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 |  I have always been told that I am a mystery and a tough one to figure out. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Birthdate: May21-June20 Element: Air Quality: Mutable Symbol: The Twins Lucky Numbers: 5 & 9 Special Color: Yellow ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." ---George Carlin ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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I get a call from my attorney today. Not good or bad news, just another delay. They had to request my medical records from the past ten years. They reviewed them, and since they can't find anything having to do with my back, they want to pick at the brain tumor that I had almost three years ago.  What does having a brain tumor have to do with my car accident, since I was not the one driving at the time, and because the brain surgery happened before the accident even happened. Then my attorney called it cancer. It was not cancer, and she said that it doesn't specifically say whether it was cancer or not. I told her that the doctor himself told me that it was a low-grade astrocytoma which means a benign growth, not cancer. Even if they removed all of it from my brain and it was cancer, I still would have to go through chemotherapy if that were case. And if it were cancer, I would would be dead by now and my health would have deteriorated long before now. Since the tumor started in the brain I was told that it was most likely benign because of the size and shape of the tumor and the fact that there was no cancer elsewhere in my body. In fact I wouldn't be writing this blog entry if it had been cancer. Even if they remove a cancerous growth, chemotherapy is always administered after the biopsy confirms that it's cancer. Since mine wasn't cancer, there was no need for further treatment. People are so stupid. Not my attorney. They idiots that are trying to fight me on getting the settlement that I deserve. Assholes!  Adjusters and all of those pinhead defense attorneys will grab at anything even if it has no significance to the case. If they know that they're going to lose and don't have a case, they will use anything they can to try and win. The only reason why they can't find anything on my back is because I never injured it in the first place, until that stupid ass drunk hit me in 2007! Why do ass-wipes always get away with these things? It's not fair. I would like to see them get what they deserve and suffer for a change, instead of screwing the victims out of their happiness and peace. |
Thank you so much SHERRI GIBSON  for helping me extend my premium upgrade!  &  You are a life-saver dear!  I owe you one! |
| I just remembered today that I need to renew my premium membership before this Saturday. But I won't get the money on time to do it. I only have 32k in gps, and it costs nearly 200k for a one month premium membership. I guess I will need to save all of my poetry on my computer and everything else. There's nothing that I can do to stop this from happening either. My photo albums and everything else will disappear too, and the worst thing is that they all have awardicons! :( DAMN! |
| I swear, it's always something with Belinda (estranged mother). I just found out a few days ago that she will be going to prison. She was pulled over for drunk driving with a 15-year old in the car. So she has been arrested and is now sitting in jail. She will prpbably be charged with DUI and child endangerment, since the passenger was under the age of 18/21. Anything that she does now doesn't surprise me anymore. I personally don't care about her. I haven't for quite a long time now. I haven't had any respect for her since I caught her cheating on my dad and she kidnapped me and my sisters when I was 10 years old. I don't hate her. Then when my dad died almost 2 years ago, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I partially blame her for that too. I don't really hate anybody. I just have a strong dislike for her. She has lived a careless life all her life, and I believe that prison is the best thing for her. From what my sister Jill tells me, Belinda doesn't have very long. Like my dad, Belinda probably won't make it to 50. She drinks her ass off and does drugs....heavily. I had been praying for her for several years, and finally gave up on her. Some people are a lost cause, and you just can't help them. Who knows, maybe if she were thrown in prison, maybe that will get her clean. Hopefully she won't get a slap on the wrist. Considering what she did last weekend it's a strong indication that she is a danger to herself and to other people. I don't know what will happen to my half-brother and half-sister. They will either go to their dad, or some other relative in his family. They need to find someone who can manage those two kids. The boy sets fire to things and runs off without permission, and the girl is bipolar. They are both under the age of ten. I never heard of a child having bipolar, a teenager maybe, but a child? Hmmm. I guess anyone can develop a mental disorder at any age. I always thought mental illness always started in adolescence, not childhood. |
My birthday is this Saturday. I don't feel weird about it. I felt weird when I turned 31 last year. It was more of a shock turning 31, than it was turning 30. Maybe it was because I had gone over the 30 year mark, lol! I just extended my premium membership by two months. I was contemplating on whether I should use part of my grocery money to pay for that or not.....but I had so much time invested on this site and the items that I have written. I have been so swamped with school that I haven't had time to write anything new. Finals are next week, and after that I will have 10 days off, so that will be a nice break. It's been grueling, especially with the English Composition course....the teacher is very nit-picky with certain things, and I am trying to catch up with everything. Hopefully I will do well on the finals. I will only have two final exams to take as opposed to the three that I usually have since I am full time. The only one that I don't have to take a final for is the English Composition course, which is a huge relief.  That will give me more time to focus all of my energy on the other two courses. I just finished an 8-page essay over the weekend, so I am a little burned out from that. I hope I do well on my finals! |
Yes, I am still alive!  LOL! I am doing very well in my classes, getting all A's! I have about another month to go before this term ends. I hope this time around we get more than just a week for a break. You just get so burned out from final exams and need more than a week to recouperate. One week goes by too fast if you ask me. I spent it doing absolutely nothing, which felt great. I just got through midterms last week and got an A on two exams, and a B in the other class. I think that's doing really well. I have a seven-page essay due at the end of the term for my Criminal Procedure course so I have to get cracking on that pretty soon. Wish me luck! |
It just astounds me at how dense people can be! I don't understand why some people even make it into college, let alone make it through life. As most of you know I am a Criminal Justice major, and I have been back in school since January going for my degree. The new semester started at the beginning of this month. At the very beginning, my Criminal Procedures professor laid everything out as to what needed to be done for the end of the semester essay. He told us that it had to be at least 5-7 pages in length, double-spaced, and 12 pt New Roman Times font. Then for this weeks assignment we have to write a 250 word essay on the topic that we want to write about for the final essay. For some reason everyone is having a difficult time understanding his instructions, even though they are in black and white and simple to understand.  I would call these people simpletons, but since they can't understand the guidelines of the assignment, I am not sure what something below a simpleton would be. LOL! I can tell that Professor Dauser is getting impatient with the few people who are being really dumb about it. I know they are doing this because they cc and bc everyone for their questions. If I were that stupid, I would not show everyone in class my inability to understand simple instructions for an assignment. Maybe these people need to go back to grade school. |
| I know that I haven't been on a lot. I have been so busy with things that I haven't had time for anything but laundry and school work. Hopefully I can get back to a normal life soon. I am slowly finding my groove with my new classes. Except for English Composition, I can't stand the teacher. Every English Composition teacher that I have had all of these years have been so stuck up and snooty. I am going to be glad when this class is done. The sooner the better. Everything else has been going great so far. I hope everyone else is doing well too! |
I know that I haven't written in here in a long time. I have been so swamped from essays, finals, job fairs, and the untimely death of my cousin, Liz. I am just drained from all of this.  The stress and fatigue had gotten so bad that my right eyelid drooped a little, but it bounced back and isn't like that anymore. I didn't know stress and fatigue could cause things like that. Now I know that it can.I ended up with pretty good grades from my final exams; an 'A' in Learning Framework, an 'A' in Critical Thinking, and a 'B' in Intro to Criminal Justice. When I told my grandpa about getting a 'B' on my Criminal Justice exam, he asked me if it stung me.  What a clown! *LOL* I haven't received my final grades yet. I should see those within the next few days or so. I just get done with the winter term, and the spring term starts in just a week on April 6th. I was hoping for a longer break than that, but maybe this will speed up getting my degree......maybe.In the meantime, my allergies are wreaking total havoc on my respiratory system. Scratchy throat and congestion are my biggest complaints so far.I hope to get some new material written and into my folder soon, and hopefully before spring term starts. |
Lastnight my second cousin Liz was killed in a head-on collision at around 11pm. She crossed the centerline and crashed into another car containing four other people. Two of the four people are listed in critical condition and the other two had less severe injuries. I am so devastated.  I am not sure why Liz was out so late and so far away from home. I didn't think she was able to drive because I thought she didn't have a license or a car. I know that she had some health problems, and trouble with her heart. Maybe she had a heart attack or something when she ran that red light. My cousin's parents only had two children, a son, James, and a daughter Liz. The son died about ten years ago, and now their daughter has been killed in a car accident. Now both of their children are gone.  I can't even imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through. I grew up with Liz's daughter Roxanne. She is now living in Ohio, and I don't even have her number so I can call her and give her my condolences. I know all too well what it's like to lose a parent, since I just lost my dad a little over a year ago and he was only 49. Liz was only 44. I know what Roxanne is going through, even though deaths happened in very different ways. I can be thankful that my dad wasn't killed by a car or gun. A senseless accident is more tragic and heartwrenching to go through than a terminal illness. So in a way, maybe I don't know exactly what Roxanne is going through. According to my grandmother, Roxanne isn't doing too well, and pretty much reacted the same way I did when I found out about my dad. I wish I could offer her some comfort, but she probably doesn't want to talk to anyone. I have been sitting here devastated and stunned all day and have tried to make sense of all of this. Roxanne, my prayers are with you and your family! |
| What an awful day! I woke up feeling fairly tired which I thought was lack of sleep due to staying up until 2am talking to a new friend. I forced myself to get out of bed because I wasn't feeling all that great. I got dressed and brushed my teeth, had breakfast and then headed out to the fitness center, I got back and took a shower and sat down. All of the sudden this wave of dizziness and nausea swept over me, then my entire body was in pain. Then my period started. I kind of figured that that's what it was. I never had symptoms that extreme before having my period. Usually it just starts without warning. And the breast pain usually goes away just a few hours after starting, not this time. I feel like I have been hit by a bus! |
| It's been awhile since I have written in my blog. Not much has been happening in my life lately. My navel piercing is doing a lot better since the last time I wrote in here. I went back down to the tattoo/piercing place and she took the metal one out and replaced it with a temporary plastic one, and I have to wear that for about 3 months and then retry the metal one. I continue to do really well in my classes. I am getting a 4.0 in all of my classes. The semester ends on March 27. I am not sure when the next semester starts. I can't wait though! I have a pretty good idea which classes I am taking in the next term.I am still having a rough time in the job market, like everyone else. It's very stressful to say the least. I don't know what to do about that. I guess I should just hang in there no matter how frustrating it is. I just have to keep praying that something will come up soon.Another thing that I am pissy about, is some asshole left a message in this TruthBox thing on myspace, saying that I am boring, and live in a filthy mess of a house. First of all, I am not boring. Secondly, I don't live in a house, I live in an apartment. An apartment is not a house. My apartment is never a filthy mess. I always keep it clean. I would never have anyone over if my apartment was a mess. And all times that I have had people over, my place has been clean. My friend Matt is the only friend that has been over since I moved into this place 5 months ago. He knows that I am not boring and that my place is always clean. The only person that I can think of that would leave a comment like that is a guy that I had over last September when I was living at the old apartment. When I lived with my sister Sheila, that particular apartment was a filthy mess because she was a slob and never cleaned up her messes. Then her stupid ass ex tracked in mud from the balcony because he just had to have a cigarette so there were stains on the floor, and then free-loaded for over a month and ate a lot of my food. I always had to do all of the dishes and clean up every mess. I didn't pick up after her because I don't figure that it's my responsibility to clean up after another grown adult! I wasn't home most of the time, so the messes weren't mine to begin with. Living with HER made ME look bad! Thanks Sheila! I never want to have another roommate for the rest of my life, unless I am married and have kids. Then it's different, because I wouldn't mind cleaning up after a husband and little babies. No one has the right to walk all over and take advantage of me just because they are family and because they are friends to members of my family. Anyone who allows people to do that to them are weak pushovers! I don't respect that in anyone! |
| It's been almost a week since I had the navel piercing done. It hurts like hell but I am waiting it out. There are times when I don't even notice it, and then there are times when it really hurts. I was told that it's going to take 6-9 months, maybe even a year before it heals completely. It's going to be a long road to recover from this. If I had known that it was going to take that long to heal, I don't know if I would have gone through with it or not. But I have it, so I might as well stick it out and be patient about it. |
| My baby sister Molly called me yesterday morning asking if she could stay with me during her visit. I didn't even know she was already on break, but I told her she could stay with me as much as she wanted to if she needed a place to stay. Her boxer puppy, Bella is now 15 pounds which is three times bigger than what she was when I last saw her in the beginning of last month. Bella chased the cats and scared the crap out of them, so I had to put Belle and Max in my room for the night. I guess with them the cats and dog theory is true. Bella, my sisters dog, stayed out of my room and had the run of the house. Molly and I stayed up a little and talked then went to bed. When we woke up this morning Molly convinced me to go with her and get a navel piercing, which is something that I have always wanted to do. So now I have a belly-button piercing. Molly calls it sisterly bonding, lol. She even told me that she was proud of me for being brave enough to endure a navel piercing. All I felt was a pinch, it wasn't even painful. Afterwards we had lunch at Panera and then came back. She's staying overnight at her surrogate parents house tonight. She might stay one more night with me before she goes back to Ann Arbor. I enjoy the time that I get to spend with her, since I rarely get to see her. |
| I passed my midterms with flying colors! I am so happy! Now I can relax my brain and take a deep breath. I have been holding it since last week. Exams make me nervous to no end. I am so glad that it's over with. I have a headache from it all, plus the rollercoaster Michigan weather that we've been having hasn't been helping either! |
This is the first day that I've had to myself in a very long time. Since starting my classes, I haven't really found any "me" time. I used my time constructively by cleaning my apartment from top to bottom. It's amazing how fast things can pile up on you. I finally got everything in order and won't have to worry about it for awhile. I usually clean my apartment at least once a week. Not that my apartment gets yucky and dirty. I maintain things, it's just when it comes to the vacuuming and dusting, not so much.  This is just in time for midterms. I knocked out the cleaning, so now I have lots of study time for my midterm exams next week. Neglecting my house chores has paid off though, because I am getting a 4.0 in all of my classes! |
| I don't know what it is about Jerry as to why he won't leave me alone. He always emails me and brings up the past and tries to blame me. He seems to do this when I am enjoying my life. It's like he can't stand to see me happy. Jerry knows that I am back in school, losing weight, living on my own and loving life. He just can't stand the fact that I am happy without him in my life. Talk about a pathetic asshole. He emails me saying that he knows that I hate him, and blah blah blah. He is trying to blame me for his internet behavior years ago. Just to enlighten the new people reading my blog....Jerry is a pervert.....he cheated on me through the internet by jacking off on the webcam, and taking obscene and lewd photos of himself and then traded them with girls in chatrooms. In his email, he states that it was my fault that he resorted to this behavior because he needed more sex, and that I never initiated the sex, and he is not an initiator. He fails to remember that he never told me what he was feeling, and instead he resorted to this disgusting behavior. If he doesn't communicate with me, then how is that my fault? As I recall, there were several instances where I initiated the intimacy and he pushed me away, and then the other times that we tried he would lose the ability to perform. Or all of the times that I tried to initiate it, he would make the excuse that he had a headache or didn't feel good. He's such a liar, and such a girl. He made up those excuses because he was getting off with other girls on the internet. None of his actions are my fault. It was all him. He has only himself to blame. The next time he emails me, I am going to tell him to get lost. I want nothing to do with him. He's abusive, negative, and an asshole, not to mention a cheat as well. He only attacks me because I won't take him back. He doesn't deserve someone as good and as decent as me. I pretty much told him off in my reply back to him.....so far, I haven't heard back from him, which is a good thing. Maybe he will finally lay off. |
| ........to me. I know that I probably piss a lot of people off with my opinions, but I don't really care. I say what's on mind, and if people don't like it, tough. I don't date men older than 5 years older than me. It's a standard that I have always had. And I will not break this standard for anyone. It grosses me out when men in their 40's and 50's hit on me and check me out. It's creepy and nasty. I don't need a father figure, I already had a father. Age matters to me, and that's my preference. I am not going to settle for someone that I don't want. I will end up unhappy and miserable if I settle for less than what I am looking for. I have been told by countless people to never settle for second best, or for less than what I want. I continue to stick with that belief, and will not back down. I have been told by these older men that the men that I am looking for (23-36) aren't ready to be loyal and loving. I say that's a bunch of bullshit, because I have seen older men act like a bunch of jackasses too. Age has nothing to do with love and loyalty, or maturity for that matter. It has a lot to do with upbringing, or some people are just born to be assholes. For several years I watched Belinda cheat on my dad. He never cheated on her, and he continued to love her unconditionally.....God knows why. I would never do that to a man. If you truly love someone, you don't hurt them like that regardless of how young/old you are. If other girls/ladies want to date men old enough to be their fathers, fine...but it's not something that I want for myself. I feel that people should date who they feel comfortable with, and not be swayed by some other's opinion. I just don't feel comfortable with dating much older men. I have the right to choose who I want to date, and as long as they're over 21 or not over the age of 36, I am all for them. |
It's nothing exciting, but I have started to post my essays that I do my for studies in Criminal Justice and my other classes. Take a look if you wish.
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| I am doing really well in my classes, an A for every class. I aced the Criminal Justice quiz on Thursday, which I am very pleased with, and also scored an A on all of my assignments and class discussions. I am so thrilled that I am doing so well. |
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