallets last night. And we've currently got two teenagers down here. So, we're keeping an eye on them. I also did a bit of crochet practicing today. I bought a book about it last weekend. So far, so good. |
| I am back at work. I had a nice time at Gen Con for the most part. There was part of a day that wasn't cool, but I don't wish to dwell on it. I got to see some friends that I haven't for a long time. I took some more writing seminars. Only one required money and it was eight dollars. But it was worth it, as it was the best of seminars that I took. I may end up taking even more seminars next year. The last two years I've only taken ones that I thought I needed. But I was reminded that it's always nice to have a refresher on the areas you think you know. I also learned that in order to get noticed for cos play, your costumes shouldn't be so subtle. It seems obvious in retrospect. But I dressed as Penny from Inspector Gadget one day and wore Sookie's waitress outfit the other. I will say that the Sookie did a few comments and smiles here and there. I already have plans for next year and am thinking more seriously about getting a sewing machine. I think I will wait until the beginning of the next year to start working on that. Gen Con pretty much signals the closing of summer for me. Fall semester starts in less than two weeks. And it's time to start planning Christmas presents so I can get them made. Soon, I will have to acknowledge the coming of the horrible snow and cold. But for now, I will ignore that...  |
| I've been a day ahead of myself all week. It's been really irritating. The reason is probably because I'm on vacation next week. And on Saturday, Lindsey is visiting after being in Saudi Arabia for six months. I'm really eager to be done with this week. Although, I'll be working Sunday and Monday of next week. There's a party for Lindsey Sunday night, then Gen Con next week. I still have to finish my costumes. Not to mention the new Dresden book came out yesterday. Benn finished it yesterday and is forbidding me to use the TV until I finish it. (Not seriously forbidding. He's just anxious to talk about it.) I did start it, but I'd really like to finish Mockingjay first. I'm nearly done with it. Since my physical book ban here at work, I've read Dracula on-line and I think I'm about done with Pride and Prejudice. Since it's apparently okay for me to stare at the computer I've been looking for things to read from the Gutenberg Project. Due to copyright, my options are limited to classics like that. Not that's necessarily a bad thing. It's just not my normal fare. I've also been editing my story. Not as much as I'd like, but it's coming along. |
| I've made no secret that I have a lot of down time at work. I've always been a little afraid that I was going to get called out for being on the interwebs. But no, that's not what I've been called out for. I've been called out for reading books. In a library. I always thought reading books would be preferable to surfing the internet. You see, my co-worker, Hassie works under a different department than I do, but she's down here in my area. Someone called her out for reading magazine articles. The department she works for also watches the upstairs counter at night. When the workers are at that counter, they're not allowed to be doing anything like reading.(But I guess web surfing is fine.) But their desk is not at the counter. When their time is done, they get to go behind a wall to where their desk is. Our desks are not hidden by a wall. (Never mind the fact I have a small divider and monitors that keep patrons from seeing what I am doing at my desk.) We're stuck out front all day so our department hasn't been as strict as Hassie's. Since this came up, I've been asked not to read. But I am now allowed to surf the internet as long as I don't get on Facebook.  It does make me wonder if I can go ahead with my plans for editing my story. I decided to print off the chapters and do the editing that way because it works better for me. Now, I'm not sure if that would be considered reading. I could do it on the computer screen, I just find it harder to get it done that way. I always thought using your computer for something besides work was one of the biggest no-nos. That's why I attempted to do things that didn't involve it so as not to draw attention to myself. I guess in this day and age the opposite may be true. But our students can still read books and do their homework. But upstairs they can't. I don't want to raise a big stink here about it. I'm just flabbergasted at the whole thing. Of course, if they actually trusted us to do more things so we could keep busy, this wouldn't be an issue would it? |
| I think I've figured it out. Part of it anyway. I think I was seeing everything I did as a chore. I had forgotten why I did the things I liked. I think this revelation occurred to me a good ways back. But I think this time, I'm seeing it on a bigger scale. Well, I hope I can remember this. I will gladly follow this good feeling for as long as it lasts. |
Now it's over, I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want or I'm still alive and there's nothing that I want to do. -Dead, They Might Be Giants I'm going through this strange thing where I just don't care about anything. But that's not entirely true. Parts of me still care. Looking back, I have to think that this has been the norm for a good while now. Anytime I haven't felt this way as been the oddity. Is it that I don't really care? Or is it that I just haven't found anything to be passionate about? One mintute, I feel bad that I haven't lost anymore weight, than the next, I just don't care. (I haven't been gaining so that's a plus.) And I know I want to lose more, I just can't find the motivation. I want to write, but it's hard for me to get started. My job is boring as hell, especially in the summer, yet I have no motivation to look for a job. But to be fair from having looked before, it's not easy to find one. And most of the time I'm happy to work here. Even the knitting I've been doing fails to motivate me. I still care about the people in my life. (As usual, I often question whether or not they care for me, but that's another tangent. Maybe.) Today, my co-worker was joking around and said she had me figured out. I said, "Can you clue me in then?" I think that sums up a lot of it right there. I don't know myself at all. I don't even know if that really means anything. Maybe it's just that I fail to see anything interesting or exciting about the future. Or maybe I'm just rambling and this mood will soon pass. I don't think so, though. It doesn't help my other co-worker was venting about not having anything in common with the day people. And that is true for me as well. It just got me thinking about it. Maybe it just made me feel more lost than normal. ...I've been making shows of trading blows just hoping no one knows That I've been going through the motions walking through the part. Nothing seems to penetrate my heart... ...I don't want to be... going through the motions, loosing all my drive I can't even see, if this is really me and i just want to be.... Alive! -Going Through the Motions, Buffy the Musical |
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