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 |  Now my story begins in nineteen-dickety-two... |
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2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to -Breathe(2AM), Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** For Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day. -Homer Simpson Homer, Please Don't Hammer 'Em ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber'd here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream... -William Shakespeare, A Midsummer's Night Dream |
| “Another belief of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.” — Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye |
| My Benjamin is back! After the first person arrived at the picnic, he started acting like himself again. So, I'm thinking it must have helped. Only five people showed up, but that's about all I was expecting. Gregg and his wife were coming into to town for it, but they were also coming to see his mother-in-law. They ended up doing that first and never made it to the picnic. But after, we went out to supper with them. Then the next couple of days, Gregg kept sending texts to Benn saying how it was all his wife's fault that they took so long at his mother-in-law's. But Gregg promised that things would be different and that his relationship with Benn would change so it would be like it used to be. I'm not completely sure what to think of it. First of all, it seems kinda crappy to blame his wife like that. Even though we all know that's it true, but still... Of course, Benn just doesn't believe it. About a year ago, Gregg came really close to filing for divorce, but his wife must have sensed something was amiss and started to treat him better. I can only imagine that she wasn't able to keep it up. *shrug* Who knows? We'll just see what we'll see. I'm just happy Benn is back to his old self. So much so, that on his actual birthday on Monday, we went to the gaming shop and he bought some D&D stuff and talked about running a game again. There are reasons he stopped trying to run one, but now he seems to think that he can work around those issues. Most of the issues had to do with scheduling, but since then, Benn has been playing in game run by someone else and they tend to run in the wee hours of the morning. I'm thinking, since he's done that a few times, he's more comfortable with that kind of schedule. So now he'll try to run at that those times to accommodate everyone else better. Now, whether or not if I play is another matter entirely. I don't play in the game he's playing now, mostly because it's once again a me-game. My friends seem to have this thing for me-games, which is simply making yourself a character and playing as yourself in the game world's setting. Yeah, it's interesting the first couple of times you do it, but I don't want to role-play and play myself. The point is to escape being me. Plus, I'm not that big on playing into the wee hours of the morn. On Sunday, I did visit my mother. It turned out to be a pleasant day. I spent a good chunk of it showing Mom how to use their new computer. Dad bought it because it's specifically made for seniors to use. To me, I didn't see how this computer was any easier. It just made things more difficult if you ask me. Not only that, I looked up the computer when I got home and discovered that he paid way too much for it. We could have shown him a cheaper computer and shown him how to use that. But when someone has convinced himself something is too complicated, it's not easy to change his mind. That's all I have to say for the moment. |
I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth beneath my feet Sat by the river and it made me complete Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin -Keane, Somewhere Only We Know I tried to get Benn's childhood friend to go out with us for his birthday next Saturday. But I haven't heard from him to set a time or date. I sent a text yesterday and called today. My call went to voice mail. I did leave a message. In the message, I said let me know so I can make other plans if he couldn't come. I took a walk and decided to screw it and just make other plans. If Greg were just honest about showing up to events, it wouldn't bug me. But he tells us he can come and will come, but when the day arrives about 90% of the time he can't do it. It always has to do with his wife. It's not legitimate wife things. His wife was/is our friend too. But we're Gregg's friends first. And she doesn't like that. Gregg is my friend as well. He's why I met Benn. But if not for Benn, I probably wouldn't be in touch with him much anymore. Lindsey is also his friend and rather fond of Gregg. I mention this because Gregg constantly disappoints Benn and Lindsey. Honestly, if Gregg's constant not showing up to things didn't hurt them so much, I wouldn't care. A long time ago, I decided to take people for what they were. It keeps you from being disappointed in someone. If someone continually shows himself as a fair weather friend, then I don't expect more from him. That way, I can still enjoy his company when he's around. There are some cases where it isn't that simple, and I have to wonder if I'm actually hurting myself. I always find something to keep my distance away from someone. Maybe this is why I can't find a good friend again. I think Lindsey is, but she's in Saudi right now, and actually, I'm a little mad at her for leaving the country for a year. Then again, maybe I just haven't meant too many people that I can trust. At any rate, I decided to try to have a picnic with the few friends we know next Saturday. Benn said he'd rather do a hang-y out thing anyway. I figured a picnic would fit the bill. It's early enough in the day that people can still have plans at night or get ready for Mother's Day the next day. I just hope it goes well. Now that I've set this in motion, I'm really nervous. But I've already gotten better responses than I did with the first plan. |
| In a small town, twin girls were born to the local newspaper editor. Over time, he either noticed his daughters were very intelligent or decided to give them every advantage to make them so. Not only did they excel at history, English, math and science, they were also artistically inclined. They were given every advantage in this area as well. Whether or not they were talented in these artistic endeavors is for the individual to decide. They were able to experience things growing up that many of their classmates wouldn't even get to experience in their lifetime. Because of their gifts, they were often separated from their classmates. Even from others in the gifted and talented programs. They were allowed to skip a grade. In junior high, they were allowed to go to the high school to take some classes. Finally, when they reached their junior year, they were eligible to go to a high school academy. It was a bit like college for junior and senior high school students. Just a lot stricter than any traditional college. It was for those under eighteen after all. Being a small town and one year behind me, I knew who they were. I don't think I had an opinion of them. I think I may have been a little envious, and maybe at times I pitied them a little. Especially the days I would see them at the high school when they were still in junior high, walking down the hall together alone. To meet a parent to pick them up was my guess. It couldn't have been easy to be separated like that. But they did have each other. Maybe it wasn't bad for them at all. I can't recall them every sharing with me any pressure they felt for being so intelligent. They certainly felt like they were different from other students. So, in that way it effected them. I didn't really get to know them until we were all in high school. I believe I was closer to Zinnia than Marilla. (Not their real names if the names sound a bit odd.  ) I believe them both to be two of the sweetest and dearest friends I've ever had. I'll admit, I probably do put them on a pedestal. Even back then, I did. To me, they represented everything that life could be. They introduced me to many wonderful things including Les Miz, Monty Python, They Might Be Giants, and Kurt Vonnegut. Their emotions ran deep. I loved my time with them. It nearly tore me up when they left for academy. Another friend and I would sometimes visit them, especially Zinnia. It's weird, because I wouldn't say they were opposites like many people say twins are. But they definitely were different from one another. I guess Marilla was a bit more down to earth. Zinnia was probably more like me. Just a touch more fantastical and gazing at the stars. I remember one night at a party, Zinnia and I were laying on the ground looking at the stars. She said something about liking to feel the earth rotate under her. That night, I felt it too. On the rare occasions that I find myself laying in the grass, I still can. I don't lay in the grass nearly enough anymore. Two nights ago, I had the most interesting dreams. One of them included Zinnia and Marilla and even their younger sister. Out of the blue. When something like that happens, I probably spend too much time thinking about what it could mean. I think in this case it's a reminder. They represent so much to me and maybe I just needed to be reminded of that. I do love them very much. I would love to meet up with them again. It's always a worrisome thing if you did see them again, there's always the chance it won't be the same. Not that I would let that keep me from meeting them again should the opportunity present itself. The memories make me happy. It reminds me that there are things in my past worth remembering. |
| I have two days of vacation to use before June 11 or they will disappear into the ether. I decided to take my husband's birthday and the day before off. The day before happens to be Mother's Day. So, I'm thinking I could actually go and visit my mother for once on Mother's Day. I already made a shawl for her that I was just going to mail. But now, since I have it off, I may just go and see her. I want to do something for my husband's birthday. He got a small group of friends together for lunch for my birthday. I'd like to do the same. I thought about just having a small get together on that Saturday. No heavy drinking as the next day is Mother's Day and I'm sure most people will probably have plans. Plus, I plan on inviting a couple of our friends that have children and another who is pregnant. I ran the idea by Benn and he seemed kinda meh about it. I know it would mean a lot to him, but if people can't make it, he'll feel really bad. I don't want to be that cause of that. He's got this thing about his birthday. The more I think about it and observe, I think his issues have more to do with his family and one friend he's had since he was a kid. Honestly, I don't think there's much I can do about that. My parents and I think even my sister send him a card for his birthday every year, but he never hears anything from his family. His feels his sisters get too caught up in Mother's Day and just don't care. Which is weird as he doesn't seem to like his sisters anyway, so I don't know why that would bug him so much. Since he has so many siblings and now nieces and nephews, he just accepts his mother is too busy to pay any attention to him. I can't exactly argue with that given what I've seen over the years. Every year, I ask what he wants to do for his birthday, but he never really answers me. I know his birthday means something to him. I suggested we could take a mini vacation. Just go stay somewhere else for a couple of days. I don't know if I should just go ahead and make plans for a get to together or not. I guess I could try to feel out the waters and see if people can come. I figured it would be early enough to get people to confirm and make plans so that they can make it. Well, I can contact our friend. I think getting together with him would mean more than just about anything... Hm... I could also do something really cheesy and corny. Like get people to write notes or something about how awesome he is. Not sure if he'd appreciate that or not. |
| My mind perceived yesterday feeling like Thursday, and the rest of me bought the lie and refuses to get out of this lazy slump. Thursday is my last day of work for the week and my body thinks it's working an extra day. It's annoyed and only doing the bare minimum to get through the day. Given the weekend starts for most college students tonight, that really isn't much of a problem. I'm even getting off an hour earlier tonight and time is still crawling. I attended a training workshop today that started an hour earlier then when I'm supposed to be at work, thus the reason I get to go home an hour early. It was an interesting workshop, but I hate the workshops where you have to get in groups and do things. I really hate the ones that make you get up from your table to form groups. We even got 'homework' in this one. Just because one attendee heard the instructor wrong. The instructor had to leave early and we were supposed to answer these questions and give them to some HR guy before we left. But my fellow attendee thought we were supposed to e-mail the instructor. Never mind she didn't leave an e-mail. I mentioned something about how that's not what we were to do, but no one else seemed to care. I'm still debating about whether or not I should send the e-mail. I guess I'm channeling my darker side today. I like to think I'm a better student than that. I'm not feeling evil, just a little rebellious and mischievous. I'm definitely not in a working mood. I've been working on my story pretty well all week, but I just don't want to tonight. I don't want to do much of anything tonight. Except go home. I just want to do nothing. Goof off. Be up to no good. Whipping cupcakes at the wall, just because. Maybe I'm actually a week behind and think April Fools Day is tomorrow... |
| I've been feeling more dorkish than normal lately. I can't say that's a bad thing. I'm reveling in my dorkness. I've been struggling with my writing for awhile, but suddenly, it's coming much easier. I hate to say that as this just seemed to have happened yesterday, but I'd rather milk this good feeling for all it's worth instead of worrying about it disappearing. ...Well, I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes And I've been changin', I think it's funny how no one knows... -Mad Season, Matchbox 20 |
| I never finished playing Dragon Age because my husband sold it before I could finish it. But lately he's been talking about getting it again and he came to realize he sold a lot of games before I had a chance to play them through. He's been feeling guilty about that apparently. In fairness, I am a casual gamer and will stop playing games for awhile. But I do tend to finish the ones I play as there aren't many video games that I enjoy playing. And it gives one a sense of accomplishment to play to the end. So we were at Game Stop on Friday, like we do about once a week, and Benn was going to purchase some other game. I asked him why he kept talking about buying Dragon Age, but never did. He more or less seemed to be waiting for me to tell him to do so. As he thinks I was enjoying it more than him. Which is possible. He bought his game and got Dragon Age as well. The one that comes with all the downloaded material on it already. Which was making me go 'oooo' as we didn't have any of that the first time. (On a side note, I remember the old days when you could purchase a game and put it in the console and immediately start playing instead of waiting for an hour for everything to download.) I spent most of Friday and Saturday playing it. And god help me, I'll probably get home from work tonight and play it all night. I did get exercise in on both days; the laundry done yesterday. The shininess will wear off soon to where I won't want to play it all day. And that's okay, right? |
Saving for later. I know I can e-mail these to myself, but that doesn't always work. And I'm not sure anyone really pays attention to my blog anymore. Why should they? I don't seem to pay attention to it.  http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/03/11/funny-pictures-no-no-its-fascinating/ |
| Saving this link for later: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=57309 and updating my blog. And if anyone else enjoys the link, well, that's just a bonus. |
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